If I Had Just Faced You Instead
A/N: This is an angst story that I myself hope never happens. Ever. Since we're talking about very very real people here. But I do hope they get together :3
Summary: Evan confronted Delirious about not playing with them for so long, and one thing leads to another and Delirious regrets it all.
"Jonathan! Please answer me!"
Evan was calling out to him from outside his house in North Carolina. He had flown from Canada just to see him. The fans have been teasing them so much together and even Nogla did, that it scared Delirious. It made him think, what if he did feel that way for Evan. What if he did like Evan? Jonathan felt so confused that he kept not playing with the gang for a long while. He just played with Cartoonz.
"Jonathan! Delirious! Come on please! You don't have to come out or show me your face, just talk to me!"
The neighbors were starting to look out their windows and Jonathan had no choice but to let him in so he'll stop. Evan smiled at him, he really did have short brown messy hair and blue eyes. Jonathan lightly smiled at him but wouldn't look at him for more than two seconds.
"Why are you here Vanoss?"
"Because you've been avoiding us."
"I haven't been avoiding you guys. I played that scary map with everyone. Marcel posted that. Everyone saw that. That should have been enough proof for all the subscribers and fans and whatever…"
"It's still not the same without you Delirious. Don't you miss playing GTA V or GMod with us? Or maybe some Far Cry with me?"
"Don't you see?! That's the problem! When we're in a video all the shippers would just…. SHIP!"
"What's wrong with that..?" Evan asked somehow a bit hurt.
"Because! I'm not gay! I don't swing that way. I mean yeah, you and Cartoonz are my closest friends, but I feel more Delirious with you! You're like my best friend and yet.. It becomes so awkward."
"It doesn't have to be awkward you know…"
"I just need time to be away and make sure I don't end up letting the ships get to me, okay?"
"Is it that bad..?" Evan asked looking away from Delirious as he continued "Would it be that bad if we fell for each other..?"
"Of course! I mean, don't you feel like you should be with a girl? Evan, we're best friends, but we're not each other's bitches."
"To think you always joked about that. The fics make sense though, and we do seem quite closer in the vids too."
"They're skits Evan! Don't tell me you let it get to you…?" Delirious asked looking at Evan as he looked down, his hands forming a fist.
"Evan… Do you- "
"Yes okay?! I let it get to me. I thought it would be funny to read them! But… I started feeling warm.. I don't know okay? We're so… GOOD together! We work Delirious! The two of us, together. We work. We make the best videos, we don't only entertain the viewers but we have so much fun in the process. Don't you feel that way? Can't you see it? There won't be anyone else who could be this good with us other than each other. I just… I don't know anymore… I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I like you."
There was silence and Delirious was about to say something when Evan continued
"No. I'm not sorry. I like you, a lot. I don't care if it means I'll be called gay. I like being with you, I like spending time with you. I feel happy when I'm with you. Don't you feel that way?" Evan said, his eyes pleading for Delirious to say that he does.
"I.. I don't. I'm sorry Evan. I can't like you back. Just get over me, let it out of your head. Take all the time you need, I won't play with you guys first if that's what it takes." Delirious said as he looked away from Evan
"I don't want that! I don't want to get over you!" Evan said punching the wall beside Delirious. Evan pulled back his hand and left his house without another word.
Delirious was on his bed, he couldn't play, he couldn't face the other guys. He wanted to sleep and forget about what just happened, but he couldn't. He kept thinking about what Evan said about them being good together. He admits, he'll never find anyone who can replace his relationship with Evan, but he never viewed Evan that way. It was too… gay. Delirious sighed once more and brushed his hand through his hair. He didn't want to think about it, he wished he didn't have to. Just then, his phone started vibrating, he picked it up.
"Delirious! Where are you? You have to go right now! He's in trouble! You have to! You have to save him! Just please!" He heard Tyler screaming on the other side in panic.
"Wildcat, just hang on, calm the fuck down, I don't understand a single fucking thing you're saying." Delirious said sitting up.
"It doesn't matter! You have to go now! He's in trouble! Just go! Now!" Tyler kept shouting at him
"Tyler, where the hell am I supposed to go and why?"
"The hospital! Maybe? I don't know! He's in trouble, you just have to go now!"
"Tyler who the fuck is in trouble?! What's happening." Delirious asked now standing and screaming back at Tyler
"Evan. He was calling me a while ago, saying he confessed to you and I could hear him crying, I kept telling him to calm down and not drive and cry because he won't see right and he might get in trouble and he wouldn't listen and, and, and I heard it" Tyler said panic written in every word
"Fucking hell Wildcat! Stop the fucking suspense! Heard what?" Delirious asked as he got his keys and went out his house towards his car.
"A really loud honking… then a loud crash… then Evan wasn't talking… I couldn't… stay on the line… I was scared… I panicked…!" Tyler was sobbing on the other side. Delirious wasted no time, he put down the phone and called Cartoonz and they split up to go and search the hospitals for him.
"Come on, pick up, pick up you mother fucking bitch!" Delirious cursed as the phone said he couldn't reach Evan's number. He had already checked two hospitals and was on his way to the third when his phone vibrated.
"Jonathan? I found him. I'll text you the details. It's bad… real bad." Cartoonz said as Delirious drove off to Evan
"Evan you bitch, you better wait for me. I'm not forgiving your ass for leaving me… Don't you fucking die on me you mother fucker!" He was screaming to himself as he felt the tears finally flow.
"Jonathan!" Cartoonz yelled from down the hall as he saw Delirious
"How is he?" Delirious asked worried
"They just finished operating on him, he's not done but this is all they can do right now… You should go in" Cartoonz pointed towards the door.
Delirious was scared to go in. He didn't know what to expect. And deep inside, he felt like it was his fault. If he hadn't stopped playing with them, Evan wouldn't be here. If he hadn't made Evan feel bad, he wouldn't be in the accident. If he had just told Evan that he might be feeling the same way, but he's scared to admit it, then Evan might still be—
His thoughts were interrupted once he saw him. Evan was on a bed. His head had bandages, his face bruised, his whole body had bandages and casts everywhere. But the thing he noticed the most was that he had bandages on his stomach area. The nurse approached him and told him that the injuries were severe. They were able to remove a piece of metal that pierced Evan's stomach. They had done a lot of operations on him, but Evan needed to rest before the next set of operation. The nurse then had a darker expression on her face.
"What is it..?" Delirious asked, scared for the worst
"He took in a lot of damage, his car collided with a truck. Even if we operate on him, his body might not cope… There's a big chance he won't make it. And even if he did, his head got hit hard too. We're doing all we can, but it's hard to tell. It's like his body is just holding out for something. It's like he's just waiting for someone but in reality he can't hold on for long… I'm sorry." Delirious was frozen. He felt like what the nurse said was stupid. Evan was already being operated on, how is it possible that he doesn't make it? The nurse had already left by the time that Delirious could walk towards Evan. He sat on a chair beside the bed and stared at him
"Hey bitch wake up." Delirious whispered, hoping he would wake up
"When you left, I thought the worst was over. I didn't know that that was the calm before the storm…" Delirious was just whispering on Evan's ear
"You know, I read the fanfics too, and the video pieces they thought were sweet, I watched them too. I thought we were sweet too." Delirious was smiling now
"Remember that time when I couldn't pay my bills in GTA and I said I'd jump off a building? I remembered I told everyone that I'd be recording and they should all try to stop me. Mini tried once, but just once. Everyone else was quiet though… But you weren't. You did what I asked. You tried to stop me. It was nice. For once, it felt like someone actually wanted me around."
"And that time when we switched bodies? That was the most fun I've had in GTA. The subscribers loved it too. Yours reached 10 million views for fuck's sake!" He laughed to himself.
"And remember when Nogla posted that shitty video with us as a couple? I think that started most of the fangirls. Him and his stupid convincing Irish accent. And when the guys kept pointing out that I wore a hockey mask of all things because you play hockey. It's kind of true… It made me feel closer to you."
"I wasted a month of not playing with you guys… I'm sorry… I should have just man the fuck up and told you that I was starting to feel something like attraction for you… and it scared me." Delirious reached for Evan's hand and held it lightly.
"Please Evan… Wake up… Wake up for me… I'm here… I'm right here… I won't be a bitch anymore. I'll be here for you now… All the fucking time, whenever you need me. I'll adjust to your time if you want… just please wake up already." Delirious's tears started dropping on Evan's hand. He then felt his hand twitch.
"E-Evan?"
"Delirious…?" Evan looked at him smiling
"You mother fucker you're awake at last!" Delirious said hugging his head but retracted when Evan flinched
"I thought you said you'll give me time to get over you…?"
"Well fuck that, I miss you already." Delirious said looking into his eyes
"Wow what happened to me…?" Evan looked at his body and laughed "…fuck… even laughing hurts like hell."
"Don't strain yourself, you have a lot more operations to go through. You scared everyone. Wildcat was on call with you when you hit that fucking giant ass truck. You scared him to insanity man… Me and Cartoonz searched everywhere for you."
"Everywhere? I think you should have just checked the hospitals Delirious." Evan said and Delirious laughed
"You know what I meant bitch."
"I missed that."
"Missed what?"
"You calling me a bitch, you bitch."
"Don't call me a bitch mother fucker" Delirious laughed his maniacal laugh
"I missed your laugh the most… And if getting into a life endangering accident is what it takes to hear it again, then fuck it, bring in all the trucks" Evan laughed lightly
"I won't leave you anymore, don't worry." Delirious said gripping Evan's hand
"What're you…" Evan asked confused
"I love you Evan. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I sure as fuck don't want to lose you, so don't scared me again you bitch"
"You do…? I'm glad to hear that… I love you too Jonathan." Evan said but then started coughing up blood.
"Evan? Nurse! Help!" Delirious rushed out of the room and called for a nurse. Evan started groaning in pain
"Hold on Evan, they'll fix you up!" Delirious said as the nurses rushed to get the equipment and doctor
"J-Jonathan… No matter what happens… I love you okay…?" Evan said his eyes glued to Delirious'
"W-What are y-you talking about Evan? Come on, you'll fucking survive this. We still have a lot of fucking games to play!" Delirious told him in panic but Evan just smiled at him and somehow Delirious understood. Evan could feel it, he wasn't going to make it. Delirious smiled at him, he wouldn't allow Evan's last memory to be of him crying.
"Evan, I love you too. So save a spot up there for me. Make sure it's right next to you, got it bitch?" Delirious said as he kissed Evan
"I'll make sure. I'll be the first one you see once you're there." Evan said coughing up blood in between words.
The doctor and nurses attempted to help him. To do anything so he can go back to the operating room and be patched up again. But Delirious knew, he understood what Evan tried to say earlier. Evan smiled one last time at Delirious, and Delirious smiled back.