In Light Of What's Happened.
Can be used as a kind of interlude to Traitor, although my times entirely don't match, set somewhere at the end of chapter 9 before the bit in Hagrids hut, but after the bit on the cliff, (again, the times don't match.) But it can also stand alone, as it was originally intended to do, as I wrote it before Traitor. If you intend to read Traitor, then I sugest you stop right here and go read that first, cos this will spoil the ending, on which I worked so hard to achieve! lol.
Summary: Sirius confonts the truth of what has happened in the past few hours, at the end of the war. (Warning; Spoilers for my story Traitor. Read that first! If ytou don't ever intend to read it, then just carry on, although this may not entirely make sense to you.) lol. Also, mentions of male/male relationships, but, as with Traitor, nothing explicit. lol. It's short, but I still had fun writing it. lol.
Oh! And as for my inclusion of muggle weapos; I don't care if they use guns or not, this is fanfiction, so I can do what I want! lol. This is how it came out in my head, and so this is how it came out in my writing! lol.
Enjoy!
Sirius felt the gun pressed hard against his back, slightly left of his spine, just behind his fiercly beating heart. The feel of the cold metal barrel being jambed up against his ribs sent a shiver of fear through his body, as the still incomprehensable truth sank into him.
The realisation of this sudden, terible truth made his brain numb from shock. To decover this shocking revelation was bad enough, worse, he had not in all these years, even guessed the true nature of what he had uncovered. In the years, the thought had never even crossed his mind, that the man now holding him prisoner could ever have been capable of such a deed. 'He had been wrong.'
It was impossable. Yet even as he felt the hard barrel of the gun being pressed against his back, Sirius wondered if perhaps he'd known all along. Maybe he was just too trusting for his own good, perhaps he had been blinded by the pure, simple hope that what he had was real. 'Merlin! He'd been a fool!'
Sirius shuddered as a soft voice whispered in his ear. It seemed impossable, that only two hours ago, that voice had meant everything to him. Now, standing alone, with the man behind him, the gun pressed hard against his back, the sole occupants of a room that had once meant something to him, Sirius was not so sure.
Every night, for twelve years, while he had been in Azkaban, he had dreamed of this one man, and of a day when they could one day, hopefuly, be together. Twelve years after he had been arested, that day had finally come, and a mere three years after that, they had been able to be together freely.
That was, until two hours ago. Two hours ago, all his hopes, his dreams, had been shattered, by a sudden revelation of the truth, his whole life had suddenly come crashing down on him. Now all that remained were thed shattered, painful memories of his broken past, a time that had once been, and now, no longer existed.
A wave of pain ripped through him, as he thought of all that had happened, of how they had been perfect in every way, had been happy. But all that had been cruley ripped away from him in all but an instant. In the course of one night, he had lost everything he had regained since his escape from Azkaban prison. And everyone. Sirius let a sob escape him, as the voice whispered to him once more, causing him to shudder with guilt, and pain, as he remembered.
Why? Why was he doing this to him? Why was he talking to him as though they were still in the past? As though he still loved him? Sirius felt alone, and betrayed, as the voice whispered to him again, and he knew that voice would haunt him for the rest of his days.
The voice whispered softly in his ear, and a hand came up to gently brush away the hair from his eyes. "Sirius, you know I still love you, and I know it's hard, but you have to understand, all these years, it's hurt me, to know, that one day, I would have to hurt you. But i had to kill him. You must understand that Sirius. He was a threat. If I had let him live, he would have killed my master. He would have killed me. You didn't want that, did you Sirius?"
Sirius shuddered, and let out another fearful sob. 'He didn't know what he wanted anymore. Now that his life had all but been snatched away.' Sirius found the courage, and his voice, to speak. "I don't know what I want anymore." He whispered back, his voice hoarse, and choked. "You betrayed me." He said, quietly, just wishing it would end.
"I know." The voice whispered back quietly. "And I'm sorry. But I had to. I knew I couldn't tell you, but I didn't want to hurt you too much. I'm sorry."
Sirius could feel the gun still pressed in his back. 'ould it really be so wrong...?' "Why are you doing this to me?" He asked, quietly. "Why do you still keep me alive? Why can't you just kill me and get it over with?"
"Because I love you." The voice whispered in his ear. "I never lied about that, I always loved you, and I don't want to hurt you, but I had to. I don't want to kill you, Sirius, I love you, and I want to be with you." He whispered softly.
Sirius shook his head as best he could. "No." He said hoarsly. "You don't. Don't say you love me. You don't. You don't know what love is." He said, no longer sobbing. He was beyond crying, beyond pain, beyond even feeling.
The voice spike softly again. "I do love you, Sirius, I always loved you. I've never stopped loving you, Sirius." He spoke again, more softly than before. "I love you Sirius. Please, forgive me for what has happened, for what I am, I can't help it, Sirius, it is who I am. Olease, say you still love me, Sirius, say you still want to be with me. I am sorry for what I have done, really, I am, but I can't change who I am. And isn't that what love is about? That you love each other no matter what? Sirius. Isn't that what Harry said?"
Sirius felt a pang of loss as he heard Harrys name spoken. It all seemed so distant, so far away. It seemed so long ago that he had lost Harry, as his godson had vanished over the edge of the cliff, had slipped from his grasp, and fallen, vanishing beneath the thick curtain of fog below him. 'To his death.'
Sirius turned his head to face Remus, as his once lover looked back at him, a distant, pained expression in his dark gold eyes. 'He really was sorry.' Sirius felt his heart wrench, as he gazed into the deep, gold eyes that had for so long fasinated him. Even now, after all that had happened, Sirius still felt himself being captivated by the deep gold eyes that always seemed to hold a strange power over him.
Suddenly, Sirius felt a burning desire, despite all Remus had dont to him, the pain he'd caused, to be held again, by by strong, masterful arms. To be loved, and to feel safe, adn protected, as though nothing could harm him. He knew it was wrong, to want him, after all he'd done, and hurt Sirius, but he did.
Sirius looked again, deep into the gold eyes that looked back into his own, dark grey ones. "Remus. I love you." It was then, that Sirius knew, that it was no good. No matter how many times he told himself that he didn't love Remus, that he hated him for what he'd done, for betraying him, and for killing Harry, he couldn't, just couldn't, ever, stop loving him.
Remus gazed down at Sirius, into eyes so full of pain, and loss, yet filled with a painful need to love, and be loved, and all of a sudden he knew he couldn't give him up. Couldn't kill him, even if he wanted to.
Remus smiled at Sirius, in a slow, understanding way. He removed the gun from Sirius' back, setting it aside on the floor, then turned, and in one swift movement, had wraped his arms around Sirius, holding him close, and kissed him.
It was in that instant, that Sirius felt all the pain of the nights events fly from his mind, and was, instead overcome with a sudden wave of tiredness. Sirius let his exhaustion take over, as Remus lifted him up, and carried him to the bed, in the small room of the Shreiking Shack. 'Tomorow,' he decided, 'éould be dealt with when it came, as could everything else that had happened. The loss of of Harry, he would deal with as it came.' But for now, he just lay there, savouring one last, peaceful moment with his Remus.
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fins. lol. Okay. lol. For those of you who have read Traitor, I have now realised that a few of the thigns here don't add up, so yeah. lol. This was writen before Traitor was even really thought of, so yeah, if sum stuff doesn't add up or sumthing then yeah. It was originally intented to be a one-shot thing anywyas. lol. But then latte ron, I got this idea in my head and said, "Hey, evil Remus..." And then I started forming the basis for Traitor in my mind. And I guess it kinda went from there. lol. I actually forgot about thsi little fic, untill I went through my stuff the other day looking for something else to write up and publish that I had actually already finished, and I found this. Then I thought, well, Traitor's already up there, so why not? lol. So yer, this was intended as a stand alone one-shot. Tie it in with Traitor if you wish, or just read it as a stand alone fic. I don't care. It's your mind. lol. So year, lol. Please review. I do. (99.999recuring percent of the time!) lol. Hope you's all enjoyed this. lol. Well, Cheers,
Thanks for reading,
Jack Solo Black.