Description: When Anxiety showed up, Logan made a promise to himself. No matter what, he was going to make the new kid feel welcome. Roman, however, has other ideas, and now it's up to Logan to fix the damage. But what is broken might not be repairable. It took months for the sides to gain Anxiety's trust...and now, in the span of a few seconds, that hard-earned bond has been shredded, and Anxiety has gone missing.
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A/N: So...first Sanders Side fanfiction...if you see any mistakes, please review or PM me. A faster way to reach me would be my email: .fire0370 so feel free to email me anytime as well.
That being said, read, review, and I hope you enjoy.
Toodles!
~Hayley
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It was obvious from the start that Anxiety was different from the other Light sides. He constantly worried about everything, but his main concern was keeping their Host, Thomas, safe, just like the others, Creativity, Morality, and Logic. But deep down, he knew he was just like the other darker sides, the ones who only showed their scaly faces to the Lights' part of Thomas' consciousness when they wanted to stir up trouble. In other words, they frequented the Light plane quite often, and by the time Thomas was seven years old, the Light sides were used to the weekly driving off of Deceit or a minion sent up by the same. they wanted nothing more than to hurt their Host, and practically fed off the pain they did, on occasion, manage to produce.
Anxiety, however, seemed to genuinely want to help. However, being a former Dark side often hindered his attempts to "help," and more often than not, he only ended up causing Thomas to panic, or be in physical pain...sometimes both. Creativity, also known as Roman, looked down on the younger "Light" as if he were something dead that had stuck to the bottom of Roman's shoe.
Logan, Logic, maintained an air of strained politeness in his presence, but his true thoughts were easy to see through the lies. Anxiety had grown up with the Dark sides...including Deceit. He knew how to spot a lie, and even the most complicated and expertly woven falsehoods stood no chance against his keen perception. He never commented on it, but the coldness Logan hid from him only made his seemingly kind demeanor towards him hurt all the worse for the truth hidden behind, painfully clear to Anxiety.
Morality, or Patton, was the only Light side who seemed truly affectionate towards Anxiety. He was a fatherly figure by nature and called everyone "kiddo," which Anxiety found calming somehow. Maybe it was just who Patton was, the only one who could cheer Thomas up when he was down, or make the sides laugh when they were in a foul mood, a special talent no one else possessed...and the Lights could have pretty foul tempers after a particularly bad row between the usually good-natured friends.
The trouble started the very day Anxiety appeared in the Lights' mindscapes. He didn't have to speak a word (and he didn't much for several months, preferring to keep to himself, as well as conceal his sharp fang-like teeth and scales on his arms, common attributes of the Dark sides) and Roman hated him immediately anyway. Patton greeted him warmly, (it ended badly) delighted to have a new side to keep company and tell his horrible dad jokes to. Logan had hesitated after the initial disruption, but had eventually given Anxiety a cool nod before turning away, unsure of what to say to this strange new side which had suddenly and without warning appeared in the living room, looking around wildly, pulling the large black and purple hoodie he wore closer around his slim body, shivering; though from cold or fear, the others couldn't tell.
For a moment, they had been frozen, unable to comprehend what they were seeing, until finally, Patton broke away from the others and tried to give Anxiety a hug...bad idea.; Anxiety had lurched away at once, shrieking, hand automatically coming up to hide his pointed canines.
His breathing tripled in speed, and his heart started to race. Anxiety shuddered again as his chest closed up and he began to struggle to breathe. Patton immediately released him with a shocked cry, dropping to his knees beside the now hyperventilating personality, following Anxiety's slow collapse to the floor. "Hey kiddo, I need you to calm down for me, okay?" Patton asked gently, trying to keep his distance and be comforting at the same time, which was hard, as he wanted nothing more than to give the kid a hug and cuddle him until he calmed down.
Of course, doing so would only worsen the situation, and Patton knew it. So he settled for rubbing soothing circles on the kid's back, trying to get him to breathe normally. "Kiddo, I need you to breathe for me, okay? Okay, can you do that, please? Kiddo, are you still with me?" Patton asked nervously, beginning to wonder if the side could even hear him.
Anxiety was only dimly aware that someone was talking, and he struggled to focus on the voice, which was calm and warm, something he could latch onto in the haze of panic swamping him. "-do that, please? Kiddo, are you still with me?" the voice was asking, sounding a bit...worried? Concerned?
"De-Deceit?" Anxiety asked, hand still covering his mouth, a fact which he was immensely grateful for once he swiftly realized he was definitely NOT in the dark, (no pun intended) gloomy mindspace the Dark sides habitually occupied. He had really done it, hadn't he? He was...he was in the Lights' plane of Thomas' mind!
"No, kiddo, sorry, it's Morality. My name's Patton," the kind voice said gently, sweeping his bangs back from his forehead in a gesture that was probably supposed to be calming. Instead, Anxiety's still irregular breathing hitched noticeably, and in one fluid motion, so fast the other sides didn't even see him move, he stood and backed against the wall, as far from Patton as he could get without getting close to one of the others.
Where am I? Anxiety asked, signing to Patton.
"Technically, we're in Thomas' subconscious. What's your name, kiddo?" Anxiety hesitated. Who was he? He was, of course, Anxiety. But...Thomas had called him "Virgil." Was it up to him to decide? Who did he want to be?
A-n-x-i-e-t-y, he finally signed, spelling out the word that meant him, his identity, already cringing away from Patton's inevitable reaction. Would he be shocked, angry, scared? Would he drive Anxiety away?
"Welcome to the family, Anxiety," Patton said, sending Anxiety a warm smile. Was he joking? Was this some horrible prank? Morality seemed to sense Anxiety's doubt and fear. "Make yourself at home, kiddo," he invited, gesturing around the Light mindspace's living room.
Thank you.
"You're welcome, kiddo. Now, let's get you settled in, okay? C'mon, lemme give you a tour, you're gonna love it!" As Patton bounced away down the hall, Anxiety gave the two silent figures by the couch another glance. The one wearing a tie inclined his head, remaining expressionless, and turned, walking away. The second stayed where he was, adjusting the red sash he wore and sending a furious glare at Anxiety. If looks could kill, I'd be dead, Anxiety thought, shivering.
Intimidated by their anger, Anxiety turned and scurried after Morality. Who are the others? he asked. Patton's smile faltered at the unexpected question, but he answered, however much the answer seemed to pain him.
"Roman and Logan. Logan is...he's pretty bland but he's nice. Roman is...a bit uptight," Patton finally said, twisting his mouth into a displeased grimace. "He grows on you, I promise. Just give him some time, he'll come around eventually." They paused. "Logan's room," Patton explained briefly, jerking his head towards a door on their left, covered in research articles, science posters and handwritten lists of things Anxiety couldn't read. They seemed to have been scribbled in a messy hand by someone deep in thought, based on the penmanship. "Logan is Thomas' logical side. He's really smart!" Patton said, beaming. Anxiety remained silent, but smiled at Morality-or at least tried to-; the dad persona's own smile widened, and he skipped down the hallway...literally skipped. Anxiety, after a brief hesitation, shook his head and followed.
"This is my room!" Patton chirped, dragging Anxiety without warning into a room to the personalities' right, bouncing up and down in childlike excitement.
It's bright... Anxiety signed, too preoccupied to say much else. Using the word "bright" to describe Patton's room was quite possibly the understatement of the year. Every color from light grey to neon pinks and oranges had been somehow placed around the room. Posters; lamp shades; pictures; hand-made drawings by Roman, Patton, and Thomas; paint splattered in swirling spirals and splashes of vibrant color across the walls. Anxiety took it all in with a critical eye and sent a small half smile Morality's direction-which was really just an upward twitch of his lips-and signed, I like it. It's...it's different. But in a good way! He fought down a smile (a real one) at Patton's reaction; the side clapped and stepped towards Anxiety. He shied away from the hug immediately, but Patton seemed to remember his aversion to any form of physical contact, instead settling for bouncing up and down, smiling happily.
Exiting the room, the two sides continued down the hallway, Patton chattering away about some odd event involving Roman, a stick, and sever drunk elves. Anxiety listened half-heartedly to the story, most of his attention fixated on the mindscape they had just entered. Patton noticed Anxiety's preoccupation and grinned. "Liking the view, kiddo?" Anxiety nodded wordlessly, too stunned to sign. "This here is Creativity's little nook. I love it so much...peaceful and-" Morality broke off as, suddenly, all the color drained from the mindscape. There was a click, a flash of darkness, and when the light returned, there was nothing but four blank white walls. "Roman, c'mon!" Patton whined. Anxiety hated white; he covered his eyes and shrunk down, half withdrawing into his oversized black and purple hoodie. "Roman, please?" The words made Anxiety look up. It was Patton...talking to a wall.
"What. The. Heck. Are. You. Doing?" The cold voice resonated from the walls, echoing around them. "Get the fucking kid out, Morality. Now," 'Roman' continued. "I don't want him in here."
"Roman...he's new...I'm giving him a tour!" Patton explained brightly. "So be nice and watch your language." Anxiety made a mental note to watch his mouth around Patton.
"I DON'T WANT THE GODDAMN KID ANYWHERE NEAR ME OR MY ROOM, PATTON! I MEAN IT, GET HIM THE HELL OUT!" Roman yelled. Anxiety, tucked away safely inside his hoodie, flinched away from the pure, undisguised rage in Roman's voice. Patton's mouth hung open, shocked.
"You know, you could at least TRY to be more welcoming!" Patton growled, starting to look annoyed.
"Why should I? He just randomly showed up out of nowhere...and he doesn't look like any Light I've ever seen...how do we know we can even trust him?" Roman demanded. Unnoticed by the arguing sides, Anxiety sank out into the mindscape he had created for himself. He as crying before he could shut the door.
What did I do wrong? I'm sorry...I'm so, so sorry...
Roman's words ringing in his ears, he finally drifted off into sleep. It wasn't peaceful.
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E/N: Yay! Chapter one is complete! Stay tuned, I'll try to have an update ready by the end of next month. Review, and I hope you enjoyed, everyone. Thank you so much for reading.
Toodles!
~Hayley