Turkey Defense Force
Black Comedy
In the 2040's Thanksgiving had reached Epidemic levels. Turkeys all over the world were shot, stabbed and carved until the population ceased to
exist. Following the Turkey Massacre of 2041, where fed up birds took to the streets with shotguns in hand, killing, basting and carving humans for
dinner, using their guts as toppings and even using their eyeballs in place of olives for champagne , Russia, China, Japan and America declared
turkeys to be Persona Non Grata, while Italy, Germany and much of Spain and Mexico, formed the TDF, or Turkey Defense Force. Utilizing
unorthodox methods, they portrayed craving meat as barbaric, treated BBQ Sauce as poison and advocated a meat free diet, winning the hearts of
Vegans everywhere. Devoutly meat oriented KFC responded by roasting turkeys in Lard and extra fat, charging TDF members 50% more than non
TDF members, who usually had to pay just $32.50 and frying still living chickens to death. They snapped their bones, drained their blood, and even
fed them their own relatives. The TDF outcry fell on deaf ears as KFC and a now cyborg Colonel Sanders proceeded to torment the Turkeys. Japan
was no better, placing their orders months in advance as Christmas neared. One terrified turkey watched as the gravy dripped from their faces, all
while the turkey being eaten screamed in pain as its wings were torn off, it's legs doused in hot sauce and parts of its stomach torn open and
devoured. The turkey fainted from fear. The last thing it felt was the painful carving of a butcher knife. Things got so bad that the UN was forced to
get involved, But the shit hit the fan when a KFC worker showed up, asking for the person that ordered a family pack with Biscuits and Gravy. A gun
was fired and the worker fell dead while all hell broke loose. Pro turkey reps responded by locking the doors and pouring Molten gravy into the room
while sealing the exits with glue. Anti Turkey reps responded by launching a gravy, mashed potatoes and turkey nuke at America. Obesity spiked by
10% as the general populace claimed their free meals. California, Arkansas and much of the south defected and joined the anti Turkey movement
after the Government shut down the Local KFC chains and started promoting Tofurky and other health related creations, which made them sick.
Without the fat, grease and lard, many in the south began to lose weight, get more energy and worst of all, miss the Halftime show. Gyms,
operated by sadistic, health obsessed coaches, began to dot the area and the terms Roasted, Grilled and Original Recipe were banned and ordering
them carried the death sentence.
The typical scenario went like this:
KFC: "can i have your order?"
Driver: "two buckets Crispy chicken, two grilled, two original recipe and one roasted"
KFC: "that'll be...wait, what are doing with that shotgun? no please, st-(BANG!)
The driver would be shot upon pulling up to the next window.
Eventually, the TDF had enough and decided to nuke the anti Turkey movement into Oblivion.
Having nothing to eat after the inevitable fallout, numerous anti TDF members fell upon the TDF and tore them to ribbons, while well dressed
Turkeys and Humans alike dined on their flesh, then, after that, on each other while not even bothering to feel the pain as they cut into each other
like frenzied dogs, peppered each other with salt and slathered BBQ sauce on the open wounds before stuffing mouthfuls of liver, flesh and in some
cases organs, into their mouths. The "Banquet" lasted for about 4 hours, after which the blood stuck to the floors with the majority of the Humans
thoroughly eaten. The Turkeys died from bacteria not soon afterward and that's why three plates are enough.