Author's Note: Another plotless, crappy oneshot. Excruciatingly plotless and disjointed as shit. I don't even know what this is. But anyway I really like to throw Kiba in the wringer, don't I? And in the most cliche of ways. Tsk tsk, if he were real I'm sure he'd hate me. Semi-AU I guess you'd call this? It's set in the Naruto universe and is in Shippuden timeframe, but ignores the entire Pain incident and all subsequent events. Very Hinata centric, one-sided NaruHina, one-sided KibaHina and NaruSaku.
Hinata Hyuuga leaned back against the trunk of a tree in the training grounds. An old tree, one that had lived much longer than she, judging from the thickness in the trunk and the scars of ninjas practicing their aim. And yet...And yet however many years the tree had seen before her, her life would end while the tree still stood tall. The tree was a tree, rooted to its spot and fated to stay. Hinata was a kunoichi. She would never remain rooted because it was her duty to fight for her village. It was her duty to go where she was asked to go, to defend when she was asked to defend, and to kill who she was asked to kill. A shinobi's life was dangerous, bloody, raw. It was Hinata's job to understand this, and to accept it. Her life belonged to her village. She would risk it for her village and she would lose it for her village. As a kunoichi, she was proud to do so.
"I am to infiltrate a rogue ninja's hideout all the way in the Hidden Cloud...?" Hinata murmured with faint disbelief.
The hokage nodded firmly. "Yes. Kumogakure isn't taking care of the problem themselves and these rogues have killed Konoha civilians. Your byakugan will be essential in tracking him. We were originally going to send Neji... " Tsunade trailed off as if she thought this was an irrelevant thing to say. However, it was no secret to Hinata anyway. She knew very well that her cousin had the stronger byakugan.
"I see," Hinata said quietly, giving a dainty nod. "But he's injured at the moment, so you're sending me instead."
Tsunade nodded. "Yes. Do you accept?"
The kunoichi blinked, feeling as though she was missing something. "Milday...This is optional?"
The hokage's firm expression hardened further. "This is a very risky mission Hinata. It's highly dangerous and it wasn't intended for you. Understanding the situation I've placed you in, it is optional."
Understanding dawned on the navy haired ninja like a damn breaking and sending fourth merciless floods. "This is a suicide mission," she whispered in realization.
"Most likely," said Tsunade. But there was no room for hope in the blonde woman's tone. She meant certainly.
Hinata bowed her head, silky locks sliding over neck and cascading down both sides. "I accept," she answered resolutely.
Now she stood against the tree, appreciating the fresh scented breeze that blew through her hair on her last day in Konohagakure. Her teammates would be meeting her soon. They would train today to help her prepare, but not enough to tire her out. They would treat her to lunch at any place she wanted to go, and they'd buy some to-go that they would take to Kurenai-Sensei. Her sensei would wish her luck no matter how futile it was to do so, and then she'd play fetch with Akamaru. They would escort her back to her home where she would bid them goodbye, do the same with her family, and set out for her mission.
She and her teammates always spent the days together before they (whether solo or together) set out for a mission, but today was different of course. Because Hinata's return was but a bleak dream and this was very well the last day they would ever spend together. Hinata was proud to serve her village and she would carry out her duty with a fatal grace that only a Hyuuga kunoichi possessed. And yet...
She regretted something. Naruto Uzumaki would never know that she loved him. It was Naruto who'd even enabled her to do this mission in the first place. He had impacted her life in a way no one else could with his confident smile and his fierce belief in his dreams, the dreams everyone scoffed at. He'd given her strength when she wanted to cry, and he held confidence in her even when she couldn't find a shred in herself. His determination radiated from his very being and possessed Hinata in a way that made her want to push every limit in the world, made her strive to do anything and everything she doubted she could do.
Naruto Uzumaki's shining smile lit up the dark room of failure and worthlessness she'd found herself in. During the chunin exams, his unyielding faith in her transformed into the key. Hinata unlocked the dark room inside herself and strutted out a new shinobi, slamming the door behind her and never looking back. Without Naruto, she wouldn't be the person she was today. She simply would have remained a timid shell and refused to fight. The Will of Fire inside her would have blown out with one puff of breath, as easily as a flickering flame blew out on a tea light candle.
There was a fine line between admiration and love, and Hinata danced on that boundary in secrecy. She felt a pure warmth rise up inside of her whenever she laid her subtly tinted lavender eyes upon him, a warmth both forcefully strong and blissfully gentle. A conflicting swirling ball of feeling she knew could only be true love. It never ceased to be accompanied by the glimmering reverence she'd felt for him the very first time he had declared he would be the hokage, right in the faces of those who sneered and jeered.
Hinata longed to tell Naruto her feelings. It didn't even matter to her that they were unlikely to be returned, she just wanted him to know. She wanted him to know that she would do anything for him and that he was loved by a love so unconditional, it made up for all the hate he'd ever received as a child. She wanted him to know that she was the kunoichi she was today because of his ninja way, the way of never giving up. She wanted him to know that she also adopted his nindo and that she would always be grateful for the future he'd enabled her to achieve.
But Naruto was out on a mission of his own. One that he would come back from, but Hinata wasn't lucky enough to depend on that outcome. She was going to die. She was leaving in a few short hours to complete her tasks and face her demise. She would do it all with the bold conviction of the Konohagakure kunoichi she was proud to be. Hinata would never see Naruto again. This knowledge alone drove the searing point of a pernicious kunai into her heart. But Hinata could bear that pain for her village. What she could not bear was the fact that she would die without ever giving Naruto the slightest inkling of how much he had done for her. That was just...She just couldn't let those things go unsaid, damn it!
Hinata could practically hear the agonizing rip as the organ in her chest brutally tore itself in two, obligated to her duty but mourning what she could never confess. The navy haired teen sank back against the tree, sitting between its majestically thick roots in the lush green grass. The lovely scenery was apathetic to her turmoil. How like nature, to be so perpetually indifferent. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she had back when she'd been a quitter, and hugged them tight. Unwillingly succumbing to her moment of weakness, Hinata buried her face in her arms and soundlessly wept.
"Aw, c'mon Hinata. Today was supposed to be a good day, remember?"
Her head snapped up right up. She turned slowly to look up at her fang-faced friend and brushed away the tears with her jacket sleeve. "I know, Kiba. I'm sorry." Before he could reply, she stood up and forced a chipper smile, her voice falsely light. "You took a little longer than usual. No trouble on the way, I hope?"
The brunette shinobi shook his head. "Nah, nothing like that." His voice was just as falsely light as hers, and it seemed like he wanted to say more. Wanted to say more, but didn't know how. Of course this was expected. She wouldn't know what to say to him either, if he were leaving to be killed. But it was then that Hinata noticed Kiba was alone. She glanced around just to be sure, the vacant premises confirming her visual inquiry. Nope, no Shino or Akamaru. She asked Kiba about this.
"I told them not to come. We'll meet up with them later. I uh...You know, wanted to talk to you alone." Kiba's animalistic canines gleamed in a sheepish smile.
"O-Oh?" The navy haired kunoichi tilted her head questioningly. "What is it?"
"Your mission got reassigned. I had a chat with hokage and it took some convincing, but it's mine now, " he explained simply. "So you don't have to leave tonight."
What!? Hinata's mouth gaped open in a disbelieving O. Was he serious!? She studied his face just to be sure. He was serious, completely serious. "Kiba," murmured Hinata at last. "I can't ask you to do something like that. I'll be fine, I promise." An empty promise. A blatent lie. Or was it? It probably depended on what definition of "fine" one was using.
Kiba chuckled. "You didn't ask me, and it's not up for discussion. It's already been reassigned to me."
But why? Why did he do it? Suddenly a long forgotten memory resurfaced itself in Hinata's mind.
"Be smart about this. If you get matched up against someone strong, like Neji or that sand village guy, forfeit the match."
He'd told her that as a genin, three (going on four, now) short years ago. Kiba was supposed to be her teammate, he was supposed to be someone she could depend on and someone who helped her get stronger, but instead he'd just blatantly told her she was weak. He had helped feed her despair. Now white hot frustration and anger flared up inside of Hinata, her blood boiling. Kiba still thought of her like that now, after all this time!? After everything she'd been through and after how far she'd come!?
"How dare you!" she spat at him in a venomous voice she could hardly recognize as her own. "How dare you belittle me like that, Kiba Inuzuka! I don't need to be protected from the big bad world! I just don't need it! Not from Shino, not from Kurenai-Sensei, not from Neji, and especially not from you! I am not the crying little girl I was all those years ago! I'm a shinobi and I'm strong enough to carry out my own missions! You of all people should know this!" She roared at him like a lioness, her hands curled into furious fists. Hinata had never snapped at anyone before, not like this. But she was enraged. Enraged, offended, genuinely hurt. How could Kiba think so little of her abilities? He'd trained right by her side as she bloomed into the formidable ninja she was now!
Kiba's eyes widened as she shouted at him, but the brunette shinobi didn't yell back as she expected him to. He simply shook his head and took a few steps forward, covering her shaking fists with his tan palms. "Calm down, Hinata. I know you're a strong shinobi. I didn't take your mission because I thought you weren't capable of doing it. You're right, you don't need to be protected."
Hinata inhaled a deep breath, staring into his eyes. She searched them intently. Kiba was telling the truth. She uncurled her fists and her rage dwindled away, leaving her deflated. "I'm sorry. But I really don't understand. Why would you do this?"
Kiba smiled slightly and withdrew his hands from hers as he shrugged. "Ah, it's simple really. I know you didn't really get your chance with the blonde moron. And that's pretty unfair, after all you've tried like hell for him. And I uh, I know I messed up your confession plans that one time. So this will make up for that."
The navy haired ninja just stared at him, speechless. She couldn't even blush the way she would have in any other circumstance.
Kiba smirked at her expression, but his eyes softened in a ginger way she'd never witnessed before. "And also because I'm a bit of a selfish guy."
Her opaque eyes flashed with an understanding she could hardly fathom to be true. "Kiba," she whispered, "What do you mean by that?" It was a pointless question. She understood what prompted that kind of selfishness all too well. But in a rapid breath, bewilderment still pushed the inquiry from her lips.
Kiba closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled a mild sigh. When he opened them, his soft expression had dulled and Hinata could swear she saw a trace of pain. "It doesn't matter much now, you know? Let's go catch up with Akamaru and Shino."
Hinata didn't press him. She merely nodded.
They helped Kiba train to prepare him, but not enough to tire him out. Shino treated them to lunch at a barbecue, where they ran into Team Ten and had a little chat. Hinata bought something to-go that they took back to Kurenai-Sensei. Their sensei wished Kiba luck no matter how futile it was to do so, and then they went back to the training grounds and played fetch with Akamaru. When the sun started to set, they escorted him back to the Inuzuka compound. The goodbye that followed was indeed a long one, and Kiba showed his affectionate side. He embraced them both at the same time, squishing Hinata against Shino as he pulled them close. She didn't mind the closeness in the least. This...This was the last time all three of them would be together.
She pushed her face into Kiba's chest and hugged him as tight as she possibly could with one arm. She inhaled his scent, a distinct aroma Hinata could most closely equate to simmering meat and something unexplainably warm. Like a puppy's fluffy fur before it grows into the coarse adulthood coat.
And then Kiba them go.
He let her go.
He waved and walked into his compound.
It was the last time she'd see him do that. It unbridled a grief in Hinata and wrapped an anchor of sorrow around her heart. He wasn't even gone yet and she could already feel a void. She prayed vainly to whatever deity that existed Kiba would come back.
"We should be leaving, Hinata." Shino's grave tone gave her the nudge she needed to pull her eyes away from the Inuzuka compound. "Of course," she murmured numbly.
Two weeks later, he returned. Not her fang-faced friend, but her boisterous blonde hero. He returned with his fingers laced through Sakura Haruno's. Hinata was not sure how she felt about this. Surprised, oh yes. Happy for Naruto? Well...At first she tried to force that. She tried to choke down the hurt she inexplicably felt, and tried to push it to the very back of her mind and ignore it until it went away. Because she most certainly should be happy for him.
The ice cold thorn of jealously that pricked her heart was even worse. Hinata hated jealousy. It was a bitter ugly feeling. Like a non-fatal, but all the more torturous, poison that spreads through the body and infects the brain. Hinata didn't even want to be capable of an emotion like that. She especially didn't want to feel it for her two people who were her friends, explicitly the man she loved best. So she tried to shove it out of existence with the hurt and pretend it was never there. She lied to herself and implanted the false happiness for Naruto in her heart. She (un)gladly plastered it on her face. Just another way to play pretend.
But then Hinata ran into them. Together, at Ichiraku Ramen. And Naruto was so...He was so happy. He was just plan beaming, the smile she'd always loved so much as bright as the sun. Sakura was making him this happy, and heck, she was happy too. Her pale coral lips spread into a joyful grin. The pretending stopped right there. Hinata was truly happy for Naruto then. Blissfully happy for the man she'd always loved, and for Sakura too. The jealously and hurt melted away like Winter's frost in Spring's first sunbeam. Benevolence and optimism bloomed like roses in their place.
"Oi, Hinata! Didn't see you there." Naruto's radiant smile was on her now and he waved enthusiastically. "Wanna come join us?"
She smiled back at him, gaze steady. "Sure." Was this the first time she'd spoken to him without stuttering or blushing? Likely so.
She went over and sat down next to Naruto, nodding to Sakura as she did so.
"It's been awhile, Hinata," the pink haired kunoichi said. "How are you?"
"Good," Hinata breathed softly. "Very good." It felt almost liberating to mean what she said.
They ate, they talked, shared stories and tidbits of their personal lives and how things had been. It was good to catch up with each other. They made plans to train together the following day, eager to catch up even more in the ways that only shinobi could: by exchanging blows for blows. Naruto suggested she invite Neji and her team along too.
Hinata's breath caught in her throat. Her pleasant mood turned on a dime, and suddenly everything hurt again.
"Hinata?" Sakura asked. "Is something wrong?"
The Hyuuga shook her head. "N-No. It's just that Kiba won't be able to join us."
Naruto tilted his head. "Eh? Why not?" He frowned. But of course he'd be unhappy, the two had always been somewhat rivals.
"He's on a solo mission." Was he still? She couldn't help wondering. For all Hinata knew, Kiba was dead already. Or he could be dying miserably the very moment she was contemplating the possibility of his demise. What if Kumo captured him instead of killed him? Hinata had known the second Tsunade confirmed this to be a 'likely' suicide mission, that the rogue targets weren't the reason it was so risky. It was Kumogakure. They weren't simply going to accept a Konoha shinobi hunting their disowned rogues, on their own land. Especially not when Konoha already been denied that permission.
When they found Kiba...The thought was so grim it took all Hinata had not to shudder.
"Totally solo!? Are you kidding me!?" Naruto continued on incredulously, not giving her a chance to reply. "Lucky bastard, that's the one thing I can say he beat me to."
Jade eyes lingered on Hinata with concerned inquiry, telling her that Sakura knew there was more to it then that. But Hinata shifted her pearly orbs away, and Sakura did not pry.
She took in a rapid breath of the humid spring air and ducked low, pulling her fists tight to her chest. His kick missed the top of her head by inches, the air behind the blow causing her navy tresses to dace to the left. Her fists uncurled and she sprung up the split-second his back was turned to her. Index and middle finger expertly extended, she struck him precisely in the nape of the neck. She was quick and deadly as a rattlesnake, the blow unavoidable. But of course, it had not been a deadly blow. She only cut off the flow of his chakra.
His physique puffed away just her arm retracted. Damn, a shadow clone! She should have expected that. Her upper body swiveled quickly back, eyes widening as he descended down on her, kunai in hand. Swift though she was, they had been training for over an hour now and she was exhausted. Her attempt to dodge failed, and she was pinned down to the grassy carpet beneath him. Involuntarily, a gasp flew from her lips. The kunai was at her throat, the lethal tip of it only just scraping her creamy skin.
"Heh. I guess that means I win, Hinata." Naruto managed a breathless chuckled and stood up, extending his free hand to help her up as well. Equally breathless, she smiled up to him and accepted the help. Around them, others were still training. Neji and Lee were at it yet again, and Sakura was sparring with Tenten. Shino was there too, but partnerless at the moment and observing from his place against a target stump. Hinata decided that as soon as she was rested up enough, she'd go train with him. Her poor teammate always somehow managed to be excluded from these sorts of things. But for the time being, Hinata did not fret too much over Shino. He was getting a show of all the faux conflict and the kunoichi knew that the bug-nin rather liked observing as well.
"You've gotten really good you know, Hinata, When you pulled that Lion Fist move I thought you had me for sure," said Naruto, his voice a bit stronger now. Her lavender-tinted pools flitted to him, the heat that would have previously risen in her cheeks no longer present. But the warmth inside of her that swelled upon his praise was still there, and she supposed it would always be there to match the smile of achievement on her lips. "Thank you, Naruto." It was at that moment; in between the pants that were easing into steady breaths, that everything else came spilling out.
"Thank you, Naruto," she restated, "I don't just mean for this match. I mean for everything you've ever done for me. You probably don't realize the depth of what it is you've really done, but you saved me. When I was weak and crying, when I wanted to give up. That smile of yours saved me, your determination pushed me on. It became my determination. I wouldn't be here sparring with you today, if you hadn't inspired me. Everything I am now, you helped me to be."
His sky blue eyes slowly widened with understanding. She'd been right, Naruto really hadn't noticed the gravity of what he'd done for her. "Whoa...Hinata..."
He was speechless. She didn't blame him, her smile only softened.
"That's why I really love you, Naruto. For whatever it's worth, I always will."
His eyes were even wider now and his mouth was agape. But then a smile twitched up the corners of his mouth, and limpid orbs looked straight into hers. "It's worth a lot. Thank you, Hinata."
"You're welcome." She closed her eyes and basked in this moment, the moment of a confession spoken true, gratitude exchanged between equals, and the lifting of a weight on her heart that she'd seriously underestimated the size of. A moment of pure, simple bliss.
Hinata didn't initially hear the news from Kurenai-Sensei, or Shino, or a member of his family, or anyone else she would have preferred to hear it from. She heard it from a near-stranger, who had heard it from the gossipers along the streets of Konoha. The civilians and shinobi alike who were horrified at what he had done.
She was passing the Yamanaka flower shop, mingled scents of diverse flowers wafting over her nose. She'd actually thought of Kiba in that moment, because his sense of smell was so strong he'd often been overpowered when walking past the shop. And then someone exited it, a slight female figure who just barley managed to avoid colliding with her.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" The girl's hands flew to her face in embarrassment and she dropped the single white lily she had presumably purchased. She bowed to Hinata apologetically. "That's alright, Ayame," Hinata assured her sweetly. It'd taken the navy haired kunoichi a moment to remember the name of the girl whose father owned the ramen shop, so she felt a little apologetic herself. She plucked up Ayame's fallen lily from the ground and handed it to her when she straightened herself.
"I'm also sorry about your teammate," Ayame murmured in a slightly lowered tone. "What he did was wrong, but I know he only had the best intentions in mind. Its awful that they killed him that way, when his only crime was hunting scum. Even though from who I've talked to, most of the village disagrees. They think he's some kind of disgrace. But still, it's such a shame they saw it fit to kill him. And his pretty white dog too. That dog was always a real big sweetie, I used to slip him our leftover meats."
Instant ice replaced the blood flow in Hinata's veins. "W-What?"
Ayame tilted her head, brunette brows knitting in confusion. "You were teammates with Kiba Inuzuka, right? I'm sorry if I got mixed up, we have so many customers! But I could swear that you were..."
"Excuse me," was all Hinata managed to choke out, brushing past the girl and hurrying away. Who to go to? Sensei? No, Shino's compound came first. Go to Shino. Somewhere in Hinata's mind, the surprise that she could actually keep up a sprint when she was so numb jolted her. So numb, so cold. How was she running when she could't even feel her legs? She couldn't feel anything at all! Except for the burning pain in her chest. She could feel that and it got hotter and hotter with each fleet-footed step.
Everything was blurry by the time she reached the bug-nin's compound. Perhaps Shino had been expecting her, because he was the one who'd opened the door. And Hinata had only knocked once...Or had she? Had she knocked at all. The memory of only seconds ago was blurry, the door itself was blurry.
Blurry. Blurry. Blurry. Damn it, why was everything so fucking blurry!?
Shino slid it closed quietly and handed Hinata a tissue. She didn't see where he got it from. "S-Shino..."
"For your eyes. You are crying."
With a stilted breath she dabbed at her eyes, clearing away the blurriness. "What happened? I know what happened, but what...What is everyone saying? I don't...Kiba..." She couldn't even string along her thoughts in a coherent sentence. Did the details really matter? Kiba was dead. Kiba was dead, but it was supposed to be her, who was originally supposed to be Neji and...Damn it! Her hands balled up into fists, crinkling the tissue.
Shino heaved a despondent sigh. "Kumo shinobi killed him while he was on his way back here. The Raikage confronted Tsunade about it this afternoon. She said she had nothing to do with it, Kiba was not acting on behalf of the village. He was acting on his own accord. So no conflict will arise over this. There won't be a war."
Lies. Hinata hated them, but no wonder Tsunade had only wanted one person on a mission like this. No wonder she didn't entrust it to the Anbu or a seasoned jonin. No one in the Anbu would go astray and no jonin would behavior so recklessly. In hindsight, Hinata found it even a little odd she had been a selection considering her byakugan, which would remain in tact upon her death. Did Tsunade trust Kumo to return the corpse?
"What are they going to do with...Where's Kiba now?" She couldn't say 'body.' She was a ninja and discussing the reality of death should have been something she could do effortlessly, but no. Hinata could not refer to a friend as a carcass.
He shook his head. "I don't know." And then, as if that was the final blow, Shino slumped back against the wall and slid down to the floor. With a few slow, desensitized movements Hinata joined him there, knees pulled to her chest. In the back of her mind she wondered if any of Shino's family members would walk by and see them like that, crumpled against the wall with grieving faces and broken hearts that somehow managed to keep beating.
After period of silence, she finally asked what she had wanted to know for nearly a month."How long has he loved me?"
"I first noticed a little before our second chunin exams. I catch on quickly, so he probably wasn't in love with you for very long before that."
"Why didn't I notice?"
"He wasn't obvious about it. I just happen to be very perceptive."
"Why didn't you tell me he loved me?"
"Because there was no purpose in doing so. It made no difference."
He was right of course.