Disclaimer: I do not own Young Justice. It belongs to Greg Weisman and Brandon Vietti.
Author's Note: Sarcatt, I remembered. Here's something light before this Saturday when things go down and shit hits the fan.
There was something very awkward about having your girlfriend's sister sit on your chest while you were in bed. Even more intimidating would be her pressing a sai against your cheek. As if waking up to a large, artificial, toothy grin wasn't creepy enough. Wally was pretty sure this situation was not covered in a dating handbook. He would know; he read all the ones at the library.
"You're fast kid," Cheshire drawled, pulling her mask up with her other hand, "but you won't be fast enough."
The speedster turned his head a bit, mindful of the blade, to look at his clock and groaned. 2:34 AM. He had midterm later today in English. Not his worst subject but something he had to study for compared to the sciences that came so easy to him. He would also need his sleep.
But he couldn't get up, not without tossing her to the other side of the room with superspeed, and he would prefer not to wake his parents up. Wally glared his displeasure at the intruder. "What do you want?"
"To have a talk."
"Right…you usually sneak into the rooms of innocent teenage boys in the middle of the night to interrogate them."
She smiled and Wally had an inkling of why she might have chosen her moniker the way she did. He grimaced. "I don't want to know."
Jade chuckled at that. "No, I don't suppose you would. Now are we going to be civilized about this or are you going to go all superhero on me?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
She rolled her eyes. "Let's cut to the chase, Kid Flash. Your real name is Wallace Rudolph West. You go to Keystone High School, where you're on the Science Olympics team, AP track for classes, horrible at gym and even more horrible for picking up girls. Your birthday is on November 11th; your parents are Rudy and Mary West, by which you're related to the Flash because he's your Uncle Barry Allen who is married to your Aunt Iris West-Allen. Need I go on or do you think there's no one to whom this information would be useful?"
Wally was unmoved. "If you already told them, we would all be dead by now." The redhead answered flatly.
"I know. Besides I found out for personal reasons not professional…now about this talk?"
Still on his back, Wally raised both hands in surrender, sighing. "All right, what do you want to talk about? I don't know anything about Justice League secrets that you wouldn't have already figured out in one way or another."
Jade tsked, withdrawing her sai and tucking it back into its holster. She scooted off his chest to the foot of his bed, perching off one side. "Oh please, why would I care about that on personal business? I'm here to talk about Artemis."
That got Wally blinking. In hindsight, he should have expected something like this but he thought he had bypassed the hard part after getting introduced to Paula. Artemis' mom seemed to like him just fine. He knew Sportsmaster was never going to be an issue but Cheshire…Jade was a different story.
"What are your intentions with my little sister?"
Wally sat up, fluffing his pillow a bit so he could comfortably lean on it for what was probably going to be a long conversation. He wasn't worried per say; he had this. If he thought of Jade as the overprotective jock brother, this was definitely a scenario he was prepared for. "Really, you're going to ask that?"
"Hey the last time I got a chance to grill my sister's boyfriend, they were barely out of kindergarten."
His mind start inserting nonsensical things about why that was. On second thought, an overprotective jock brother was still no substitute to a member of the League of Shadows.
Artemis didn't talk much about her family and he never prodded. But…occasionally Artemis would let little factoids slip in unguarded moments. They had been officially dating for a few weeks now and there was still a great deal he did not know about her. There were times that Paula would take him aside to fill him in on the details after he and Artemis got into an argument because his girlfriend would clam up and go days without talking to him. He knew Sportsmaster was high on his list of people he wouldn't mind punching out…at 700 miles an hour. He knew she and Jade were pitted against each other. He knew about the bad stuff but the good stuff, the normal stuff, was pretty much nonexistent.
"I like her, a lot. I'm dating her?" Nervousness crept in. Wally had no idea what he could answer with that would not result in unholy retribution.
Jade snorted. "Is that the best you can come up with?"
This was worse than homeroom period when he was trying not thunk his head on his desk as Mr. Markowitz droned on about announcements in that painfully slow (even for a regular human) voice.
"I don't know!" He hissed, trying to keep his voice and frustration down. "Half of what I usually think, I don't say. The other half is just there!" At her neutral expression, he wondered how long before his foot met his mouth. "For the record, I think Artemis and I would both prefer it if I'm alive while we're dating. She's not into vampires and I know she likes shooting zombies."
"I'll make it easier for you. What do you see in her?" Contrary to her statement, he would feel more at ease if she would stop twirling her sai like she was ready to throw it. "Where do you see your relationship going?"
Wally was never a slouch for his snark but he was at a loss of words. He and Artemis were dating. He knew he liked her; he was pretty sure she liked him back but this wasn't the kind of thing you thought about. It just happened. It just worked…like…like…magic. His mouth twisted into the smallest frown at that thought.
Jade must have been getting impatient when she shot off the next question in this inquisition. "So you are copacetic with the family business?"
"She's not one of you. I think Santa Prisca made that pretty clear." He answered defiantly.
"That's now. It's not from before she joined your little sidekick group though quite frankly why she chose Green Arrow is still beyond me when Batman was in our hometown."
"Arrow's not bad. Batman…isn't for everyone. I still don't see the problem here. Artemis chose her side. Her decision and I support her decisions even if I do not completely agree on the hows and whys."
Jade sighed, her face divided between being a sister and an agent of the other side. "I won't go into detail; it's not my story to tell but keep in mind Artemis has participated in the family business before. She might have enjoyed it. You okay with that?"
He met her eyes. "She's still Artemis, isn't she? She's still going to criticize every adaptation of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland that combines Through the Looking Glass. She will still bring a rebreather with her everywhere, and I mean everywhere, including desert missions because she is so sure at one point she will drown," Wally thought for a second, "or someone else will. She brings it to the mall even. She will still gush about her latest patrol with Arrow, including his bad jokes that she actually finds funny. I don't know how but she does. She will still snark about cutesy girly things that M'gann does even though she finds some of it cool but won't say it…"
It was when he realized something very important. Today was the 15th…of February. Yesterday was…
Oh crap.
Artemis wouldn't send her sister to murder him, would she? Even after that comment about how dorky people who liked the holiday were. He was sure she didn't like Valentine's Day so he made that comment, in agreement, about the lovey-dovey civilian teens they saw after the last mission. Was it possible for teenagers to have wills? Maybe a chance to apologize and say "I love you" one last time? If not, could he at least be given a last meal?
Jade must have sensed his feelings of impending doom. Her mouth quirked just a bit before bursting into soft laughter. "Artemis doesn't know about this little visit. She still thinks I don't know about you two. If she knew, she'd attempt to kill me."
"You seem rather confident." Wally scowled, feeling some indignation to defend his girlfriend's battle prowess. "How do you know she won't be the one kicking your ass?"
She waved it off. "Please. Nine times out of ten she always falls for the same tactic. I've had years to figure out what my little sister's tells are. I figured you two out before even you two did." Beat. "I think Spider lost that bet."
Now this conversation was getting weird. "Wait, so you guys at the League of Shadows aren't always thinking of ways to kill us?"
"No." She shook her head, mouth pursed in thought. "Do you know how long the Talia, Catwoman and Batman bet has been going on? Or the Wonder Woman, Superman and Lois Lane one?"
"What about you and Red Arrow?" Jade's look of disbelief was rather insulting. "I do have a pair of eyes. I saw what happened in Louisiana. Kaldur also had a couple comments about Taipei."
"I'm betting Artemis had a few more. I don't see what her problem is, given you." Jade smirked. "But then she always was so easy to tease."
"You kissed him to get a reaction out of her?"
"It's a sibling thing. Artemis and I have a few things in common. That's one of them. Redheads seem to be another." She grinned her trademark.
Wally raised an eyebrow. "You and Red Arrow aren't actually serious, are you?"
"Roy and I are still working things out." Jade winked at him. "For some reason you redheads seem to be a little slow on the uptake for when a girl likes you."
There was still snow outside and Wally usually kept his room cooler to help sleep easier. It was suddenly very warm and he felt his ears beginning to match his hair. This only made Jade chortle further. Even though she was keeping her voice down, to him, she might as well have been laughing out loud in his ear.
"I should have done this a long time ago."
"No kidding."
New Year's. The Watchtower. Duh.
"Uh…yeah." Did this mean Jade and Roy were actually attempting to date? He wondered if that was how she found out he and Artemis were officially dating.
By now Jade had gotten bored of sitting still and had been pacing around his room, occasionally stopping to study some artifact or other of an American teenage boy, subgenus academic nerd. Wally could not help but compare how he felt before the judging committee of the Science Olympics or a major AP exam when fellow students would be sizing each other up. Natch, this was more like an intern interview. Jade never let her relaxed manner slip up; he couldn't read her at all as his eyes followed her back and forth.
Finally she stopped at the foot of his bed, arms crossed. If she looked down and maybe bit her lip, he would have thought her to be unsure.
"Look, I'm not exactly the best sister out there but I would prefer it if Al-Artemis had minimal damage in the heartbreak department."
"That's something we can both agree on. I don't want to hurt her but I know these things can happen. You never mean to hurt the ones you love; you just do."
"Isn't that the truth." She gave her first genuine smile to him, one that made him feel less like a mouse. "You really do have a brain in there."
Jade turned towards the window. For a moment, Wally was ready to sigh in relief and happiness, having survived a Trial by Cheshire. He might have possibly gained her approval. That was until she stopped and looked back at him with a heavy stare, still weighing him in her mind. "Oh, one last question and I'll let you sleep before your midterm today. Good luck by the way. Shakespeare was never my favourite; I was more of a Marlowe girl."
Wally held back a rude hand gesture since he was still sleepy and his pillow never looked so good. Instead, he motioned her to continue.
"Do you know how to make tea?"
He looked back her like she was an idiot. "What do you take me for? Of course I do. Just put a tea bag-"
Just like that the sai was back out against his cheek. Even though he could break the sound barrier in sneakers, Wally admitted to being a little impressed with how she managed to get from his window to in front of him so fast.
"Never do that. Always use leaves. The brick version would do too but for an amateur like you, leaves." She said with not even the mildest of disdain.
This had to be some kind of twisted joke or drug-induced illusion that he and his girlfriend's assassin sister were in his room discussing the proper way of brewing tea. In the middle of the night. Before a midterm.
"You are to use a proper pot. Either get a new one or use one that's been cared for by an expert tea drinker, pour a dollop of freshly boiled water into it and swish it. That will heat the pot and clean it. Soap is never to touch the inside. Pour the water out. Add a teaspoon of leaves for every cup you're making and one for the pot. There's no point in pouring the boiled water straight onto the leaves unless you want to roast them. Letting the water cool during the time you're warming the pot will bring it to the right temperature." She let a minute pass, withdrawing the sai as she stood up. "You got all that?"
"And this is relevant why?" Wally asked, watching as she sauntered around his room, back towards the window.
She threw a small, black canister at him. Deftly he caught it. He unscrewed the lid to find a slightly floral scent with a pinch of citron reaching his nose. "It's one of Artemis' favourites. Never mess up her tea. I taught my little sister well in that regard. Since Artemis likes black tea strong, brew it for five minutes. If you really want to be useful, she takes with two milk and two sugar. On a bad day, leave it black."
Now it made sense why Artemis and her mother were giving him those looks about a week ago. Both were polite and drank the tea he made at their place with teabags but when he was about to wash the dishes, including the teapot used, both women leaped to stop him from scrubbing the teapot. Artemis got to him first, putting the teapot aside, saying that she would wash it later. Apparently tea was serious business in this family.
"And your favourite?" He shot back out of curiosity.
Jade didn't miss a beat. "Shoumei."
"Huh? Show you?"
"No, shou-mei." She stressed. At his look of confusion, she elaborated, "a type of white tea."
He wondered if there was some sort of irony to this that Artemis the white sheep like black tea and Cheshire who followed the family business liked white. His fingers brushed against paper that had been taped to the bottom of the canister.
"As a friendly tip, since you're dating her now, when in doubt, tea makes everything better. That list I gave you is some of her other preferred teas and where you can get them. I'd highly suggest you convert some dollars into pounds next time you're at the bank."
Wally speed read the list. Some places he recognized from Gotham; Most of the stores he recognized from visiting the UK. No stranger to people disappearing on him (he had Dick for a best friend after all), he wasn't surprised that Cheshire was gone when he looked up and that his bedroom window was opened.
She had, however, left something on his desk when he hadn't been looking. A sai stuck in the middle of a crudely drawn version of the Flash logo on yellow paper with a heart interposed on top. The message was rather clear.
There was even a little flag stuck to the sai's handle with the word "SOUVENIR" on it. He was going to stop understanding this family now and just run with it. He was good with just running.
And this was how Wally came to make tea for after Valentine's Day. On one hand, the visit was highly informative and he did thank Cheshire the next time they ran into each other fighting. On the other hand though…
It was very humbling thought that even hardened, badass agents of the League of Shadows could be overprotective of their little sisters.