'Thunderbirds' created by Gerry Anderson.
'Red Dwarf' created by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
The Boys from The Dwarf (part one)
Scott Tracy was reading a magazine in the lounge when he heard the noise. It was loud crack from outside, then rumbling. He ran to the patio windows and looked out, just in time to see a strange craft emerging from some kind of hole in the sky; As if the sky was just a blue curtain, and someone had torn a hole in it, exposing the black window behind it.
The craft was green in colour, and was made up of three round sections, each slightly larger than the one in front of it.
The craft nose-dived into the sea, causing a huge wave that engulfed the patio, and knocked Scott off his feet. The water drained away, and Scott ran to find Gordon.
"Something just crashed into the sea." Scott shouted as he ran past Jeff. Jeff stood up to follow Scott.
"What?"
"I don't know, but it was big and green. We've got to get Thunderbird four out there."
"You're right." Jeff agreed. "Where's Gordon right now?"
"I'm here." Gordon said, appearing at the doorway. "I saw that thing crash and figured we should use Thunderbird four."
"Right." Said Jeff. "Get her out there. Scott you go with him."
"Yes sir." Scott and Gordon said, and went to launch Thunderbird Four.
Thunderbird Four pulled up along side the craft that was now bobbing on the surface. It was huge. Bigger than Thunderbird Two, easily. And it was covered in dents and scratches and scorch marks. Wherever this thing had come from, it had come a long way.
Gordon manoeuvred Thunderbird four so that she was facing the green craft. He fired a line attached to an extremely strong magnet onto the craft and began to drag it to the island.
"Who do you think they are?" Scott asked as they made the brief trip back.
"I have no idea." Gordon replied. "Let's just hope there friendly."
Gordon docked Thunderbird four, and, after setting up a strong winch, they pulled the green craft out of the water.
"OK." Scott breathed. "Come out, come out, whatever you are."
Just then, the door of the green craft opened. In the doorway, appeared a man. He was around thirty years of age, and was wearing a dark green suit, made of a shiny material. He had short but curly hair, nostrils like railway tunnels. But what Scott and Gordon noticed first was the shiny blue 'H' on his forehead.
"What do you suppose that 'H' means?" Gordon whispered.
"I don't know." Scott hissed back. "Maybe his name's 'Harry'."
"Hi!" Scott called. "Who are you?"
The man approached them.
"I'm Rimmer." The man said. "Arnold J."
"I'm Scott, this is Gordon. Are you alone?"
"I wish." Arnold J Rimmer said. "No, I'm not."
Rimmer, Scott and Gordon turned back to the craft and watched as the rest of the green crafts' crew emerged. There was a short dumpy liverpuddlian, with dreadlocks and a deerstalker, and black man in elaborate clothing.
But it was the forth crew member that emerged from the craft that made Scott and Gordon almost think about thinking about getting the heck away from there. It was a robot, almost six feet tall, with a baldhead and angular features. Neither of the brothers had ever seen anything like it before. The little dumpy one approached them.
"Hi." He said. "We had a sort of crash. I'm Lister. This is Rimmer, The Cat and Kryten."
Scott approached the robot.
"You're a robot?" He said.
"I'm mechaniod, sir, yes." Replied Kryten in his Canadian accent. "4000 Series."
"Hey Bud!!" The black man said to Scott. "What do you have to do to get some food at this joint?"
"Cat!!" Lister admonished him. "Show some manners, man!"
"That's OK." Gordon said. "You must be hungry. Come inside."
Lister, Rimmer, Kryten and The Cat followed Scott and Gordon into the house. Jeff was waiting eagerly them to come in.
"Father." Gordon said. "This is the crew of the craft."
They were all introduced to Jeff and when he learned all their names, they all sat down.
"So, you were killed?" Jeff asked. "And now you're a what? A Hologram?"
"Yes." Rimmer replied. "I'm made entirely of light."
"So that's what the 'H' means!" Scott said.
"Yes." Rimmer said. What did you think it meant?"
"Nothing."
So they all sat down and between them, Lister, Rimmer, The Cat and Kryten told the Tracys how they had all come to be the crew of Red Dwarf. How they had rescued Kryten from another ship called The Nova 5. How The Cat had evolved from the domestic house cat. How Rimmer and the rest of the crew had died in a radiation leak and Rimmer had been revived as a hologram, and why Lister had survived.
"So." Lister said. "What do you guys do?"
"Allow me to answer that, sir." Kryten said. "In the 21st century, where we are now, a billionaire and ex-astronaut Jeff Tracy set up a rescue organisation dedicated to saving lives and helping human kind wherever he could. He used his vast fortune to build phenomenal machines and equipment, and along with his five sons, he set up International Rescue."
Jeff looked at Kryten, aghast.
"How did you know that?"
"We've come from the future, sir." Everybody listen as Kryten told them about the derelict ship they had found. And on this ship was a strange machine, which turned out to be a wormhole generator, created by an extremely intelligent being. Kryten had spent a few days familiarising himself with the controls, and they were able to use it as they liked. ".....So we created a worm hole that brought us back to earth."
Kryten explained all about the wormhole had taken their craft, Star-Bug back to a time when it was still near Earth. The crack Scott and Gordon had heard was the ship breaking through the fabric of time.
"So, we get discovered in the future then?" Scott asked. "Someone figures out who we are?"
"Yes sir." Kryten said. "But they figure it out long after you all die from old age. Don't forget, we've come from the future."
"So, where's your ship now?" Jeff asked.
"Well the one that crashed in the sea is just the transport vehicle." Lister said. "It's called Star-Bug."
"Yes." Kryten added. "It's mother ship; our main ship, Red Dwarf is still in the future."
"How far in the future?"
Kryten was about to answer but he was interrupted by a crack and a rumbling noise. Scott and Gordon recognised it from before and ran to the window. But they couldn't see anything.
"What is it, Kryten?" Lister asked.
"It's Red Dwarf, sir. Someone has used the time drive to bring her back too."
"Who?" Asked Rimmer. As he said this, a face appeared on the watch on Listers wrist.
"All right, dudes?"
"Holly!" Lister exclaimed.
"Here, where are we?" Holly asked.
"We on Earth Hol! We're home!"
Holly was about to say something else when a strange craft appeared out of the sky and swooped over the island. It fired a tiny but well aimed missile, a warning shot, onto the patio, between Lister and Scott. Neither of them was hurt, but it did leave a crater.
"Oh, I meant to say." Holly said. "We've got company."
Scott ushered everyone inside. The craft was hovering around the island.
"Someone should talk to them." Rimmer said. "Listy?"
"I'll go." Scott said. He stopped and turned around. "How do we talk to them?"
Lister jumped up.
"We've got equipment for talking to all sorts of beings on Star-Bug." He told Scott.
"Come on, man. I'll show you."
Scott and Lister headed of for Star-Bug.
"So what do we do now?" The Cat asked.
"We wait until Scott and Lister have returned from your craft, and we've figured out who those people are, and what they want."
"I'd imagine they only want us, sir." Kryten said. "They obviously followed us here."
"My point was," The Cat said, "Is when can we eat?"
"Yes of course." Jeff said. "Kyrano."
Kyrano appeared from the kitchen.
"Ah, Kyrano. You couldn't whip up a snack for our visitors, could you?" Jeff asked.
"Certainly, Mr. Tracy." Kyrano replied.
"Please." Kryten said, climbing to his feet. "Let me help you."
Kyrano look at Kryten dubiously.
"Actually, Kryten." Jeff said. "There's someone I would love you to meet."
Jeff led Kryten down a corridor, down a flight of stairs and into Brains' lab. The shy whiz-kid was looking over plans of Thunderbird One to see if he couldn't make the ACD more sensitive.
"Brains." Jeff said. "We have visitors."
Brains stood up but was still looking at his plans. Then he turned and saw Kryten for the first time.
He was speechless. He went up to Kyryten and touched his face.
"Incredible!" He breathed. "Absolutely incredible."
"Why, Thank you sir." Kryten said.
"Who made you? When were you made? Who designed you? What type of robot are you? What were you designed to do?" Brains gushed.
"I'm a sanitation droid." Kryten explained. "I was created to serve and do domestic duties. But Mr. Lister helped me to break my programming, and do whatever the hell I want. Haa!"
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In the lounge, the rest of the Tracy family had gathered, and where talking to Rimmer and The Cat.
"Any chance we could have look at your ship?" Virgil asked.
"I don't see why not." Rimmer replied. "As soon as we've sorted out our guests."
"Hey!" Called Tin-Tin, who had been watching out the window. "Something's going on here." Everybody ran to the window. The strange craft had Star-Bug in some sort of beam, and was dragging it out of the water and into the crafts hull with Scott and Lister still aboard.
"Get Kryten." Rimmer told The Cat, and he went of the find the mechaniod, following his scent trail.
Brains, Jeff and Kryten arrived in the lounge.
"What's going on?" Jeff asked.
"That craft has taken their green ship." Virgil said. "And Scott and Lister were still in it."
"They've taken Mr. Lister!" Kryten gasped. "We have to get them back."
Jeff went to his desk.
"OK." He said. "Alan, Take Rimmer, Kryten and The Cat up to there ship in Thunderbird three. Virgil, you go with them. Gordon, you too."
"Yes sir." Alan said.
Jeff pressed a button on his desk and his hidden microphone appeared.
"This is Jeff Tracy calling Thunderbird five."
"Go ahead, father." John said, appearing on the wall.
"OK, John." Jeff began. "We've had some visitors and now Scott has been abducted by a strange craft with one of our said visitors. I've sent the boys to go after them, and I need you to keep the emergency frequency open. OK?"
"Er, sure, father. FAB." John replied, clearly baffled. "Emergency frequency is open."
"Good, OK." Jeff said. "Jeff out for now."
Alan launched Thunderbird Three and set a course for Red Dwarf. He docked the 'Bird in the landing bay, and they all climbed out.
"Follow me." Kryten told them. "We need to get to the drive room."
Alan, Gordon and Virgil followed Rimmer, The Cat and Kryten to the drive room. Holly's face appeared on the wall.
"Where's Lister?" He asked.
"They've taken him." Kryten croaked. "And Scott too."
"I've got a trail on them." Holly told them. "I've set a course."
****************************************************************
Inside Star-Bug, Scott and Lister had to hold onto the two pilot seats to steady themselves.
"What are these people?" Scott asked.
"They're not people, not really." Lister replied. "They're simulants. The most dangerous type of droids you could ever hope not to meet."
"So why are they after you?" Scott said.
"We went into their space." Lister told him. "They're very territorial."
"OK." Scott said. "Lets not go around the houses; are they going to kill us?"
"Probably." Lister replied.
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"It's the simulants." Kryten said, inside Red Dwarfs drive room. "I feared it was."
"Smeg." Said Rimmer, quietly.
"What are simulants?" Virgil asked.
"They're the most dangerous type of droids you could ever hope not to meet." Answered Rimmer.
"Lets not go around the houses." Virgil said. "Are they going to kill them?"
"Probably." The Cat replied.
**************************************************************************
The doors of Star-Bug where opened from the outside, and to Lister and Scotts' surprise, it was inside another ship.
A simulant approached them with a fierce looking gun and gestured for them to follow him. He looked so human that the only way they could tell he was a droid was by a cut he had above his eye; Instead of a red line, it was silver.
The ship was dank and unkempt. Loose wires hung down, with sparks flying off them. One swung down just as Scott walked past it and he had to duck.
At last, they arrived in what they figured to be the ships drive room.
"So, you seek to lure us back to your Earth?" The simulant asked. He sounded like somebody doing a comedy impression of Marlon Brando.
"Hey, you followed us, man." Lister said. "You were attacking us."
"You entered my space." The simulant said.
"Did you know it was his space?" Scott asked.
"Well, no. I didn't." Lister answered.
"So, what happens now?"
Before anyone could say another word, Scott wristwatch emitted a beeping sound.
"What's that?" The simulant demanded.
"It's time to get up!" Scott laughed.
Lister thought that was some pretty quick thinking.
As the simulant went to check all the read-outs of his engine were all a-OK, Scott nonchanatly put his hand down to his watch and turned the face of it. The beeping had been Jeff trying to get in contact, but Scott didn't want the simulant to know about the rest IR, not yet.
Turning the face of the watch, set off the emergency signal on the island, and Thunderbird 5.
Scott looked at Lister, and gave him a reassuring look.
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Kryten read the read out the navigator had printed out.
"Sirs." He called.
Everyone gathered round.
"I think I know where they're taking Mr. Lister and Mr. Tracy." He told them. "It looks as if they're headed for that planet there." Kryten indicated to a little speck on a star map.
"Oh, there." Rimmer said, caustically.
"Holly, plot a course." Kryten said.
"Do you think we'll catch them?" Virgil asked.
"Well, we'll catch with them soon enough when they reach their planet, sir." Kryten said.
Suddenly, Virgil's watch began to beep. He lifted his wrist.
"Go ahead, father." He said.
"We just tried to get in touch with Scott and Lister, but they didn't answer." Jeff said. "But then we got an emergency signal from Scott. I've contacted John in Thunderbird 5 and told him to keep this frequency clear. If he hears anything, he'll let us know"
"We've got a track on the ship father." Alan said. Jeff could here him but he couldn't see him. "Kryten thinks the ship is heading to some planet."
"We're going to follow them." Virgil said. "We'll keep you updated."
"You see that you do." Jeff said, and signed off.
"OK, Kryten." Virgil said. "How far do you think the planet is?"
"Well sir, according to the star map, we should be there in a few days."
"A few days?"
**********************************************************************************
The simulant turned to Scott and Lister.
"Follow me." He said.
Scott and Lister were lead down even more corridors. They eventually arrived at what looked like some sleeping quarters.
"You will stay in here." The simulant told them, ushering them in the door. It closed, and they heard it being locked from the outside.
There was bed, and lister sat down on it.
"What do we do now?" Scott asked, finding a metal chair to sit on.
"How should I know?" Lister retorted.
"Sorry." Scott said. "I just thought you had met these simulants before."
"I have. But they're all different. Anyway, what was beeping?"
"Oh that was my father trying to get in contact. But I couldn't reply while the simulant was watching." Scott explained. "But I set off the emergency signal so now father and everyone else knows we're in danger."
Lister hoped off the bed and went to the window.
"Hang on a minute." He said. "We're alone now. You can talk to him now."
Scott lifted his wrist.
"Scott calling Tracy Island. Come in dad."
"Scott." Jeff said, appearing on the watch. "Are you OK son? What's happening?"
"Lister and I have been taken on to a ship by a simulant. We don't where he's taking us. He has us locked in a room."
"OK Scott. Now Alan, Gordon and Virgil are coming after you in Red Dwarf with The Cat Kryten and Rimmer." Jeff told him. "Just hang in there and when you get to wherever you're going, they'll pick you up and bring you home. OK guys?"
"FAB."
"Brutal."
They were left in the room for what seemed like hours. Scott had finally fallen asleep, but Lister had slept earlier and was now just waking up.
He went to the window again.
Daylight.
They were no longer in space. He went to Scott and gave him a shake. Scott woke up and saw the light for himself.
But it wasn't like Earth's daylight. It was pinky and charged, like the light on Earth when a thunderstorm was imminent.
The door of the room opened and the simulant came in.
"We've landed." he said. Scott and Lister stood up, as to walk out the room but the simulant stopped them. He fired his weapon at the both in rapid succession. Scott felt dizzy and weak. His surroundings became dark and blurry and he felt the floor come up and hit him in the side.
Lister came to. He was lying on a cold hard floor of a wide open area. He was still on the ship, and guessed, correctly, that he was in a disused storage area. It was huge and he couldn't see any of the walls; like in a dream when your surroundings don't have a wall of fence or go on as far as you can see. They just stop, and then there's blackness.
He was fastened to the floor by his ankle with a metal hoop. It was stuck in the floor like a croquet hoop; so he had no choice but to sit down on his side.
Whatever the simulant had shot at him and Scott with had really knocked him for six.
He couldn't see Scott.
"Scott." He called. "Scott, man, are you OK?"
Just then he heard banging on the floor behind him. It was Scott banging his foot on the floor. He sitting in the same kind of metal chair that was in the room they had been kept in. But this time, Scott was tied securely to the two arm rests of the chair, and he had some thick black tape over his mouth.
Lister was about to say something else when the simulant came in.
"I want to know what business you had in my space." He said. "You dare to enter without my permission."
"Look man." Lister said, keeping an eye on Scott, who in turn was watching the simulant. "We didn't know, OK? And we're really sorry for, uh, invading your personal space." He winced at the pun.
The simulant looked at him for a moment. Then he gave a short sharp whistle and somebody else entered the bay. It was a mechanoid. It wasn't like Kryten; it was much newer looking and had a dark helmet that obscured its face completely.
"Very well." The simulant said. "So you want to play it the fun way, do you.?"
He signalled to the mechanoid that was not like Kryten with a jerk of the head. The mechanoid went to Scott and tore open his shirt. The he produced a normal DIY nail gun and held it to Scott's stomach. Scott looked at Lister, eyes wide.
"Now." The simulant said to Lister. "What were you doing in my space?"
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Jeff sat behind his desk waiting nervously for any news. Kyrano offered him coffee but he refused.
This was the strangest IR mission to date and it couldn't even be described as an IR mission. A strange craft had appeared from the sky and crash-landed near the island. Its crew had come (albeit invited) into the house. Then some stranger craft had appeared from the sky and beamed the first strange craft aboard with one of it's crew and his son still aboard.
John hadn't been in contact for about twenty minutes.
Nevertheless, Jeff had faith in his boys and he was sure that they wouldn't get hurt.
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The mechanoid that was not like Kryten fired the nail gun into Scott's stomach. He didn't react immediately, because at first he was not sure what had just happened to him. But then he the pain hit him and it took his breath away and made his stomach muscles convulse. He broke into a cold sweat, and his head slumped forward. But the simulant grabbed hold of his hair and yanked his head up. Then, he pulled the nail (which was about six inches long) out of Scott's gut, which made Scott gag, and reloaded it into the nail gun. Scott looked at Lister, he was grey, and his eyes were dull.
"Stop it." Lister said, dully.
"Are you going to tell us what we want to know?" The simulant asked.
"I don't even know what you want to know." Lister whined.
This time, the mechanoid that was not like Kryten fired the nail gun at Scott without ceremony. This time Scott cried out (or at least he tried to with the tape over his mouth), and Lister screamed and shouted at the simulant that he couldn't tell him what he wanted to know.
Scott tried to focus his eyes on Lister but he couldn't. Everything was blurry and no matter how hard he tried, he could not clear his vision.
He wasn't sure how much more of this torture he could take. He had lost count of the amount of times the mechanoid that was not like Kryten had shot him. He felt like he could throw up at any time, but if he did, he feared his insides would fall out.
He couldn't feel the nails anymore. He just felt shivery, as though he had a fever.
A few minutes later, however, Lister was coming to after being knocked out. The mechanoid and the simulant were gone, and he was untied.
He rushed over to Scott, who had also been untied and was lying in a heap on the floor and rolled him over. His eyes had rolled up into his head and his breathing was quick and shallow.
Lister got hold of his wrist, which was cold and clammy, and found his watch.
"Hello?" Lister called. "Can anyone hear me?" Anyone. please.
"Lister?" It was Virgil. "Is everything OK?"
"No, man." Lister replied. "Everything is not OK. Scott's been hurt, we need help, quick."
"Will be with you in a few hours."
Lister looked at Scott. He was white as snow, and now his was twitching.
"I don't think he has a few hours."
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The Cat landed Star-Bug a few hundred feet away from the simulants ship. Kryten and Virgil climbed out and headed towards the other ship. It didn't take them long to find Scott and Lister with hand-held scanner for detecting life forms.
Lister saw them to, and waved to them. Kryten rushed over, followed by Virgil. He quickly glided a mediscan over Lister and he was OK apart from a slight dizziness from the simulants weapon.
But it was Scott who was the most cause for concern. Virgil went to him and leant over him.
"Scott?" He said, in a small voice. "We're going to get you back to Red Dwarf, then we'll get you fixed up. OK?"
Scott opened his eyes and looked at him.
"F...F..FAB." He breathed, and then he passed out.
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Scott lay in the medibay bed. Kryten and the skutters had fixed him up as best they could and given him a strong painkiller. He had been shot a total of eleven times by the nail gun. And the mechanoid that was not like Kryten had known where to aim so that he wouldn't kill him; what fun would that have been?
Kryten was just leaving the medibay to let the others know how he was when Virgil came in.
"How is he?" Virgil asked.
"He'll be OK, sir." Kryten answered. "I've given him some painkillers and now he just has to rest."
Virgil thanked Kryten and went to see Scott.
"He's going to pay for this." He told Scott. "You'll see. He's not getting away with this."
Scott slowly opened his eyes and looked his brother.
"He already has." He said. "He's long gone."
Virgil's eyes glided over the blood stained bandages around Scott's stomach.
"Then we'll go after him. Track him down."
"No, Virg." Scott said. "I just want to go home. OK?"
Virgil was about to argue back when he realised Scott was right. They should go home. They had rescued Scott and Lister; Mission accomplished.
Virgil took hold of Scott's hand and meshed their fingers together.
"I'll go tell them."
Vigil left the medibay and went to find the others.
"How is he?" Rimmer asked.
"He's OK." Virgil replied. "Considering."
"So we can go home now, right?" The Cat asked.
"Yes, sir." Kryten said. "Plot a course for Earth, Holly."
And Red Dwarf began her two-week process of turning around.