You know, I felt light. Floating, really.
I was floating. Fumes and smoke closed around me and I thought I was going to choke, but I didn't. I couldn't smell or feel a single thing. Nothing but me drifting like a lost plank in the air. How ironic. Shouldn't I be drifting in the sea?
I digress. Everything that was happening around me was no joke. In fact, I was dead. I was sure of it. Quite frankly, being dead wasn't as terrifiyng as I used to think. It was a burden lifted off of you as you escaped reality and the horrors you lived in. Down below the foggy air were people being carried away in stretchers. Bodies were scattered everywhere. Authorities and lifesavers were taking charge. Other than them, there were no signs of survivors. A lump rose in my throat. This was my home.
And then I saw Liesel. I heard her calling out my name. I almost reached out to her when I realized she couldn't hear me. Do you know how it feels like to see the girl you love practically sob her guts and heart out?
That's what Liesel was doing. Kneeling over my dead body, fist grabbing my shirt like it was the last thing she'd ever hang on to. "Wake up Rudy." She kept saying, "Rudy please, wake up."
This time, another bigger lump formed in my throat. My vision blurred. I wanted to go to her, hug her, tell her it's okay. But it wasn't. And it hurt seeing her cry like that. It hurt because I couldn't be there with her. It hurt because nobody could be there with her.
"Come on Rudy, come on, Jesse Owens, don't you know I love you, wake up...God, Rudy." The next thing I knew, Liesel was kissing me. My dead body. That's when I fell apart and started crying. I felt like a baby, trying to take breaths in between. I gasped again and again, unable to control the sounds of sorrow escaping me. I sounded mad. How I'll never get to live again. How I'll never get to tell Liesel I loved her. How I'll have to always imagine what that kiss would feel like on those ashened, cold lips.
"G-Get o-off m-me, y-you sau-m-mensch. O-Off me." I sobbed, speaking to Liesel though she could not hear me, "S-Stop crying over m-me. I c-can't stand i-it. Get o-over me, c-come on." She was my best friend. I was her best friend. The best of the best. What if my death would haunt her every day for the rest of her life?
I saw Liesel finally walking away, her footsteps dragging along the rocky ground through the smoke. I didn't want to see her go, but I had to. If only she could see me now, one last time.
Do hearts ache?
Because mine did.
That saumensch.