(A/N: Hi, everyone! This is my first story for this fandom and first time writing a story after a tragic event that happen in my life. I hope you enjoy it because I am not too confident about it. I am sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Anyways, enjoy.)
All the characters belong to Ishida Sui and Studio Pierrot. The song, "Order made", belongs to RADWIMPS.
When Kaneki woke up from his unconsciousness and finally came to his senses, he realized that something was off as he found himself in a white room. He was alone and in his head, he could hear the faint sounds of footsteps in the snow followed by the clinking sounds of a weapon being withdrawn from its holster. The white haired half-ghoul honestly found it quite strange that those sounds were awfully familiar to him. He found it even stranger that in a way, those sounds comforted him from his loneliness that he happened to be in, letting him know that he will be alright and he had done nothing wrong.
Then, Kaneki made a face because it just did not sit well with him. His situation of him being in this room with sounds replaying over and over again in his head, the fact that it was telling him that he done nothing wrong when it was cleared as day that he did. Because if he truly was innocent, he would not be in position; alone and in pain, but oddly comfortable. Kaneki allowed his mind to wonder. Probably, he thought, sometime in his life, he hurt someone and that person did not forgive him so he end up here. In the back of his mind, he could have sworn, he saw blond hair. Probably, the person he hurt was a blond. Kaneki wished that he could apologize to that person and make things right. But sadly, he could not so he would accept his fate and atone for his sins and repent. So maybe then, the blond would forgive him.
Just as he was going to accept his fate, an immaculate figure shrouded by an earthly glow appeared before him. Its hands resting on both his cheeks, lifting his face up so it can get Kaneki's attention. Once the figure got Kaneki's attention, it smiled a winning smile and sat down next to him. Kaneki stuttered a bit, searching for words to say to the figure before him, he wanted to know who that figure was, but the words were unreachable to him just like everything else. After a while, the figure placed a finger over his lips to silence him and spoke.
"I will make it so you can see either the past or the future, so which do you want?"
Kaneki was taken back by the figure's response, but soon relaxed and began to think. He weighed down his options. If he were to see the future, he would be able to know if the blond would ever forgive him and he could move on. That would be beneficial only if the blond forgive him, but that seemed unlikely. Then, he thought about if he were able to see the past. If he were to see the past, he could understand the person he was before, who the blond was to him and how important the blond was to him, and how everything eventually went wrong. Then, he would be able to give a sincere apology and cherished the life he had before with the blonde.
"I want to see the past." Kaneki declared.
The blond was his childhood friend and was his only hope in the world. They have been together by each other side until an accident happened, and Kaneki shut him out of his life for his own selfish agendas. Kaneki cringed at the memories. He promised next time, he would be a kinder person. A kinder person who did not take weight of world on their shoulders and believed that they should be the only one being hurt when they were hurting everybody else without even realizing it. Just a kind person who loves and would be loved in return. Kaneki wanted to be a kinder person to the blond.
The figure nodded its head before speaking again. "Arms, legs, mouths, ears, eyes, hearts, breasts, and the hole in your nose, I'll give you two of each, so isn't that great?" The figure clasped his hands together, titled his head to side, and smiled.
"Yes..." He paused, weighing downs all the options in front of him before speaking once more. "I'm fine with just one mouth!" So that I don't fight with myself. He thought , keeping that explanation to himself because sometime in the past, there were two people living inside of him and the both of them were fighting to keep control. He did not want another repeat of that with the new life he was making now.
So that I can only kiss one person. He mumbled quietly to himself, tracing his lips in a circular movement. His lips tingled as he remembered he kissed the blond on the forehead as he carried the blond through the snow. Kaneki frowned. For whatever reason, he could not see the blond's face only his blond hair. Maybe the blond would never forgive him.
Sensing the sad vibe resonating from Kaneki, the figure continued. "The heart, which is most important. I'll put one in each side of your chest, so isn't that great."
Kaneki shook his head. "I'm sorry, but as for me, I don't need the heart on my right side." He looked up at the figure who was now wearing a displeased face. "Sorry for always saying selfish things." He truly was sorry, but he only need one heart so when he meet the blond, he would hold the blond so tight as if the blond would disappear if he were to let go and tell the blond that he was truly sorry. There, the sounds of both of their heart's beats would resonated at the same time. Then, he would not feel so empty inside because he would always someone that he can share half of himself with and not feel so lonely. Because in the past, he was lonely, and he figured the blond was lonely as well. After all, rabbits did die when they get lonely.
The figure cleared his throat. "By the way, there's just one more thing. Should I add "tears" as an option? Even without it, there is no impediment, but some people don't add it because it's a pain. What will you do?"
"I want them" He said without a given thought. So, then when he meets the blond, he could rip off that stoic mask that he always wore and cry in front of the blond because he really did mess up and he missed him so much. Then, he would ingrained it in his head that Hide was important to him because he was too strong, too selfish to realized that before.
Hide? Ah yes! The blond's name was Hide. Hide was his childhood friend. The most important person in his life.
The figure spoke once again, snapping Kaneki's out of his reverie. "So, by the way, as for the flavor of the tears choose a flavor you like. They're sour, salty, hot, sweet, choose anyone you like. Which one do you want?"
Kaneki ended up choosing all flavors because he figured that in his new life, he would need a certain kind of tears to fit each situations that life would throw at him.
The figure stood up, straightening its shirt before helping Kaneki to his feet. The figure held on to both of Kaneki's shoulders. "Has everything been granted the way you hoped? So show me your face that is always crying. Well, show me proudly!"
Once the figure said that, Kaneki broke down in tears right in front of it, and Kaneki did not care at all because it felt so good. It felt as though a load was taken off his shoulders and he could finally breathe again. Once, he calmed down, wiping away his tears, Kaneki looked up at the figure once more to only be surprise that figure now had a face with blond hair and honey brown eyes. A smiles appeared on Kaneki's face before he opened his mouth to speak. "Thank you so very much. Sorry to have troubled you with so much. May I ask just one thing?"
The figured closed its eyes and nodded.
"Have we met somewhere before?"