Silent Hill 2: Restless Parody.
Me: Hello, I'm Orpheum. You may of heard of me from such parodies as: Soul Reaver: Enter the Block Puzzles, Soul Reaver 2: Return of the parody, Little Red ridding Kain, The Blue Vampire Café and Karaoke Club and Blood Omen 2: My way. If not, you should check out the Legacy of Kain category and see my parodies, anyway, I'm a fan of the Silent Hill series, even though I've only played SH2, but I have seen the 'Leave' and 'Rebirth' Endings. I have decided to do a parody, seeing as how there's a lack of them here. *Eyes all of you suspiciously* Anyway, I will do each ending, but in their own chapter depending on what Mary/Maria James sees at the end, also I will skip all of the boring objectives that trigger the endings, just to make easier on writing this. Well seeing as how I have pretty much covered the introduction; here's my parody! *Fan-fare and sparklers go off*
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Chapter one: James comes to Silent, oh dear god save us!
*Screen goes black and that weird noise is not played, but a low sound of some one farting does play*
(We see James Sunderland looking into the mirror feeling his face, then picks his nose for a second, farts, picks ear, then he talks to himself.)
James: Mary.. Could you really be here in this town? After all, your dead and I saw you get buried, oh well.
(He skips merrily out of the bathroom; his car is parked on a 'Handicapped' space crookedly.)
James: TRALALALALA!
(Trips over a rock.)
James: X_X Ouchies!
(He picks himself up and walks to the edge of the lookout.)
Mary's voice over of Letter: In my Drugged-up dreams, I see that town. Silent Hill. You promised me you'd take me here someday so we could get some of that 'White Claudia', But you never did. Well I'm alone there now.without my drugs V__V.. In our 'special place'.. Waiting for you, and more drugs! ^__^.
James: Man, I think that weed's not completely out of my system yet.
(He then walks a bit and then says to himself.)
James: I got a letter. The name on the envelope said 'Mary.' My wife's name. It's ridiculous, couldn't possibly be true. That's what I keep telling myself. A dead person can't write a letter, can they?.. I killed he- I mean Mary died of that damn disease three years ago. So then why am I looking for her? Our 'special place' what the flying hell could she be talking about? This whole town was our special place. Does she mean the places where we -
Me: Hey, let's try to keep this PG, ok?
James: -Uh I mean, does she mean the park on the lake? We spend the whole day there getting stoned. Just the two of us, and Richard Nixon, staring at the water at the talking fishies. Could Mary really be there? Is she really alive. waiting for me?
(He then is about to walk into the woods.)
James: Opps almost forgot the map!
(He runs back to his car and gets his map, and forgets about the 9mm. in his glove compartment. He then makes his towards the woods when an eairy noise comes from it.)
James: O.O RUN AWAY!
(He runs like mad towards his car but I appear and stop him.)
Orpheum (Me): Get in there you wussy!
James: I don't wanna, it's scary and icky! D
Orpheum: Get in there or.
(I pull out a sword handle, upon which a huge blade grows out of, from a small slot on my belt.)
Orpheum: .You'll have to answer to Mr. Slicey. ^_^
James: O.o Epp..
(I disappear and James soon heads down the steps and enters the woods, as he walks, he can't help but feel like there are 'things' lurking in the woods around the trail.)
James: Either I'm still hallucinating or there are 'things' in those woods.
Possible monster in woods #1: Crap, I think he sees us!
Possible monster in woods #2: Get down!
James: Oh well.
(He walks on, he soon comes across a well and peers in at the mysterious red 'thing'/paper/save point object.)
James: Huh? It's like someone's trying to peer into my mind or something; I am so still wasted.
(Unbeknownst to him, the game is saved and he continues into the cemetery, there he sees Angela kneeling to a grave. He sees her butt and looks at it until he steps on a twig.)
Angela: AHH!
James: Opps, I'm sorry. Excuse I.
Angela: *Gasps, stands up* I, I'm sorry. I, I. I was just.
James: Hey, shut-up, it's ok. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm kind of lost.
Angela: *In that retarded way* L-O-S-T?
James: Are you retarded?
Angela: No, it's just the way the BI*** that plays me acts.
James: Oh. Well, Yeah. I'm looking for Silent Hill. Is that the right way?
Angela: No that's the Band camp.
(She and James look to see a Band camp across the lake.)
James: Oh, I thought that was Clown camp?
Angela: No that's Clown camp!
(She points to a camp just a ways near the Band camp.)
Angela: That way is Silent Hill.
(She points behind her.)
Angela: It's hard to see with this fog, but there's only one road. You can't miss it.
James: Thanks.
(He's about to head on.)
Angela: But.
James: Yes?
Angela: I think you'd better stay away. This uh. this town. there's something. 'wrong' with it. It's kind of hard to explain, but.
James: I know there's some Jehovah's witnesses but I'll stay clear of them.
Angela: No that's not what's exactly wrong with it.
James: It is dangerous? Is it something like the Teletubbies?
Angela: Maybe. and it's not just the fog either. it's.
James: Okay. I got it. I'll be careful.
Angela: I'm not lying idiot.
James: No I believe you. It's just. I guess I really don't care if it's dangerous or not. I'm going to town anyway either way.
Angela: But why?
James: I'm looking for. Someone.
Angela: Who, who, who is it?
James: Someone. very important to me. I'd do anything if I could to be with her again, even bring a bucket of drugs.
Angela: Me too. I'm looking for my mama. I mean my mother. It's been so long since I've seen her. I thought my jackass father and brother were here, but I can't find them either, I guess their at a bar but I don't know which. I'm sorry. it's not your problem.
James: No, I. I hope you find them, maybe they're out on the street past out.
Angela: Yeah, you too.
(James then leaves and heads on to the path into the town. He continues to have that feeling something lurking in the fog. He soon gets to that gate on road and then makes his way into the streets, he sees the streaks of blood on the intersection.)
James: O.o Holy crap, is that blood!?
(He then spots a shadowy figure moving down the foggy street.)
James: That shadow just now. Hey I can't hear myself I'M DEAF! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Orpheum: Oh shut up you idiot, you're just speaking in that weird game talk where you make no voice!
James: Oh.
(He then follows the marks of blood and soon exits town, he makes his way to a boarded up underpass, he finds a radio lying outside of it.)
James: Huh, Radio, what's wrong with the radio?
(Suddenly Harry Mason from the original Silent Hill appears.)
Harry: That's my line jackass!
(Kicks James in nuts and then vanishes.)
James: X__X Ouch.
(He then hears static from the radio and peers into the closed off underpass. He climbs in to get a better look and sees a figure hunch over near a corpse; it suddenly gets up and turns around.)
James: Omigod it's.JIM CARRY!
(Yes, Jim Carry is the mysterious figure; he is even acting exactly like patient monsters.)
Jim Carry: *makes the same noises and convulsions*
James: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(Attacks Jim with the stick with a nail through it until he's dead. He then examines the body.)
James: Is it dead? What the hell is this thing. it's not human.
(James then climbs out of the closing and suddenly pulls out the radio, which is emitting a weird transmission.)
James: What the hell? Is this thing broken?
Radio: Ja. Kain.. Die bitc. MONKEYS!. WAZZUP!.. Luke. I. yo. her. Chicken is yummy.
James: O.o What the hell.? I'd better take it anyway. I might need it.
(He heads back into town which is now infested with the patient monster. *A/N: I just used that joke in honor of someone's parody cause I thought that was a cleaver joke putting Jim Carry in.* He attacks them and then heads to the BlueCreek Apartment building, he tries the lock and can't open it.)
James: Ah, crap, now I have to search aimlessly through the town for a key. V_V
(He searches around and fights a few more monster, a couple of which scare the crap out of him *Literally* He soon gets the key and heads back to the apartment building.)
James: Maybe they'll have a pool, and maybe even waffles! I love waffles! ^__^
(He skips into the building, unknowing of what lurk within.)
Will James survive the horrors within? Yes, otherwise this would be a boring parody. Will he ever seem to get a clue about the evil? Don't count on it. Tune in next time for Chapter two: Pyramid Heads and Fat ugly guys.
************************************************************** *************************
Me: Well, how'd you'll like it? I promise it will get better in the long run.
Please review and I will give you a very sharp weapon and one- hour in a room with any monster from SH or SH2 that really bugged you. :)
See ya next time!
Me: Hello, I'm Orpheum. You may of heard of me from such parodies as: Soul Reaver: Enter the Block Puzzles, Soul Reaver 2: Return of the parody, Little Red ridding Kain, The Blue Vampire Café and Karaoke Club and Blood Omen 2: My way. If not, you should check out the Legacy of Kain category and see my parodies, anyway, I'm a fan of the Silent Hill series, even though I've only played SH2, but I have seen the 'Leave' and 'Rebirth' Endings. I have decided to do a parody, seeing as how there's a lack of them here. *Eyes all of you suspiciously* Anyway, I will do each ending, but in their own chapter depending on what Mary/Maria James sees at the end, also I will skip all of the boring objectives that trigger the endings, just to make easier on writing this. Well seeing as how I have pretty much covered the introduction; here's my parody! *Fan-fare and sparklers go off*
************************************************************** *************************
Chapter one: James comes to Silent, oh dear god save us!
*Screen goes black and that weird noise is not played, but a low sound of some one farting does play*
(We see James Sunderland looking into the mirror feeling his face, then picks his nose for a second, farts, picks ear, then he talks to himself.)
James: Mary.. Could you really be here in this town? After all, your dead and I saw you get buried, oh well.
(He skips merrily out of the bathroom; his car is parked on a 'Handicapped' space crookedly.)
James: TRALALALALA!
(Trips over a rock.)
James: X_X Ouchies!
(He picks himself up and walks to the edge of the lookout.)
Mary's voice over of Letter: In my Drugged-up dreams, I see that town. Silent Hill. You promised me you'd take me here someday so we could get some of that 'White Claudia', But you never did. Well I'm alone there now.without my drugs V__V.. In our 'special place'.. Waiting for you, and more drugs! ^__^.
James: Man, I think that weed's not completely out of my system yet.
(He then walks a bit and then says to himself.)
James: I got a letter. The name on the envelope said 'Mary.' My wife's name. It's ridiculous, couldn't possibly be true. That's what I keep telling myself. A dead person can't write a letter, can they?.. I killed he- I mean Mary died of that damn disease three years ago. So then why am I looking for her? Our 'special place' what the flying hell could she be talking about? This whole town was our special place. Does she mean the places where we -
Me: Hey, let's try to keep this PG, ok?
James: -Uh I mean, does she mean the park on the lake? We spend the whole day there getting stoned. Just the two of us, and Richard Nixon, staring at the water at the talking fishies. Could Mary really be there? Is she really alive. waiting for me?
(He then is about to walk into the woods.)
James: Opps almost forgot the map!
(He runs back to his car and gets his map, and forgets about the 9mm. in his glove compartment. He then makes his towards the woods when an eairy noise comes from it.)
James: O.O RUN AWAY!
(He runs like mad towards his car but I appear and stop him.)
Orpheum (Me): Get in there you wussy!
James: I don't wanna, it's scary and icky! D
Orpheum: Get in there or.
(I pull out a sword handle, upon which a huge blade grows out of, from a small slot on my belt.)
Orpheum: .You'll have to answer to Mr. Slicey. ^_^
James: O.o Epp..
(I disappear and James soon heads down the steps and enters the woods, as he walks, he can't help but feel like there are 'things' lurking in the woods around the trail.)
James: Either I'm still hallucinating or there are 'things' in those woods.
Possible monster in woods #1: Crap, I think he sees us!
Possible monster in woods #2: Get down!
James: Oh well.
(He walks on, he soon comes across a well and peers in at the mysterious red 'thing'/paper/save point object.)
James: Huh? It's like someone's trying to peer into my mind or something; I am so still wasted.
(Unbeknownst to him, the game is saved and he continues into the cemetery, there he sees Angela kneeling to a grave. He sees her butt and looks at it until he steps on a twig.)
Angela: AHH!
James: Opps, I'm sorry. Excuse I.
Angela: *Gasps, stands up* I, I'm sorry. I, I. I was just.
James: Hey, shut-up, it's ok. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm kind of lost.
Angela: *In that retarded way* L-O-S-T?
James: Are you retarded?
Angela: No, it's just the way the BI*** that plays me acts.
James: Oh. Well, Yeah. I'm looking for Silent Hill. Is that the right way?
Angela: No that's the Band camp.
(She and James look to see a Band camp across the lake.)
James: Oh, I thought that was Clown camp?
Angela: No that's Clown camp!
(She points to a camp just a ways near the Band camp.)
Angela: That way is Silent Hill.
(She points behind her.)
Angela: It's hard to see with this fog, but there's only one road. You can't miss it.
James: Thanks.
(He's about to head on.)
Angela: But.
James: Yes?
Angela: I think you'd better stay away. This uh. this town. there's something. 'wrong' with it. It's kind of hard to explain, but.
James: I know there's some Jehovah's witnesses but I'll stay clear of them.
Angela: No that's not what's exactly wrong with it.
James: It is dangerous? Is it something like the Teletubbies?
Angela: Maybe. and it's not just the fog either. it's.
James: Okay. I got it. I'll be careful.
Angela: I'm not lying idiot.
James: No I believe you. It's just. I guess I really don't care if it's dangerous or not. I'm going to town anyway either way.
Angela: But why?
James: I'm looking for. Someone.
Angela: Who, who, who is it?
James: Someone. very important to me. I'd do anything if I could to be with her again, even bring a bucket of drugs.
Angela: Me too. I'm looking for my mama. I mean my mother. It's been so long since I've seen her. I thought my jackass father and brother were here, but I can't find them either, I guess their at a bar but I don't know which. I'm sorry. it's not your problem.
James: No, I. I hope you find them, maybe they're out on the street past out.
Angela: Yeah, you too.
(James then leaves and heads on to the path into the town. He continues to have that feeling something lurking in the fog. He soon gets to that gate on road and then makes his way into the streets, he sees the streaks of blood on the intersection.)
James: O.o Holy crap, is that blood!?
(He then spots a shadowy figure moving down the foggy street.)
James: That shadow just now. Hey I can't hear myself I'M DEAF! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Orpheum: Oh shut up you idiot, you're just speaking in that weird game talk where you make no voice!
James: Oh.
(He then follows the marks of blood and soon exits town, he makes his way to a boarded up underpass, he finds a radio lying outside of it.)
James: Huh, Radio, what's wrong with the radio?
(Suddenly Harry Mason from the original Silent Hill appears.)
Harry: That's my line jackass!
(Kicks James in nuts and then vanishes.)
James: X__X Ouch.
(He then hears static from the radio and peers into the closed off underpass. He climbs in to get a better look and sees a figure hunch over near a corpse; it suddenly gets up and turns around.)
James: Omigod it's.JIM CARRY!
(Yes, Jim Carry is the mysterious figure; he is even acting exactly like patient monsters.)
Jim Carry: *makes the same noises and convulsions*
James: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(Attacks Jim with the stick with a nail through it until he's dead. He then examines the body.)
James: Is it dead? What the hell is this thing. it's not human.
(James then climbs out of the closing and suddenly pulls out the radio, which is emitting a weird transmission.)
James: What the hell? Is this thing broken?
Radio: Ja. Kain.. Die bitc. MONKEYS!. WAZZUP!.. Luke. I. yo. her. Chicken is yummy.
James: O.o What the hell.? I'd better take it anyway. I might need it.
(He heads back into town which is now infested with the patient monster. *A/N: I just used that joke in honor of someone's parody cause I thought that was a cleaver joke putting Jim Carry in.* He attacks them and then heads to the BlueCreek Apartment building, he tries the lock and can't open it.)
James: Ah, crap, now I have to search aimlessly through the town for a key. V_V
(He searches around and fights a few more monster, a couple of which scare the crap out of him *Literally* He soon gets the key and heads back to the apartment building.)
James: Maybe they'll have a pool, and maybe even waffles! I love waffles! ^__^
(He skips into the building, unknowing of what lurk within.)
Will James survive the horrors within? Yes, otherwise this would be a boring parody. Will he ever seem to get a clue about the evil? Don't count on it. Tune in next time for Chapter two: Pyramid Heads and Fat ugly guys.
************************************************************** *************************
Me: Well, how'd you'll like it? I promise it will get better in the long run.
Please review and I will give you a very sharp weapon and one- hour in a room with any monster from SH or SH2 that really bugged you. :)
See ya next time!