My hands gripped the existence of the sand , felt as though I received everything I was missing, Juan told me when I was younger I would know if I was truly this way , not because my mother would freely shout and yell it when she used to rob me of any money Teresa gave me, but because of this very moment..
Him. Kevin. His beautiful caramel skin glistening into the sky, I watched anxiously as he inhaled the weed between his lips, those black curly locks with a linen so crisp any normal female would lose all morals around him, he once bragged about how he use to fuck girls in the school back hallways , inside I use too cringe , but on the outside I smirked and nodded as a sign of manly respect or so I thought. "Chiron!" he slightly yelled I jumped from my daze too his deep husked voice "Yeah?" I answered "You wanna hit this blunt?" I didn't answer .. "Don't tell me you to good too hit this" he said .. "Not even" I grabbed the joint and inhaled .. "Do you ever cry Chiron" he asked .. Yes run thru my head but the only response that I could muster was no .. "Why you fronting like I'm a stranger Little" I shivered at my childhood nickname, "Don't call me that , do I look little too you?" compared too his build I was , I wondered what his medium melanin chest would look like .. Wait what am I thinking .. shaking my head from the thoughts that entered.. "Actually you do smart ass , you could use a little muscles right around here" he playful but softly responded and grabbed my arm , our eyes connected for what felt like an eternity he broke away .. "Not gonna lie I cry, especially at the sad things man, but only when im alone you know?"
"Yea I cry till there's nothing left at times especially with thoughts like mines" I explained ,with a life like mines crying or death seemed like the only option .. "What's wrong with your thoughts?" he asked .. I hesitated .. maybe it's the joint that has me feeling a little paranoid or afraid, whatever it was I wasn't going too be apart of it , he got the hint and continued. "I have thoughts too , some sad or happy, some that feels normal but others think isn't" I could feel his side eye on me .. did he have thoughts of the same nature I wondered, "Yeah me too.." I managed too get out .. "you do?" at this point his whole body was turned side ways towards me, I could feel his hand grip mines thru the sand , I didn't know how too react silent took over both of us, I could see a look of desire and want in his eyes , he slowly moved closer towards me I followed, our lips connected my body went against all the thoughts that raced thru, his soft brown lips felt like velvet against my dark ones, his hands glided down my chest too my pants button.. nerves whelmed up in the pit of my stomach, I needed too tell him not too continue but my innocent mind wandered and yearned to feel more, am I wrong for liking the way he kissed me or touched me .. or am I wrong for not stopping him, every thought ended once I felt his hand get ahold of my member .. he graciously stroked me until I released .. he rubbed his hand over the sandy brown sand either of us could talk or register what just occur .. we both smiled ..a wave of relieve and security.. I knew I was safe with him ..