Screaming at the Ocean
Quarter til ten. He had been in that town hall office now for nearly fourteen hours at that point. A lesser man would have cracked under that confinement, but not Gill. He had been used to working twelve hour days as of late, but that day was his longest day yet. Struggling to keep his eyes open, he forced himself to finish the rest of the building permit that Dale had filed. Even after that, he still had a small stack of work to finish. At least the next day was Sunday, his day off, but at the rate he was going, he'd probably be working for the next three hours. It was unpleasant, but it had to be done.
Fourteen minutes till ten. The minutes were dragging on as if they were hours. He needed to stand up. He had been sitting for the past four hours and he felt like his joints would lock in place if he didn't do something. Standing up, he stretched, hearing audible cracks from his joints. This job was already mentally draining, but it was getting to the point that it was physically draining as well.
A few strands of his silvery-blonde hair fell in front of his eyes and he swept it away. Even his hair was giving up on him now after the long day. He really needed to cut it, but he left it at a medium length at Luna's urging. It made him look "stylish" or something or another. That didn't even matter to him, so long as he was presentable, so he wondered why he listened to her on that. No, that was a lie. He clearly knew why he listened to everything she said.
There was a knock at the door that caused him to jump. "We're closed!" he shouted, clenching his fist as he yelled it. He was in no mood for after hours patrons, especially when he was almost on his fourteenth hour. That's where he drew the line.
"Dude, it's me!"
Kasey. Of course, the only person in Castanet who had the gall to refer to him as "dude". He hated that word and he had told Kasey that multiple times, but it was falling on deaf ears, apparently.
"Come in," he sighed, returning to the desk. He knew that Kasey wasn't going to leave, so he figured he'd might as well humor him until he got bored. Of course, the rancher had to show up when he was at his busiest.
Kasey barged in, letting a cold burst of air behind him. It was really cold outside, but the rancher didn't seem to mind. It was probably due to the thick black coat he was wearing, the blue scarf he had draped around his neck, and the wool hat that covered his messy, brown hair. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, but he was still grinning that big, stupid grin that might as well have been his trademark.
"Close the door," Gill groaned. He didn't know how somebody could be so unperceptive of the snow that was flying in.
"Sorry," Kasey said, shutting the door behind him. "You're still here?"
"Yes, I'm still here," Gill groaned, almost deflating. How am I supposed to answer that? It's obvious. "What are you doing here?"
"It's Saturday night. I always go to the bar on Saturday night," Kasey stated as if it were common knowledge. Gill actually knew that fact about Kasey, but that wasn't what he meant.
"No, I don't mean what are you doing in town. I mean why are you here. In my office. After hours."
The rancher shrugged. "Because you let me in?"
Now, Gill was starting to get annoyed. He wasn't sure if Kasey was joking around, intentionally trying to piss him off, or if he was being completely serious. Knowing how dumb Kasey could be, it was probably the last. Gill was already feeling drained, but then this pain in the neck had to come and make him worse.
"Kasey, why did you even knock?" Gill specified, shooting Kasey a serious glance.
"I wanted to see what you were doing here. It's almost ten, dude. Shouldn't you be at home or at least not here?"
"Don't call me that," Gill said for what seemed like the millionth time. "I have too much work. I'm going to be here for the next few hours, so if you don't mind-"
"Geeze, that's a lot of work," Kasey commented, stepping closer to look at the stack of papers. "How long have you been here? I came through town earlier and I know you were here, so-"
"That's none of your concern," Gill interrupted.
"Okay…" Kasey seemed to finally take a hint that Gill wanted to be left alone. Every once in awhile, Gill seemed to get through to him. "Do you want me to pick you something up at the bar? Food, drink, anything?"
Wow, that's actually nice of him, Gill thought, but he shook his head. "It would distract me. I have a lot to do, so if you don't mind…"
"Okay, I guess I'll see you around," Kasey said, sounding slightly dejected, turning around for the door.
Gill let out a silent sigh of relief as it looked like Kasey would finally be out of his hair, but right before he touched the handle, Kasey froze in place before spinning around and heading for where Gill was sitting.
"You know what? No. You're coming with me."
"What?" Gill sputtered. "No, I told you-"
"Gill, do you really want to die, having spent half of your life in this office? No, you don't. We both know it. So, you're either coming with me…" Kasey stepp forward, pushing his coat sleeves up, "by choice or by force."
"By force?" Gill asked, incredulous. Kasey wouldn't hurt a fly, so was that supposed to be a threat? "How do you expect to make me go drinking with-"
"Like this." Without warning, Kasey rushed forward picked Gill up over his left shoulder, and grabbed the man's coat with his free hand. It was a simple reminder to Gill how light he was that he could be plucked up so easily by somebody like Kasey who wasn't that much bigger than he was.
"Kasey, what are you doing?" Gill shouted, trying to squirm free but to no avail. "You can't just-"
"Yes I can!" Kasey chuckled. "Come on dude! The bar awaits!"
"This- this is kidnapping!" Gill shouted, pounding his fists against Kasey's back inflicting no damage whatsoever.
"Bullshit, nobody gets kidnapped and offered free booze. This is fun! And as the Goddess as my witness, you're going to have fun!" Kasey announced to the world as he opened the door.
By then, Gill stopped struggling. There was no fighting Kasey at that point. Another crazy night with Kasey, he thought, although he would find out that there would be substance to compliment all of the flash.
Gill rarely went to the bar. He seldom drank, but even when he did, he did not care for the smells, the sounds, or the drunkenness that were so often present at bars. Sure enough, the place was packed that night and all of those things were present. The holidays were over, but even in January, one couldn't tell, with all the merriment.
There was one pleasant thing that caught his eye: the exotic young woman with the long, red hair, who danced on the small stage at the far corner of the bar. Ashamed as he was to admit it to himself, Gill found Selena very attractive... the fact that he found her attractive wasn't what he was ashamed of as much as it was on a purely carnal level. As a leader in town, he knew that he had to put himself above such thoughts. But he supposed that that was part of the appeal as, the bar had been far more profitable since she started dancing there. She herself seemed nice, albeit a little bit cold. But he realized that he was staring when Kasey caught his attention.
"Something on your mind?" he asked with a chuckle, raising his left eyebrow.
"Nothing, I-" He stuttered, realizing that he'd been caught. "I just-"
"Relax, it's not a big deal," Kasey continued. "We've all thought the same thing at some point," he said in reference to the dancer.
You truly are an animal, Gill thought to himself at that comment. Just then, Kathy came by with their drinks.
"Alright, long island for you," she said, handing Kasey a glass of something that smelled very strong from where Gill was sitting. "And for you, a glass of the good merlot. It was a good year for this one, so you should like it."
"Thank you, Kathy," Gill said to the blonde-haired girl, showing a small smile. She was pretty like Selena, though not in that foreign way that interested him. So he focused on his drink. Whenever he did partake, it was usually wine. In his travels, he enjoyed tasting wine from other countries, and it turned him into what Luna referred to as a "wine snob". Aside from his books, a glass of fine wine was one of the few pleasures he allowed himself.
"And your shots," she continued, passing each of them a shot glass, filled with a transparent liquid that burned his nostrils by just being near them.
"Wait, what?"Gill asked in confusion. Another unpleasant surprise.
"Enjoy! Oh, and good seeing you, Gill!"
As the bartender left their side, Gill looked over at Kasey and scowled. "Shots? When did you order shots?"
"While you were off having your wet dream," Kasey laughed. "Don't worry, it's on me. All of the drinks are."
How vulgar. But his thoughts shifted back to the alcohol. "Kasey, I don't need your charity," Gill answered. He knew that was a bit rude and that he should have at least said "thanks", but Kasey didn't seem to care. "I don't drink shots. It's unseemly. Do you know what people would say if they saw me drink one of these?"
"Dude, nobody cares," Kasey said, gesturing to the crowd of people who sat near them at the bar and around the tables behind them. Sure enough, nobody paid them any mind. "It's just one shot. It won't kill you."
He looked at the glass and then glared back at Kasey one last time before looking to the glass again. When in Rome, he thought to himself. The way he saw it, it would be rude not to drink the shot, so he held it up.
"To alcohol," Kasey announced jubilantly before downing his shot.
Gill followed in suit and suddenly wished he had been rude after all. The liquid burned his mouth, nose, throat, eyes and everything in between. How could people engage in such activities? His eyes watered and his body was screaming at him to reject the liquid he just downed, but he kept it in. He needed water to wash the awful taste out, but with no water in sight and Kathy being on the other end of the bar, he took his wine glass and downed a much larger gulp than etiquette would allow.
"I'm not even gonna ask you what that drink was," Gill said sourly. He was already feeling his head buzzing from the shot and it would get worse with wine. He hadn't been buzzed in years and he was a light weight, so this was going to be a long night. "I don't know why I let you talk me into this. I have to finish that paperwork by-"
"By Monday," Kasey cut in. "You have Sundays off, remember? Just sleep in tomorrow and finish your work later. It's not a big deal."
Putting his work off even further? It wasn't that he couldn't, but that wasn't how he functioned. "And what about you? You have to work tomorrow. Farmers can't take days off!"
"No, check it out," Kasey began, taking another long drink of his poison. "See, Molly and I, we got it all worked out. A system, if you will. She drinks her ass off on Friday nights, sleeps in Saturday while she nurses her hangover, and then helps me in the afternoon onward. I drink Saturday nights, sleep in, and then do the same on Sunday. You ever wonder why you never see us drinking at the same time?"
That's not true, I know I have. But at least Kasey had some sort of method to his madness. More than Gill would have given him credit for, at least. But that didn't make him any less wary of being around Kasey, although he often had no choice in the matter.
Gill's relationship with Kasey was... complicated. Yes, that was the right word to describe it. The Gilmore twins were a wild pair, but since Molly openly regarded Gill as a nerd, he had only really gotten to know her brother. There were a few nice things that he could say about the young rancher. For one, Kasey was genuinely friendly and generous with everybody, even with those whom he found less pleasant. In addition to being charming, he was viewed as a hero of the town after ringing the bells and saving Castanet. Throughout the process of saving the town, the only person he shared that experience with was Molly and himself. Gill couldn't help but be flattered that Kasey sought him out for advice when he needed it. And of course, he was successful at running Piccolo Ranch with his sister and Gill struggled to understand that. How could a pair of college dropouts with no farming or ranching experience get a successful farm running and filling the gap in the town's economy within the span of a year? It was as if he had a fairy whispering all the right answers into his ears or something.
Despite all the nice things he could say about Kasey, the man had flaws as well. The vulgarity and bluntness for one. He was a lot like Luna, except with a far fouler mouth. He was also pushy and never took "no" for an answer when he had his mind set on something (such as kidnapping a man and dragging him to get drunk), which was why Gill found that he could only stand Kasey's presence for so long before feeling irritated, and it only made things harder with how dumb Kasey could be at times. Despite being socially adept and some sort of farming savant, Kasey had a tendency to plan poorly and make boneheaded mistakes, often more than once. On top of that, he and his sister had developed quite the reputation. Both were party animals, and Kasey had a few rumors floating around about him being a womanizer. Judging by what Kasey had told him in earnest, Gill assumed that only half of the rumors were true, but half was still a lot.
Then, there was the more personal demon that Gill had to suffer through, involving Luna, his best friend. Gill and Luna had bickered for years, but they were close because of it. She was blunt and sometimes rude, but she had a good heart and she was a fierce defender of anybody she cared about. Of course, her personality matched with Kasey's so well that while they fought like cats and dogs, they became fast friends. Then, one day in July, Kasey asked Gill if he had any interest in Luna as "more than friends". Gill told him no, so Kasey asked her to the Firefly Festival. Soon after that, they were dating, and that really bothered Gill. It wasn't because of Kasey's reputation as a womanizer that bothered him. Regardless of how the rancher may have acted in the past, he practically worshiped the ground that Luna walked on. What bothered Gill was that it wasn't until after he couldn't have Luna that he realized he wanted her. But would could he do? He pretty much told Kasey that he wasn't interested in her like that and if he were to say anything now, he'd risk losing both of his friends.
Yes, friends. Despite how often Kasey got on his last nerve, he was one of the closest things Gill had to a friend. Kasey seemed to take an active interest in Gill's life. He came by nearly everyday, sometimes dropping off produce from the farm, but mostly just to talk. While Gill remained quiet about his personal life, Kasey confided in him with his own secrets. Why Kasey liked him so much when they were such opposites was beyond him. He had other friends who were more like him, so why did he spend so much time around him? And did he even realize how exhausting it was to be around him sometimes?
"So... Luna couldn't come out tonight?" Gill asked, trying to continue the conversation.
"Didn't she tell you?" Kasey asked She's not feeling well."
"No, she didn't. I haven't seen her in a week." That was actually strange. He usually spent a reasonable amount of time with his friend, but he hadn't had much time in recent memory.
"Why?" Kasey asked.
"Busy. I've been busy. Let's leave it at that." Another sip of his wine and he felt the alcohol slowly building in his system. He'd have to be careful not to say something he shouldn't.
"Is that why you weren't at my Christmas party?" Kasey questioned.
Oh, I was hoping he wouldn't bring that up. He didn't even RSVP, which wasn't right in itself. At the very least, he should have told Kasey no. But along with his increasing workload, he simply didn't want to go. At least the parties in town had some semblance of control, but a party with the Gilmore twins would probably be beyond the regular amounts of debauchery. Even if in the back of his mind, that sounded like it could have been fun, he had an image to maintain.
"Or the New Year's party?" Kasey asked, not waiting for an answer.
"I attended that one," Gill answered.
"Gill," Kasey said, crossing his arms and frowning, |showing up five minutes before midnight and leaving five minutes after does not actually count as showing up."
"I had work to attend to," Gill answered simply. He was hoping that would end the line of questioning, but he hoped for too much.
"Work? On New Years Eve? Your office wasn't even open that-"
"Kasey, just because the office isn't open doesn't mean I don't have work," Gill said. "What point are you even trying to make?"
"Look, Gill, I know your job is important, but it's like you're always working now. I've noticed it, Luna's noticed it, and I'm sure the whole town has noticed it."
"It's a full-time job, Kasey." Of course, full-time didn't mean all the time, and Kasey knew that.
"And it's like you're always working double," the rancher shot back. "What's up with that?"
"I... We've just been very busy lately."
"No, you got it right the first time. You've been busy."
In his slightly alcoholic daze, that perked Gill up. "Wait, what do you mean?"
"I'm not stupid, Gill. I notice things. I notice that you never have any free time anymore. I've noticed that I haven't seen your father in the office for a month. And I've noticed that while you couldn't make the New Years Eve festival, your father was there the whole time. So, what's going on? Is the Mayor no longer working or-"
"Shut up!" Gill hissed. He was thankful that nobody in the bar was paying attention, save Hayden, who looked up at them for a moment before turning back down to continue polishing a glass. Meanwhile, the mayor's son was trying to recollect himself. He wasn't giving Kasey enough credit; the man seemed to have pieced the basics together.
"So, I'm right?" Kasey asked, softer this time. "Does anybody else know about this?"
"Dr. Jin knows- No, what am I doing? You need to mind your own business." He tried using his authoritative voice, but Kasey was immune to the tone.
"Gill, you looked exhausted, even before we started drinking. You're clearly overwhelmed. Maybe I can help?"
"I promise you, there is nothing that you can do for me," Gill assured. He began to put his jacket back on as he turned around on his stool. "We're finished with this conversation. Thank you for the drinks, but I-"
"You're right, maybe I can't help, but what do you have to lose?" Kasey asked, shrugging his shoulder and holding his hands out. "You know I won't tell anybody and at the very least, you'll feel better about telling somebody. Wouldn't that be worth it? Keeping all that shit bottled up inside must suck and it might even be hurting you at work, and I know how much you wouldn't like that. So...?"
For some reason, that stopped Gill. As he froze right before standing up, he thought about what Kasey said. He did trust Kasey to keep his secrets, as the little secrets he had let Kasey in on in the past. Trust wasn't as much of an issue as letting Kasey have access to that information. If he told Kasey his problems, Kasey would in all likelihood become a part of the problem if the rancher decided to continually stick his nose in his business. However, maybe it was the alcohol talking, but letting out all those discouraging thoughts and feelings sounded like an opportunity that he desperately needed.
"You know that what I tell you-"
"Stays between us. I get it," Kasey nodded.
"Alright…" Gill inhaled deeply. "You're right about me working extra to pick up the slack. Father isn't… Father isn't well."
Kasey blinked. "Not well? You mean like he's got a fever or-"
"It's worse than that," he answered. "He made the New Year Festival to keep up appearances, but his heart is… I could bore you with medical terminology, but I'll save you the trouble: it's not good. Honestly, he brought all of this on himself. His diet has been awful for years, despite the doctor's urging for him to change it, he's terrible at keeping up with his medication, and his drinking has been getting steadily worse. Whenever he is in the office, he tires easily and he makes avoidable mistakes…" He paused, looking down at his wine glass. "You ever wonder why I don't normally drink? This is why. I can't end up like him. I have to stay focused."
"Wow… that's rough," Kasey said slowly, at a loss for words. "But it's not fair to you that you have to cover his work and yours. Why don't you get an assistant or something?"
"Hire a full-time assistant? Even a part-time assistant? Father says no. He wants to keep the ailments a secret, and honestly, I agree with him on this. If I hired an assistant, word would get out that something's wrong, and that's the last thing we need right now. He's been mayor for thirty years now and while his foresight leaves a lot to be desired, he's managed to keep this town steady. We're just now recovering from an economic crisis, ever since you rang the bells, but everything is still so fragile. If word were to get out that the mayor is- No, this town needs me to bear this alone. I have to stay strong for them."
"You're never alone," Kasey reminded him, putting a strong hand on his shoulder. "You have Luna and you have me. And this town believes in you."
"I'm just so tired, Kasey." Gill pounded his free fist on the counter as he downed a huge gulp of wine. "It's all so difficult. My whole life has been me preparing for this. Preparing to lead this town. Even when I was studying abroad… I went to Paris, you know. Such a beautiful city. Such beautiful women. But I was too busy. Too absorbed in…" He shook his head, his eyes beginning to water. "They wouldn't have noticed me anyway. But I didn't even try. I didn't even try to enjoy my time because I couldn't see past Castanet." He down the rest of his wine and slammed the glass against the counter so hard that the bottom shattered. "My entire life is a damn lie."
"Hey, hey now, that's just the booze talking. You're not thinking straight," Kasey urged, patting him on the shoulder while sweeping the shattered glass away with his flannel-sleeved arm. "Come on, let me get you home."
"No, Kasey, I want to stay here. I think I know what my father does all this. You devote your life to some middle-of-nowhere town and what does that get you? You find that you wasted everything."
"Okay Gill, come on. You-"
"Kasey," Gill said in almost a shout as he grabbed his shirt and stared get out while you still can! While you're still young,"
"Um, I'm older than you, so-"
"I need another drink. Kathy!"
"Okay, no you don't. Come on." Kasey stood up and forced Gill off of his stool and onto his feet.
"Wait, no, I want to drink. What are we-"
"God, you're a lightweight," Kasey groaned as he slammed a wad of bills on the counter. more than enough to cover the drinks, tip, and the broken glass. "We're going to the beach."
"The beach?" Gill asked, trying to hold his head up straight. "It's really cold!"
"Exactly. Maybe it'll wake you up. Come on!" Before Gill could protest anymore, Kasey pulled him out of the bar. "Trust me, you'll thank me later for this later."
It was even colder than earlier outside. Snow was still falling, and now, a salty wind was blowing in his face. They stood at the beach on the south-west side of town, near the lighthouse and the fish market. During the summertime, the beach was filled with fun and excitement, but in the winter, it was far more barren. A light coat of snow covered the sand up to where the water met the shore. Just looking at the freezing ocean made Gill shiver. Was Kasey taking him swimming or something? He wasn't much of a swimmer to begin with, but he wasn't drunk enough to even consider a dip in this temperature.
"Thanks. I needed out of there," Gill stammered as he rubbed his arms. trying to warm up his coat. "Did anybody hear me back there? I have to keep my image, you know. If people think the mayor's son is ranting and raving-"
"Dude, I told you, nobody cares," Kasey laughed, bracing himself against the cold wind of the sea. "Everybody there was preoccupied with whatever else. Pretty sure most of them were watching Selena. If anybody noticed you, they wouldn't have cared. And if they did, so what? You're only human. Everybody has a day where they just explode."
"Not me," Gill protested. He was still feeling dizzy from the alcohol, but being pulled out into the cold air made him feel slightly sober. "Why are we here? It's freezing!"
"I figured you needed to let out some of that pent up frustration. You know how I do that when I feel that way?"
Kasey? Frustrated? Gill couldn't remember ever seeing Kasey in a fit, but then again, maybe this secret technique of his was why. "I don't know. What?"
"I go to the ocean late at night and scream at the top of my lungs."
That's it? That's the secret? Gill gave Kasey a long, dumbfounded stare. Did Kasey really bring him down to the beach to scream at the ocean? That was so stupid, yet by the friendly, somewhat wild look Kasey was giving him, Gill could only assume that he wasn't joking.
"This is stupid. I'm going home." Gill turned to leave, but Kasey quickly moved to block him.
"Come on, what do you have to lose?"
"My dignity. This is barbaric." He tried to depart again, but the rancher quickly stopped him by grabbing his arm.
"No, barbaric is ripping out a man's still-beating heart from his chest with your bare hands. This is harmless."
Ripping out a… what? Where did Kasey pull this garbage from? "Kasey, I am not going to scream at the ocean. It's pointless. And what if somebody hears me?"
"So what if they do?" Kasey answered with a shrug, raising his hands and grinning that big, stupid grin of his. "Besides, that's why you do this at night. Nobody's around to hear you, especially over the water and the wind."
"And this is supposed to fix all my problems?" Gill asked, still not impressed.
"No, but it might make you feel a little bit more relaxed for a little bit. And who knows?" he laughed, giving Gill a pat on the back. "Maybe it will loosen you up enough to push out the stick you have up your ass."
That's it. I'm leaving. But before Gill could get away, he stopped as he saw Kasey quickly taking off his boots and socks. He grimaced slightly as he touched his bare feet against the snow-covered sand and walked to the water's edge.
"Woo, that's cold!" the rancher gasped, laughing as he waded in the frozen water that rushed over his feet.
He just doesn't seem to care about anything, does he? Gill thought as he shivered even harder, just looking at the guy.
But Kasey kept wading further and further before stopping and stretching his arms out to his sides as he looked out into the distant darkness. With a sudden, jerking motion, his head tilted upwards and he let out a deafening scream that would have carried for miles. He held it for what felt like minutes and even if no humans had heard him, nearly every dog in Castanet was howling and barking.
After that, he scrambled back to his shoes, stuffed his feet back into his shoes, and gave Gill a few solid pats on the back, still grinning like a moron.
"You're insane. What were you even screaming about?" Gill, asked, still chilly, though he must have been warm in comparison.
"I'll tell you later," Kasey answered with a chattering grin. "Now you go."
"I don't think so-"
"Come on, dude, I did it!" Kasey laughed, giving Gill another strong pat on the back.
I really wished he'd stop doing that. "I never made any promises. Just because you did it, I have to?"
"Yes? Please?" He asked, giving him an innocent, child-like look as he folded his hands up near his face.
"If I go, will you stop bugging me tonight?" Gill asked. When Kasey replied with a simple nod, Gill sighed. Kasey would never give up so easily, it seemed. He figured that he might as well act like a lunatic just this once if it got the hypothetical monkey off his back.
With a deep breath, he took off his shoes and socks, but when he touched the ground with his bare feet, he shivered. The snow-covered sand was cold enough as it was, but he forced himself not to cringe. Step by painful step, he made his way to the ocean. A small gasp escaped from his lips as he touched the water, but he waded even further until… no. He wouldn't do it! But before he could turn around, the water crashed forward a bit further and engulfed his feet and his ankles. A bigger, very noticeable gasp burst from his mouth this time. There was no turning back now. Doing as Kasey had done before him, Gill tilted his head back and screamed.
"AWWWWWWHHHHHHHHH!"
He could not remember the last time his voice had reached that volume and he pushed himself to be louder and louder every second he held the shout. Despite being at the edge of the open ocean, he felt as if his voice was echoing. It felt so foreign. But he felt so free in his open shout. Like nothing in the world could possibly hurt or criticize him. Like his regrets had melted away. LIke for one moment, nothing in the world mattered at all. It was the freedom he had longed for for so long.
His shout lasted until he ran out of air. Feeling so elated, he looked back to see Kasey laughing… and Pascal giving him a confused stare. The mayor's son felt the blood rush to his cheeks as those old fears renewed. The high was over as soon as it began. The old captain walking away, confused, did not clear his conscious. He quickly scurried back to dry land and put his shoes on right away, although it was too late for him to stop the chills. Still, the icy ground felt like nothing compared to the water.
"See, don't you feel better?" Kasey asked, laughing even harder.
"K-Kasey, Pascal saw us!" Gill exclaimed. "What if-"
"What if he what?" Kasey asked, still laughing.
"What if he tells somebody, you ignoramus?" Gill snapped.
"I don't even know what that means! And the worst thing he'll do is tell some people at the bar. But I'm telling you, nobody cares. You needed to get that shit out of your system." The farmer stopped and looked his friend over. "Come on, let's get you inside. I think they'd excommunicate me if you died of frostbite tonight."
They couldn't do that. But in those moments when he was back in reality, Gill sure wished they would try.
They were back at Gill's place now, by a roaring fire that Kasey had built in the fireplace. Both of them were sipping herbal tea in silence as they warmed their naked feet by the fire. Following their dip in the frozen sea, both of them figured this would save them from whatever possible side-effects would follow.
Despite the way the screaming made him feel, Gill still couldn't believe that he had done something so embarrassing and it still showed in his cheeks. He felt so warm otherwise, so the blush must have been from embarrassment. Kasey must have noticed this, because what he said next was relevant.
"You know… when Molly and I first came to this place, the first time I came to this house, I found your dad stuck in this chimney. Had to pull him out and everything." The rancher smiled at that amusing memory.
Gill rolled his eyes. "You told me this story before. Why do you feel like telling it to me again? It wasn't funny then and it isn't funny now."
"Because you're so afraid of what people think of you, but no matter what you do, you can't be as embarrassing as that," Kasey pointed out.
"I guess… It did feel good to just let it all out," Gill admitted. "I just wish… I don't know. Sometimes, I feel like the world is waiting for me to make one big mistake. I wish I felt as comfortable in my skin as you do. I wish I could be more like you."
Kasey's smile fell. "More like me? Why would you-" He stopped and shook his head. "No, you don't want that."
"Why? You-"
"Gill, do you even realize all the great things going for you? Everybody in this town respects the hell out of you. You're like, the smartest person I know and you've been running this town by yourself by the sounds of it. Quite well too, I might add. I always wished I was as smart as you are."
"Being smart means nothing if you feel so little," Gill admitted, his chilly words seemingly bringing the temperature of the room down by twenty degrees. "You're successful too."
"I have my faults," Kasey admitting, his usual smiling weakening some as he looked away.
"Maybe, but I've never seen you down about anything. What could you possibly have to 'scream at the ocean' about?"
What was left of the light that was in Kasey's face faded instantaneously. He looked away from the fire and from his friend. It made Gill wonder what that was all about.
"Kasey?"
"Luna missed two periods."
The coldness of Kasey's words were so unfamiliar, but the message they told made Gill jolt. "What?"
"You heard right the first time," Kasey answered, his second response as cold as the first.
"I don't understand." Of course he did, actually. But he didn't comprehend Kasey's words under this new attitude. "Is she… is she pregnant?" Gill felt a bit of sadness in the thought. If Luna wasn't out of his reach already, she was definitely was now.
"I- I don't know, maybe? Probably?" Kasey shrugged, though without the comedic exaggeration that he usually had when he did that sort of thing. Gill couldn't remember the last time he had seen Kasey this serious. It's possible that he had never seen Kasey this grave. "She's going to the clinic on Monday. I just- I'm an idiot. All those times, I didn't use protection, you know. I figured that since I hadn't gotten anybody pregnant yet, I'd-"
"You are an idiot," Gill replied flatly. Seriously. He couldn't believe that even Kasey would be that careless, but he knew he'd get nowhere by shaming him. "But what's done is done. Question is, are you going to do the right thing?"
"What? You mean like, marry her?" Kasey asked, a twinge of fear in his tone now.
"I'm not saying you have to marry her," Gill began clarifying. "I mean, you probably should eventually. What I mean is though, are you going to be there for her and the kid, if she is pregnant?"
"Of course! I'm no deadbeat. You ought to know me better than that… it's just… I'm not ready for a kid. I'm not ready for marriage. I love Luna and if we have a kid, I'll love him or her too. I just… I'm scared, dude."
He didn't even hear "dude" that time. He only heard the fear in Kasey's voice. Something he knew he had never heard before.
"And I know the rumors about me. Half of them are true, you know, and I don't care what people say about me. But in a small, conservative town like this… I'm afraid of what people would say about Luna. She's tough. She could handle it… I hope, but-"
"I don't get it. You never seem upset about anything. Even tonight, you just-"
"I just wanted a drink. I didn't want to think about all of this for one night because it's driving me crazy," the rancher admitted, sullenly. "I don't want to be scared. I don't want people to know how scared I am. Not when everybody else thinks of me as the guy that's never down."
"Just like me…" Gill whispered. They had found some common ground after all: neither of them wanted to show how vulnerable they were underneath the exterior.
"You know," Kasey began again, his voice a bit enlightened, "we're not so different, you and-"
"Don't use that cliché, please. We are completely different," Gill interrupted, with a small laugh. "Just not in this situation. But you know… that's okay. I actually had fun tonight. More than I have had in a long time. I know I've never said this before, but you're one of my best friends… even if you are a massive pain in the ass."
Kasey chuckled lightly. "I love it when you swear. It doesn't suit you at all."
"Good, because I don't plan on making it a habit," Gill replied. "Look Kasey, I promise that as long as you're there for Luna, I'll be there for you. I know I'm not the most fun person around, but if you ever need to have conversations like this, I'm here."
"Alright, but you have to make a promise for me too," Kasey insisted. "Next time you see Selena, ask her to lunch or something."
"Wait, what?" Gill stammered. That came out of left field. "Kasey-"
"Dude, I can tell you're into her. What's the worst thing that could happen?"
"Uh, I don't know, she'll laugh at me? As will the rest of everybody else on this island."
"And if she does that, then she's the one missing out," Kasey answered flatly. "And nobody will laugh. If anybody on the here laughs at you, I'll punch 'em in the face…" He paused for a moment as a thought occurred to him. "Unless they're a girl, 'cause then Luna will punch them for you. She's here for you too, you know."
"Ugh, fine," Gill agreed. He supposed nothing worse could happen, and like Kasey had told him, nothing could be more embarrassing than getting stuck in a chimney.
"We gotta clink to it!" Kasey ordered, holding up his cup of tea.
"Okay, fine," Gill agreed, smiling as he held up his cup.
"To us, the best friends of Castanet!" Kasey announced.
I wouldn't go that far, but whatever. He smiled.
The two clinked their cups and downed the tea as if they were shots. Gill was willing to give it a try. Not just asking Selena out, but this new, deeper friendship with Kasey. The rancher was still an idiot, but at least he was an idiot who cared for him. Having somebody true and honest like Kasey by his side, he hoped he would have enough stress relief that he'd never have to do something as weird and embarrassing as scream at the ocean again.