Author's Note: This is based very loosely on a spoiler I read for the Christmas episode. It is also based on the fact that I am insane, and I love both of these shows. Those two facts are not related, they are just to let you know that I tend to get… wacky when I write.

Chuck vs. The Big Bang

Aka The Buy More Coalition

Part 1 – Casa Bartowski

"Merry Christmas, Chuck-man!" Captain Awesome enthused as his soon-to-be-brother-in-law entered the dining room for breakfast.

Chuck immediately clapped both hands over his eyes – not your typical response to a Season's Greeting. "First," he said, removing one hand from his face in order to raise an indignant digit (not the middle one) in the direction from which the greeting came, "It is not Christmas yet, and saying that every day since Thanksgiving has sort of dulled the importance of the phrase for me. And second," here he paused to shudder, "Put on some pants, will you? For the love of God, man!"

Awesome looked down his bare, washboard stomach to his red boxers with the sleigh bells over the… front. "What?" he asked, shrugging and adjusting the Santa hat perched jauntily on his head. "The human body is a beautiful thing, Chuckles."

Chuck nodded his concession. "Sure. Yeah. You bet. Just not first thing in the morning on an empty stomach." He paused to reconsider his statement. "Unless it's a female body."

"Morning guys," Ellie greeted them, giving them each a kiss on the cheek as she entered the room.

"Oh God," Chuck groaned looking, if possible, even more sick to his stomach. "Forget I said that!" He swiveled his head this way and that. "Ellie? Please tell me you're not half-naked!"

Ellie frowned in a 'How Crazy Is My Brother?' sort of way. "Nooo… should I be?"

Chuck gingerly removed his hand from his face and shuddered once more at the apparition of the barely-covered Captain hugging his sister. "I can't tell you how much you shouldn't," he sighed with relief, finally sitting down at the table.

"Okay, then," Ellie shook her head in resignation. She'd never really understand her brother, no matter how much she loved the geek. "So anyway, what have you got planned for today?" She wandered into the kitchen to grab some orange juice from the fridge.

"Oh, you know," Chuck shrugged grabbing a bagel and a cup of coffee. "I figured I'd seduce some gorgeous foreign woman, disarm a couple of bombs, and maybe get in a firefight with some bad guys. You know, typical Buy More day." He grinned at her, wishing he could tell her what he really did with his days without having to pretend it was all a joke.

"Right," she laughed back, rolling her eyes as she came back to sit down. "Be careful playing those video games at work. Big Mike is going to catch you one of these days."

"Big Mike barely leaves his office!" Chuck scoffed.

"Anyway," Awesome broke in. "Ellie and I were wondering if we could head on over to the store later this afternoon."

"Sure, what for?"

"We want to do some Christmas shopping!"

Chuck glanced from his sister's big smile to Awesome's confident smirk. "Uh, great." He quickly drank down the rest of his coffee, almost burning his throat. "Um, but… you guys do remember what happened the last time you tried to get something at the store, right?"

"I'm pretty sure we ended up engaged, there, Chuck," Awesome winked at Ellie and she smiled and took his hand.

"And that's my cue to go to work!" Chuck hurriedly stood up, almost knocking his chair over in his haste to leave before the PDA's started… and he didn't mean Personal Digital Assistants, either.

Part 2 – The Cooper-Hofstadter Residence

"I can't believe they were closed!" Sheldon moaned as he, Leonard, Raj, and Howard entered his apartment and slouched dejectedly on the furniture.

"In all fairness," Leonard offered from his seat in the big comfy chair in the middle of the room, "They did burn down."

"Yeah," Raj added from the end of the couch. "I guess they didn't know that the aluminum metallic powder they'd covered the life-sized 'Han Solo in Carbonite' with would react with the alkali of the ammonium-based cleaner they used, resulting in the release of hydrogen gas."

"Yeah," Howard contributed from his seat at the computer. "I bet that janitor wishes he'd quit smoking!"

"I'm pretty sure he has now," Leonard replied with a sick look on his face. "Well, at least he will after a few more sprays from the fire extinguisher."

"It's still no excuse," Sheldon continued as Penny knocked on the door and entered with a greeting. "Everyone knows that AMP and ammonium combine to create an inflammable gas!"

Penny looked from geek to geek as they all shrugged and nodded. She shook her head and sighed.

Raj leaned over and whispered in Sheldon's ear.

"Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing," Sheldon answered him.

Raj looked thoughtful and nodded, satisfied. Then, he looked confused and was about to lean over and whisper again.

"Don't!" Leonard ordered, a pleading look in his eyes.

"Wait a second," Penny began.

"Please!" chorused Leonard and Howard together.

"But…"

"No!"

Sheldon crossed his arms over his chest. "Today is the release date of Rise of the Argonauts. I was going to be a gladiator!"

Penny raised an eyebrow in his direction. "Keep dreaming, sweetie."

"It's a computer game," Leonard explained. "We went over to our usual Circuit City, but they … were closed."

"I'll say!" Howard interjected. "There were 30-foot flames leaping out of the roof! It was a five alarm fire! Games and game systems were literally melting before our eyes!" His eyes misted over. "It was awesome."

"Seriously?" Penny asked, suddenly interested.

"Yeah, I got it all on my iPhone. Uploading to youtube … now."

"Sweet! Let me see!" Penny leaned over him to start the video playing and Howard unashamedly looked down her shirt. "Eyes out of there, unless you want me to rip them out with a fork," Penny stated flatly.

"Yes, ma'am. Just… going over here now." He quickly scooted out of the chair and over to the living room. "Women," he nervously laughed to the other guys.

"Why don't you guys just head over to the Buy More. They probably have it there," Penny suggested as she watched the carnage unfold on the computer screen, not noticing the desperate hand gestures of three of the four men in the room.

"Buy More?" Sheldon asked, incredulously. "Buy M… You have got to be kidding me!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Penny waved him off, still watching the destruction happening before her.

"Buy More is a store full of hacks and idiots." Sheldon continued, hitting his stride. "They wouldn't know The Flash from a flash drive!" He stood up, the better to gesture dramatically with one fist. "They are dilettantes at best, philistines at worst, and in neither case worthy of my custom!"

"Kicked him out of the store?" Penny asked, not even looking over her shoulder.

"Lifetime ban," Leonard affirmed.

Sheldon sat down on the couch again, in a huff.