Disclaimer: Damn. Still don't own the seishi. And I'm not low down enough to try to buy their souls. Not that Taka wouldn't sell his if he didn't think of it...
My writer's block is gone! So I present to you a little, quirky fic. No ranting, just a fic. ^___^ It takes place just after the botched summoning of Suzaku and Amiboshi's "death".
Chiriko: The Truth At Last
Something was weird about that new kid. And it wasn't just his hair. Tasuki could feel it in his tessen. There was something wrong. Very wrong.
"Oi! Gay-boy!" he called to Nuriko, seeing him pass by. Nuriko, who was preoccupied with watching Hotohori's... rear-end... as Hotohori strolled the gardens, let out a squawk and proceeded to fall into the pond. Tasuki wasn't feeling very willing to fish him out, so waiting until Nuriko emerged, dripping and furious.
"TASUKI!" he bellowed. "Don't you ever do that again!"
"Yeah, yeah," muttered Tasuki. "Hey Nuri, d'ya get the idea that somethin' is off about Chiriko?"
"You mean apart from his hair?" Nuriko asked. His eyes widened. "And his incredible kawaiiness? Yes, I noticed that, come to think of it. Do you think it's a Seiryuu plot to get Hotohori to pick him over me?!"
"Nah, nah, not that!" Tasuki said, shuddering slightly. "That wasn' what I meant! Get yer mind off Hotohori!"
"But it's hard!" whined Nuriko. "And his majesty looks so beautiful today!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Tasuki said, exasperated, "get a room, whydoncha?"
"Brilliant idea!" Nuriko enthused.
"I was only bein' sarchastic!" Tasuki groaned.
"Wow, someone knows a big word!" Tamahome said, in mock-surprise, materialising behind Tasuki.
"Fuck you!" Tasuki snapped.
"Sorry, I'm straight. Try Nuriko," Tamahome retorted.
Nuriko, sensing there was going to be a brawl any second, decided to change the topic.
"Tama-chan, do you think there's something weird about Chiriko?"
"You mean apart from how he looks like a girl? Hey, you're right! Man, the okama just seem to breed like crazy around here!" Tamahome laughed. He stopped laughing as Nuriko drop-kicked him into the fish-pond. For the second time, Tasuki was forced to wait for someone to come climbing out, soaked and in a foul mood.
"That wasn' what I meant!" Tasuki said, for the second time.
"Well, what do you mean then?" Nuriko asked, reasonably.
Tasuki shook his head. "It's jus' weird. He uses really big words-"
"Ooh! Scary!" said Tamahome sarchastically.
"Rekka Shin'en," was Tasuki's irritated retort. Tamahome didn't catch fire very well, being wet, however, he did steam a little.
"An' I think the whole smart thing is a scam. I found this under Chiriko's bed," Tasuki said, pulling out his finding from his pocket, with pride.
"What is it? A porn magazine?" asked Tamahome, curiously. Tasuki held it up so Tamahome could see.
"It looks like some kind of puzzle," Nuriko said, curiously.
"Yeah, well, get this!" Tasuki said, and started reading the instruction booklet. "'Try the IQ block! A fun, educational puzzle designed to actually increase your intelligence and problem-solving skills! Fun for all age-groups! Has over 100 solutions!'" He looked at the others triumphantly.
"Wow, you can read," Tamahome said, sarchastically.
Tasuki decided to ignore this. "He's no seishi! I'll betcha anythin' that his seishi symbol fades cos it's ink or somethin', an' that he's only so smart from usin' this thing."
"Let me see," Nuriko ordered. He snatched the puzzle and pried the lid open. Inside there were a few brightly painted wooden puzzle pieces, and that was all. He looked at it in disappointment. "Oh. I thought it would be more interesting looking."
"That thing's fuckin' addictive!" Tasuki insisted. "I used it this mornin' an' feel smarter already!"
"Well, that's not hard. You had a hangover this morning," Nuriko pointed out.
"Shuddup, okama! I'm onto somethin' here! He's jus' a wannabee, that's why the Suzaku summonin' didn' work!" Tasuki said, defensively.
"He could be right, you know," Tamahome said, slowly.
"Right about what?" Chiriko asked, walking into the garden. Tasuki quickly hid the puzzle.
"Nothing!" they all chimed, together. Chiriko nodded his head.
"Aren't the various botanical specimens fascinating? Not to mention the fauna residing in this garden is wide-ranging and exquisite!" The other seishi watched him as he walked off, lost in his own daydream, then huddled together, the puzzle in the middle of their group.
"Wow. That thing really works," said Tamahome, in awe. His eyes lit up. "Imagine all the money I could make out of this thing!"
"We should show heika-sama this," Nuriko said, excited.
"No!" Tamahome snapped, knowing that Hotohori would probably stop his money-making venture before it even started. The other seishi stared at him. He quickly made up an excuse, "we should check to see if he has more. Who knows what else he could be hiding? And besides! Think of all the money we could make! I'll give you a share of you keep quiet about this!"
"What, no da?" Chichiri asked. He'd materialised nearby and eavesdropped on the end of the conversation.
Nuriko thought quickly. "We think Chiriko is an imposter and what to investigate."
"This is serious, no da. I'll inform Hotohori," Chichiri said, about to leap into his kasa and do exactly that.
"No!" Tasuki says. "Gay-boy here already tol' Hotohori about it!"
"Told me what?" asked Hotohori, passing through.
They all began stress.
"About Chiriko," Tamahome ventured, nervously. Please. Please! Work!
"Oh yes," Hotohori said, vaguely. He wasn't paying too much attention for the simple reason that he was inspecting his reflection in the lake.
"You're looking especially beautiful today, heika-sama!" Nuriko gushed.
Hotohori treated him with a smile and Nuriko nearly swooned. Tasuki grabbed him before he fell into the lake again and nudged Tamahome, backing slowly towards the buildings.
"Well, we'd better get going," Tamahome said, "like you ordered."
"Mmmhmm," Hotohori sighed, turning back to his reflection. He was lost.
Chichiri watched them go, a suspicious expression on his face. "Hmmm, no da..." he muttered.
They leapt inside Chiriko's room and closed the door, panting. "Phew! I thought we'd had it!" Nuriko gasped.
"Hell yeah. Lucky he was too busy admirin' his face. Thank Suzaku for his fuckin' vanity," Tasuki agreed.
Tamahome, in the mean time, was already searching the room. He let out a slow whistle. "I think you'd better see this," he said, slowly.
They all rushed over and joined him, peering in Chiriko's cupboard. And gasped.
"There's so many of them!" Nuriko said, awe in his voice.
"Bingo," Tasuki said. "We've got 'im." He picked up one of the puzzles.
"Got what?" came a mild voice from the door.
They froze.
"Chi-chiriko!" Nuriko squeaked.
"For which purpose are you inspecting the contents of my closet?" Chiriko asked, mildly.
"We were jus'..." Tasuki scrabbled for words. He held up a puzzle. "Lookin' at yer lovely puzzles. Ya know there's over 100 solutions? Eh... we'll be goin' now..." He raced for the door and neatly collided with it. Chiriko had closed it on his way in.
"Ungh..." he groaned. Tamahome and Nuriko rolled their eyes simultaneously, but Chiriko was beaming.
"Oh no... he really is insane..." muttered Nuriko.
"There's over 200, actually," Chiriko stated.
"Huh?" Tamahome asked, taken off guard.
"Solutions!" Chiriko said. "I found more!"
"See! He uses 'em t' make him smarter! He's probably out-smarted the inventor!" Tasuki said, triumphantly.
"Actually, my comrade, that is rather difficult. I invented these fascinating little devices in my spare time in between studying for my exams," Chiriko said, sounding a little embarrassed.
Tasuki's mouth fell open. "Oh," he managed.
Tamahome and Nuriko started giving him the evil eye and he started edging towards the door.
"Were you here to request a free sample?" Chiriko asked, confused.
Tamahome led him aside, quietly, "Chiriko, we were actually here to buy you out. Have you ever considered going into business...?"
Outside, Nakago chuckled. Those seishi were so amusing. He pulled out his own IQ block and gazed lovingly at it. It was rather tattered from being underneath his pillow, but nevertheless, still functional. It was useful to have such an intelligent spy on his side. He peered at "Chiriko", who had sensed him through the walls, and gave him the thumbs up. Chiriko smiled back.
They don't suspect a thing. Fools.
Don't get arrogant, Miboshi. They're onto you. I'll arrange for you to 'die' soon.
They'll never find me out. Not so long as we hold the cards. Or rather, the IQ block.
'Chiriko' chuckled evilly to himself.
"Are you listening, Chiriko?" Tamahome asked.
"I apologise," Chiriko replied, "I was too busy listening to Tasuki apologising for suspecting me of being an usurper."
"I didn' really take you seriously... honest!" Tasuki whined.
"Sure..." Nuriko muttered.
Skipsida's Ravings:
*sniggers* I bet you weren't expecting that! *laughs* Well, not unless you have one of those IQ blocks. They actually exist too. I got one as a prize after doing a readathon in year 4 to raise money for a charity. I found it again a few days ago, when cleaning my room, started fiddling with it and... this fic popped into my head.