Angie:
Angel's Story
May 2001
I remember watching her die. Silently, I watched her fight a losing battle, minutes, hours, it didn't matter to me anymore. All that mattered was that I was losing her. Her breath was coming slower now, every breath was a struggle, harder than the last, raspier. I found myself counting down to her last, they were everything to me. Her eyes had yet to open, eyes that used to look at me with such love, were now closed, clenched in pain, in agony that was unimaginable. Her death shouldn't have been like this, not a slow lingering one, she should have gone quickly, peacefully. Fate, as usual, was not with a sense of cruel irony. If anyone deserved something like this, it was me. She didn't deserve it.
Willow had called earlier that day, Cordelia had taken the call. Buffy had an encounter with the Hell goddess known as Glory, things had been building over in Sunnydale for a while. First Buffy found out that she was pregnant with Riley's child, then this Hell Goddess Glory showed up, then her mother got sick, and Riley not being able to take the negligence from Buffy left, then Joyce died. When I had seen Buffy after the funeral she looked so lost and scared. I had asked her if she wanted me to stay but she said she was handling it. She wanted me to stay but she knew I couldn't. So I left. Then, months later, earlier today actually, I got this call. Buffy met up with Glory... she was dying.
I don't think that Wesley had ever driven so fast or recklessly. Cordelia was in tears as I ran into the hospital, leaving Willow, Tara, and Xander to deal with her and Wesley. I had to see her. I had to be with her. All I could think about was Buffy.
So there I was watching her die. While I watched her Giles told me about the encounter. They had fought, hand to hand as they always did, only this time, Buffy's condition worked against her. Glory took advantage of it and kicked her in the abdomen. The kick didn't kill Buffy like Glory wanted, but it had thrown her into labor. By some miracle the others got her to the hospital in time. The baby was premature by two weeks but it was healthy. Buffy on the other hand was dying.
Finally, after watching her for what seemed like an eternity, I took her hand in mine and held it gently, lovingly. She responded by opening her eyes and focusing on me. I couldn't help but offer her a smile, showing her all the love I had for her, letting her know that I was here for her. "Buffy..." I whispered.
"Hi..." she said looking around, then looking at me with unfocussed eyes, "Riley...?"
"He's not here," I replied softly, "Buffy..." my voice was choked with emotion, I didn't want to hurt her now, but she had to know. "Buffy... it's Angel."
She looked at me, her eyes meeting mine, then she knew, she knew it all, I couldn't hide it, and she knew me too well. "Angel...? I'm sorry..." Was all she got out, "I'm sorry..."
I held her hand tighter as I tried to soothe her with my other hand, and words, "It's okay."
"H-how much longer...?" her voice was getting weaker.
I looked at her, wanting to tell her days, weeks, years, to tell her that everything would be all right, that I wouldn't let her die, but we both knew that it would have been a lie. One more lie between us. I couldn't speak, no words could come, at least any that would help. The only answer I could give her was a shrug.
"Angela...?" The name was so faint that I almost missed it, it wasn't my name, it was someone else's, I looked at her, confusion marring my face, when she looked at me I knew the answer and all I could do was smile. Despite the hopelessness of the scene, I felt my heart swell with love. Even after everything, the lies, the fights, the anger, she still loved me.
"With my life," I answered her unspoken request kissing her cheek, "with my soul."
With a trembling hand she reached for me, but she couldn't make it without help, so I gave it, freely, as I gave myself, as it should have been. I bit back my tears and leaned closer to her. Her skin, paler than mine; was covered in purple splotches that indicated the internal bleeding that was close to the surface of her skin. Her hair was still covered in blood, but her eyes, no matter how pain filled, were the same. Those eyes were defiant, willful, the eyes of a survivor to the end, her end. I loved her the first moment I laid eyes on her. I loved her when my departure angered her so. I loved her even as I told her to go home, that our lives were on different paths now, I loved her even as I punched her.
I still love her...
I will always love her.
For once I thanked the gypsies for cursing me. For giving me the chance to meet this woman and know her love. Even as my heart broke, and I knew that I would never find true happiness again, I thanked them. I just hoped that my memories of her would remain as sharp as they always had, I had a feeling that they would, and for that I let a bittersweet smile grace my lips.
Her hand slipped from mine, her strength was gone, she looked at me, I could tell she was panicking. Leaning over I kissed her on the forehead as I whispered, "I'm here, I won't leave. Just, close your eyes." This seemed to satisfy her as she tried to form my name one last time. She somehow found the strength to give my hand that held hers a squeeze before she closed her eyes as I moved some hair from her face, "Sleep my love."
I listened, to her breath, the beating of her heart...
Longer... slower... fainter...
Then nothing at all...
I watched her die.
* * * * *
I looked up when I felt a hand on my back, I must have fell asleep as I stayed with her body, it was Giles. He tried to smile at me and failed. "I'm sorry Angel... she's gone," He choked out. I nodded and stood, leaving the room.
The others were in the waiting room, mourning. Willow was holding onto Tara as Oz, who had arrived while I was with Buffy, rubbed her back as she sobbed uncontrollably. Wesley did his best to console Cordelia, as Spike held a hysterical Dawn giving her as much comfort as she needed. Anya sat there and watched everyone silently. Xander was standing alone in the corner of the room, staring out the window, his jaw clenched in anger and pain. I walked over and rested my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me and we came to an understanding. With a nod he looked back to the window. There was nothing that needed to be said.
I walked over to the nurses-desk and asked when Angela would be able to leave the Hospital. The nurse asked if I was her guardian, to the other's surprise I said yes. After the nurse left to check on how long they needed to keep the child under observation, the place exploded into a commotion.
"What do you mean you're the guardian?" Xander seethed.
"Angel you can't possibly be thinking about this," Cordelia argued.
"Angel please, reconsider what you're doing," Wesley said.
"Are you sure? How do you know?" Willow asked.
"Bloody Hell," Was all Giles could say, Spike and Dawn just watched everything silently.
"She asked me," I whispered, everyone quieted down and looked at me, "I... I couldn't say no."
Everyone looked at me, then at each other, they couldn't argue with that. The child, was mine, I was her guardian, and as I promised Buffy. I would raise that child and protect her with my life and soul.
"Does she have a name?" Xander asked, looking at me.
"Buffy named her Angela," I replied.
Xander smiled, he actually smiled, to me, and I knew that the past between us was forgotten. He forgave me, because she had forgiven me. I figured that this wouldn't be the last I saw of him.
The nurse returned and told us that the child would be able to go home in forty-eight hours. I thanked her and turned to leave, I needed to be alone. Willow moved to follow me but was stopped by Wesley.
"He needs to mourn in his own way," Wesley said as I felt Willow's eyes on my back.
* * * * *
My way of mourning pretty much went along the same lines as Spike's. He found me at the mansion brooding. He told me what the other's didn't, what they couldn't, they didn't remember. It seemed that this Hell Goddess shared a body with a mortal man, it seemed to be a time share thing. The man, Ben was his name, had taken control right before Glory could kill both Buffy and the child. This was the reason that Buffy got taken to the Hospital so quickly, the man took her.
Spike did a little research of his own. Glory is near impossible to hurt, Spike still had some of the scars to prove her strength. Ben on the other hand was just a normal mortal and couldn't do anything even if his life depended on it. Also, it was a symbiotic relationship. If one died, so did the other. It seemed that whenever this secret was revealed to the others, they forgot.
After Spike told me, we decided to mourn together. Our mourning ritual comprised of hunting this man down and making him pay for our loss. Spike couldn't do much to Ben, but he wrecked Havoc on the minor demons that showed up. I, on the other hand, didn't have anything keeping me from killing this guy. Soul? He and whatever was housed in his body killed my Soul Mate, hurt my Grandchilde, my soul and demon agreed that this man had to die. I never knew that torture could be therapeutic.
* * * * *
The funeral was an evening burial, even though it was very dangerous that way. I was impressed with everyone that showed up. Friends from Buffy's past, people from school, Faith was there also. She was having a harder time with this than anyone, save Dawn, because she had a lot of guilt still and she had lost too many people that she cared about, this death practically broke her. Spike was there to pay his respects to the Slayer that he had lost his heart to. He had stayed in the shadows during the ceremony but placed a rose on her grave when everyone left, everyone but me. Spike looked at me for a moment before sighing, shrugging, and lighting a cigarette as he walked off. I pretended he didn't exist, I had more important things to worry about. I was a father now, a real father. I looked down at little Angela and kissed her forehead.
"With my soul," I promised.
* * * * *
Five Years Later
I watched as Angie waited for Cordelia to pick her up for her first day of school. She was so excited. She couldn't wait to start learning, I figured that her insatiable thirst for knowledge was from her father's side. Of course I encouraged it but my... no, her little girl was growing up. Her first day of School, It seemed like only yesterday when I had held her in my arms and bottle-fed her. Her dirty blond hair fell into her eyes as she paced the room. She couldn't wait to leave. I didn't want her too, but I knew that I had to. It just hurt to see my... her baby girl leaving.
Finally Cordelia arrived and helped Angie double-check everything for her first day. Cordelia smiled as she fixed Angie's hair and made sure that she remembered the rules about looking good. Angie recited them perfectly. She was perfect, her little Angie. I wanted to go out there and keep her for myself, not let the world see her. I wanted to make sure she was safe always, I couldn't protect her during the day. Not while she was at school, but I couldn't stop her. I just... I just wished she wasn't so eager to leave.
"Ready?" Cordelia asked?
"Yeah." Angie replied as she slipped off the couch.
"Okay, let's go." Cordelia said as she headed to the door.
Angie followed her, but when she got to the door, she hesitated, I could smell the sudden fear that gripped her. It took all my willpower not to go out there and tell her she didn't have to go. As I stood there, willing myself to stay rooted to the spot. She looked at me with wide, frightened, green-blue eyes.
"Dad..." She called a tremble in her voice.
"Go on," I heard myself say, "You'll be fine, don't worry. I'll be here when you get home."
"Promise?" She asked, her eyes getting wider.
"Promise," I replied.
She grinned; she had her mother's smile, before running out the door to follow Cordelia. I watched them get into Cordelia's car from the window keeping out of the way of the sunlight. When they were gone, I finally let the breath that I was holding out. True I didn't need to breath, but it was the principal. I slid to the floor and rested my head on my arms that were resting on my knees.
"I can do this," I said to myself, "I can do this."
* * * * *
She had been crying again, gripped in some kind of nightmare. I could tell it was violent and that it scared her, just by the scent of fear coming from her. She had woken up screaming for me, and clutched onto me when I got there. Too terrified to let me go. I held her as I tried to soothe her fears and make the monsters go away. It worked, in my presence she grew calm, her violent shaking was reduced to shivers as her sobs changed into sniffles.
"You gonna be okay?" I asked, looking in her eyes and wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"Stay with me," she begged.
I smiled and kissed the top of her head, "Always," I answered and gently laid her back on her pillow. "Want me to read you a story?"
"Please?"
"As you wish," I grinned, as I got up and retrieved her favorite book, The Last Unicorn. Angie got comfortable as I sat down in the chair next to her bed and started reading. She was asleep before I finished a page, but I stayed and read, using it as an excuse to watch over her. "I have been mortal, and some part of me is Mortal yet. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret."
* * * * *
I looked at the bastard that was known as Riley in surprise. He actually had the audacity to come into my home and demand the custody of her daughter saying he had rights because she was of his blood.
"You left her pregnant!" I yelled at him, "Angela is my daughter legally!"
"You're not able to take on the responsibilities of a child. You're nothing but a vampire." Riley replied.
"I raised her for five years, since her birth, while you were hunting demons in South America. You left Buffy pregnant to be sucked on by Vampires." I walked over and got into his face. "Tell me who's more suitable to raise a child."
"I'm her father." I had to admit, the boy was brave, his gaze never wavered from mine. And I was wearing my best intimidating face.
"No you're her sire," I said, which got a square punch to my jaw. That was the opening I needed, I grabbed him and slammed him up against the wall letting my game face come out. "Unlike Spike, I don't have a chip in my head." I snarled, "And Angela stays with me. Buffy gave her to me. I was with Buffy when she died, not you. You are nothing to her daughter, you are nothing to me but food, especially if try and take her away from me. You understand?"
Riley nodded and I dropped him. He looked at me as if deciding weather to attack or leave. He didn't expect Spike to walk out from the back room. I wish I had a camera for the bastard's face when he saw Spike. Course, I wish I filmed the whole thing, watching Spike beat the living crap out of Riley was pretty fun. But then the bastard deserved it. When Spike was finished I walked over and picked the whelp up by the hair.
"If I ever hear from your lawyers about Angie, or ever see you trying to talk to Angela, I'll let Spike kill you, now leave." And with that I tossed him out the door. I didn't need him tainting her daughter.
Another Five Years Later
I watched as Angie ran towards Willow and Xander with an excited squeal. It had been half a year since she had seen them, and she couldn't wait to spend the holidays with her favorite aunts, and uncles. Xander deftly grabbed her and spun her around with a whoop of joy. He had missed her. Anya watched the two with a wide grin on her face, her and Xander's kids running over to fly next. Cordelia said she was most likely thinking about how tight Xander's butt was, or something like that. I couldn't help but smile at the hint of jealousy in her voice. I was happy for them, happy for my... her daughter. But Cordelia and Wesley knew the truth, and they were worried. But for Angie's sake, and mine, they put on a happy face.
I sat back watching as everyone exchanged gifts; Angie was in her glory as she showed off all her presents for everyone and shared with the other children. It was her day, not mine, I rarely celebrated any holiday. The whole tortured creature of the night thing would have been ruined if I celebrated. Yeah, Cordelia was rubbing off on me. I was starting to get sarcastic with myself.
I must have zoned out, cause I first remembered Angie trying on the dress that Cordelia had gotten her, and now everyone was gathered around me, waiting for me to acknowledge them. I blinked and looked at each in turn briefly. "What?" I asked.
"Happy Holidays," Dawn said as she handed me a wrapped box.
I blinked in surprise and took the package. "You shouldn't have," I said as I unwrapped the paper and opened the box. Inside was one of those double picture frames, I picked it up and started to open it slowly, wondering what could be inside.
When I saw the pictures I almost dropped it in shock. Luckily, I didn't, I just clutched it, holding tightly. "When..." was all I could get out.
"The first picture," Xander said as he pulled Angie into his lap, "was taken on Buffy's Birthday party. Before the Dawn decided to start her career as a professional thief."
"Spike helped," Dawn muttered as I gave Xander a glare before smirking.
"What about the second one?" I asked.
"Angie's tenth birthday." Willow replied, "Cordelia took the picture while we were singing happy birthday."
"Thank you..." I looked at them, and offered a smile. "It means a lot to me."
* * * * *
Three Years Later
Angie looked at me nervously as I worked. She was starting middle school tomorrow and she was scared. She couldn't understand how I could be so calm at a time like this. She didn't know that inside I was a wreck. My... her... no, my daughter was starting a new school. She wasn't a baby anymore. She was growing up faster than I wanted her to. She was starting to question if she had a normal life. Her friends, they had fathers and mothers, who worked during the day, and slept at night. They had started to ask her why she only had one father and why he was never around during the day. I knew that she couldn't tell them that I used to be a vampire and my internal clock never really went back to human time. She still thinks I was a super-hero before I got sick and lost all my super powers three years ago. But she didn't know how to respond to the question about her mother. She knew that her mother died after giving birth, and that I loved her. But she didn't know much else. I never brought her to Buffy's grave, and I didn't talk about her much. She never asked before. Now she was asking and I didn't know that to do.
"What should I tell them about my parents?" Angie asked as she paced in front of my desk.
"That your mother died in an accident when you were a baby," I replied as I worked on my report.
"What about my father?" She asked.
I looked up from my paperwork and met her eyes, so much like her mother's. Sighing I took off the glasses that I now needed to read and rubbed my eyes. "What do you want to tell them?"
"That he's got a night job, and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else in the world." She replied.
I gave her a half smile as I looked back to my paperwork. "Thanks Angie." I whispered as she left the room.
Cordelia watched as she left and then looked back in the office towards me. She was worried. She was always worried about me, everyone was, everyone but Angie. She waited till Angie was at another part of the hotel before she walked over and sat down next to me. Wesley walked in after her and sat down in the chair by the door. That was the usual sign. I leaned against her and cried. It was getting harder, letting her go.
* * * * *
Three More Years Later
I watched as she stormed out the mansion and sighed. The arguments were getting more frequent. She said I was suffocating her, that I couldn't keep her from him anymore. That it wasn't fair to her. I just couldn't let my daughter get involved with all the pain. I couldn't let her go through everything that they went through. Everything I went through. But she made up her mind and she was stubborn. Something she got from both of her parents... She knew what she wanted and nothing would stop her.
Whether I liked it or not, she was going to the prom with some guy I didn't approve of. Wesley walked up behind me and rested his hand on my shoulder. "You promised that you'd protect and raise her Angel," He said. "But there is a time when parents have to let go."
"She's right..." I sighed, "but..."
"But you have to show her, tell her, let her know... everything." Wesley broke in.
"She's not a Slayer," I replied, "How... how can I tell her? I mean... she doesn't have to know."
"But she deserves to know," Cordelia said as she walked in. "It's time she does, she's starting to ask Dawn and me why Spike never changes."
I nodded as I closed my eyes and let the memories wash over me. The day that the oracles swallowed up, that only I remembered and Cordelia knew about because Doyle told her. That day that never happened. Buffy didn't know the truth, until we said goodbye. When she looked into my eyes and knew. She had accepted that, accepted my lie, my gift, my shame. She had forgiven me too. I wondered if she was at peace. I wondered if she was happy at all. I hoped she was.
* * * * *
I told Angie everything on the way to Sunnydale. My history, Buffy's history, and what I knew of Riley's history. She listened quietly asking few questions. Taking it all in, after a moment of silent thought she told me some secrets that she had been keeping from me. About her strength, speed, and faster healing. There were never any records of active Slayers having children, some of the traits seemed genetic though. She understood why now. I nodded and told her that I would always be there for her, just like I promised her mother.
We walked through the cemetery silently, Angie held a bouquet of roses in her arms. I stopped next to the tree near her grave and let Angie go on alone. I kept a vigil out, for stray vampires that might be around. With my open ear I heard Angie walk over to Buffy's grave and rest the flowers on it.
"Hi mom..." I heard her whisper, "My name's Angie... it's nice to finally meet you."
Good-bye Angie O'Rourke, I thought as I took soft, calming breaths, Hello Angela Summers.
I turned and watched, just as I watched my love die, I watched my daughter live.
* * * * *
Five Years Later
She looked radiant as I lead her down the aisle. Her groom waited patiently as I kissed her forehead, squeezed her hand and let her go, just like I did with her mother. I'm not ready to let her go, it's so hard, she's my baby, she was always there. She needed me, and now she was leaving.
I took my place on the bench with Cordy, Wes, Fred, and Gunn as Angie moved up to be with David, her groom. Cordelia rested her hand on my knee, she was there for me like always, my supporter, but tonight was not enough. I'm losing her, my daughter in everything but blood. It hurt so much.
During the ceremony Angie looked over at me with wide frightened blue-green eyes. I wanted nothing more then to pull her into my arms and never let go. I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to do this, that she could stay. I didn't, instead I nodded to her and smiled. She smiled back, boosted by my unspoken blessing and looked to her groom, her soul mate and I knew then that she'd be okay.
I look around at the guests and I'm surprised at some of the people I see. Spike's here, he's actually cleaned himself up for this. I don't blame him though. He loved Angie's mother a lot. It's funny to see him together with Dawn but it makes sense. Dawn had a crush on Spike when she was younger and he had promised Buffy that he'd protect Dawn until the end of the world and he has. Xander and Anya are here with their children, Willow and Tara are here also. Giles is sitting next to Xander's youngest. He came all the way from England for the wedding. It's good to have the whole gang here, to be whole again. Of course we are missing one member, but the young woman at the alter makes up for that loss. At least she does in my eyes, if it doesn't for the others, screw em.
I watch as they saw their vows and kiss for the first time as husband and wife. Then it hits me, she's gone, my baby's girl is gone. I can't do this, I can't. She needs me, I need her. Don't go Angie, please don't leave me... alone.
I look down and wipe the tears from my eyes. I don't want her to see me crying, I have to be strong for her, for everyone. I look up as she walks past me with David. I stand and follow with the rest of the wedding party. Smiling happily for my baby girl even though inside I feel like I'm dying.
* * * * *
The DJ just announced the father/daughter dance, and like a good father I dance with Angie. A Celine Dion song is playing, I can recognize her voice anywhere. It takes me a while to register that the song playing is my song. I can never remember the name of that song but it's the one that played at the end of that movie about a robot becoming human. I remember it clearly now, I was feeding Angie while watching the movie. When the credits started to roll I looked down at her. She met my gaze and everything fell into place. I think Angie knew it too.
Angie was looking up at me now, smiling, she has her mother's smile, it always brightened my soul. I smiled back to her and hugged her close as the dance finished. "I love you daddy," she whispered in my ear.
I smiled and kissed her on her forehead before stepping away, making my way back to Cordelia and the others. I watched as she started dancing with her husband and sat down. Cordelia rested a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. She knew how hard this was for me.
* * * * *
10 Years Later
Everything hurts, especially my lungs, of course that might be because I took a bullet meant for Angie. I remember getting shot before, when I was a vampire, it hurt, but not this much. I can feel something wet on my hands and I look down to see that it's covered in blood. Oh God, I can't let Angie see me like this. I try and get up only to be pushed down. I can hear her voice, she's upset, freaked even.
"Dad don't move," Angie said as her face came into eye sight. She looked like an Angel. "Help's coming... hold on Dad... please hold on..."
"Angie..." I whisper as I try to reach for her face, everything around me is fading fast.
* * * * *
I woke up in a hospital, listening to the heart monitor as it followed my heart. I was dying, I just knew it, like I knew that someone was in the room with me. I struggled to look around only to have hands push me back down. Cold hands, dead hands, Spike. I look up at him as he sits back down and sighs.
"You gave us a scare there mate." He said as he looked me over. "Course you're scaring everyone."
"Angie?" I ask as I try and sit up again.
Spike pushes me back down and rolls his eyes, "She's back home, asleep and making sure the nibblers are all right." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "She's worrying herself sick. What possessed you to take the bullet for her!?"
"I promised I'd protect her with my soul..." I looked at him. "Like your promise until the end of the world."
"Who's gonna protect her when you're gone?" Maybe it was because of the drugs but I could swear that Spike's voice was scared. I looked at him expectantly and he shook his head no. "I got Dawn to take care of Angel... I can't just throw her life into whack because you want me to watch her niece. Not to mention I'm only nighttime protection."
"Guess it's time for me to cut the umbilical cord then," I whispered, getting weaker, I couldn't die without seeing her one more time. I looked at Spike panicked.
"I'll call her." Spike said as he stood, my eyes were closing on their on volition "Hang in there."
* * * * *
I opened my eyes later, I don't know how long it's been but I know that I'm weaker, I could barely move. I wondered if this was how Buffy felt when she died. Angie was leaning over me, her eyes were red, she had been crying. I tried to reach up and wipe her tears away but I just didn't have the strength. I was frustrated and could only let it out in a pained sigh.
Angie took a hand between hers and rested her head on it. "Dad... don't go... please..." she whispered, "Don't leave me please don't leave me. I need you still... I'll always need you daddy... please stay with me."
I watched her beg me to stay but I knew I couldn't. The heart monitor was slowing, I could hear it. And I was so tired. I gave her hand a squeeze and she looked up at me and I smiled to her. She smiled back, putting on her brave face. I mouthed "I love you" to her, not having the strength to speak. She whimpered softly and clutched my hand as I closed my eyes, feeling as if it would be for the last time.
* * * * *
I felt warm, it was a good feeling, I didn't hurt and I could breathe. Which was weird because the last thing I could remember was that I was dying. I opened my eyes and blinked a few times to make sure that I wasn't seeing things.
"Buffy?"
"Hello Angel."
"Buffy...!"