Today is the day I come out of denial and finally admit it- I have fallen in love with my best friend. It's so stupid and most importantly completely pointless; after all he is in love with someone else. However I've gone and said it now and there's nothing I can do about it. Now you may be wondering how this happened; perhaps you would be expecting a heroic tale where he literally swept me off my feet as is his typical style or maybe even an accident with a love potion.
Unfortunately neither of these is the case- though I'm still holding out for the love potion truth be known. Rather it all happened one day when I was sitting quite happily on my own in my bedroom, listening to the radio, completely oblivious as to what was about to happen when BAM!- a song comes on and changes my whole outlook on life. Trying to think back now I can't even remember what the song was just that it made me realise I missed him much more than I should.
I couldn't think of one thing I didn't miss. I missed his goofy hair, his weird sense of humour, the banter between us, how he can make you feel like the most important person in a room with a single look and his rebellious ways. I missed just talking to him about anything and everything. I missed him being there for me whenever I needed him and, selfishly, I missed him needing and wanting me too. I realised I thought of him as more than a friend and I would be lying if I said it didn't freak me out a little. It was in the good way though, y'know the butterflies and twisty stomach way? The way that makes you catch your breath when you see them and makes you think about them 24/7.
Now I don't want to mislead you- this is not a story where the main female, in this case me, realises her feelings for the hero and goes charging round to him that she is desperately in love with him and he takes her in his arms and kisses her senseless (I read a lot of girly books, so sue me- a girl can dream can't she?). For a start he has a girlfriend and I'm not a complete hag. She is really lovely too and good for him, as hard as that is for me to admit. I will also admit to being one of the first to congratulate them on getting together- I am aware of the poetic irony in this situation. They have lots in common and she is gorgeous with her firey hair and personality. Of course I now worry that he sees all this too and thinks of her as 'The One', Merlin I hope not for my sake and sanity.
Reason number two for not telling him, and I hate to say it but a more significant point than having a wonderful girlfriend, is that I am afraid. I am afraid of rejection, afraid of the fall out and of losing my other friends. I can't bear the idea of losing him and, potentially, the rest of my friends too. I don't have the traditional lion's courage which would allow me to risk it all and expose myself like that without being one hundred per cent sure that my feelings would be returned. I do not live in a fantasy world, I am fully aware that reality bites and that not every time someone falls in love is there a happy ending.
Although I realise all this it doesn't stop me daydreaming. I imagine our life together: dating, kissing, our wedding- with laughter and funny yet sentimental speeches, our children and jobs. Just the idea of us being together really. It is in these dark moments I allow myself to wish I had taken my chance with him when it was there in front of me, when he told me he liked me in our fourth year.
Fate had another idea for me though, namely something in the shape of Justin Finch-Fletchley. If I could tell my younger self what I feel now I am sure she would never have wasted her time on that particularly misadventure but I really shouldn't dwell on things I cannot change. I just wish I could make him feel for me now the way he did then, the way he appears to feel for her now. You see the thing is…
My name is Elizabeth Harper and I am secretly in love with Harry Potter.