Many thanks to Haylee for editing.
What Hurts the Most
GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY POTTER
Will be loved and missed forever
D. OCTOBER 31ST, 2000
A large lump formed in Harry Potter's chest as he read the newly buried gravestone of his wife, Ginny Potter. It was only three weeks after her untimely death, and today was her funeral. With one hand, he held an umbrella, shielding the rain that fell upon the landscape, and with the other, he held his daughter, Brianne Lily Potter. Hermione and Ron stood on either side of him, watching the burial of their sister, friend, and part of their hearts.
Harry's heart broke all over again as the grave diggers patted the ground where the remains of Ginny lay, and left the scene. His eyes were cold and bitter, unlike the beautiful emerald green they used to be. The people who had come to her funeral started to leave, and the only people left at her gravestone were Harry, Hermione, Ron and baby Brianne.
None of the remaining people said anything as they looked upon her grave. Harry's eyes filled with tears as memories of Ginny appeared in front of his eyes. Ginny… Her smiling face, the feel of her lips on his… Ginny… making love to him…
It was too much for Harry. Emotion overcame him, and he passed Hannah to Hermione. He wiped his glasses as he fell down in front of her grave, shedding silent tears. For reasons beyond him, he didn't care in the least as Hermione and Ron watched him cry.
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me.
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out.
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me.
Grief-filled, heart wrenching sobs wracked his body, and he buried his head in his chest, trying to muffle the tears. He was slowly coming to terms with the fact that Ginny was really gone, and never coming back. Losing Ginny was like none of the other deaths that he had experienced in his life. He now had a daughter, one who needed her mother….
His muscles tensed as Ron's large hand gripped his shoulder tightly. Hermione gently handed Brianne to Ron and sank down beside Harry, enveloping him in her arms.
"Harry," Hermione started, kissing his forehead gently. "I know it's heard, and I- I can't even imagine what you're feeling. But, I want you to know that Ron and I will always be here for you."
Harry nodded, his heaving breaths slowed as he raised his eyes to meet Hermione's.
"Thanks, Hermione," Harry said, his voice slightly muffled. "You don't have to stay with me… you can go. I- I'm okay."
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me.
"Are you sure?" Ron asked. "We can—"
"No," Harry said. "You go."
Hermione smiled weakly at him. Ron passed Hannah off to Harry, who cradled her protectively in his arms. Then Ron stood up, clearing his throat as if he were fighting tears. He took his hand in Hermione's, and they left the cold, raining misery.
What hurts the most
Was being so close.
And having so much to say.
And watching you walk away.
Never knowing what could have been.
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do.
The image of Ron and Hermione entered Harry's dreams later that night…
"This is all of your fault, Harry," Hermione said, looking cross.
"W-what? What's my fault?" Harry asked, confused. Ron came up to him, the same look that had been on Hermione's face on his own.
"Don't pretend you don't know what," Ron snarled. "It's all of your fault that Ginny's dead."
"What? N-"
"No…."
"Yes it is, Harry!" Hermione persisted. "You could've saved her, you know you could've. You're not fast enough! She could have been alive now if it wasn't for YOU."
"No! Hermione; I couldn't h-"
"LIAR!"
The dream changed, and he was brought to the day that Ginny died... Ginny giving birth to their beautiful baby and then having her snatched away as she gave birth to the most beautiful thing in his life.
Harry's eyes snapped open, and he sat up, breathing heavily after the aftermath of the nightmare. His desperate gasps for air turned into tears; tears he couldn't stop from falling. It was hard to have to watch his wife die once, but he had to endure it again over and over in his nightmares. And then to hear Ron and Hermione tell him that it was his fault that she died… Even if it was a nightmare, it felt just as bad as to hear it in real life at that moment.
It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it.
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone.
As he steadied himself, he groped for his glasses. As he found them, he placed them on his face and turned to the clock on the wall, which read that it was five in the morning. There was no point in going to sleep, for the fear of enduring the same nightmare.
Pushing the duvet away from his clammy figure, he got off the bed. Finding that his body was drenched in sweat, he went to his dresser to get a change of clothes.
As he pulled out a robe, a piece of clothing fell to the ground. Harry bent down sad picked it up. He looked it at, and found that it was Ginny's favorite sweater.
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed
Livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over.
I would trade, give away
All the words that I said in my heart
But I left unspoken.
He brought the sweater up to his face and breathed deeply, taking in her flowery, feminine scent. He closed his eyes momentarily, picturing Ginny. Now that he thought about it, there were so many things he could've said to her, so many times he could have spent with her…
Harry was brought out of his mental reverie as he heard a small cry come from Hannah's room. Quickly getting dressed in his robes, he scurried out of his room and into Brianne's. He swiftly avoided stepping on the baby toys, and picked up his daughter.
"Shh," Harry soothed, cradling Hannah gently. "Daddy's here, darling."
At his words, her cries ceased, and she stared at her father, her big, brown eyes wide. Her eyes met Harry's, his emerald green reflecting against her brown ones. He couldn't help but be reminded of Ginny as he looked at Brianne. She had her flaming red hair and chocolate brown eyes. Every time he looked at her, he was reminded of what he lost…
What hurts the most
Was being so close.
And having so much to say.
And watching you walk away.
And never knowing
What could have been.
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do.
"Da!" Brianne expressed, smiling a gummy smile.
Harry chuckled lightly. "Yes, Brianne; Daddy's here. Are you hungry?"
Brianne gurgled, drool cascading down her chin.
"I'll take that as a yes, then," he said.
They went downstairs to the kitchen. Harry took a bottle of formula from the refrigerator, warming it up with a simple smell. With Brianne in one arm, and the bottle of milk in the other, Harry settled down on the rocking chair in the living room.
"Here you go," Harry told her, gently pushing the bottle into her gummy mouth. He gently rocked back and forth on the chair as she drank deeply. His eyes diverted to a famed picture; Harry and Ginny's wedding photograph. Her familiar voice echoed in his ears.
"Just take care of her," she has said.
Brianne's tiny hand grasped Harry's index finger, and he smiled for the first time in a long time.
"Don't worry, Ginny," he whispered to the heavens. "I will. I promise."
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do.
Fin