To build something with such meticulous care and then watch it fall into cinders; the regret would never leave me. One should never lose their home more than once in a lifetime. I'd lost mine too many times to count. Running from battle, certain death, strange places, new faces, I had made a habit of starting new. The difference this time around, was that I was alone. Betrayed by my heart. Abandoned by my city. Bereaved from all whom I loved, and whom loved me. Today – I stand alone.

"Where to serah?" The wagoner asked with near fearful expectation.

My origin was perhaps more off-putting than the long, bladed staff in my hand. Mages were running everywhere. It wasn't that hard to picture me on a non-descript wagon headed out of town. The town I was leaving behind had everyone nervous.

I took one last look at the burning pillars of Kirkwall. The crack and crash of buildings could be heard even miles away. It had been my home, my escape, and until it was well and truly behind me, it would be my shame.

He asked where to.

Perhaps, the one place no one would look for me.

Taking a deep breath, I met his eyes as firmly as I could in my broken state. "Tevinter."

Finally, a glance at the red pulsing orb on the head of my staff, the wagoner grimaced and turned to the road. "I can take you as far as the Imperial Highway heading north towards Navarra, but there is no way in hell I'm going anywhere near that wretched evil place."

It was futile, but I jiggled my pouch with a glib smile. "I have coin."

"You could have King Alistair in your little purse serah and I would still tell you I ain't goin'."

Settling down into the ragged old blanket around my shoulders, I let out a defeated sigh. "Anywhere is fine then."

A response wasn't bothered with as the carriage lurched and I was finally heading away from Kirkwall. A heavy weight settled into my bones until I could barely hold myself together. Then I figured, what was the use. It was over anyway. My body followed my mind's downward spiral and darkness took me.

Every spec of my being was in pain and still the shaking would not stop. It took near gargantuan effort to lift my eyelids and catch the offending thing latched onto my shoulder. Beyond the pinprick of my vision was a spot in the blinding light and I heard a soft yelp. Working through the fog engulfing me from all sides, I managed to find bearing enough to realize the thing was a hand and the spot was a face.

The face cringed and I realized my grip was instinctively tighter than normal. Relaxing, but unable to contain the groan of pain, I carefully shifted my spine and sat up. The few moments it took my balance to return, I rubbed the throbbing in my temples before attempting to look at the boy who had roused me from my death-like slumber. "What time is it?" I rasped.

The amber eyes flickered cautiously. "Nearly midnight."

The steady rocking of the carriage and the clip clop of the horses meant we were still on the road. Licking my parched lips, I groped around for the reassuring feel of my staff until it slid into my palm and filled me with an odd kind of security only another mage could comprehend. However, I did not have time to dwell on the good fortune of not being robbed, before a battered old flask was held out to me.

Frowning at the shaking bottle, I sat up more firmly and offered, what I hoped was, a grateful smile as I accepted his gift. "You're very kind, young ser."

The boy retreated as I took two careful sips of his water. "Galin."

Wiping my mouth, finally cognizant enough to realize there were more people in the wagon around me, I grinned and passed the flask back to him. "Raine."

A small blond eyebrow arched. "Like the kind that falls?"

Something twisted deep in my gut as my eyes clouded with tears. Hadn't I cried them all? "I…I suppose. Perhaps, the kind that rules?"

The corner of his mouth tilted up. "The kind that falls is better."

I cannot even describe how sad that made me, but for the benefit of the generous child, I smiled tremulously. "That works for me." Distracting myself from the melancholy drenching my soul, I cast my eyes around the darkness beyond the lantern that hung in our wagon. Everything beyond was black wood and stone. "Where are we?"

The four people seated before me had been observing my exchange with the boy silently. One of them, a frail woman, now piped in. "We're passing through the Planasene Forest."

I must not have slept more than three or four hours if that was the case. With a deep sigh, I offered another shallow smile before turning to gaze out into the darkness. The wagoner must have picked up more travelers on his way. Many were fleeing. The explosion at the Kirkwall chantry had seen to that. He had seen to that. Even if he paid for his sin, the tidal waves of his decisions would wash into every city and town of Thedus.

Anders, I lamented for the hundredth time, why couldn't you have waited?

I could have swayed you.

I could have saved you.

I could have…

But no amount of 'could haves' would change the fate my world and of those around me. My world was filled with visions of his pleading eyes, of blood splattered black feathers, of cerulean lines in burning skin. My hand tightened on the hilt of my staff. Discarding the blade had failed to free me from my pain. I still felt its offending weight, the warmth of his blood where I'd pierced his heart and the cut of the hilt where it had branded itself into my palm.

Holding my tortured hand, I rubbed my thumb into the flesh in hopes of restoring it. But a part of me knew I would never be the same again.

In the chaos of our escape, I had lost everything. The man I loved had betrayed me, and everything I had hoped to fix in this world. My brother was beyond my reach; indoctrinated into the Grey Wardens and their secrets. My best friend had disappeared from my side in a cloak of darkness. I had searched everything from the keep to the bounds of Kirkwall, but found no trace of him, or his trusty crossbow. I could only assume he wanted as far away from it all as much as I did. I couldn't blame him really. I lost each of them as I made it out of the city. Some to their diverging destinies. Some to the guilt of their own choices. Some to promises of new beginnings. And some to the freedom's call of the open seas.

Now, I was well and truly, alone.

"Are you a mage?"

Looking up at the terse question, I met the eyes of a suspicious man wrapped around a woman he hoped to protect. Perhaps from me. There was little point in denying it. "Yes."

"From Kirkwall?"

I saw the wagoner cast a backward glance and took a deep breath. Snitch. "Yes."

"Was it you?"

Blinking at the spitting accusation, I almost said 'yes.' That I was equally responsible for blowing up the chantry. For not recognizing the madness in my lover's eyes. For the selfish need, to overlook the path, he had led me to. "I'm afraid not," I replied with a glimmer of my usual gaiety. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Your mantle is special."

I suppose it had been foolish of me to think no one would notice my attire. I was armed to the teeth and in the finest armor in all of the Free Marches. How arrogant I had been to accept. Pulling the blanket further around me, I shrugged. "I had money."

"In the circle?"

This type of questioning never led anywhere good. Huffing out a frustrated breath, I fixed a glare at the intrusive man. "Look here you," I jabbed an emphatic finger at him for good measure. "I have lost my mother, my sister, brother, my best friends and boyfriend all in one night. I am tired and dirty and two insults away from summoning a lightning storm that will make every single hair on your body stand on end. This kind of chatter is the reason mages and men have brought us to this end. I want no part of this debate, I never did, but so help me, if you drag me into this, I will strike you down."

The people shifted further away from me and the man stared at me with mouth open, eyes widened in fear. Grumbling under my breath, I threw my hood over my head and pretended to disappear into my blanket. Would people ever realize how futile this debate was? Would they ever realize the price they paid for their continued differences? Would mage and man ever truly learn to coexist?

A crumbly piece of moldy bread was held out to me. I raised an eyebrow at the kind child and sighed. The maker certainly had a sense of humor.

I took the bread gratefully and decided fate could take me where it willed. I had tried to do it my way and failed royally. Perhaps it was time to let the reins of my destiny shape my tomorrow, because I had plain run out of options as it were.

Two hours later, I was let off at the crossroads and it began to rain.

"Definitely a sense of humor", I muttered and began to walk.

With time, one learns to move on. The first few months of my self-imposed exile were wretched. I came in and out of dejected stupors only to realize my misery had carried me across the Imperium. It was perhaps just as well I had decided to be there. Tevinter was far and removed from the plague that was sweeping across the rest of Thedus. Mages had rebelled en mass. The arm of the Templars had been corrupted and divided with the inevitable fall of the chantry. The ill-fated conclave meant to bring method to the madness had been the final nail in our coffins.

The Divine had been slain and all hell broke loose in the form of a massive green gateway into the veil.

Amidst all that, Tevinter went about its day.

The status quo finally managed to drag me from the bowls of my grief and the mundane routine I began to build around me, finally offered respite from my own madness. I began to see past my loss. I began to look towards tomorrow, albeit, not beyond it quite yet. But at least my purpose was more than just getting through another day. I slowly realized how loving Anders had been fulfilling even if it had taken us to hell. I saw past his homicidal memories and remembered the man he had once been. I forgave myself for being in love and I forgave myself for putting a knife in his heart. He was a good man with some very bad ideas. I didn't try to justify his actions, but I managed to look beyond them.

I had been fooled, but it was a lesson that I had to learn. Lose everything and there's still a crisis to be resolved. I decided I could afford to indulge myself a little.

"Raine!"

Blinking out of the haze of my memories, I spotting the girl running straight at me. I had only moments to brace myself before she slammed into my legs and wrapped her arms around me. "OOF!" Steadying myself, I slowly extricated my legs. "Maeve, how many times have I told you_?"

"Not to keep running people over," the girl finished my sentence with a roll of her eyes. "I'm sorry Raine, but I am so happy to see you."

Laughing, I ruffled her hair fondly. "You saw me yesterday you drama queen."

"That was twelve whole hours ago!" The young girl explained with all too apparent excitement as she proceeded to take my hand and drag me towards the mansion. "Are we going to throw more fireballs today, huh? Can I use more dummies for target practice? I asked mom to order more."

I smiled as I watched her skip ahead towards our practice area. I wished my sister and I had had the liberty to learn magic with such abandon. A part of me couldn't help rejoice at the freedom I had found in Tevinter, but I was no naïve child. When I had accepted the position as tutor to the Magister Arabella's daughter in Qarinus, I saw the machinations of the Magisterium. Her cousin Gideon Pavus had visited along with his son Dorian, despite being branded a traitor for speaking against the problems in Tevinter. During their conversation, I sometimes heard the tales of corruption and misuse. It was true – the Imperium was another extreme. Where the rest of Thedus persecuted the mages, the Tevinter Imperium over-exalted them.

I wondered if a balance could ever be established.

While I got my feet back on the ground, my tutelage provided respectable room and board. Arabella had hired me on sight. My champion's mantle was good for something after all. She said I looked capable enough then proceeded to challenge me to a duel. I held back. She wasn't the finest Magister I'd seen. Putting Danarius down had been a struggle. The thought of him brought back memories of downy white hair and big green eyes like wet forests. I smiled at the memory of his curled mouth, his unhappy but willing participation in my quest to save the mages in Kirkwall. In the end, he'd quietly asked if he could return to Seheron. I didn't have the heart to refuse him; in fact, I couldn't deny how sad the thought had made me. He'd been a solid presence at my back. Despite our difference of opinion over the mage issue, his adamancy that they should be regulated and my need to stay out of it, he never once shirked his responsibilities. Fenris never once let me stand alone in battle.

During my two-month tenure in Qarinus, I had thought of looking for him – but never did. He had wanted his freedom so much. Finding him would mean binding him back to me; his sense of honor would compel him to watch over me once again.

"Watch out!"

Head snapping up, I was just in time to see the misfired fireball heading straight for my head. "Balls."

To Be Continued...

Author's Note: There are 5 parts to this. I promise Fenris will be here soon. But I had to do justice to my lovely Hawke. I did sorta put her through a lot trying to finish my Ander's romance. So bear with me, the story is as important as the romance ;)