My response to a question asked on the FR kinkmeme. .
"Okay, I have to wonder; surface common is not Jarlaxle's native tongue; yet he's so eloquent he can charm birds out of trees (and inkeeper's daughters into his bed). Does he have some magical item? Did, I dunno...Enteri tutor him? I'd like someone to write me a fic playing with this."
Well anon, here you go. Oh, and if you can spot the references, you get a cookie.
Enteri was beginning to quickly hate the invention of books. Oh sure, they were useful; sometimes entertaining even. And before his drow companion had bought some of his own, one of his pastimes had been reading them. Now, however, he was being driven insane by the drow.
He'd decided to purchase a dictionary and thesaurus; because while he did have a translator whistle, he felt that 'it cannot fully transcribe the eloquence of my speech'. And now, he injected grand terms into every aspect of his speech. Most of them wrong.
"I am deprived! Despondent! Despairing, dejected, dismal, dispirited-"
"If you continue, I will burn that thesaurus you bought. And the dictionary."
"-Oh, I could never grow shopworn of these, my dear abbil." He said, picking out one of the more interesting words he remembered from said thesaurus. "And please, leave my two books alone; they are instrumental to learning your language better."
Enteri frowned at the odd use of the term 'shopworn'. "That...word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
He heard the rustling of pages.
"...Ah. Hmm. Your right." He paused. "Another point for you."
"Five points now."
"The word 'inconceivable' didn't count. I was, technically, using it correctly."
"Technicalities don't count."