Title: The Waiting Game
Summary: Bella is tired of waiting for Edward to change her, so she takes matters into her own hands.
A/N: This is a bittersweet story. Don't get me wrong, I am a firm Edward/Bella shipper, but this was just begging to be written.
Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming that any portion of Twilight is mine. I just like to play with the characters.
Year One:
I snuggled closer into his chest, and cool, marble arms enveloped me. Ecstatic just to be with him, I tilted my head up and pressed a kiss to his chin.
"Edward?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
He turned me towards him and captured my lips in an amazing, and breathtaking kiss.
"I love you, too."
Year Two:
Edward, I don't think I can do this. How could you have…Edward…I thought you loved me.
A soft choking noise escaped my lips, starting deep in my chest. Gradually, they escalated until ripping sobs were pushing past my tongue and flowing out of my mouth in a ragged rapid of pain. Only one thought raced through my mind now.
Edward…come back.
Year Three:
Smiling, he folded his fingers into mine. The chill was startling, but felt wondrously comforting. My smile couldn't help but falter though, when I thought of another set of hands that were so warm, loving, and almost as comforting. I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind, and continued my journey to his home, which, if all goes correctly, will soon be my home as well…
"You're looking for help," I said slowly.
"Yes." Alice's head cocked to the side as she processed the change in my tone.
"I could help."
A stern voice cut through our conversation, hissing almost, and violent.
"No."
Damn it, Edward, change me.
Year Four:
I don't know why he doesn't understand this. Every year, month, week, day, hour, minute, second and millisecond, I am one more step closer to dying than I was the previous millisecond, second, minute, hour, day, week, month, or year before. Every fucking time increment imaginable that we progress from, I am older than him. Can't he just see? Can't he just understand that I want to be with him forever? What about when I am old enough to be mistaken for his aunt? His mother? I shuddered…his grandmother. I don't know why he just won't get that through his head. Edward, all I want is forever – no, not just forever, eternity and a day with him. It pains me, Edward, don't you see how much it hurts me to know that you don't want to be with me the same way I want to be with you? Please Edward….
Please.
Year Five:
I keep telling myself you know, that maybe tomorrow you will change me…maybe not. I love you Edward, I do. All I wanted, and still want, was to be with you. Every time I asked though, it was always a quick, resilient, resounding, repetitive, "no." This makes my heart hurt. It makes my heart hurt! Why, Edward? Why don't you want to be with me!?
I don't think I can this anymore. I have devoted five years, five years, of my life to you, and all I get in return is nothing. You want me to live Edward?
Let me live.
Let me live or let me be with you.
It is your choice Edward. I love you, I do, and my heart could simply freaking burst from how much I love you…yet…this relationship is abusive to me. I give and give and give, and all I want is for you to change me. Three days of pain I can take - I've already had three years – but you won't! All it does is hurt me to think that maybe, just maybe you'll let me have what I want and need today, and then you rip it away from me with those two dreaded letters.
Last chance my love, because after this…my time is up.
I had met him there earlier this morning, or late at night, I suppose, from his hunting trip and my normal weekend at home. He had cleared a path for me so that I wouldn't be nearly as accident prone, and I had made my way through the shortcuts.
I snuggled closer into his chest, and cool, marble arms enveloped me. Ecstatic just to be with him, I tilted my head up and pressed a kiss to his chin.
"Edward?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
He turned me towards him and captured my lips in an amazing, and breathtaking kiss.
"I love you, too."
There was a lazy lull, and we both just enjoyed the time alone we had together. Or, well, he was enjoying and I was about to break both of our hearts. I moved out of his lap, pretending not to notice him trying to tighten his hold on me. I sat parallel to him, face to face. Whispering so quietly, afraid that any louder would make what I was about to do real.
"Edward, I need to talk to you."
What!? No, pretend that didn't just come out of my mouth, please Edward."
His head cocked in concern, eyebrows furrowing he looked me in the eye.
"What's wrong love?"
Oh God, I can't do this. Don't call me love. Please, don't call me love!
I felt my expression drawing down, melting into a contorted and pained expression.
"I can't…I can't do this anymore."
His own face was stagnant. Blank.
"Do what?"
"This."
"Bella?"
I began to voice all of my concerns to him. When I opened my mouth, tears automatically pushed and poked and the back of my eyes, spilling down in torrents.
"I don't want to do this Edward, understand I beg of you, I just…this hurts me more than you."
"Bella? What do you mean?" His voice arose in alarm.
"Edward. Edward! I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!" I grabbed his hands and pressed them to my heart, needing him to know…to feel it.
The pain.
The love.
The sorrow.
The want.
The freedom.
"But Edward! I can't do this anymore! I need you to change me. I need you to!"
I was scared of the freedom. I needed to be his.
I clenched his hands tighter to me, and thee automated response came forth from his tongue,
"No."
My fingers went lax and his own slipped from mine, his hands landing on the ground with a soft thud.
"Then I'm sorry."
The tears continued on,
"But I have to grow up Edward. I can't be with you forever and yet still age! It doesn't make sense. I either have to leave and grow up or stay and remain my age, which is already too fucking old Edward."
"No, Bella. We can still be together and you remain human. We can! Look how well we are doing!" He tried to rationalize, voice pleading, face a mask of hurt and that of someone trying to make it better.
It tore at my heart and it plucked its strings, yet a new emotion was welling within me, or at least making itself more pronounced.
Anger.
How could he think this was working?
"It hasn't been working Edward! Do you know how many tears I have cried for us, for this? A fucking thousand oceans. I need this! I either need this or need to get rid of it! There is no rehab for us Edward, we are each others drug, but this is the kind that kills you if you hold on to it, and kills you if you get off of it. There is more pain holding on Edward, and I am not ready to deal with any more emotionally. No Edward. Just…no." The last word drifted off, barely above a whisper, and I didn't even realize it, but we were both standing.
The torrent of tears continued to tread down my face.
"I have to let go Edward. I love you, but I have to let go, because either way, I am going to die."
I leaned in and I gave him one last kiss, soft, and loving, but final. He didn't bother trying to wrap me up in his arms, for we both knew that this was the end.
"I love you, too."
His voice was rough. The first time I had ever truly heard the velvet torn and tattered.
A bittersweet smile crossed my face,
"And you know I love you, right?"
"Yes, Bella, I know."
I nodded and turned, tears still pouring, and my heart was ripped from my chest. I didn't dare turn round, didn't dare look back at him, because I knew I would be right back in the vicious cycle if I were to take one more glance in his golden, pain wrought eyes. I also knew that if he was able…he would be crying, yet instead he would be on the ground, shoulders shaking, wishing for the translucent liquid that he could never have.
Looking down, I made my way back through the path, barely noticing how many turns I took this way, how many moments I shifted that ways. Just following the path. I felt an odd sense of déjà vu from what had just occurred. Edward was in my place now, and I couldn't help but feel some sort of satisfaction. I immediately beat myself even further down from feeling such.
I had come to the end of the path, and looked up. The sun was rising off in the horizon, as if just for me, sharp shots of light breaking forth from the darkness. Still dim though, I knew it wouldn't be that way for long.
It seems to me that life, and all the bad things in it, are just a game.
A waiting game, if you will.
I waited and waited and waited for Edward, and he couldn't comply, and now we must wait for the sun to rise.
Yes…a waiting game.
But if you wait long enough, you just might break free.
I am extremely proud of this, and even for all of those who are sure to flame against my anti Edward/Bella story, just be sure to include some constructive criticism as well haha! Thank you all for reading, and reviewing. Wait, what do you mean you haven't reviewed yet?! Click on that little blue button and tell me what your favorite part was, the worst part was, how much you liked it, how much you disliked it, I don't care just give me something!