Perry the platypus shoved against Darren the duck, trying to push him through an entrance. "What did you have for breakfast, bricks?"
"I'm getting out of here, you know." Darren snapped.
"You're stuck in a tube that millions of agents are able to get through. Come on, I can't just stand around and not poke fun at you. Has your head ALWAYS been that big?"
"All right, that's it. Just pull me out. I'll take the stairs."
Perry pulled Darren out of the tube.
"I hate your sense of humor." Darren snapped, heading for the stairs.
"You oughta rent yourself out as a bowling ball."
"NOT listening!"
"You could make enough money to build a larger tube!" Perry called after him.
This had been going on for quite a while between the two of them. It had all started when Perry had come into work wearing a ridiculous costume that his owners, Phineas and Ferb, had dressed him up in. Darren had made nasty comments about it all day long, so the next day, when Darren accidentally tripped over a step more than once, Perry had to return the favor.
Perry wondered when he and Darren were finally going to get even. He was running out of insults.
He took the tube down to the meeting room and landed in a chair next to Major Monogram.
"As we all know, the O.W.C.A's birthday is coming up." Monogram said.
"I didn't know that." Said Kyle the Kangaroo.
Monogram smiled at him. Monogram couldn't understand the animals. He only spoke English. "And I wanted to know some of your ideas of how to celebrate. Write them down."
"We could play 'guess the animal'." Darren said.
"Write it down." Carrie the cat told him.
"No, we can play it right now. You're a cat, Ferdinand's a frog, and Perry… hmm… a beaver? He couldn't possibly be a duck, he's not handsome enough. So Perry, what ARE you, anyway? An abnormally large beaver-bug?" Darren smirked.
Perry glared at him. A few agents started to giggle.
Monogram could tell from the tone of Darren's quack what was going on. "Silence, Agent D."
Perry smiled. Everyone knew that he was Monogram's favorite.
"Now, write them down and send them by email to Carl. Don't worry, Agent L, I'll get you a laptop as soon as possible. Meeting dismissed."
Perry followed Darren back into the main O.W.C.A headquarters. "I'm a platypus."
"I know that." Darren said curtly. "What am I, an idiot?"
"Well, yeah, as a matter of fact."
Darren whipped around. "I don't know what is wrong with you, or why you have to keep being so nasty to me."
"I'd stop if you'd stop."
"You think you're so great, but you aren't. I just help people see your flaws before you get to big-headed."
"This coming from the guy who could be a party balloon."
"I HAD A BIG BREAKFAST, OKAY? I swear, if you make me look like a fool ONE MORE TIME, you will be sorry."
"You don't need me. You can look like a fool all by yourself."
Darren looked straight into Perry's eyes. "You WILL be sorry, Perry the platypus."
It was a relief to get back into the backyard. Perry crawled into Phineas' lap.
"Oh, there you are, Perry." Phineas said, petting his head. "Guess what we got at the pet store today?"
Ferb held up a long thing that Perry suspected was food.
Perry took it and ate it. It was pretty good. He didn't know what it was, but it was good.
"Maybe Perry didn't want a collar after all." Phineas said with a sigh. He put Perry down in the grass and he and Ferb stood up, going back towards the house.
Perry waddled after them.
"Did he like the collar?" Linda, their mother asked as they walked through the sliding glass door.
"Yeah, in a way." Phineas said.
"He thought it was delicious." Said Ferb.
"Keep him outside, then. I don't want him throwing up on the rug again. It's so disgusting to clean up."
"It's not disgusting, it's art." Perry protested. But, as usual, all anyone heard was a chattering noise. He didn't feel like making rug art anyway. He just wanted to take another nap.
He leapt over to his pet bed, padded it with his feet, and lay down.
Within seconds, he was fast asleep.
"Another meeting to decide on an idea." Monogram said on Perry's video phone.
Perry shook his head furiously.
"Yes, Agent P. We need your input. Get down here at once."
Perry sighed and put the phone away. Darren would be very happy to tease today, unless Perry could somehow hide the fact that he was physically unable to sit down or move his back legs at all without pain.
Perry dragged himself across the floor, trying to get to the pet door.
Stupid vet checkups. Two shots in the arm and one on the bottom. Perry wouldn't have minded the numbing pain shot in his arm, but no one had asked him. His arm had felt fine within an hour. His butt, however, was another story.
He wasn't sure what he'd rather take: The tube, or the elevator. The stairs were out for sure. Perry could hardly walk without hurting.
He struggled to stand on his hind feet and decided on the elevator. Once he got down, he went over to the chair next to Monogram and sat so that his head was on the seat.
"Agent P? Are you okay?"
Perry gave him a meaningless chatter.
"I suppose you can sit like that… is it comfortable?"
"Believe me, the ordinary seating position would be worse." Perry said, giving a thumbs-up.
Monogram sucked in his breath. "Okay, if you like sitting like that…"
Darren came in and stared at Perry. "Why are you doing that?"
"I'm making all the blood rush to my head."
"Why?"
"Actually, I don't know." Perry flipped over so that his chin was on the seat and his legs were still propped up. "You know what would be cool? A chair with a hole in the seat."
Darren pointed. "Look at Perry, guys. He's mentally insane!"
Carrie shrugged.
"So what? Looks comfy." Said Petie the pelican.
Darren looked furious.
"Your ideas were great! Unfortunately only four of you submitted ideas." Monogram pulled out some notecards.
"I was busy." Said Devon the dog.
"Carl will read the options, and then we'll vote." Monogram said.
Carl began to read. "Party in the agency, Go to France, Stay home with owners, or… dry clean underwear?"
"Oh, sorry." Monogram snatched back a notecard. "That was part of my list. But since there's such a small number of suggestions, those who want to party will party here with me, those who want to go to France will go with Carl, and those who want to stay will stay."
"Who'd want to stay?" Darren scoffed.
Perry rolled his eyes. "I had a feeling you were going to say that about whatever I picked."
Darren gave him a mean look. "You're just going to stay home with some stupid humans instead of celebrating with people who make this world great? Don't you love your agency?"
Perry clenched his fists. "Take. That. Back."
Darren looked smug. "World's best agent cares more about people who don't know anything rather than his own company. Isn't that right?"
"Leave him alone. It doesn't matter what he picked." Said Devon.
"Fine, take his side." Darren strode out of the room.
Perry stood up. "NO ONE talks about my owners like that."
"I just did." Darren said. "Stupid, dumb, tasteless good-for-nothing owners."
Perry leapt at Darren and began attacking him. The other agents looked on in either shock or delight.
"Agent P, Agent D! Cut it out!" Monogram shouted.
Darren had Perry against the wall, but Perry kicked him away and was on top of him again. In another instant, Monogram had grabbed Perry and Carl had grabbed Darren.
The two animals continued to make threatening noises.
Monogram carried Perry out of the agency. "Honestly, Agent P, what has gotten into you? You and Darren used to get along just like peanut butter and jelly." He approached the Flynn-Fletcher house and rang the doorbell.
"Hi!" Phineas opened the door. "Oh, you found Perry!"
"He was off fighting with an animal, so I thought I'd bring him home." Monogram said, handing Perry back to Phineas.
"Cool. Hey, how did you know where we live? Perry ate his collar yesterday."
Monogram stood still for a moment. "Uh... I need to go… put my suit in the fridge." He ran off down the street.
Phineas brought Perry back inside. "Take it easy, boy."
Perry made a happy chatter. He liked being held so that his bottom wasn't touching anything.
"You like the cookies, Perry the platypus?"
Perry nodded happily and chewed up another chocolate chip cookie.
"Good. I didn't want you to come over here for nothing." Perry's nemesis, Dr. Doofensmirtz, was taking another pan out of the oven. "I just overslept this morning, so I didn't have time to build an inator or even think up an evil scheme. Here, have another. The butter cookies are really good."
Perry wasn't paying any attention to what type of cookie he was eating. They all tasted like the same kind of yummy to him.
"I know what you're thinking. Why have no time for an inator, but plenty of time for cookies? Well, back in Gimmelshtump…"
Perry couldn't help zoning out a little. He never had been a very focused animal. It was just that he'd see something that'd remind him of something else, and then something else, and then by the time he'd remembered to pay attention again, someone was either knocking him over or asking him what he thought about it.
"…And so then he was all up in my face and so, long story short, watermelons are NOT my favorite thing to eat. So I started baking cookies the instant I got up."
Perry nodded and held out his plate.
"More? All right then, Greedy the greedapus." Doofenshmirtz piled some more on the plate. "You know, we should really do this more often. Next time I'll have milk. Goodness, you sure like a lot of cookies. You're not going to make yourself sick, are you?"
"If I do, I can make you some pretty rug art." Perry chattered. He stuffed another handful of cookies into his mouth.
"You know what I think? I think I've had too much sugar. I'm starting to feel that feeling when you laugh at everything and go completely insane…"
Two minutes later, Perry and Doofenshmirtz were jumping up and down on the couch.
"Blurt!" Said Doofenshmirtz, laughing. "Blurt is a funny word."
"Agent G is missing." Said Major Monogram the next day.
"Why does he keep calling all the agents together?" Devon asked.
"Anyway, we'll all need to split up to find Gary the Gander. In teams, of course."
The agents all protested.
"Quiet, quiet! Now, Clara the Chicken, you'll be with Ferdinand the Frog."
Clara didn't look pleased.
"Search until you find him!" Carl called after Ferdinand, who was already hopping out the door.
"Now, Perry the platypus, you'll be teaming up with Sarah the skunk." Monogram looked around. "Has anyone seen Agent S?"
"She's on vacation with her host family, sir." Carl said.
"Okay then. Darren, team up with Agent P."
Darren and Perry stared at Monogram in horror.
"Don't worry, I'm not stupid. I've seen how you two get along these days. But teamwork is just the thing to make you two friends again." Monogram went back to his list. "Agent K, you're with Lizzy the Lizard."
Perry closed his eyes for a moment. "Guess we'd better go look."
"Okay."
He and Darren went outside.
"Where would Gary be?"
"I'd check his nemesis' place." Said Darren. "Maybe he's stuck in a trap or something."
Perry climbed up a tree and gazed out over the street.
"How's that gonna help?" Darren demanded.
"It's a better view."
"Yeah, I'm sure Gary's just gonna be in PLAIN SIGHT."
Perry climbed down. "So, you know where to look then?"
Darren shrugged. "I don't know."
"Okay then." Perry peered over a fence. "Where does his host family live?"
"Any sane animal wouldn't avoid work just to spend time with some dumpy old humans."
Perry sucked in his breath and let it out. "I've seen it done before."
"Well, who cares? Why do I have to get paired up with you and your stupid ideas? I'd probably have found him by now if I had a partner that didn't like wasting time looking in backyards and trees!"
"Look, buddy." Perry grabbed Darren. "I'm not exactly happy with this pairing either. But if you'd just stop criticizing everything I do and say, MAYBE we'll get somewhere!"
Darren shoved Perry away. Then he took a deep breath. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Is it going to offend me?"
"What is it about you? I mean, why do people even like you, anyway?"
Perry frowned. "Well, hypothetically speaking, if I wasn't acting like a total jerk to pretty much everyone around me, I might have a few friends."
Darren folded his arms. "Well, what do you know, anyway? Why don't you just go on home. No one needs you."
"Excuse me? I thought I just heard a jerk talking somewhere."
"Go on. Get home to your stupid old family and their dumb inventions. Yeah, I read your file. I know everything embarrassing about you."
Perry kept his expression neutral.
"I read how you avoided work once just to attend some stupid dumb birthday party for some human."
Perry picked Darren up and stuck him in a trashcan. "I knew we'd find the place where you truly belonged one day."
Darren jumped out and lunged at Perry, but Perry threw him back into a fence.
Darren groaned and fell over.
"Get up." Perry growled.
Darren didn't move.
"Are…" Perry approached him. "Are you okay, Darren? I'm sorry… I don't realize how strong I am sometimes…"
Darren sat up shakily… and in a burst of speed, punched Perry in the eye.
Perry fell back and held his hand over it. "Darren! You…"
Darren rubbed his wing tenderly. It was bent a little. "You know, fences hurt."
He approached the entrance to the O.W.C.A and was gone in a moment.
Perry walked back home, tears of frustration and pain drizzling down his cheeks. What was WITH this agent, anyway?
He removed his hat and lay down on his porch. His eye was still hurting, but not as much as it had been before.
Candace opened the door. "EWW. PHINEAS, I CAN'T EVEN GO OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT RUNNING INTO THIS THING!"
Perry gargled.
Candace grabbed Perry and took him over to Phineas. "THIS is YOUR PLATYPUS." She dropped him in her brother's arms.
"Oh, there you are, Perry."
Perry stared at himself in the mirror again.
Black eye. How would he ever be able to hide that from his family?
"Perry! I have breakfast!" Phineas called.
Perry grabbed some dark sunglasses from Ferb's bedside table, stuck them on, and went to find Phineas.
"Hey Ferb, nice sunglasses. They look good on Perry." Phineas put a bowl of platypus food down on the floor.
Perry munched it happily.
"Actually, I-" Ferb began.
"Hey mom!" Phineas said as his mother came into the kitchen.
Perry dashed into an entrance in the cupboard and fell into his lair. He removed his sunglasses and stuck on his fedora.
"Ah, Agent P." Monogram looked serious. "I need to ask you about Agent D's wing."
Perry sunk lower in his chair.
"It appears to be fractured. Now, normally I wouldn't be pestering you about this, but he claims that you beat him senseless. What's wrong with your eye?"
Perry slid down farther in his chair. Maybe if he fell out, he'd hit his head and go unconscious, and then Monogram would feel sorry for him.
"Agent P, your eye. Please."
Perry grabbed his notepad and scribbled down: A duck with a fractured wing punched me when I tried to help him.
"Ah. Well, I don't know what's going on with you two. You used to play around…"
Perry sighed and looked at Monogram through his good eye.
"Right. Well. Doofenshmirtz was up to something, get to the bottom of it."
Perry saluted and rushed away.
Perry burst through Doofenshmirtz's door.
"Perry the platypus?!... Oh. I'm sorry. I changed the locks and forgot to tell you. I'll make you a new key tomorrow. HAHAHA!" Doof pushed a button and Perry was trapped in a giant cradle with a cage on the top.
He stared at Perry curiously. "What's with the black eye? Have you been fighting with someone else?" His eyes filled with tears. "How could you, Perry the platypus? We had something special!"
Perry said nothing.
"Oh, I knew it wasn't true. Anyway, behold, the babyinator! With this I will turn everyone in the Tri-State Area into BABIES! And I will be the ruler of them all! You know, because I'm the only one who will be an adult and adults are just automatically in charge. Their brains will also turn into babies as well, and they'll think all the same thoughts they did when they were babies! And I will be smarter! So anyway, allow me to demonstrate."
He turned the inator to face Perry and zapped him.
Perry turned into a baby.
"Aww, look how cute you are!" Said a man standing in front of him in a lab coat that was the color of a peeled banana.
Bananas were yummy.
"Now, Perry the platypus, watch as I turn everyone into BABIES!"
This man was interesting. His hair looked like fluffy.
Baby Perry wanted to chew the fluffy. He knocked over his trap and jumped out, then leapt upon the man's head and chewed the fluffiness.
"AKK! Perry the platypus!"
Perry spit. The fluffy tasted like eewie.
The man flailed around and crashed into a shiny metal thing. A pretty green light came out and flashed on Baby Perry.
He suddenly grew again.
This time, Perry was more aware of what was going on. He jumped on Doofenshmirtz and started whacking him against the wall.
Perry then jumped over to the Babyinator and tossed it off of the balcony.
"CURSE YOU, BABY PERRY THE PLATYPUS AND NORMAL PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" Doofenshmirtz shouted as Perry flew away on his jetpack.
Perry returned to the agency and placed his jetpack in the closet. He turned to see Darren with a bunch of agents standing near him.
Darren held up his bandaged wing. "Oh look. There he is."
"Darren, I'm really sorry about your arm…"
"Sure you are. After you practically paralyzed me yesterday."
"Darren, I really am sorry…"
Carrie looked sad. "Why would you beat up such a helpless agent, Perry?"
"Helpless? What about my eye?"
Darren smiled. "See? He only thinks about himself. How mean."
"What is wrong with you?!" Perry shouted. "I have tried like crazy to get you to stop bugging me! Being nice doesn't work and neither does being mean! If I just CRUMBLE, would you STOP?"
Darren continued to look at Perry disdainfully.
"Well, it's not working! I don't know what you're trying to do. Make me angry, or make me cry. Well, I'm not crying. Since it's not working, you can just stop."
"You hurt my wing." Darren said icily. "Haven't you got anything to say?"
Perry let out his breath. "Yes, yes I do. I THINK YOU'RE A NASTY JERK TO TALK TO ME THAT WAY AND ABOUT MY OWNERS."
Darren just stared at him.
A few agents moved away from Darren, except for Carrie, who still looked a little unsure about the whole thing.
Perry ran into his lair and slammed the door.
After making sure Monogram wasn't on the screen, Perry laid his head on his desk and cried.
He heard the door open, but he couldn't stop. Choking tears, he turned to look.
"Are you okay?" Devon the dog asked.
"I'm not crying." Perry insisted. "I'm just expressing my emotions in a tearful manner."
Devon came over and put his paw on Perry's shoulder.
"I said I wouldn't cry, so I'm not." Perry sobbed.
"You need to." Devon handed him a tissue.
Perry blew his nose and looked away. "I just don't understand why he's doing this to me!"
Devon patted him. "Don't worry. None of us believe the lies he told us." He hesitated. "Well… maybe Carrie. But don't worry about that, either. We'll get her on your side."
Perry nodded and wiped his eyes with his fist. "I… I really did hurt his wing, you know. He was just making me so sick, the way he talked about Phineas and Ferb as if they were nothing… they're my owners, by the way… so I threw him… I didn't mean to hurt him…"
"He deserved it. He's been so nasty to you."
"I still shouldn't have done it…"
Devon gave him a hug. "How can anyone be so nasty to a nice guy like you?"
Perry put his face in his hands. "I… I just can't take it anymore!"
"If you need to cry, you can cry. No one cares if you do." Devon said gently.
"I just… need to be alone…"
"Okay." Devon started to leave.
"Devon?"
Devon stopped. "Yeah?"
Perry grabbed Devon and began sobbing. Devon put his arms around him.
"See, Ferb? Bubble baths are much bubblier when we BOTH squirt in bubbles."
Phineas was squeezing gobs of Bubblydoo Bubblebath and Ferb was emptying the Bathtime Bubblefun bottle into Perry's bath.
Perry chattered at them as the bubbles rose higher and higher.
"You know, Ferb, we should do this more often."
The bubbles were dangerously close to touching the ceiling.
"It's much more fun than just a normal bath."
The bubbles were frothing onto the bathroom floor.
"Oops." Phineas said, suddenly noticing the mess. "I'll get the mop."
Perry spit out a few strawberry scented bubbles and leapt to the floor, still covered in white foam.
Ferb picked him up and rinsed the bubbles off in the sink.
Perry looked in the big mirror. His eye was only a little purple now. The bruise was fading.
Perry had no idea that Phineas and Ferb being off at a sleepover would affect him so much. Linda had gone to do shopping, and Lawrence and Candace had forgotten to feed him.
Perry could have fed himself, but he'd overslept and had to run to O.W.C.A for his mission.
When he'd arrived at Doofenshmirtz's, he'd broken into the fridge and grabbed a banana. Heinz was surprisingly understanding. He had trapped him by tying him to a chair with a napkin and gave him a generous helping of food.
Since Phineas and Ferb weren't home, Perry wasn't in a hurry to go back. He took a walk around Danville.
He stopped to look at a poster advertising the Pets at the Park event. The Flynn-Fletchers were going. Perry liked the annual event. There were families with their pets and loads of food.
A duck was standing next to him, staring at the same poster.
"You going, Darren?" Perry asked.
"If I have nothing better to do. Why aren't you at home?"
"Didn't want to go home yet."
"Same here."
Perry turned to face him. "You hardly ever are home, are you? You always hang around the agency or walk around."
Darren looked at the ground. "So?"
Perry sighed. "So, do you think you'll go?"
"If my host family wants to, I suppose I'll have to."
"I'm sorry again. You know… about your wing."
"Carrie and Lizzy signed it."
"That's cool. When I broke my leg, my owners drew on the cast."
Darren gave a heavy sigh. "Owners, owners, owners. Don't you ever talk about anything else?"
"Well, yeah. Do you talk in other languages, or are you only fluent in jerk?"
Darren shoved Perry to the ground. "I don't get what's wrong with you. You just take it. Well, stop taking it! I will make your life completely MISERABLE if you keep insulting me."
"You stop insulting ME!" Perry snapped.
"Go on back to your perfect little suburban house with your perfect family, okay? Just bug off." Darren turned and padded away. Then he stopped, and turned. "You DO have a home, right? You're not just making it up to make people like you?"
"I HAVE a HOME, Darren. It's where I GO after work."
"Apparently not today."
"You know what?" Perry stood up. "Think what you want. Anything I do or say, you'll just twist around anyway. Might as well save some time." Perry started home.
"Where are you going?" Darren demanded. "I'm not done talking to you yet!"
Perry didn't answer. He kept walking.
Perry was burying his least favorite toy, Carlos the Caring Clown, in the backyard.
Nearby, Phineas and Ferb were testing out their Mind Reading machine.
"This is great, Ferb! Now I can tell what you're thinking when you don't say what you're thinking! That makes sense, right?"
Perry placed Carlos in the hole he had made and used his back feet to kick dirt back inside.
A rock fell on Carlos. "You're the greatest!" He said.
Finally, Carlos was all buried. Perry happily lay down on the mound of dirt and closed his eyes.
Phineas picked him up. "Come see the Mind Reader, Perry!" He stepped on the mound.
The pressure must have found its way to the clown.
"You're an amazing friend!" Said Carlos.
Phineas put Perry back down on the ground and began digging the mound. "That's Candace's, Perry. You can't just go burying her old stuff."
Perry chattered.
Phineas pulled Carlos out of the hole and tossed him aside. "Naughty platypus." He scolded.
Perry rolled over in the dirt. Dirt was one of the things he still liked from when he was a mindless animal. It was nice and cool in the summer.
"Well, the Mind Reader works! I'm gonna go get everyone else." Phineas said once he had finished filling Perry's hole.
"That hole didn't just dig itself, you know! It took work!" Perry called after him.
He would try to rid of Carlos later.
"Emergency!" A dog popped over the fence to peek at him.
"What's up, Devon?" Perry asked.
"Doof's caught another platypus thinking it was you. You have to go protect it."
Ferb looked confused at seeing Devon.
"Distract my owner, please!" Perry said, running to his entrance.
Devon began to juggle three dog bones. Ferb watched in amazement.
Perry slid down into his hovercar and sped of to Doofenshmirtz's.
Doofenshmirtz had a platypus tied to a chair when Perry burst in.
"Perry?" Doofenshmirtz looked shocked. He stared at the two animals. "Oh, I see. You have brown eyes, and this one has blue. How could I have mixed that up…"
Perry untied the other platypus. "Sorry about this. Just as a warning, wearing the fedora will cause this to happen."
"I have to wear it." She said. "I'm from an agency."
"Which one?"
"O.W.C.A."
"Me too!"
"Well, I don't live here. I'm from the one in Texas. I was just visiting." She smiled at him. "My name's Penny."
"I'm Perry." He shook her hand. "If you want to meet him, the head of O.W.C.A lives here…"
"I'd love to. I've never seen him."
Perry got into his hovercar and helped her in.
"Perry the platypus, where are you going? I haven't even told you my evil scheme yet!"
Perry flew out of the building.
"Gosh, it's high, isn't it?" Penny said nervously.
"Not very."
"I'm afraid of heights."
"I love them. But it's okay. If you're scared, I mean. You aren't going to fall, though. Over there's the banana store, and that is the Googleplex mall." He looked at her. There was something about her that… kind of made him feel a little funny.
"Building." She said.
Perry looked forward and yanked back on the steering wheel, just in time to avoid the Danville Tower.
"I… meant to do that." He said, laughing a little.
They parked in front of the O.W.C.A headquarters and went in.
Monogram was fighting with Carl.
"Carl, I told you, if you borrow my red pants you have to give them back!"
"I would, but I keep telling you, my dog ate them!"
"What a lame excuse." Monogram suddenly saw Perry. "Oh, Agent P. Who's this?"
Perry chattered.
"Oh, I remember Penny the platypus." He came over and patted her on the head. "Part of some of the most exclusive agents in Texas."
"Exclusive?" Carl asked.
"You know, they go around doing pretty much the same stuff our agents do here, except they live at the agency and try not to be seen by any humans. Very difficult. I'm glad you got her out of Evil Incorporated, Perry."
Perry nodded, at a loss for words. He suddenly felt very small.
"So, what do you do here?" Penny asked him.
"Well…" Perry looked at the floor. "Mostly… stop my nemesis."
"That's cool." Penny smiled at him again. "You got any friends here?"
"Practically all the agents."
"There's a company down in Austin I have to bring down. So hard to do… all these men everywhere. I never go in alone. But day after day, we gotta break in there and deactivate everything that blinks, makes noise or looks evil…"
Perry nodded. "Guess Danville's a pretty boring place to be, then…"
"Not at all." She said, putting her arm around him. "There's something I wanted to tell you. You see, ever since I saw you, I knew…"
It was indeed perfect timing for Darren to walk in. He stared at them.
Penny waved. "Who's this?"
"Um, Darren, this is… Penny. Penny, that's Darren." Perry rubbed his face.
"Hey." Penny said.
Darren said nothing. His expression was wavering between anger and mockery.
"Well." He said.
Perry wasn't sure what Darren was planning, but he was certain that whatever he was going to say next, it wouldn't make him very happy.
"Nice girlfriend." Darren said churlishly. "Wonder what the other agents will think when they find out that Agent P never told them about his little summer ROMANCE."
"Shut up!" Perry shot back. He didn't dare look at Penny.
"Perry and Penny, sittin' in a tree…" Darren sang, skipping off into the next room.
Perry could feel his face heating up. He clenched his teeth.
"Perry…" Penny started to say. "I wanted to tell you, you're…"
Perry opened the huge glass door and walked out of the agency.
Phineas tapped on Perry from underneath his blue blanket. "Come on, Perry, get up!"
"I'm invisible." Perry chattered. "You can't see me."
Nothing had been more embarrassing than last night. Darren's little tale about Perry's new girlfriend had spread around the whole agency. Penny had tried to call him, but Perry turned his phone off. He didn't need her getting angry about it on top of everything else.
"Peeeerrryyyyy." Phineas picked Perry up, blanket and all, and began to shake him.
"I am so invisible that you are just saying my name to a blanket. You don't know I'm here. I do not exist." Perry continued.
"I know you're in there, Perry."
"No, you don't. Because I am invisible."
Phineas pulled off the blanket.
"Darn, you got my cloak." Perry grumbled.
"Mom made you breakfast." Phineas carried Perry down the stairs.
Perry hung limply in his owner's arms. He did not want to go to work today.
He wished he'd let Doofenshmirtz teach him some magic tricks. Then he could make Darren disappear.
Phineas put Perry in front of his food dish. "Bon Appetit."
Perry pushed his bowl away and lay down on the floor.
"Mom, I think Perry's sick."
"I'll take him to the vet on the way to the store."
Panicked, Perry hastily ate his breakfast.
"Never mind!" Phineas called.
Perry finished his meal and sat down dizzily. Eating fast really DID make him sick.
"If you need me, I'm going to work up some rug art." He told Phineas. He ambled over to the living room.
"Hey, Perry."
Perry didn't turn around. "I'm sorry about Darren, Penny. He spread that stupid rumor…"
"Not your fault." Penny sat down next to him and smiled. "Can I please tell you what I've been trying to?"
"Fine."
"Okay, well, I was born in Danville in a zoo."
"No kidding? I was too!"
"Yeah. So anyway, the zoo had too many platypuses already and I was sent off to a Texas zoo. An O.W.C.A man found me there and trained me. But I had no idea what became of the other platypuses in my litter. Until now."
"They ran off to the circus and joined the clown show."
"No." She giggled. "I remember I had a brother who liked the color of grass. He looked a lot like you."
Perry stared at her. She looked kinda familiar.
"You're my brother, Perry. I knew it the second I saw you. Also, I compared a picture of us to a baby photo of you." She held up an article that said DANVILLE ZOO GETS NEW PLATYPUS LITTER. The picture underneath showed a pile of baby platypuses.
Perry recognized himself immediately.
"Gosh…"
"I know!" She gave him a hug. "We've got to get back there! We can find our family again!"
"Oh… cool."
"We'll leave tonight! It'll be like a reunion!" Penny stopped, looking at him. "You're not excited."
Perry took a deep breath. "It's just… I… I already have a family."
"I don't know what you mean."
"You live in an agency, but when I'm not here… you see, my family… I couldn't leave them. I love them."
Penny hung her head. "Oh. Never mind then. I might go though… if that's okay with you."
"It's fine. Mom and dad will be really happy to see you."
She gave him a serious look. "You're really sure you don't want to go?"
"They mean everything to me."
"Okay then... I'll pack. See you tonight."
"I'll be…"
"I'll find you." Penny got up and left the room.
Perry followed her. "Penny, don't be upset…"
"I just wish we could have gone together. But I'm glad you get to stay." She said.
"Hey, look!" Darren said, a few agents behind him. "It's the new happy couple!"
"Got something to say to my sis, Darren?" Perry asked.
Darren stood there for a moment, looking between the two of them.
"I thought you said they were boyfriend and girlfriend." Carrie mewed.
"Get a clue, Carrie." Devon said, coming up behind her. "He LIED. Like he does all the time."
"I do not lie ALL the time!" Darren insisted. "And they never told me they were brother and sister!"
"They never told you they were in LOVE, either. Right, Darren?"
Darren turned red.
"Why do you have to spend all your time making people miserable?" Ferdinand asked.
"Yeah! You've just been telling us lies about Perry this whole time!" Added Lizzy.
"Guys…" Perry started. "Thanks, but you don't have to gang up on him…"
"I don't need your help, Perry the loserpus!" Darren yelled at him. "And I don't need all you other stupid agents making me feel like I'm an idiot, either!"
"Wow, Darren, Perry's actually trying to HELP you after everything you've done to him!" Devon said. "But, of course, since you're such a nasty person, you won't even give him credit for THAT."
"You don't KNOW, okay? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!" Darren pushed through the agents with his good wing and ran off.
Perry didn't know how to react.
"We got your back, buddy." Devon said.
"Me too." Said Carrie.
Penny nodded at Perry and went outside.
"Thanks guys." Perry finally said.
"You know what weirds me out?" Devon said. "He only says bad stuff to you."
"Surely he's made fun of someone else…" Perry said.
All the agents shook their heads.
"He never used to do that to you." Devon continued. "We all know that. Except Kenny the Koala. He's new."
Kenny tipped his hat drowsily.
Perry just stood there. "I… I just always assumed that he was like that with everyone… what is it he has against me?"
Devon shrugged.
Perry was sleeping peacefully in his pet bed in the kitchen.
He heard something come through the pet door.
Perry stood up and put on his hat. Maybe it was that cat next door, looking for some more mice.
Penny emerged through the pet flap, shaking rain from her water-tight fur. "Hey bro."
Perry sighed with relief. "Penny. You freaked me out."
"I'm all set to go." She held up a bag with a picture of Pinhead Pierre on it. "Found this on the street."
"Epic."
"You're sure you're not coming?"
"I may drop by to visit one day. Much later, though. Tomorrow's this Pets at the Park thing."
Penny gave him a hug. "I'll look forward to it. Nice to see you again."
"You too, sis." Perry hugged her back.
"I'll tell mom and dad you said hi."
"Thanks."
Penny gave him another hug, and then vanished through the flap.
Perry lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes.
Since Phineas and Ferb had gone to Isabella's for the day, Perry took another walk.
It was too bad Ferb had gotten sick and they'd had to miss Pets at the Park. At least he'd still been able to spend time with the boys at home.
"Perry! Wait up!"
Perry turned around. Darren was running up to him. He held out a pen.
"If you want, you can sign my cast."
Perry looked at him skeptically.
"Really, Perry, I want you to sign it."
Perry took the pen, still watching Darren. Finally he relaxed and wrote his name.
"You know, when my nemesis broke his leg once, he wanted me to sign his cast. So he circled a spot to save for me and wrote 'Save for Perry' in it. There wasn't any space left after that."
Darren laughed a little and took the pen back. "So… anyway. I went to the park event yesterday with my… owners."
"Did you like it?"
Darren smiled shyly. "Yeah, actually. It was really fun. Most fun I'd had in a while. I looked for you."
"One of my owners got sick. We couldn't make it."
"Oh. I'm sorry." Darren looked away. "I'm… also really sorry about everything else."
"It's fine."
"No, it's not." Darren turned back to him. "You see, I used to spend all this time with my host family. A few weeks ago they had a baby, and suddenly it was like I didn't exist anymore. They even shut me out of the house once when my squeaky toy was making the baby cry."
"That's terrible!"
"I felt that way, too. I just felt so ignored and terrible I just needed to let it out somewhere. I was sure that my family didn't care about me. I was just some kind of thing that was around for their own purposes. And then I'd come in to work and you'd be talking about how much fun you had with your family every day, and… I just… got…" Darren took a breath. "I got really jealous. Then you came in wearing that thing they dressed you up in, and I just took all that hurt and unhappiness I was feeling, and turned it all on you. I thought it'd feel better if someone else had something worse going on for them. It was really mean of me. But then everyone else started sticking up for you and getting mad at me… and I felt so friendless and alone… and you would just take it all… and I think somewhere inside of me I knew I was being wrong and awful to you, and that just made me feel even worse. And I know you can never forgive me for all of that, so don't even try."
"I had no idea what was going on with you. I'm so sorry."
"It's great now. My owners love me again. Even the baby had a good time. But don't apologize to me. I did all the bad stuff."
"Then I forgive you."
"You can't." Darren turned away. "And that's the worst part. We can't ever act like we used to, back when we were best friends. There's always gonna be this huge wall of awkwardness between us…"
"It's called forgive and forget. I'll think of you as I did before all that stuff."
"All the other agents hate me, I don't blame you if you do too, but you really don't have to forgive me if…"
Perry wrapped his arms around Darren and hugged him. "Good to have you back, buddy."
He felt Darren relax, and finally hug him back.
The next day, Perry was feeling incredibly happy. He even allowed Carlos the Caring Clown to exist next to him on the couch.
He was in Phineas' lap, who was sitting next to Ferb. Lawrence had rented all 567 episodes of Pinhead Pierre for them to watch.
"Get ready!" Lawrence said excitedly as he popped in the DVD and sat on the couch next to Phineas.
"I love the way you care about me!" Carlos said after Lawrence sat on him.
"Whoops." Lawrence pulled Carlos off the couch and tossed him against the wall.
"You're the kindest person ever!" said Carlos.
"Carlos has issues." Perry chattered. He rolled over on Phineas' lap.
Darren found Perry after his battle with Doofenshmirtz.
"My host family's taking the baby to some theme park, so I'm not going home just yet." Darren explained. "Wanna do something?"
Perry thought a moment.
"I mean, if you'd rather go home, I understand." Darren said quickly.
"Nah, I'm up for a wild goose chase. You know, we never did find Gary."
Darren smiled. "Shall we go look?"
"Lead the way, sir."
They linked arms. Laughing, the two agents went out the door, much to the confusion of Devon, Carrie and Lizzy, who were standing nearby.
"Did we miss something?" Devon asked.