Hey, I'm with another one-shot, I hope that you like this one better then you did the last one, I sure do. Anyway, thanks to my beta, you're the best.
NOT. MINE.
I don't know how long I've been seating slumped on the couch in the same position, with an almost full bottle of beer I've been nursing in one hand and the television remote that I haven't bothered to use, in the other. It must have been a while, because all of the sudden I realize my eyes are burning. I guess I've been so distracted that I haven't bothered to blink. I rub my eyes with the palm of my hand to relieve the burn.
The Purcell case is finally over and I couldn't be happier. This case and my current situation have taken a lot out of me. I am so exhausted both physically and emotionally. I can't believe how many twists and turns this case has taken. It was a roller coaster ride trying to figure out who was lying and who was telling the truth.
I've seen a lot of things in my work, but this one really takes the cake. I can't fathom how a kid who should be going to his senior prom, preparing for his graduation and starting college in the fall, is instead killing one girl and raping half a dozen others. I mean the kid's not even out of high school, Kevin Wilcox life should be just beginning but it's already over.
And poor Holly, her life will never be the same again. She should be hanging out with her friend and doing everything nine year old girls should be doing. Instead she will probably be in therapy for years trying to forget how Kevin Wilcox ripped away her childhood. How someone took so violently what no person has the right to take.
Taking a sip of my now lukewarm beer, I can't help but think how Holly's father must feel, to have your little girl violated in such a horrific way. You think that as a parent when you send your child to school that they will be safe, since it's the second safest place after their own home. How horrible he much feel knowing that someone hurt his little girl right under his nose and he didn't even notice it.
When I think about Holly and all those other girls who had their innocence so violently taken away, I can't help but think of my own children. About what I would do if anyone dared to take advantage of them the way Kevin Wilcox did to Holly and so many other girls.
I don't think I would be able to handle it if something happened to Maureen when she went to a keg party and some drunken frat boy didn't want to take no for an answer. I can't imagine what I would do if someone hurt my little girl, my lovely little sunshine. She's still a baby to me and I can't picture what I would do if someone hurt her.
Or if Kathleen decided she wanted to go to a party and while she was dancing with her friends some creep slipped something into her drink. This world is so much different from the one I grown up in, it has became a creepy world filled with criminals and sick people.
If god forbid the twins meet someone on-line that they think is their age and when they agree to meet their new on-line friend it turns out that it is some thirty-something pervert wanting to take advantage of them. They are so young and pure, that I think I would die if someone dared to hurt any one of my children.
I don't want to imagine how easy it would be for any of those things to happen. I mean Holly's father was with her everyday and he didn't even know that someone in her own school was abusing his daughter. So, how can someone in my situation where, they don't even live with their children protect them? I barely knew what was going on in my house when I lived there, how I can protect them if I only get the chance to see them on Wednesday's and every other weekend? I know I can't.
Thank god we finally caught Kevin Wilcox and got him into custody where he will never hurt another little girl again. It makes my job worth wild to know that we got at least one more predator off the streets. One less prick that won't ever get the chance to hurt any other children.
I was so glad when this cased ended that I couldn't wait to go home and get in my bed and sleep for days. That is what I had every intention of doing when I walked out of the interrogation room, but I guess Olivia had other plans, because as I followed Fin out she stopped me and said that I should stop by my desk first.
Walking toward her I couldn't help but notice the smile on her face, you know the one. Like the cat that ate the canary and I know she was up to something. As I approached her I could see four figures out of the corner of my eye. I turned with curiosity to face my desk I got the surprise of my life; all four of my children were standing there with a cake and a little candle that could burn a Forrest. I glance back at Olivia quickly as if to ask her is this real? She still had that same smile on her face and I knew it was.
As I move to hug my kids it feels like I can't get there fast enough. I embrace Maureen first and she whispers in my ear 'Happy Birthday, Dad.' I hadn't registered in my mind that it was even my birthday until that moment. In that instant I realize that, Olivia Benson, my partner and best friend had given me the greatest birthday present of my life.
A knock at the door brings me out of my thoughts.
I put my warm beer on the coffee table as I stand to answer the door. I glance at the clock on the wall as I make my way down the small hallway. Nine-thirty is marked on the clock. Who could be here at this hour is beyond me. Not that I mind in the least, I'm just really exhausted. Turning the door handle I get my answer. Well speak of the devil, it my partner in the flesh and what a lot of flesh it is.
Racking my eyes down her body I don't think I have ever seen so much exposed skin on Olivia Benson in the six years that we have been partners. She's wearing a tan trench coat that hits just below her knee and I swear I can see the actual skin of her leg. I know for a fact that I have never seen Olivia's bare leg. That might be a good thing because I'd probably never get any work done if that's what I could be looking at all day.
"Well, are you gonna invite me in or are you just gonna stare at me all night?" she says with a slight smile and I realize that I have been staring at her the entire time. When the heck did that happen? When did I become accustom to staring at Olivia?
I move to make room for her to enter my apartment and as she passes by me I get a whiff of her perfume. She smells like vanilla and something else I can't quiet put my finger on. She smells so good, why is it that I have never noticed that until this very moment? I've worked with the woman for the better part of a decade and I never realized how beautiful she is. I mean I know she's pretty, even a blind man would know that, but I've never noticed how incredibly gorgeous she really is
"Can I take your coat?" I ask as I turn around after I close the door behind her. I go to remove her coat, but she turn to face me and I lower my arms back down to my sides.
"No Thanks, I walked here and I'm still a little chili,"she says as we make our way back down the short hallway to my small living room.
"Can I get you something to drink?" I ask as I point to the kitchen. I hope she needs a drink because I know I sure do. At least I need to get away from here, I need a break… a break from whom? Not from her of course.
"Um yeah, sure,"she whispers shyly after thinking it over a moment.Thank God she said yes! I don't even know why I'm acting like a complete fool around her today, she's just my partner… but I wish she would be more… NO! … She's just my partner! My sexy partner…Okay where did that come from?
I make my way to the modest kitchen to get our drinks and take a deep breathe before entering the small room. What is wrong with me? I've never acted this way toward another woman when I was married. I never once looked or thought about another woman in the twenty some-odd years I was married to Kathy.
Then It hits me, hits me like a fist to the gut. I've had blinders on, I was so focused on Kathy, the kids and my responsibilities as a good husband and father that I put being a man on the back burner. Well the blinders come off tonight. I've been a married man for so long I never got a chance to just be a man. That stops right here, right now Kathy wanted this separation so I'm going to milk it for all it's worth.
I grab two beers out of the refrigerator and make my way back to the living room. I stop dead in my tracks and almost drop the beer bottles I have in my hands. Olivia is sitting on my couch with her back to me; her right leg crossed over her left, her coat just barely covering her thigh, her left forearm resting on the back of the couch looking out the window.
Walking over to her I am thankful that the beers on my hand are cool because my palms are sweating like I've been sitting in a sauna for hours. I try to speak but suddenly realize there is a lump in my throat. I clear it and she turns her head to face me, I hand her the bottle as I sit next to her on the couch.
"Nice view" she comments as she takes the bottle from me and turns back to face the widow. Yeah… I could say the same of you… what's wrong with me? She looks so shy and sweet sitting there… I wish I could… could what? Kiss her… come on Elliot! Behave like an adult, well… I am behaving like an adult. I laugh at my overwhelming thoughts.
"Sure is." I say, looking directly at her and quickly focusing my attention back to the window.
We stay focused on the view out the window in silence for several minutes. It's a comfortable silence, it's always been that way with us. We can sit together for hours without saying a word I've always liked that about us. I've always liked how so many things between us can be spoken wordlessly. How with just a look we can encourage one another, comfort one another, tell that the other is angry or upset. I would bet it would be a sight to see from the outside looking in.
"Not that I mind you being here or anything, but what exactly are you doing here?" I ask breaking the silence that had enveloped the room. Not that it bothers me but I really would like just to hear her voice.
"Well, I know how this case and everything currently going on in your life at the moment is effecting you, so I thought I would come by and keep you company for a while." she says looking over at me after taking a sip of her beer.
"Yeah, it really has," I sigh taking a long swig of my beer. "It's just when I look at Holly I can't help but see my kids. I can't help but think what if something like what happened to Holly happens to one of my kids. I don't know what I would do." I finish as I look back out the window.
"It's okay El, I know your kids are good kids and you have raised them to be observant. They know the kind of job that we do, they know what kind of sickos are out there." the next thing I know her hand is in mine and she squeezes gently. She gives me a reassuring smile and I can't help but smile back at her.
"Thanks Liv, Sometimes I'm not so sure I've been around enough for my kids, to know weather or not I've ant effect on their up bring. It means a lot to me to know you think I've been a good influence on my kids" I say as I squeezing her hand in return.
It's amazing. How she can make me feel so much better just by listening to my concerns and reassuring me that I've been a good role model for my kids, sometimes I'm not so sure of that myself.
No one really knows this but when it comes to my kids I've always been a little insecure that I'm not have any influence in my kids lives. I work so many hour to try and protect my kids from the evils of this world that I'm not sure that I have had any effect on their lives.
"It's no problem El, I know how much your kids mean to you. You risk your life every day so that they and others out there will be protected." she say as she sits her empty beer bottle on the coffee table. "Okay enough of this feeling sorry for yourself. It's your birthday and we are not going to think about work for the rest of the night."
"Okay Benson, what do you have in mind?" I ask playfully as I also sit my empty beer bottle next to hers.
"Well I was thinking maybe we could order some takeout and watch a movie or something like that." she says taking her shoes off and slipping her leg underneath herself.
"Pizza?" I question making my way to the kitchen. She nods and gives my a small smile. "You like meat lovers, right?" I ask looking back at her over my shoulder. I know she could live the rest of her life just on meat lovers pizza. She has the appetite of a man, she can eat a whole medium pizza by herself and I secretly love it.
"Your damn right, Stabler. You know I could live the rest of my life just on meat lovers pizza." she says as her smile widens.
Ha told ya! I know her better then anyone, it's like we have E.S.P. or something. I love that I can be so en sync with someone that you know probably everything about them and vise Vera.
After making the call to her favorite pizzeria I return to the living room and sit down next to Olivia, just a little closer this time. I can't help myself, it's like I'm one half of a magnet and she is the other and we are pulled together by forces outside the realm of understanding.
We talk about the most stupid things as we wait for the food to arrive. It's so rear that we get to talk about anything other then work and I am going to take advantage of it for as long as possible. I've talked like this with Kathy, I guess it because I was never in the house long enough or came in after everyone else had gone to sleep, that I never really got the chance.
Finally the doorbell ring indicating that our food has arrived and I get up to answer it. I grab my wallet off the coffee table as I stand and make my way to the front door. I've give the delivery guy his payment and head back into the living room where I discover Olivia is nowhere to be found.
Sitting the pizza box down on the coffee table I turn to go in search her. Before I can barely take a step, she is standing right next to me, two more beer bottle in one hand and two plats in the other. I take the beer that she offers as she puts the plats down next to the boxes.
"So, what movie do you want to watch?" I ask as I bend down to be level with my movie collection.
"Birthday boys chose," she says and I turn back to the shelf and make my selection. I put the movie into the DVD player and stand to return to my spot on the couch.
As I sit Olivia hands me my plat of food and we settle in to watch the movie. I lean back in to the couch and wait for her reaction. Ever since I moved out of the house and into my own apartment Olivia and I try to have a movie night at least once a week. Every time I ask her what movie her want to watch, she pretty much always lets me choose and I always choose the same one and she always give the same reaction.
I look over at her from the corner of my eye and I know realization is about to hit her. She sighs and looks over at me putting her head on my shoulder, and I know what she is about to say.
"Ah Elliot, not this again." she whines. "This is like the third time in two months that we've watch this movie."
"Well if you would pick a movie when I ask you what movie you want to watch, instead of letting me choose, then maybe we would watch something different." I state matter-of-factly as I take a swig of my beer.
We fall into a comfortable silence once more as the movie begins to play on the television screen. Several minutes later I find myself zoning out, the movie becoming an after thought. I how can I concentrate on a movie when I have a woman much more beautiful then any 'Big Screen' actress sitting next to me.
Before I even know what happened I realize that I have fallen asleep. I go to sit up but there is something heavy keeping be in place. I look down and a smile comes to my face, Olivia has taken it upon herself to curl up on my chest. I bring my left hand up to her cheek and brush my hand over cheek lightly. Her skin is so soft, like a porcelain doll and briefly I wonder how it got that way. Does she work at it or is it just her natural skin. Either way it is probably the softest skin I have ever had the pleasure of touching.
My hand must have lingered a little long then necessary because I hear a moan come from Olivia. I quickly remove my hand and as I do her eyes open. For moment she looks dazed and confused and I hold my breath, I don't want to scar her and make her think I took advantage of her while she was asleep. Her eye find mine and I give her a small smile.
"We fell asleep." I say simply yet honestly.
"The movie over?" she questions as she looks toward the television. She sits up straight and I instantly miss the contact.
"Yeah." I say as I stretch my ares over my head.
"I guess I better get home then." she say as she looks for her shoes to put them back on.
"Yeah, it is getting later." I don't really want her to go but I don't want to be forward by asking her to stay.
She turn to me and what she does next surprises me. Before I know it her arms are around my neck and she is hugging me. I'm surprised because this is not something that we do. We don't show affection toward one another.
She pulls back from me and find each others gazes, our arms are still wrapped around each other. As I look into her eye I know what I am about to do I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. Before I can second guess myself I lean and my lips are on hers. Her lips are soft and I for a moment I think I could spend the rest of my life only kissing her. I may be getting a little a head of myself even though it is true.
My hand finds its way to her knee and I come in contact with bare skin. I reach to the tie of her coat and I realizes for the first time all night that she is still wearing it. I finally get the tie loose and the coat falls open, I snake my hand inside her coat and I realize why, I come in contact with the bare skin of her abdomen.
I pull back abruptly and look at her with a surprised yet pleased expression on my face. It shocks the hell out of me that she would do something like this. I never in a million year thought that Olivia would do anything like this.
"What? You don't like your birthday present?" she questions with a mischievous look on her face.
"Oh I like it very much." I state as I look her up and down. I can't help the wide grin that appears on my face.
She leans into me, her lips next to my ear. "Happy Birthday, Elliot." she breaths and I know this has got to be the best birthday ever.
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