Love is, and will always be, a mystery to us.
I had spoken those words with the belief that they were absolutely true. Rima, who had just joined my group, looked up at me with an emotionless face. I knew my words had caused her great sadness, and I knew she was just trying to be strong, but I told her none the less. She had needed to know then, that with the position we were in, neither of us would ever be given the opportunity.
I am only now realizing, after ten long years of loneliness, how wrong I was. At the age of eighteen, I am still not completely sure what "Love" is, though I'm confident I have a decent understanding.
Love is: when, no matter what, you will always forgive them.
It's hard to pull a genuine smile out of me most days, but he never fails. It doesn't really matter that he ignores me, scoffs at me, or tells me to leave him alone. He and I both know it's an act; the moment we are alone in a hallway, he steps closer to me, almost protectively, and stays by my side. We do not speak, but I can feel his resentment for what he had said. And I will always turn and hug him gently, letting him know I love him just the same.
Love is: wanting to make the other happy.
It had been a very hard mission. Many were killed, and the whole city had been damaged beyond repair, so Allen and I had to evacuate the citizens. Besides my obvious wounds, I was just plain exhausted.
Though I was still tired, I started feeling lazy and decided, against what my body wanted, to train for a few hours. In the end, I was glad I made the choice. Because, sitting on a bamboo mat, was Kanda.
Smiling, I walked up and sat right down beside him.
"Hi Kanda." Even my voice sounded tired and sluggish.
"I'm trying to focus, Chiquita. If you can't respect that, get out." Oh, he was in a snippy mood. He probably had another fight with Rima or Lavi.
I didn't answer him. Instead, I sat in a very relaxed position and silently breathed in deeply. I could follow his terms very well, if that's what he wanted. Soon I heard shuffling and opened my eyes. Kanda was staring at me intensely.
"Yes?" I made sure to keep my voice low.
He glared slightly, mostly from habit, and asked
"Why are you so calm? Normally you're all over me." I tried not to smirk at the last part.
"You asked me not to." I leaned my head down on his shoulder and closed my eyes. "And I just want you to be happy."
I heard him grunt, but he didn't move away from me. In fact, he leaned into me a bit. I finally fell asleep.
Love is: being there for them.
Kanda was still in the hospital and I was still at his side. He had insisted many times that I leave him be and go do something practical.
I did not snap at him and tell him that he was more important than anything in my life, though I wanted to, because it would have sounded cheesy and Kanda would have dismissed it immediately.
Instead I countered and replied, "So I should leave the only sensible exorcist the Black Order has, who can not only fight but actually keep his head in battle, and go play a silly game of chess with Johnny?" He didn't even open his mouth to protest. He simply turned his head quickly and "Che'd" me.
Smiling in victory, I leaned in and pressed my lips to the side of his head. Slowly, I traveled down to his ear. "You can't win every battle, Kanda."
Yes, I still didn't know everything about love. Sometimes, I wondered what I even saw in Yuu Kanda. "Maybe it's only pity..." I would think. But if it was, why did I have a heart sinking feeling that I wouldn't be able to go on if he died.
Rima surprised me one day by saying, "I know what you mean. It truly is confusing. Most people can never fully grasp its concept." She looked over at me and smiled. "But we're pretty damn smart." When did this seventeen year old get so... wise?
She was half right. Love was confusing, but were we really smart enough to figure out something so foreign?
We didn't get a chance to speak again that day; Kanda and I left for mission only minutes later.
We rode in silence for a few hours before I spoke up.
"Kanda?" He looked at me. "How do you know if love is true?" We were always open with each other.
He was silent for a long time. So long that I feared I might have angered him.
Then, to my relief, he answered," What does it feel like when I do this?"
I had no time to question his words, because in the next moment, his lips were on mine. As fast as he came, he was gone, looking down at me expectantly.
Of course I had been kissed before, quite a few times actually, but never like that. Compared to that, the others seemed like lust induced madness. This felt more...
"...Pure." The word came to me so easily. I looked up at him with wide eyes. He smirked at my expression. "It felt real; true."
He leaned closer. His intense blue eyes held my mahogany ones.
"Correct." His lips touched mine once more.
Love is when you know it's true.