"You don't have the faintest idea about what to do with yourself, have you James? Remus sighs deeply and pities his friend's lack of common sense. Ten year olds bully the person they fancy, pulling their hair means 'you're pretty', laughing at their misfortune means 'you're so cute' and punching them square in the face means an irrevocable 'I love you'. Yes, its all really lovely in the sweet world of ten year olds. The sad bit is that James Potter is six years past ten and still didn't manage to fathom why he never had a girlfriend.
"Moony, let the poor lad be, he already knows how hopeless he is" Sirius tries to muffle is laughter, but seeing James' defeated expression and Remus's stern look is rather amusing.
"Why must you be so harsh on me? Aren't we best mates? Why do you both relish upon my misery?" Remus rolls his eyes, James gets annoyingly melodramatic whenever Lily tells him to shove his wand up the arse, and that unfortunately happens quite often.
"No one is 'relishing upon your misery' we are just bewildered by your stupidity" he rubs his temples and sighs once more.
"You always speak so prettily Moony, wouldn't you consider writing a book? You could write about Prongs' lack of tact I bet it would be a hit among book worms such as yourself"
"You lot aggravate me so much it isn't even funny" Why must he have friends like these? Why must they depend on him so much? He isn't their mother; he doesn't even have breasts for crying out loud.
"This is serious, don't you see? Next year we finish school, I have two years to make Lily Evans understand she is utterly in love with me." James pulls at his hair and growls like an animal much like Sirius would in his canine form.
"Not even if you had twenty years that would happen, mate." Sirius pats James' back playfully and Remus struggles to keep the corners of his lips from twitching upwards. He can only be so serious.
"Your methods are primitive and Lily is not some cavewoman, you must treat her gently and be nice to her, if you act like she's one of the lads you'll never make your point across"
"Unless she thinks you are a poof, in that case treating her like a boy makes perfect sense" Sirius nods twice and rubs his chin, deeply in thought about his most recent discovery. That would explain pretty much everything about Evans behaviour. She thinks James is a poof making fun of her. Brilliant. He, Sirius Black is pure genius.
"Some friends you are, so now I'm a barbaric poofer, eh? Where is Peter? He too needs to step on my pride" James deflates impossibly and buries his head deep in the cushioned sofa of the Gryffindor common room.
"That's the silliest question ever. He is in the kitchen eating is weight in candy obviously" Says Sirius now very enthralled by the adorable way Remus plays with the hem of his shirt. That seems to be happening a lot, he reflects, not Remus playing with his clothes, but he noticing every little bit of sweet awkwardness about his friend. And there is a lot to be noticed. For Remus is really social inept, he is always fairly nice to everybody and well-liked by almost everyone but there's also an edge of jumpiness whenever he is around someone other than the marauders. And Sirius finds that quite endearing, hell if he knows why.
"Hey Sirius...I'm talking to you" James waves in front of his face and he snaps out of the Remus induced trance only to be greeted by two pairs of raised eyebrows.
"Sorry 'bout that, I'm quite sleepy it seems" He rubs his eyes to add a wee bit of emphasis, desperately praying that no one enquires him about the mysteries of Remus's shirt
"Yeah, quidditch practice was rough today" adds James
"It better be, its the only thing you do with your lives" Remus crosses his arms and eyes them both like a strict mum.
"Yeah, we know already, Moony, spare us the lecture"
"Am sorry I worry about your future, someone has to"
"You'll get wrinkles on your pretty face if you worry too much" Sirius leans forward and messes Remus's hair.
"They'll go well with the scars" says Remus under his breath, but loud enough for Sirius to hear.
"Don't be silly Moony, you are lovely with or without scars" He slides his arm around Remus' shoulders, perhaps a bit too close than he normally would, but since the other does not complain and James is far too drawn in self-pity to notice anything other than his shattered self-esteem, he lets his fingers trace shooting circles across his friend's shoulder blades; wander up and down tracing an unreadable pattern against the soft flesh he can feel under the shirt.
"That feels nice" Remus says, almost purring.
Sirius withdraws his arm almost instantly, staring wide-eyed at Remus. His breath comes out uneven and ragged.
Something must be really wrong with him. Is Remus, for Merlin's sake, one of his best friends, so why does his heart flutter every time he sees him smile?
"Are you okay, Pads?" Remus tilts his head to the side and looks quizzically at his friend, who lately has been displaying the oddest behaviour.
"No, I'm fine --I think I'm going to sleep. See you lads tomorrow"
"You sure everything s'okay?" Asks Remus once more, grasping Sirius by the wrist.
"I'm fine" He shakes off Remus's hand rather furiously and runs for the stairs.
"Was it something I said?"Remus asks, completely bewildered, to a howling James who is too busy with his woes to acknowledge Remus's question.
---
His body is a traitor. A mindboggling traitor. It does things to him; it gets all tingly when he thinks about a particular werewolf, especially when his mind pictures said werewolf wearing close to nothing, or nothing whatsoever.
"You do not have an erection, Sirius, its all in your head, not between your legs" he mutters to himself, nearly like a prayer, but sadly, it does nothing to soothe the burning heat he feels, now gathering at his nether regions.
"So I fancy blokes...wonderful, just wonderful" he all but murmurs, hiding his face on the pillow. Not so wonderful is having an erection while thinking about your best friend. In fact that's the opposite of wonderful, its grotesque, barbaric and incestuous. "I am sick, I am so very sick"
"You should do something about that then" says James entering the room "was it something you ate?"
"I don't think so, no" Oh, but how he wished it was as simple as indigestion. "I think I might die"
"Good luck with that" James replays, striping off his uniform "Remus is really upset, he thinks you are mad at him"
"Well, I am not"
"You ought to tell him, he cares a lot about you, even if he doesn't admit it, I know between the three of us he likes you best"
"Perfect...this day cannot get any worse" Now, he feels like crap, because Remus likes him, the proper way, the way best friends are supposed to like each other, and he is too busy having a hard on to go downstairs and apologize to his friend for being a ruthless bastard.
"Wass wrong with Remus? He's moping in the common room" Says one chocolate covered Peter, currently lapping at his sticky fingers.
"Don't...just don't. Don't mention Remus again today" He covers his head with the bed sheets and prays to what god there is to make him stop thinking about Remus. It started innocent enough, like noticing every little thing that makes him impossible adorable but somehow it escalated to something much bigger. So much bigger...Simply because Remus's purr is so very sexual. Damn that velveteen voice.
He needs a distraction...that's it! If he had someone else to long for, he would forget his more-than-friendly feelings for Remus, and they could go back to being normal friends. At least for him, as he is pretty sure not much has changed in Remus's perspective of their relationship, but even so...he's bound to notice the lustful glances, if Sirius doesn't stop this madness now.
The question is who? Who would distract him? Obviously not a girl, that much he knows. It would be downright silly try to forget a boy with a girl. But the thing is, the only boy he ever wanted, in a sexual way, is the only one he can never have.
"Bollocks to this all" he curses loudly yanking the sheets and jumping off bed and almost falling down on James
"Damn you Pads, seriously you have been edgy all evening...the hell is bothering you so much?" Asks a very angry James, who would be a very dead James if he smashed his head against the wardrobe, as things are, he only sprained his ankle.
"Ineedtofindaboy" Sirius says in one breath
"You want a toy? How old are you? Six?"
"I said I need a boy" he repeats, this time slower
"Ah a boy!...Wait, was that the motive why you jumped on me and nearly caused my death? Not to mention the reason you acted like a twat all this time?" Sirius nods twice, acknowledging both accusations...And Merlin be damned if he likes to admit the things he does, but this time the situation is a tad more serious than making Snape's dear cauldron regurgitate dirty laundry.
"So...you are not man enough to go find yourself a boy and you are asking for my superior knowledge?"
"Excatly... er...the bit about me wanting your help...I'm man enough and I can prove it"
"All right then Poncy Pads..." Sirius coughs twice sending James a nasty look "I get it...just Pads"
"For you its Sir Padfoot"
"Very well Sir Just Padfoot, here, before this snoring Peter Pettigrew I solemnly vow to help you, Sir Poncy big foot find a suitable male partner with whom you might engage in a very naked and sweaty relationship"
"That sounds good...now go and find me a boy" Says Sirius eagerly, pointing in the general direction of the door.
"I think its past curfew time"
"That never stopped you before..."
"Well yeah, when the reason is a prank or a certain redheaded bird, find you a bloke isn't worth being caught by Filthy Filch"
"Some friend you are" Sirius crosses his arms and considers pouting, but that would only make James call him Poncy for the rest of his life, so he decides against the pout, an evil glare is best suited for his purpose.
"I already told you I'd help, so don't get your panties in a twist. Tomorrow by this hour you'll be wrapped in sweet manly limbs. But can I ask you why the sudden urge for man bits?"
"Er... a boy has needs" caused by an utterly oblivious, regarding Sirius's twisted ways, Remus Lupin.
"Fair enough...some of us dream of silky auburn hair and milky freckled skin while others fancy muscles and sweat, go figure"
"Uhm...I'm not that fond of muscles or sweat...clean, lean and shorter than me would be fine" mousy brown hair and gorgeous amber eyes would be lovely but...yeah...that
"I'll take note of that when hunting your lover boy..." He thought Sirius would be more demanding, he didn't even mention good looks, but of course he wouldn't pick anyone less than handsome for his best friend.
"Thanks mate, I mean, it was really sudden, you could have yelled a bit...if you wanted"
"Why would I? M'actually glad, there's an insane amount of girls after you, trust me its not healthy. So I will most keenly solve this problem and shatter some hopes and proceed to have my way with the remaining bits."
"You won't...I don't want the bloody school to know about my queerness so you'll keep your mouth shut"
"You're no fun"
---
Spill your lovely toughts :3