Title: Protecting you has always been top of my list
Author: Gosh1991
Fandom: Nikita
Pairing: Nikita/Alex
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Michael had been gone 2 days, 4 hours and 27 minutes, and Alex had been back 3 days, 6 hours and 34 minutes; Nikita had been counting.
It was well past midnight and the safe house was shrouded in darkness and almost completely silent except for the prone figure sitting in the living room; shoulders heaving violently and tears falling in rivulets down her cheeks; it was Alex. She just couldn't wrap her mind around the idea that her mother had been having an affair with the man who had ordered the hit on her father. Alex pulled herself from her dark thoughts and stood up in disgust she couldn't think about her mother anymore just the thought of her made her feel sick to her stomach. She wandered the house for what felt like hours and finally came to a stop outside her own bedroom door but she couldn't bring herself to go in just yet, she knew if she went back in her thoughts would go back to her mother and she would just wind herself back up again. Alex's eyes settled on the door two away from her; it was Nikita's room, she wondered if Nikita was still awake.
She pushed the door open cautiously and popped her head around taking in the sight of Nikita's small body asleep in her large double bed that she usually shared with Michael. Nikita's body was curled into a tight ball almost as if she was trying to comfort herself even in her sleep. "Nikita?" Alex whispered hoping that she was actually awake but hadn't heard her come into the room but all Alex received was silence. All Alex really wanted to do was talk and she really needed Nikita right now.
Without thinking she slipped into the bed beside Nikita hoping that maybe just being in close proximity to Nikita would help steady her swirling thoughts. Nikita stirred and wrapped her arm around the warm body that had just invaded her senses. Her hand connected with soft, delicate smooth skin "Mmmm Alex" she hummed and pulled Alex flush against her own body. Nikita's fingers danced down Alex's back and settled on her lower back just above the waistband to her sleep shorts. Alex sighed in relief there was just something about Nikita that settled her mind in a matter of seconds and kept it quit as long as she was near. She revelled in the heat that Nikita's body provided but the dim light that came through the curtains illuminated Nikita's face and Alex could see the troubled expression that was etched on her face.
Alex pushed a tendril of hair off Nikita's face and murmured "You miss him don't you?" Nikita shifted again and snuggled her head into Alex's neck "But I missed you more!" she confessed in her half asleep state. Alex smiled partially because of what Nikita said and the other because Nikita's breathe was tickling her neck. "Really?" Alex ventured. Nikita nodded. "Yeh" she managed to get out between a yawn or two. "I was always worried about you; I never slept well while you were gone!" Alex lay there silently contemplating what Nikita had just said. Minutes passed and Alex could feel that Nikita's breathing had evened out again.
"I can't sleep, I keep thinking about my mother; if she was involved with the plan? Did she even love me because if she did I don't think she would have left me for dead all those years ago in the family home?" Alex choked back a sob. Nikita tightened her grip on Alex and spoke softly "Don't cry sweetie, you know you look like a panda when you're done!" Before Alex could stop it the laugh slipped past her lips, trust Nikita to know how to make her laugh even in a situation like this. "HEY" Alex countered and slapped Nikita's arm. Nikita laughed "I think pandas are cute" she finally opened her eyes to be met with a bleary Alex; she rubbed her eyes and focused in on Alex again.
Nikita reached over Alex and turned on the bedside light and it was then that Alex's face was illuminated. Nikita sighed heavily; Alex's eyes were bloodshot and puffy her cheeks red from the exertion of her sobbing. Alex let out an embarrassed laugh "I must look awful, don't worry I'm ok….really I am!" Nikita gave her a sceptical look but didn't push the situation because that usually sent Alex into lockdown mode. "You still look beautiful Alex don't worry, as for your mother I don't know if she was involved with the plan, I don't know a lot about what happened that night but one thing I know for sure is that she does love you and don't ever doubt that." Alex blushed, she enjoyed these moments when Nikita was so open and unguarded, it made Alex feel special because it so rarely happened.
"But she nearly got us killed!" Alex mused as she ran her fingers over the marks left on Nikita's shoulder from the shrapnel. Nikita allowed Alex's fingers to wander lazily over the marks for a few moments before she spoke "She's confused Alex, she is getting information from two conflicting sources and in that moment she did what she thought was best, yes she did put us in danger but Alex I'm always here to help you with missions that are important to you even if it means getting a few scars in the process!" Nikita was trying to make light of the situation and Alex didn't like that. Her fingers stopped their actions and she locked eyes with Nikita "You're important I can't keep putting you at risk for things that might not ever work out!" Nikita smiled gently at Alex "You're not putting me at risk, I willingly do it, I always will." Alex sighed heavily "Yes I am…look!" She took hold of Nikita's tank top "These scars here are from helping me with my mother" she pulled up Nikita's top to reveal her stomach "These ones here are from when you saved me from Vlad" her hand shot to the neck of Nikita's top and pulled it down "These three here are from when I shot you" She lifted up Nikita's right arm so it was bathed in light "These here are from when you came to Division and this one…" She took hold of Nikita's right arm "This one is from the day when you saved me from that drug house and ultimately saved me from myself!"
When she was finished Alex's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Nikita was shocked; she never knew Alex felt so responsible for these things. She unclasped the vice like grip Alex had on her arm and linked their fingers "And I'd do it ALL again if it meant keeping you safe…. Protecting you has always been top of my list, I'd do anything to keep you safe Alex!" Nikita rarely showed her emotions even with Michael her feelings were almost like a heavily guarded secret but when it came to Alex it was a completely different story; her feelings would get the better of her and automatically start flowing like a flood gate had been opened. She loved the delighted smile Alex would get when she suddenly opened up to her out of the blue. But this time Nikita was worried, she feared her feelings were leading her along a path that had no return and she couldn't handle the idea that Alex might not be around if she found out the truth.
Alex unlinked their fingers and cupped Nikita's hands in both of hers she averted her eyes and they just flitted around the room refusing to look at Nikita. "You're all I need you know? As long as I have you I know everything will be ok" Alex managed to push out in a hushed voice and she worried Nikita might not have heard her. Nikita's heart nearly burst within her chest, she felt the same way, yes she loved Michael but not the way she loved Alex, with Alex it was so intense sometimes unbearable.
At the start Alex had only really been a way to take Division down but somewhere along the way all that changed and Nikita's heart was constantly at war with her mind. "Come here" Nikita whispered and pulled Alex into her; her back resting against the headboard and Alex curled around the side of her body. Nikita's heart was hammering so hard so swore she could feel it trying to break through her ribs but she composed herself. "Alex you are the single most important thing in my life, Michael doesn't even come close, do you know how mad it made me seeing you with Nathan? I wanted to throw him off the highest building I could find and now that I've got you I'm not letting you go, you're literally not allowed out of my sight, you understand?" she hoped Alex caught all of it because she rushed through it so quickly but the smile on Alex's face told her everything she needed to know. "I won't ever leave your sight starting now!" Alex mused and touched her lips gently to Nikita's in a fleeting kiss. She curled even further into Nikita and closed her eyes. "Sleep well" spluttered Nikita as the electricity from that simple kiss still pulsed through her body.
How did Alex have the ability to do this to her, Alex somehow managed to turn her into a blundering idiot but somewhere deep inside Nikita didn't really mind it made a change from the cold exterior that she had worn for so many years of her life.
To be continued…..
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