Title: Sometimes
Author: AccordingToMel
Summary: Sometimes she wonders where the original idea came from. When she first started thinking about him as more than an employee…more than a colleague…more than a friend.
Characters/Pairings: Cam/Hodgins
Rating: G
Spoilers: General season 4.
Word Count: 755
Disclaimer: I do not own. But man would I have some fun with these guys if I did!
Author's note: Okay, so apparently I am the queen of not writing what I'm supposed to be writing. But this one came to me while working on another fic and it wouldn't leave my head until it was written. I realized that I never write anything from Cam's POV, so this is long overdue. It's kind of random, very different, and unlike what I usually write. But I like being different every once in a while. Let me know what you think! Thanks!
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Sometimes
Sometimes she wonders where the original idea came from. When she first started thinking about him as more than an employee…more than a colleague…more than a friend.
Sometimes when they are talking, she will place a hand on his arm. Or when they are walking side by side, she will stand a little too close so their bodies brush up against one another. She thinks that maybe she enjoys it a little too much. She thinks that maybe sometimes he does too.
Sometimes she thinks that he deserves to be treated better. To be with someone who would realize how great he is and want nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him. Someone who would not need prodding or coaxing to want to be with him. Someone who would love him in the way that he truly deserves.
Sometimes she thinks that she is selfish and judgemental. Who is she to decide that she knows what's best for him? Who is she to think that she would be the solution to all his problems? Who is she to think that he couldn't be happy with her, when he clearly has been before?
Sometimes she thinks she's not enough for him, and never could be. That she's too old, too ugly, too fat, too needy for him. That even her whole heart wouldn't be enough to give.
Sometimes she watches him when he's in the lab, interacting with somebody else. She loves the way he pays such close attention to whoever is speaking, like they are the only person in his world for those brief moments. She loves the brightness of his smile and the way his eyes light up when he is laughing. She loves the way he's so physically expressive.
Sometimes she imagines him running his hands through her hair as he traces soft kisses down her neck. And sometimes she imagines how his beard would tickle her when they kiss. The thought makes her smile.
Sometimes she watches him while he's working alone, deep in thought. She loves the way he gets completely engrossed in whatever he is doing, his passion for his job written so clearly across his face. She loves the way he occasionally mumbles to himself when he figures something out, and the way his tongue sometimes peeks out between his lips when he is concentrating particularly hard on a task.
Sometimes, when he looks at her, she wonders if maybe he feels the same way too. That maybe there is something more than just friendship between them. The thought elates her more than she'd like to admit.
Sometimes she dreams that he's back together with her. The agony that wells within her chest is enough to make her want to burst into tears. And sometimes she does.
Sometimes she thinks she is just imaging things; that there will never be anything more; never could be anything more. The thought depresses her more than she'd like to admit.
Sometimes she considers telling him everything. But she doesn't want to force him to make a choice, because she already knows what it would be. And she would rather things remain the way they are, then risk losing everything.
Sometimes when he comes barging into her office with new information and a satisfied grin, she feels her knees weaken involuntarily, and she has to grab hold of something to steady herself. She doesn't think he's ever noticed, but she knows that it's only a matter of time until he does.
Sometimes she thinks she is head over heels in love with him. That the thought of living without him is too frightening to even entertain. But she is most scared by how willingly she is able to acknowledge this fact.
Sometimes she asks him to do a couple extra things for her so that she will be able to spend more time with him, even if it's only a few minutes.
Sometimes she plays out the conversation in her head in which she finally admits the truth to him.
Sometimes it ends well, with them making love all night long. They end up together, living happily ever after in her own, private fairy tale world. Other times, it ends in tears and embarrassment and resignation from her position.
Sometimes she thinks she has lost her mind. That she can't ruin what they already have for nothing more than a fantasy she has fabricated in her own head. But sometimes she thinks it is still worth the risk…