Bleach: The Peroxide Series

A Day Off 1: A Dirty Little Bet

(A/N Don't ask where I got this idea from and they maybe OOC as well. This just came to me out of the blue. I hope you all enjoy this.)

SOUNDS/sounds

Thoughts/writing

"Damn it's hot," Ikkaku groaned, looking up through the canopy of a shade tree. "It's been like these for 3 days now."

"Tell be about it. Hot, dry, and muggy. Come to think of it, it hasn't rained in a week or so," Tetsuzaemon said, also lounging around in the shade holding an empty jug. "Plus we're out of saké."

"Don't even remind me of this blasted humidity. Ugh, my hair can't take much more of this," Yumichika growled, looking into a mirror at his hair. "I can't get it to stay down and I think this heat is starting to give me split ends. I can already see the damage beginning."

"You know what's a good cure for that?" Ikkaku yawned and Yumichika looked up anxiously. "On second though… Nah, it wouldn't work."

"Oh, c'mon, tell me, please," Yumichika said, walking over to Ikkaku and sat down beside him. "I have to try something. If my hair looks ugly then I look ugly, and then…"

"Yeah, yeah, this is what you do," Ikkaku said with a grin before drawing in a long breath. "JUST LOP IT OFF AND SHUT UP ABOUT IT!"

Yumichika froze in horror as Tetsuzaemon and Ikkaku started laughing. Every single waking moment Yumichika was always complaining about his hair these last few days. It was getting to become a nuisance. It was a wonder it took someone this long to shut him up.

"LOP IT OFF?!! YOU BRUTE!! NO ONE IS LAYING A FINGER ON MY GORGOUS HAIR!!" Yumichika screeched, backing away from Ikkaku with his hands over his head.

"Aw, c'mon, haven't you heard 'bald is beautiful?" Ikkaku laughed, patting his own smooth head.

"Yeah, sure, it may be a good look for you," Tetsuzaemon added as Yumichika growled at them.

"Honestly you two are horrible! Simply horrible," Yumichika hissed, pointing at finger at them, before stroking his hair. "It's okay. They didn't mean it. No they didn't."

"Is he talking to—his hair?" Tetsuzaemon asked quietly to Ikkaku. "He is, isn't he?"

"I wouldn't put it past him. Yumichika, that's enough, I was only joking," Ikkaku sighed, before wiping his forehead. "Damn this fucking heat. Even in the shade it's sweltering."

"Well, complaining about it isn't going to make it any better," a new voice appeared.

The group turned to see who had arrived. Renji stepped out from behind some shrubs with his shirt open slightly, a jug in one hand, and a cell phone in the other. It seemed that all of Soul Society was taking it easy today. No one wanted to do much of anything today except lie around and complain about the heat.

"Well, well, Lieutenant Abarai," Ikkaku grinned. "Taking it easy today too, I see."

"And who wouldn't?" Renji said, finding a place to sit on the grass.

"Hey, now, that wouldn't happen to be saké, would it?" Tetsuzaemon asked, looking at the gourd jug in Renji's hand.

"No. It's water. Saké is the last thing anyone needs to be drinking on days like this," Renji stated, looking down at the cell phone in his hands. "Not that that stop any of you before."

"That's not your phone, is it?" Yumichika asked, suddenly appearing over Renji's shoulder. "I've seen it before but I can't place where. Let me see."

He went to grab it but Renji moved out of Yumichika's reach. He tried again only to have move out his reach again.

"Will you stop it?! It's hot enough as it is without you leaning on me," Renji growled, elbowing him the gut. "Get off me, would ya?! Sheesh."

"So, if it's not your phone whose is it?" Tetsuzaemon asked.

"Rukia's phone. She dropped a while ago," Renji stated.

"Don't you think you ought to return it to her?" Yumichika stated, rubbing his gut. "Ow. You better not have a bruised me."

"Could you get any more vain?" Renji grumbled and Yumichika opened his mouth. "Don't answer that."

"So, find anything of interest on our dear 'Princess,'" Ikkaku asked, walking over to Renji. "Going through her text messages, huh? Anything good?"

"Not much of anything. Most everything is business with the Soul Society or Urahara's shop. How boring," Renji groaned.

"It shows she takes her job seriously," Tetsuzaemon said, leaning back against a large tree. "Hey, you're getting a text."

"Thank you, I can see that," Renji drawled, suddenly finding everyone hanging over him to look at the tiny screen. Why did I even make it a point not lean over me today?

"Who's it from?"

"Hurry up and open it."

"That's a really pretty color for a phone. Maybe I should get a new—"

Everyone turned to look at Yumichika oddly.

"I mean, uh, what does it say?" Yumichika grinned and they looked back down at the phone.

"Oh, it's from Yoruichi," Renji said, looking at the screen. "The title is 'Bra sizes.'"

"Bra sizes?" the other men chimed leaning in deeper as Renji started to become crushed by their weight.

"GET OFF ME!" Renji yelled as they quickly stood up. "Just sit somewhere away from me and I'll read it aloud."

"Well, come on. Out with it already," Ikkaku snapped, sitting down with Tetsuzaemon and Yumichika on either side of him.

"All right, don't rush me," Renji snorted, opening the message. "'Yo, Rukia, got this from Orihime. Bra Sizes. A-Almost a boob, B-Barely a boob, C-Can't complain, D-Damn, DD-Double Damn, E-Enormous, F-Fake, G-Get a reduction, and H-Help I've fallen and I can't get up!'"

"You've got to be kidding me. Rukia gets messages like that?" Ikkaku said, slightly pink.

"I bet she deletes them when she finished reading them," Yumichika sighed. "It is a mystery of just what messages goes through the phone of a woman."

"I can't be that big of a mystery," Tetsuzaemon snorted. "So, anyone want to take a guess at Rangiku's bra size?"

"She is obviously a D," Yumichika stated.

"She's far bigger than that. I would go with a DD at least," Ikkaku stated, proudly.

"Why not jump to gun and go with E?" Renji grinned. "Captain Hitsugaya's got lucky. With a woman like that beside him. Sure she can be a bit of a lazy ass sometimes but come on with pillows like hers…"

"Yeah, no, kidding," Ikkaku laughed. "Lucky little brat."

"Hey, I just came up with an idea," Yumichika said as every ignored him. "Hello, I'm talking here! Don't ignore me! Fine, if resorts to this… It involves dirty pillows."

"You were saying?" Tetsuzaemon said as everyone turned to look at Yumichika.

"Uh, yeah, let's settle this dispute about the Lieutenant's bra size," Yumichika beamed. "Let's make it a bet. We most certainly can't ask her straight forward so… If this joke came from the World of Living than all we have to do is try to find a woman of Rangiku's size and find what her bra size is. And with added bonus of them not being able to see us…"

"You have any idea how much trouble we could get in for doing that?" Tetsuzaemon stated, adjusting his dark shades.

"I'm in," Ikkaku said.

"Count me in as well," Renji stated. "Tetsuzaemon?"

"All right I'm in too," Tetsuzaemon nodded.

"Great! Place your bets gentlemen," Yumichika grinned.

"I'm in as well! I believe I know her size quite well," Izuru shouted, hurrying out of the bushes and handed Yumichika his bet. "I say she's a DD!"

"Where the hell did you come from?" Ikkaku asked, looking at Izuru oddly.

"Well, okay," Yumichika said, collecting the other bets. "Onward to the World of the Living!"

"You do realize we have to sneak out, right?" Renji stated. "Without a mission or permission we…"

"Renji is correct, Yumichika," Tetsuzaemon agreed. "Sneaking out alone is going to be tricky."

"Leave that all to me," Yumichika said. "I've got this whole idea figured out!"

"I'm late! I'm late!" Hanatarou squeaked as he rushed outside and down a set of steps. "I can't believe I fell asleep before the meeting. This heat is horrible… All want to do is sleep…"

It didn't take long for the small Shinigami to slow his pace and started to drag his feet a bit as he got off the steps. Why the captain had to have the meeting at the height of the heat for the day was beyond him. What he wouldn't give for a bucket of ice water to dumped over his head. Speaking of buckets… That object that was coming at his face at him at a rather fast speed looked just like a…

GOOONG!!

Hanatarou wobbled for a moment before falling over backwards. A group of 5 men looked at the down 4th division member moaning and groaning on the coble stone ground.

"You know I don't think you really needed to do that, Ikkaku," Izuru said, looking at Hanatarou slowly coming to. "And I don't think he would have paid much mind to us either."

"Well, I wasn't looking. I just heard footsteps and… Well, I just heard footsteps, okay?" Ikkaku snapped. "I mean we're trying to sneak out after all."

"Sn-sneak out?" Hanantarou mumbled. "Why?"

"Oh, shit… Listen, Yamada, just keep your mouth shut," Renji said as the small Shinigami went to set up. "It's nothing that concerns you."

"But I did hear the words 'sneak' and 'out' beside each other and…" the next thing Hanatarou knew he was quite a few feet off the ground looking up into Tetsuzaemon's shades. "Wh-what I mean to say is th-that… Don't hurt me… Pl-please…"

"Just bring him with us," Yumichika said as Tetsuzaemon set Hanatarou down on his feet. "Care to make a bet of Rangiku's breast size."

"Wha…?" Hanatarou gasped with his mouth hanging open.

"You see we've made bets on Rangiku's bra size. She's either a D or above and we're going to the World of the Living to find a woman of her breast size and see what size bra she wears," Yumichika stated as Hanatarou just started at him in shock.

"I smell saké on someone or some ones," Hanatarou stated looking around the 5 men surround him.

"Okay, let me put it this way; either you place a bet and come with us or we tie you up somewhere and leave you until we come back," Ikkaku grinned, patting Hanatarou on the head.

"What are the sizes?" Hanatarou grinned back nervously. This is a very bad idea. I'm going to miss my meeting either way. I never should have over slept. Why me?

(A/N That's it for now. I hope you like. I have more in the works. Please review!)

Millie M. Banshee