Hi, so this is the first I've posted in ages. It's written in the present tense which I'm not very good at, so sorry if there's any mistakes. Also let me know if the way it's written works. There will probably be one or two chapters more written (probably in Michelle's POV) of you like it so please review :}
You tell yourself over and over again in the moment you set eyes on her that she isn't attractive. Her hair is too wild and her clothes are unflattering on her small body. You avoid her all day, every day in the office, and you're going out of your own way to do this. You're not really sure why you're going to such lengths to do so, especially when you have got enough to worry about now than making sure you won't bump into her on the way to the mens, or whilst you're making a cup of coffee in the break room. You don't explain to her the work she's required to do, as you know that she'll do it all anyway, without being asked. Instructing her on procedure she's done or is going to do anyway would just result in unnecessary conversation that you aren't willing to have with her. You don't mean to, but you're acting like an ass to her ever since a she'd set foot through the CTU doors. You're not the friendliest guy in the world anyway, but with her you act intimidating and cold. You know you would hate to be in her shoes right now. But to be fair, she does simply accept it and doesn't even complain.
Although it's impossible for her to know this but you're not really that bad a guy.
You caught yourself thinking about her and the way she'd brushed her hair from her face a moment ago with a dainty hand, and how she'd smiled at one of the faces she recognises, and a face who she likes when she left to go to the bathroom a second ago. You realise now that you're jealous. You think that the crazy dark curls that frame her face are unique, her flushed cheeks and big dark eyes sexy. You think she's pretty. No, you realise. She's actually beautiful.
You're starting to spend more time with her now; you talk to her and take the time to explain her wok to her now. You're not sure how this happened, and she seems weary of it, wondering why now, all of a sudden. You like talking to her, you decide, just because you realised yesterday that when she's flustered she pushes a stray curl- one of many- behind her ear. You also discovered yesterday that she's more flustered when you talk to her. She tried not to let it show threw her calm, professional façade though. She's pretty good at it, but you can see through it. Probably because you spend all your time watching her across the bullpen.
You bump into her in the break room. She's sat at the table with a sandwich in one hand. You're alone with her and it would seem rude to just leave without a word so you decide you'll talk to her, just to say hi in the hopes that afterwards you can just leave. She starting to crawl into your mind more and more now; she's gotten under your skin and she's not budging one inch. You decide you need to get out, get a girlfriend, go on a couple of dates- Hell, anything just to get her out of your mind 24/7. You realise that this is the first time you've seriously considered dating again since Nina.
And it's all because of her.
A couple of weeks later your brothers fixed you a date with a girl, Donna. "Just your type" he tells you cheerily with a grin, believing this girl's perfect for you.
On the way to the pub where you're to meet her you're picturing her in your mind absentmindedly. You're hoping she's small and petite with a mass of curly hair. You don't think of the fact that you've pictured her in your mind until you enter the bar and your heart sinks. She's not you type- or at least not your new type.
Donna's hair is straight. Hers is curly.
Donna's hair is dyed blond. Hers is a dark chocolate brown naturally.
Donna's so skinny she looks anorexic. She's curvy yet still petite.
You're beginning to think she's taking over your mind, and it's only an hour later that you're leaving. Now you can't even date your type of girl because you've met her. You realise now how much you've been talking to her lately. Leaning on the edge of her desk, eating lunch with her every day since that first time you bumped into her in the break room.
She seems to get more appealing and nicer each time you see her, you talk to her., and the more you talk to her the more she opens up to you.
Now it's six months later from the disastrous date with Donna and you have just bumped into her outside CTU. It wasn't intentional; you just see her outside a café choosing her lunch with over six- yes that was true but you can't believe how much that is- shopping bags. It leads to a cup of coffee and a chat in the café and this make you happier that you have been in months.
Happier than you have been since the Nina incident. You've finally accepted that she's nothing like Nina; they've never been alike and never will be.
You're like a man possessed. She's gained both your trust and friendship already and you've gained hers. Friendship doesn't seem like enough to you and you hope she feels the same for you.
A brush of her hand startles you, sends an electric shock through you. It's a strange feeling really, you think as you're sitting at your desk sorting through a bunch of paperwork.
Surprisingly you're watching her more than you had at the start now. Your eyes are glued to her almost 24 hours a day and you can't help but think you're in love with her. Even now as you're staring down at your paperwork you can almost feel her presence and you can remember your dream of her last night. You wonder what she would do if you kissed her now, just like in your dream, and how she would taste, how her lips would feel moving agaist yours.
Both of your shifts ended at 6 and yet you're both still here at 7. You're wonder how that happened absentminded as you tap your pen against the side of your desk absentmindedly. She has barely moved since she came back from the bathroom, and she's still typing away furiously. You saunter over to her, noticing how tired she looks. You send her home and you walk her to her car on the way to your own car. You get there and you realise her car's broken down so you're offering her a lift home and you'll call for someone to sort out her car in the morning. She's smiling, thankful and seems to make your heart skip a beat. Your lips stretch into a smile in return.
You've just arrived home now and you're in a good mood. You want to ask her out, and you've just decided to when the flashbacks start. Nina's face, Terri's dead body sprawled in dark room, her last moments with Nina. Jack bursts into the room. He sees his wife, the mother of his child, lying in a pool of her own blood. You saw the hardest man you've ever known, the man who can break a man in seconds b reduced to tears. And it's your fault.
You can feel that pain and the guilt wash through you now, reminding you of how much it hurt and how much you could have stopped if you had just paid more attention. You could have stopped Terri's death if you had wanted to. But you hadn't.
You've just realised that you and her can never be together; relationships in the office never work.
The next day you sort out her car, as you promised, but you can't help but feel guilty as you walk into CTU now. You were going to give her a lift to work. You wonder how she will get in. she arrives an hour later- she obviously had to wait for the bus which the earliest time is at 8.
She tries to talk to you like usual but you push her away now, treating her very much the same as you had to start with. The only difference now is that you know how kind she is, how kind and caring… but you're trying not to think of these things. You know that she's working later now; it's been a whole week since you last spoke to her. She's always first into work and always the last to leave. Always. How do you know this? Because you stay until you know she'll get home for the night safely.
What's hurting you most is that as soon as you stopped talking to her last week she returned the favour. Her friendliness towards you stopped- she won't even look at you now. She's just accepted that you don't talk to her anymore and drew back from you.
But it's frightening to say that you think when she drew back from you, she left an empty gap in your heart.
If you like it enough to favourite please review :}