Ed lay in the hospital bed. His arm and leg were gone. And his brother was a suit of armor. Ed's honey colored eyes wavered with unshed tears and uncertainty. Why had it all gone wrong? Why? Why couldn't they use Alchemy to bring their mother back? Why did she have to die? Why had their Father not been there?
At the thought of the man they hadn't seen in so long, the tears of pain became those of anger and his one good fist clenched. Hohenheim had left them. He left their sweet, beautiful mother to die. He never even bothered to be there for her funeral.
In fact, if he would think of it, this was Hohenheim's fault. If he'd been there, the two would have had someone at least. A family member to make them feel loved instead of alone. If their father had been there, the cost might not have been paid to start with. Ed, however, was to determined to hate his father, and blame himself, to think of such a possibility.
Alphonse's glowing pink eyes seemed scrunched as if in worry. All the emotions in Edward Elric's small body were jumbled. He couldn't make up his mind between rage and sorrow. But the sight of his brother, and the hollow shell his soul inhabited, marked with a blood seal, made his emotions waver to sorrow. It was all his fault. It was his fault his brother became that shell.
More than anything, even his limbs, he wanted his brothers forgiveness. But how could he even ask? He was terrified. It made his blood want to run cold in his veins. Al would never forgive him.
He looked towards the now taller sibling. He wanted to ask, to give voice to every thought in his mind, but he knew his brothers words; "Brother no! Please don't talk like that!"
Its all my fault, Al….Its all my fault.. So I'll do whatever it takes to get your body back!
And no matter what, he was determined to never make his brother worry again. Once his arm and leg were healed, Winry was supposed to equip him with an Automail arm and leg. The sooner the better to him, he hated feeling helpless as he currently was, laying in a hospital bed with the improvised body of his little brother beside him.
Humankind cannot gain anything without first sacrificing something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange.
The first rule of Alchemy blazed into his head as he looked towards his brother. Something of equal value, huh? So his arm equaled the cost of his brothers soul? That seemed almost like a cruel joke. A limb was equal to a soul. There was the worlds cheapest joke.
Letting out a soft grunt as he sat up, something that jolted the quiet Alphonse out of his stupor and sent a pair of concerned glowing eyes his way, he looked around. "Al.. could you tell one of the nurses to get me a scrap of paper?"
His almost perky voice belayed all the suffering emotions writhing in his soul. He needed to relieve those tortured voices in his mind as soon as possible. He believed his knew a way to ease his mind, but he needed Al to help out.
A startled, confused noise was released from his brothers voice before he left the room. As he left the open door, Ed called after him. "And a pen to write with!"
After what seemed forever, Al returned, a notebook and pen in his leather hands. Setting them down, he regarded his sibling with his best look of concern. Ed flashed him a small smile before trying to think of a reason to be alone for a few minutes.
He didn't want to be away from the sibling he almost lost, but he knew the words he wanted to write would only worry his brother more than he already was. His mind worked quickly and he looked at the almost stone face of the armor.
"Al, could you get Winry and Granny? I want them to help me start planning my Automail."
If Al didn't believe him, he didn't show it. He merely nodded and ran out, promising to be back. Once his heavy footsteps faded, Ed took the pen to the paper with a fury unrivaled. Words poured from the soul, expressing every fear in his heart.
Of course, writing with one arm was hard, but he was stubborn. He used his good arm to hold the page down while he wrote.
How can I repay you, brother mine?
How can I expect you to forgive?
Clinging to the past, I shed our blood
And shattered your chance to live.
Though I knew the laws I paid no heed
How can I return your wasted breath?
What I did not know has cost you dear
For there is no cure for death
Beautiful mother, soft and sweet
Once you were gone we were not complete
Back through the years we reached for you
Alas t'was not meant to be
And how can I make amends, for all that I took from you?
I led you with hopeless dreams,
My brother I was a fool…
Each word written, brought new tears to the blonds eyes. Every single fear in his heart had been laid bare on a piece of paper. Ripping the page out, he fought with it, finally managing to fold it small enough to hide, just as Al returned with the Rockbell's. As the door slid open, he slipped the paper under his leg for the time being, When he had the chance, he would hide it somewhere more permanent, more private.
Al regarded his brother with mild suspicion at his to quick movements when the door opened, an action that exposed Granny and Winry. Ed had moved from the notebook to quickly for Al to not be suspicious. To make matters more suspicious, the same book was devoid of any pen strokes.
Al didn't have time to dwell on it much longer though, since he heard Ed's already stubborn voice. "I want the surgery." It was still barely any time since the transmutation had failed, Ed still had not fully recovered enough for the surgery, but of course, Edward Elric was one of the most stubborn people ever. God -not that they put much stock in him/her/it anyway- only knew how easy Ed would take it in the seven months of required healing time for the Automail and the surgery to fully allow recovery.
But again, how could anyone explain that to him? Winry was happily chattering away about the design she had come up with for the new arm and leg. According to her mile an hour chatter, the design was completely her own, adding to its uniqueness to the Rockbell name. Her grandmother, for the most part, watched silently, adding in her two cents every now and then when Winry forgot it, or asked for aid.
Ed'd life would be almost a living hell in the months to follow. He had two surgeries to go through, nerves to rejoin when the Automail connected, which was supposed to be a few seconds of extreme pain, and then the practice of using an arm and a leg again.
Al knew he had no other choice but to be by his siblings side, though he wouldn't rather be anywhere else. He would never have to go through the suffering Ed was going to be put through just to get back on his feet. He was a suit of armor, his body would never break, unless forced, nor would he feel pain. Edward, on the other hand, was still flesh and blood, he could get wounded so easily, and his body seemed really frail, though his will was strong as an ox. Together, they could make it through this, and get their bodies back. They just had to. But first, Ed's limbs.