Dear Q,
I have finally found the book that you said could answer my questions. Finally, after scouring every nook and cranny of this part of the world I discovered the last existing copy of "Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography". The map you had sent me was in fact a red herring, a phrase which here means, "intercepted by our enemies and altered to throw me off course." The map led me to a town that shared our organizations initials, which I later found out to be merely a coincidence. In a charred pit in the center of town I found amongst the ashes a copy of the book I believed I was looking for. It was actually a supplement to Lemony's autobiography that answered the first question asked in his autobiography. The supplement is entitled "Will you please get out of my way: Thirteen reasons why Lemony Snicket is blocking the entrance to a building that no one should ever, ever, ever, ever, enter".
Needless to say I was heartbroken over this. I was beginning to believe that I may never find the answers to the questions I sought but as I said, I did find the last existing copy of the book by pure chance. I was sitting at the bus station, waiting on the bus that would take me back to the city (not that city, the other one) when a destitute gentleman in a battered sweat suit and a pot on his head sat down next to me. We started to have a nice chat about Shakespearian poetry when he invited me back to his home behind the bus stop for a cup of tea. Recently he had been given a steamer trunk by a man who was on the run from Arizonian Agents. The trunk contained several odds and ends but most importantly it contained a soft back copy of the book I needed. As a book collector I am no stranger to finding treasured tomes in unorthodox, a word which here means, "a homeless man's cardboard hut behind a bus station in the middle of nowhere", places but this was a sign from above, literally since he had used pages from the book to patch a hole in the roof of his home. The man was willing to part with the book on the condition I visit him next Tuesday for a tea party he is hosting with several of his friends. Feel free to join us if you wish.
"The world is quiet here…"
-D
P.S. Congratulations to you and V! I am sorry I could not make the wedding but I had a funeral to attend.