Hello, It has been quite a while since I've written a story, and my first for this fandom. We will see how it goes.

Thanks for reading.

It has been a year now since Christian and I got married. It has been a blissful year of just us, getting to know one another. Everything in the first few months of our relationship was a whirlwind with meeting, engagement, and marriage all within a few short months. The biggest issue we had since then was when Mia was kidnapped by Jack Hyde and me risking my life to save her.

It was a year ago, when I had asked Christian about having children. We had already gone through so many life changing events might as well add the final one. Christian though was not happy at all with the idea of having children, so much so we go into a huge fight.

"Christian, when would you like to have children? I know we just got married, and I'm not saying let's have a child tomorrow." I continue but cannot look at Christian while talking.

"Never!" He says while gritting his teeth.

I look at him with wide eyes, shocked at this. "What, you don't mean that."

"Of course, I do. I do not want to share you with a whiny diaper shitting brat. Children were never in my future and they are not in our future. Why do I want to bring a child into this world when I cannot be a father?"

"Oh, Christian," I say calmly. "You would make the most wonderful father in the world. Our child will feel so loved by you."

"I cannot be a father, Ana. It is not in me to sire one. To continue on the gene pool of my fucked-up genes. My child would probably turn out to be an abusive fuck, or worst someone like that crack whore."

"Christian! You cannot mean that. Our child will be loved, cared for, protected. There is no way between us and our family that our child will turn out anything other than amazing. Children live by example, surely we live a great life for our children to grow up to be great people." I try to reason with him, but the more I talk the more his eyes fill with anger.

"Ana, if you so much as try to get pregnant on purpose we are over." His tone was rough and deafening. Tears started to well in my eyes. How could he not want a child? "Don't you dare try to manipulate me Anastasia. I will be at every single damn appointment to have get your shot."

"Please, Christian, just think about it. I didn't mean I want to try and have a baby today. I was thinking future, like two or three years down the road. Just think about it, we could have a handsome little boy that looks just like you, or a little gi…"

"I said no, never. It is never going to happen, you talk until you are blue in the face, but I do not want children. We have one, then you'll want another. What happens to me?"

"Nothing happens to you Christian, we would love you even more and unconditionally. A child is the proof of our pure love."

"You say that now, but once the snot nose kid is here, you'll throw me to the side like yesterday's garbage."

"How could you say that. I love you, a child will not change that, we are a team, you are my partner for live, a child only enhances our lives."

"God damn it Anastasia, I said no and that is final. I do not want to hear another word about this ever again. You can have a fucking dog if it you want something to take care of." He is seething.

"Fuck you! Fuck you, Christian. Having a baby is not just to take care of something! Besides why have a dog or baby if you will just pay someone to deal with it. I cannot even put my glass in the sink without you having a fit so walking a dog would be out of the question."

"I am done with this conversation, Anastasia. It is over and the answer is no." He gets up and walks off to the elevator. "Don't bother waiting up."

That was a horrible day. It was only a simple question that turned into more. I was so angry with him, and he with me. That night he didn't come home, nor the following night. Two days after our fight I get a text from him about going to Taiwan for a week. I was so crushed and felt as though our marriage was ending. And after reading that text I get a phone call and answer it without looking at the caller ID. It was Jack Hyde, he had Mia and wanted money for her return.

It was a horrible few hours from what I remember, my husband was leaving me, my sister in law was kidnapped, and I have to rescue her without telling anyone. I know I had to get Mia back and that would prove to Christian and his family that I was not with him for money, but love. Hell, what did I have to lose, it's not like my life was going to progress like most married couples.

After getting the money, and delivering it to the drop of location on the outskirts of South Seattle, Hyde and Elizabeth Morgan attacked me. More Hyde than Elizabeth. After hearing more vehicles pull up and a gunshot, maybe more, I was thrown to the grown and hit my head on the curb. Everything happened so fast, I tried to break my fall with my hand but the angle and speed broke my arm and knocked me out.

The next thing I knew I was in the hospital and Christian was there sleeping hunched over the bed. It was this day that changed everything. I had been unconscious for two days, my arm was set in a cast, and I was hooked up to IV's. Christian seemed really upset and kept saying how sorry he was for everything, even Grace gave me sorrowful eyes and talked apologetically to me. It was not until the doctor came in with Dr. Greene did they tell me I had been pregnant, but due to the fall and trauma to my abdomen I lost the baby.

Shock was my first reaction. How the hell did I get pregnant when I was on the shot! Then I mourned. It seemed pointless to mourn over a child that I did not even know was there, but the thought that I could have had my miracle baby after our argument is what drove me insane. My dream child was in me, it could have had a chance if I had only known, but I was reckless. Now that had been pregnant while on birth control, I thought Christian would have a conniption fit.

After mourning for a solid month and seeing my own therapist almost daily, live seemed to get back on track. Not only did I see Dr. Butler for losing the baby, but also for the whole Hyde incident. We also talked about my marriage and relationship with Christian, as well as my insecurities from childhood. It was good to talk to someone without being judge or yelled at. Dr. Butler really helped me with everything.

When it came time for my cast to come off, it was also time to see Dr. Green for a check-up post-miscarriage. That morning Christian surprised me with flowers, and breakfast in bed. What surprised me the most was what he told me. He had said he thought hard about having children, and the fact that he lost the baby. Losing the baby was hard on him, harder than he thought it would be. After many talks with Flynn, Christian apparently had a break through, to which I was saddened and grateful. Christian told me we could start trying in a year from that day, or just talk about it then to see where we are at in our relationship, if we were ready as a couple to have a baby. With everything that had happened and my own therapy, I was not sure I wanted to even actually try to have a baby, but I agreed to his terms that in a year we would revisit the baby talk.

Dr. Greene said everything was normal and we could go resume our normal sexual lives. This time, I decided to take charge of my birth control and felt the pill would be a better option for me since I got pregnant on the shot. Christian tried to argue with me to change my mind, and I told him no, even so much as told him he will be using condoms as well for extra protection.

Now today has been one year since the Hyde incident and we are now putting the baby talk on the table. Christian was so adamant we have it that he had it programed in our calendars as a reminder. I also have an appointment with Dr. Green today for my well woman check-up and to renew my birth control, or discuss family planning.

Today will be an interesting day that could bring forth many changes to our future.