High Personality; Weird TransFigurations? aka HP; WTF?  

What if Voldemort attacked Hogwarts with something entirely unexpected? Well… Insanity ensues. Read it and weep, people!

Chapter 1 – Back at Hogwarts

"Oh no, don't tell me. Double Potions with Snape on Monday morning?" Ron groaned and pretended to throw away his timetable. "Life sucks."

Harry nodded. "If he starts drooling over Malfoy's Potion skills one more time, I swear I'm going to throw up on the both of them."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You guys, shut up."

"What? On the Malfoy defense again, Hermione?" Ron sneered.

Hermione whispered: "Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that he's standing right behind you, moron."

Ron wheeled around to face the annoyingly handsome Slytherin prefect.

"That comment just cost your House fifty points, Potter," Malfoy smirked. "If I find out you're talking crap about me or Professor Snape again, there'll be hell to pay."

"You promise?" Harry said sarcastically.

Malfoy focused on Hermione instead, hissing: "Don't even dare think you stand a chance with me, Granger. You're a filthy Mudblood. Need I say more?"

"I was merely trying to save points, Draco," Hermione sneered at him. "You can get stuffed for all I care."

Malfoy raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"On your period, Granger?" He walked off sniggering.

"Merlin, when are we going to kill him?" Harry asked. "Or at least hurt and maim him?"

"As soon as we find out the password to the Slytherin Common Room," Ron reassured him.

"We need to hurry," Hermione interrupted their little daydream. "We don't want to be late for Potions."

"No," said Harry. "Snape will not be entertained by that."

Potions class with Snape. After ten minutes of rambling on how important Potions knowledge is to all wizards, "…even the most famous ones…", Snape ordered them to cook up an antidote for Jelly Poison.

"Who the what now?" Ron asked, not having paid attention.

"Just follow the instructions, Ron," Hermione hissed. "Page 345."

"Great," Ron muttered.

After half an hour, Snape was looking at Malfoy's results with a pleased expression on his face. Harry pretended to gag into his cauldron. Ron and Hermione sniggered in response.

Suddenly, Snape wheeled around and looked at the chimney.

"What in Merlin's name is that?" A thick cloud of red smoke was seeping into the classroom.

Malfoy and his minions were already halfway out of the classroom trying to escape, but they were stopped by Snape's voice snarling: "And where exactly do you think you're going?" He was speaking in the very tone he always reserved for Harry.

"What the fuck?" Ron asked.

"Sit down, Mr. Malfoy, or I'll be taking points from Slytherin."

"What the fuck?" Harry asked, completely astonished by Snape's sudden personality change.

Malfoy obeyed and went back to his seat, glaring at Snape, looking ready to kill.

"Harry… That's exactly the way you look at Snape when he's giving you a hard time," Hermione whispered.

The red smoke had dissolved and had left a funny smell.

"Back to work, everyone," Snape said, continuing his round through the classroom.

"Mr. Weasley…" Ron froze when Snape halted at his desk, bending over his bubbling cauldron.

"Let me help you with that." Snape quickly chopped up Ron's Bangor Roots and added them to his potion.

Ron's eyes were nearly popping out of his head.

"Sir… Are you feeling okay?" Hermione asked.

"Fine, Miss Granger," Snape said. "Oh dear lord. Harry, go help Mr. Longbottom before he blows up the dungeons with his… assignment."

Harry's facial expression simply cried WTF?? when he made his way to Neville and cleared out his cauldron for him. Snape never called him by his first name.