Why She Favored Bald Men, a harry potter fanfic

Why She Favored Bald Men

I was thinking of another fiction to write…and something about Lily and James…and bald men popped into my head.

"You're hair…it's all messed up!" said Lily, standing behind James, who was sitting in front of a mirror, hair gel placed randomly over all of his hair.

"I know…I know…but…I can't do anything about it!" said James, trying to make his hair stay flat.

"There's only one way…" said Lily, pondering her thought. She slowly walked over to his dresser. She grabbed his razor and walked back.

"Lillian Evans Potter…no way…" said James, his eyes widening. "I'm not going to have a bald head for our first year anniversary!"

"I favor bald heads, you know…" she said admirably.

"You do not! Then…why did you marry me?"

"Ah…well…there's that little glitch…"

"You put that razor to my head and I'll kill you…" said James menacingly, changing the subject.

"I'd like to see you try…" said Lily, smiling at the thought.

James laughed. "You know…I'd be hard to kill you…there are lots of ways it could be done…"

Lily widened her eyes. "No. James Potter, I'm NOT about to go down that road again…"

"Down what road? You mean you don't…you don't…you don't…love me?" he said, puckering his lips like Sirius did when he got sad.

"Don't be silly…of course I love you! I just…I just…"

"We always said we wanted kids, you know…" started James off-topic.

"We've only been married a year, I don't want to rush anything…"

"Well, with Voldemort around, we don't know how long we'll be living!" exclaimed James matter-of-factly.

"So? What would happen if to our poor child if we died? Hmmm?"

"He'd or she'd go to live with Sirius of course!" said James proudly, trying to perfect his hair to his wife's satisfaction.

"What if Sirius…was…I don't know…let's say…what if Sirius was known to the public as well…a sort of murderer…thing…"

James turned around to face his wife. "Are you saying you don't trust Sirius?" said James, with a sort of 'don't play that game with me' look on his face.

"No…of course not! I…I'm just using him as an example!"

"Well if you're going to do that with my friends…use…use…use Peter!"

"Peter? Peter's too scared of doing anything like that!" said Lily, kneeling down in front of her husband.

"Exactly. Let's say…well…let's say that Voldemort was out to get us…"

Lily opened her mouth in protest.

"Shut the mouth. Just hear me out. So, anyways, if Voldemort was out to get us…he tortured Peter until he joined the dark side, betrayed us, and the problem was blamed on Sirius. Now, if Sirius was taken to Azkaban…Peter would become Voldemort's servant…then of course…Remus would become a werewolf every month. Who would our child go to?"

"Exactly. You're starting to understand me. Our child would go to his only safe and living relative…he'd go to stay with my muggle sister, Petunia."

James gasped in horror. "No way! Our son is NOT going to go live with the likes of her!"

"I wish you'd stop making fun of my family! Yes, I know she can be mean and ignorant when she wants to, but she's also a loving sister! And if you can't respect my family, you can't respect me!" Lily quickly stood up, turned on her heel, and left the bathroom, leaving James speechless.

"Lily! Lily wait! I…I didn't mean it that way…I…" he said, following her out to her vanity in the bedroom.

"I don't want to hear it, James. I just don't want to hear it. Now, go get ready. I should be ready in about fifteen minutes. And I don't want to her one more word about our hypothetical child or Sirius or Remus or Peter or…" she lowered her tone to a whisper, "Voldemort."

James smiled. It was the first time she'd said his name. He didn't know why she'd avoided saying it; it seemed to be a new trend amongst the women. 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' was famous as well as 'You-Know-Who'. He walked back over to his mirror and tried to squeeze every last drop of hair gel out of his messy black hair.

He walked back over to the vanity fifteen minutes later, only to find Lily sitting there, curling the last bit of her hair. "I'm ready to go Lil…y…" he said slowly, looking her up and down.

"What? I've looked just as nice as I always do. Besides, I shouldn't look any different, should I?"

"You've changed!" he said, trying to focus on her face.

"Nope. Now stop complimenting me or we'll be late for dinner." James just kept looking her up and down. "Stop!" she said, grabbing his hand to take him back to reality. It was obviously unable for James to resist. Lily was wearing a long, sky-blue dress that lightly dusted the middle of her short heels. She was, of course wearing her wedding ring, a silver necklace and a silver bracelet, with an odd sort of glow on the necklace's pendant and the middle bracelet link. Her hair…James sighed. Lily could always get her hair to be exactly as she wanted it. Tonight, she'd curled her beautiful auburn hair in soft ringlets.

"You're…Lily…" he said softly.

"Of course I'm Lily!"

"No, I mean…you're more than beautiful…it's the only word I could find to describe you…you're just…Lily."

"Oh, James," said Lily, the corners of her mouth turning into a slight smile. "I'm sorry I fought with you…" she said softly, now leaning up against him.

"I really do love you, you know," said James, his tone only slightly above a whisper.

"I love you, too," said Lily softly. "Now, come on, we can compliment each other endlessly later…we'll be late…" said Lily, giggling.

"You're right…"

"Where did you make reservations again?" asked Lily curiously.

"Well…the Hog's Head…" said James, a grin appearing on his face.

"What?" said Lily slowly.

"I'm just fooling with you, Lily. It's this place called, 'The Peridot'. You know, like the birthstone? It's a great restaurant."

"Ok…well…you ready?" she asked him, grabbing his hand.

"Yep…one…two…three…" said James. With a small 'pop' they both vanished.

"So…what do you think you want?" asked James, opening up the menu, as Lily did the same.

"Hmmm…I don't know…it all looks very good…"

"Oh! How about the 'Anniversary Special'? 'Try our best Anniversary Special; comes with two lobster tails, two cups of soup and free drinks. And now, when you order a side, you get the second one, free! Cost…" James left off. "They put it in small print on purpose…"

Lily giggled. "Your glasses are falling off your nose, James…"

"Ah…that'd be why…" he said, quickly sliding his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose.

"See…it says here…17 galleons for the 'Anniversary Special'. That's not too bad, considering that everything else is 30 galleons or more…" said Lily sheepishly.

"Are you folks ready to order?" said their waitress, walking up to the table.

"Er…right…we'll have the 'Anniversary Special'. And we'll both have vegetable soup with it."

"You're drinks?"

"I'll just have…" started Lily.

"Two red wines, please," said James, interrupting her and giving her a wink.

"Ah…it's good to be home…" said James, appearing in his bedroom. He flopped down on his bed and stretched his legs.

"Yes…it's great.." said Lily, giving a sigh of relief as she kicked off her heels.

James sighed.

"Thanks for dinner," said Lily sheepishly.

"You don't have to thank me, Lils…we're married now…it's your money, too…"

"You know what I miss most?" she asked him, turning on her side.

"What?" asked James, putting his hands behind his head, stretching his legs out once more.

"I miss just being around you, James. You're always at work…I'm always…at work…"

"Yeah…I miss you, Lily," said James, turning around to face her.

Silence.

"Hey, Lily?"

"Yes, James?"

"Why do you fancy bald guys?"

"Do I have to tell you that?"

"Yep."

"Well, if you must know...the first guy I dated was bald."

"You're kidding? Did he go to Hogwarts?"

"Yeah. He was a year older than I was…I guess it was sort of a weird relationship. I was only thirteen when I met him, he was in my advanced transfiguration class. His mum had shaved off all his hair the night before. He was bald then. It's funny, he once told me that he knew these guys in my year that were unregistered animagi!"

James forced a laugh. "Who was guy?" he asked through clenched teeth, though smiling at the same time.

"I can't remember. I can see his face, though. He was as Hufflepuff…I think his last name was something like…oh…now I remember! He was Eric Finch-Fletchley. He never regained his hair sadly."

Silence.

"James? James are you alright?" asked Lily. She'd noticed that her husband's face had just turned beet red.

"You dated somebody before me?" he asked her through clenched teeth.

"Yeah…but it wasn't meant to be…hey! You've dated girls before me! Loads of times!" she said accusingly.

"No I didn't!"

"Don't lie to me, James Potter. You dated at least one of my friends each year we were at Hogwarts! You were a ladies man!"

"I used those girls as devices to get at you!" said James indignantly.

"Yeah, right. Then why did you snog them every other day?"

Silence.

"Er…like I said…I er…"

"And with my one friend…Mary Anne…you went swimming in the lake on a really hot afternoon. But then, you went under…and we didn't see you come back up for four hours!"

"Why does it matter? I've given my heart to you now. I love you. Now, stop before we end our first anniversary in a divorce."

"I'm sorry, James. We seem to get in fights a lot, don't we love?"

"Yes…it is odd…"

"Well, now you know why I used to favor balds."

"You used to?"

"Yes. I used to. Now, I favor the messed up hair look," she said, and broke into a smile.

"Sure…and when you divorce me…"

"I'll never divorce you!" she said indignantly.

"And then you'll go for some old bald guy…"

"No I won't!"

"You promise?"

"Promise."

"Sit up, Lily. Now, put your left hand on mine. Repeat after me…I promise to never divorce James Potter."

"I promise to never divorce James Potter."

"But if I do, I won't go for a bald…"

"Because I'm over them…"

"And I love James…"

"And I love James more than I'll ever love another man."

"Hey! You're just saying that!"

"Nope. Thanks to you, I've stopped favoring balds."