A/N: This is a short little C x B oneshot. It's by no means my best, or even close to it. It just came to me when I saw the little quote thing on an icon. I've gotten a lot of little quotes off of icons written down, because almost each one brings about the inspiration for a story. Well, so it's first person POV, and it's Blair so you don't get confused. This was written before the finale, though I don't know if that matters much. The only thing that is in here that conflicts with a post-finale story is that Serena and Dan are still together in this, though that only amounts to one line of this story. Anyway, enjoy! R&R! Thanks! –Mac
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl, because if I did, do you think the finale would have gone down the way it did? No. I didn't think so.
Until It Happens To You
"You never know how much it hurts…until it happens to you."
Chuck Bass had been breaking hearts since he had lost his Virginia to Georgina Sparks in seventh grade, pardon, sixth grade. And I had watched him do so. I watched girls parade in and out of 1812. I had learned every move, every technique he had acquired. I had listened to every sordid tale—what can I say, Chuck liked to share. I had heard every perverse witticism. I knew all his lines. I had watched a number of girls fall, be exploited, and leave broken. I never condoned such behavior, but who was I to tell Chuck how to live?
He only behaved this way for his own satisfaction. Everything Chuck did was for his own satisfaction. I want to believe that he didn't understand how he hurt these girls. It was plausible. He really had n concern for anyone but himself. While many of the girls that get involved with Chuck know what they're getting into, a good number got it into their silly little heads that he could be changes. I watched each and every one of them fail. It would take a great force to get Chuck Bass to change. It would happen eventually, but these naïve, yet still shameless little girls would not be the cause of it. As if they could manage such a thing. To believe they could is just pathetic, they would have no idea how to go about doing so to begin with. Something like that would require skill and…experience.
I knew his game. I knew the look in his eye that he got when he found his target. I knew the quirk in his lips. The way he held himself, the way he walked and the voice he took on. I knew him and his tactics, almost as well as I knew Serena's soft giggle and bright smile signaling a crush or date or most recently Cabbage Patch's never ending romanticism. It was hard for me to understand how these girls fell for his charm and lustful advances time and time again. That is, until I had done so myself.
I could say I regret allowing Chuck persuade me into his arms and into his bed. But he didn't have to put much effort into it, did he? Nate pushed me toward him and after that I ran to him. Though it would be unfair to say that Chuck hadn't put a great deal of, ahem, effort into it. Still it was my first instinct to feel stupid for allowing myself to be that weak and…desperate. Yet I understood why those girls had given into him. And I knew why they would want to come back.
I was too caught up in Nate for anything Chuck had done to break my heart. I didn't realize though that I had done anything that could break his. Chuck had finally learned to care for someone other than himself. Oddly enough, I was the one who inspired him to such feelings. And then I took them all away when I returned to Nate. After breaking one hundred and one hearts, Chuck finally knew what it felt like to be hurt in that way. If I had known…If I had known he felt that way, things might have been different. I knew what it felt like to have my heart broken. Nate had begun chipping away at mine long before he shattered it completely. It's a pain I wouldn't inflict on anyone intentionally—well, at least not anyone I cared for.
The way he lashed out, although it had hurt me as he intended, may not have been the best way to handle it. But it was understandable. When I found out about Nate and Serena, a part of me wanted Nate to feel just an ounce of the pain I felt. And maybe, eventually he did.
The only way to truly understand the pain a person feels is to have felt it yourself. I knew what it felt like to have my heart broken, Chuck knew what it felt like to have his heart broken. In that we were kindred. And that was why we found our way back to each other in a way that Nate and I never could.
We didn't forget our pasts, that wasn't possible. I'm not even sure we have forgiven one another for what had happened between us, but we have moved past it. And that's enough…because we're happy. That's all that matters. Because in recent times all the two of us have had is hurt, whether it was because of each other or not, is not part of the equation. We deserve some happiness in our lives, and if happiness means being together than so be it.
That's not to say everything is going to be perfect now. We're going to have to work at it—probably more so than ever. This conclusion doesn't make our path any less rocky. It does however guarantee the effort we will put into it.
Because a person will never really know love, happiness and true devotion…until it happens to them.