Warning: the following contents contains strong language and somewhat descriptive violence, as well as some weird subtext. I highly recommend you turn away now if you're uncomfortable with that.
This story is the result of watching Markiplier's Yandere Simulator Let's Play waaay to many times.
Also, it wouldn't let me use the heart emoticon like I'd wanted, so I had to improvise.
I hope you enjoy. (:3)
(:3) Rinku-senpai! (:3)
Okay, who was that bitch and what was she doing with (:3) him (:3)? Someone had better tell me now before I go off and do something she'd regret.
From my place among the rafters, I could quite clearly see that little farm-whore, trying to put the moves on (:3) him (:3). Ain't no little horse-hussy gonna be trying to put the moves on my (:3) man (:3)!
A stiff breeze shook the shed and I almost lost my balance. No, falling would be bad. If I spooked the cows or the heffer, I might hurt (:3) senpai (:3). I could never hurt (:3) senpai (:3).
I steadied myself and kept my eyes sharp on the equestraphillic floozy, ready to pounce at the earliest opportunity. I was not going to let her corrupt my poor innocent (:3) Link-senpai (:3). No, she wouldn't touch (:3) him (:3) if I had anything to say about it. And I had quite a lot to say about it, actually.
Malon waved, batting her disgusting tart eyes, clearly trying to lure poor (:3) Link (:3) into the Ghoma nest which was the underside of her dress. No, not gonna happen. But then (:3) Link (:3) smiled (:3)(:3)(:3) and left the barn.
Right. I could see this quite clearly. Not going to let this happen. Not for one moment was I going to let this happen. I knew what she planning and I was not going to let it happen.
That was the moment when I chose to let my presence be known. I dropped from the rafters, lithe and soundless, in front of the horny bitch farm whore.
"Oh, hello!" she said, clearly trying to distract me with that faker-than-her-tits smile of hers. As if I didn't know what she was thinking. "I'm sorry if I didn't see you there! I've never met a Zora before, so please excuse me if I'm being rude."
Distractions. She was trying to distract me. "And you will never meet another." I growled.
"I'm sorry, is there something wrong? Did I say something?" Did she think she was fooling someone with that cheap green rupee innocence gag?
"I'll never let you touch (:3) him (:3), you sick wench!" I cried, lunging out with the heightened skills of the Zoran tribe. My hands wrapped around her throat, and I began to tighten my grip.
She started crying, begging, screaming, choking.
"You will never have (:3) him (:3)! (:3) He's (:3) mine! Mine! MINE!" And with all the ease of the Zora tribe, I released from my hands a wave of electricity.
I will admit that I took great pleasure in watching her seize, convulse, and her skins char and fry, the way her eyes popped and leaked down her blackening face, a look of terror, fear, pain, and horror permanently tattooed onto her face.
I released my grip, staunching the flow of electricity, letting her broken and cooked body collapse in a twisted, shattered mangle on the hay covered floor. I was done here, and from here, I could live happy with the knowledge that I had saved (:3) Link-senpai (:3) from the nightmare which was Gohma-Queen-Horse-Whore-on-the-Floor.
Smiling, I too left the barn, following the tracks that (:3) Link (:3) had left, clearly a sign that he wanted me to accompany (:3) him (:3).
The road (:3) he (:3) travelled was growing swiftly dark. The chittering cries of Stalchildren flew through the air, rending a rip in the fabric of my thoughts.
Where were those things, anyway? Truth be told, I couldn't handle Stalchildren. Those skeletal demons had a tendency to haunt my dreams. They were always the same nightmares.
In my nightmares, I was forced to watch, paralyzed, as the Stalchildren and Gibdos tried to hurt (:3) Link (:3). I was helpless to watch as they tore him to pieces. In other dreams, I was treated to the more horrifying image of ReDeads groping, molesting, and vulgarizing poor (:3) Link (:3). Those were the worst dreams.
More Stalchildren crying, shrieking, and chitterting through the night and my scales grew rigid, crawling as I remembered those horrid dreams.
Several lengths ahead of me, (:3) he (:3) stopped and fell to the ground at the base of a small tree set along the road. (:3) He (:3) leaned against it and promptly fell to sleep. And from around the tree, I saw perished corpses rising, clawing their way out of the ground, wrenching themselves closer to the sleeping (:3) Link (:3).
No no no! I ran with practiced speed, vaulting into the air in a dead sprint. Chittering skeletons coalesced around me, swarming like many hundreds of Skulltulas and Gohma larvae.
"No! You won't hurt (:3) him (:3)!" I cried, drawing out my arm-fins like great backhanded scimitars, cutting through the first wave of Stalchildren. They collapsed to the ground, but began to rise and reform in pulses and clouds of purple-black-red smoke. "Get back! Go away! Go away! GET AWAY FROM (:3) US (:3)!"
I launched my arm-fins like a pair of boomerangs, severing their spines, sawing through ribs, dicing their pelvises, gnawing away at craniums. More corpses lined the grounds, and more began to rise.
Armies of the dead and soldiers of the damned sheared themselves towards me, forgetting entirely about (:3) Link-senpai (:3) (something I could never do).
I grabbed ahold of a charging Stalchild, plunging my hands into its ribcage and grabbing tightly its spinal column, crushing through several vertebrae, as a helicoprion would crush through shellfish. My grip around the spine tightened and I ripped the cord straight out of its hollow chest.
Using the spine like a club, I smashed through several Stalchildren, swiftly dodging their enameled claws.
My hands grew white-hot as the rod they held suddenly became blessed with Zoran electricity. I brought the rod down on a torso that had been trying to reattach itself to the rest of its body, which I kicked away, shattering it, and showering the ground in broken bone fragments.
Light began to rise and the caw of a cucco filled the air as the sun appeared parabolically in the sky.
The chittering corpses began to retreat, fading into the ground, clawing down into the safety of whatever hell they returned to. I cast the spine aside and took no notice of the way it crawled along to the body it belonged to, then reburied itself in the muck of Hyrule Field.
As the last of them vanished, I saw (:3) Link (:3) awaken from his night's sleep, unaware of what had transpired through the night, or of how I had saved (:3) him (:3) from meeting with a terrible fate.
And, like the adorable little hero (:3) he (:3) was, (:3) he (:3) continued on his journey to save the land of Hyrule.
Approaching the bridge to Castle Town, the sky grew dark again. Rain began to pour from the sky, lightning charged and struck, ripping new scars into the landscape.
A great white horse dashed across the bridge, whisking away a young girl and a young woman.
"Link!" I heard her cry, and I felt my heart cry out in pain and anger. The whore-Princess, no matter what she was, dared to speak (:3) Senpai's (:3) name! She dared to speak a name, which belonged to heroes, legends, and gods! She dared to speak to (:3) him (:3)!
I didn't even hear the rest of the royal-tart's speech. I didn't need to. She was probably trying to trick (:3) Link-senpai (:3) into crawling up her Like-Like infested twat-tunnel, but no I wouldn't- she threw something out into the river, and I was briefly too distracted to do anything as her hooking mare soared by me.
Thunder, lightning, and darkness grew as another horse rode up from the walled city, this one black as the nightmares that haunted my sleep. The rider, a tall, barbaric Gerudo, spoke with a commanding voice that was, to me, covered by lightning and crashing thunder.
The unspeakable happened.
The Gerudo reached out and, hand brimming with purple magic, lifted (:3) Link (:3) into the air by the collar of (:3) his (:3) beautiful neck. Laughing, he said something, then cast (:3) Link (:3) away as one would a discarded newspaper.
The Gerudo man rode off, distantly chasing after the whore-Princess.
I ran out to the unconscious (:3) Link (:3), wrapping my arms around (:3) him (:3), afraid that (:3) he (:3) might wake up, but more so that (:3) he (:3) wouldn't. I cried, stroking (:3) his (:3) sleeping face, running my hands through (:3) his (:3) hair, along (:3) his (:3) body, afraid, oh so afraid, that (:3) he (:3) would wake and scream and run, but equally afraid that I had lost my (:3) senpai (:3).
Then, I felt (:3) his (:3) body move and I knew that (:3) he (:3) was still alive. I laid (:3) him (:3) back down, on the spongy rain-soaked grass and retreated back as (:3) he (:3) woke.
(:3) He (:3) stood, shook (:3) himself (:3), then ran to the river and dove in, reaching out for whatever Princess Dental-Twat had thrown him. Probably her crotchle- oh, an ocarina.
A line of poetry oddly came to me as (:3) senpai3 rose from the river, and tore through the, now open, city gates: and roaring, he shall rise and on the surface die. The thought struck me, horrified, as I came to a revelation about (:3) Link's (:3) journey. That, whatever it was (:3) he (:3) did, there was the distinct possibility that (:3) he (:3) might die.
I cast the thought, and the tears that came with it, away as I ran through the gates of Castle Town.
(:3) He (:3) had ran into great cathedral-like temple and I watched as (:3) he (:3) placed on a pedestal three glowing stones: an emerald, the color of (:3) senpai's (:3) eyes and tight tunic; a burning ruby, like that of my love for (:3) senpai (:3); and a great blue sapphi- wait a minute! Was that my wedding present?! Did (:3) he :( really just place my wedding present on a dusty old pedestal?! Oh, hell no.
(:3) He (:3) pulled out Princess Twerks-a-lot's ocarina and began to play, a song that was spiritual and sad. What kind of serenade was that?! Why would (:3) he (:3) play me a song like that?!
A rumbling sound of marble shifting as a stone door at the back of the temple pulled itself open.
(:3) Link (:3) ran through the doors and I followed, hidden in the shadows, into a small chamber with a marble pedestal stuck in the center, a beautiful blade stuck within it, like some legendary artifact from a children's story.
At the request of (:3) SENPAI(!)'s (:3) annoying fairy companion, (:3) he (:3) wrapped his hands around the sword's handle (thoughts of subtext playing in my mind) and (:3) he (:3) ripped it straight from its marble prison.
Light flashed and I watched, horrified, as (:3) Link-senpai (:3) fell to the ground, into a great sleep, of which, I somehow knew, only time would cure.
And for seven years, I watched as (:3) he (:3) slept.
The End