Author Notes: Trigger Warning- Implied Major Character Death. A hurt/comfort one shot that deals with grief and happy memories weaved together.
Update: I realized I wanted to give more to this story. Marked as in-progress.
"Do you believe in destiny Maur?"
Maura stopped mid-sentence that she was writing in her journal and looked up at Jane with a curious expression. It was late night, past midnight in fact and both Maura and Jane had found themselves up and out of bed. A case had them work late and Jane had decided to stay back and sleep. But neither of them could catch any sleep so they decided to have a cup of tea, much to Jane's mumbled mutiny. Maura adored Jane even then and she would have almost relented but giving her a cup of coffee instead would have taken away her sleep altogether and the detective clearly needed some rest.
Maura wondered how Jane had caught on to that random train of thought. It had been rare moments when Jane would surprise with questions like this, but Maura always cherished sharing those moments with her. A smiled graced Maura's face and she was a little amazed how a single question evoked her own train of thought.
"Well, do you Jane?" Maura smirked, knowing Jane would play her 'I asked you first card'.
"Hey I asked first!", Jane grinned knowing Maur asked that on purpose. Jane stood up from the kitchen stool and walked over to the couch where Maura was writing in her journal. Maura had told she had recently found a safe space in her writings and that it calmed her mind down. Jane had come to learn that watching Maura write calmed her mind too. Something about a focused Maura and her calming pen strokes… Jane's mind echoed, which Jane immediately dismissed. "Seriously Maur,", Jane almost whined, "Do you believe it?"
Maura gave it a thought, putting her ideas, her contemplations in order like she always did. Jane smiled watching how Maura's face aligned those tiny expressions of focus in place and Jane undeniably loved that. She couldn't hide her smile even if she tried. Maura was so endearing when she was thinking.
"I suppose, to believe everything is pre-determined is too strict. It conforms us to believe that no matter what we do, a pre-defined set of things are going to happen to us. I do not believe that. I believe we have a choice to shape our future, no matter how definitive it seems; that we choose who we become and that it is our choices that truly define our lives. It is our choices that drive us to become who we are."
Jane's eyes remained locked in gaze with Maura's beautiful orbs, her mind taking it all in. "I suppose I agree with you there. But, do you agree that there are somethings that are meant to be… say you and me..." Jane smiled at that, because she already knew what she believed in about that specific case.
"There are 'n' number of possibilities Jane. What if I had never chosen this path and ended up in Boston? My mind cannot see the rationality there. I am blessed that I got you and you found me. But that this, us, was not our choice is something I cannot wrap my head around." Maura shrugged and looked with a carefully reigned in expression as she continued. "Does that make you sad?" Even assuming that it did, made Maura upset.
Jane smiled her lopsided smile and pulled the cushion she had been holding in her lap closer. She lifted her hand up to let Maura hold it and then she gently tugged at hers to sit closer to her. "No it does not Dr. Maura Isles. Do you know why?", Jane now eagerly regarded Maura, her eyes never once flinching with that adoration and love that always managed to lift up Maura's spirit again.
"It doesn't? Why Jane?" Maura's expression of wonder back on her countenance. Jane loved that too.
"Because that means no matter what, youchoseme. That despite the odds or without them in those 'n' number of possibilities, you decided to choose me. I will always be your choice. Like you are mine. For me, that is hundred times better than a predefined destiny."
Maura couldn't contain her smile at that. She could see the admiration radiating from Jane's eyes, her smile affirming her every single word. She gently rubbed Jane's palm with her thumb and looked back in her eyes and smiled.
"Of all the things I love about you Jane, this is by far my favorite.", Maura whispered as she settled beside Jane, resting her head on her shoulder in a warm snuggle.
Jane smiled as Maura snuggled into her and she whispered back, "And what is that Maur?"
"Rendering me speechless." Maura sighed with content and smiled a soft smile, her palm adoringly entwined in Jane's.
Jane eyes flung open slowly. It wasn't a dream. She had known the moment her brain registered the absence of warmth along her side. She had woken up from a memory. She smiled, still a little unsure if it had ended; hoping against hope that she could go back to that. But something urgent had woken her up. She felt a tug on her arm again.
"Jane?"
It was Rose. Her 6-years-old Rose with her big beautiful eyes fixed on Jane's, standing there with her arms tightly wrapped around her favorite elephant, Ellie. Jane instantly shook away the sleep from her eyes, and sat up. "Princess? Are you okay?" She lifted the little girl in her arms and snuggled her in her lap. "What's wrong baby?" Jane's voice was now laced with worry.
"I missed you. Can I sleep here?" murmured Rose, her voice shaking a little and barely above a whisper.
Jane pulled her close and laid back down with her Rose in her arms. "Yes my baby, always." Pulling her blanket up, Jane stroked her hair softly, her Ellie still snuggled close to her chest. "Was it a bad dream baby?" Jane softly whispered.
Rose just nodded n hugged tighter. Jane softly kissed her brow and cooed, "It is alright baby, don't be scared now, you are in my arms, safe. I love you so much." Rose nodded n held Jane's palm in her little hand. Jane kissed her now-drooping eyes and softly hummed her favorite lullaby. Rose's breathing eased in a matter of seconds and she fell asleep cradled in Jane's arms. Jane knew what dream it had been that had shaken Rose up, it was that one and the same. She looked back down to the little girl in her arms, now sleeping peacefully and she couldn't help but smile. She looked just like Maura. Her mind wandered back to her memory and she closed her eyes. With her little daughter snuggled in her arms and her Maura snuggling in her memory, Jane eventually fell back to sleep too.