Coming Home by John Legend

A father waits upon a son
A mother prays for his return
I just called to see
If you still have a place for me

The radio had come on and John Legend had a new song out. Mom would pretend she didn't notice the lyrics. Though, as she drove on, her knuckles readjusted their grip on the steering wheel and I saw her swallow. I knew she really just wanted to cry. It may have been a while since dad died I mean I'm almost fifteen, it's been fifteen years. Though, she still misses him something fierce. She always looked as if she was thinking of yesterdays when this song came on, lost in a nostalgia.

We know that life took us apart
But you're still within my heart

"Bones, I need you to be really careful in that Indonesian jungle…"

"Booth you're the one getting ready to go to a war zone."

I…I need you to promise me something Booth, don't be you." I tried not to let my eyes show the little gloss that they did. "Just don't be a hero." You stare at me trying to give me reassurance as I do the same for you. As I look into your chocolate gaze and we stand in the center I silently plead with you not to go even though I know it's an irrational plea-you have to go orders are orders. Deployments are hard-that's that.

We part and I look back at you and you're looking at me I want to leave my bags and run to you, to call out your name, to hold you in my arms, but I don't and we part without a kiss but with so, so much more.

I go to sleep
And feel your spirit next to me

"To fly to heaven would probably take a lot of gas." He says so innocently with a bit of a laugh and I smile to myself at how his logic worked, but to Caleb this was serious.

"Probably so Caleb, I love you buddy." I lean over and hug my little Booth boy close to me planting a kiss on the top of his head. He yawns and lays his head on my chest shortly after falling asleep. I inhale and exhale then laid both our seats back so I can close my eyes for the flight. Caleb snuggles closer to me on our makeshift bed of seats which fly in limbo somewhere between planet earth and heaven.

I'll make it home again
I pray you'll fall in love again
Just say you'll entertain the possibility

I still hadn't moved on and while Angela and I rarely spoke of it. When, the topic of a double date -which I don't like anyway- came up or a potential prospect for me was mentioned from her lips I just couldn't do it; I had tried before and felt awful for the poor man I was set up with. I still ache for you, it's a constant dull ache and day to day life is fine. I just miss you. It's hard to describe in words, so I don't.

I learned enough from my mistakes
Learned from all I didn't say
Won't you wait for me?

Suddenly, I didn't want to go to Maluku and didn't want him to leave, but he had to leave and I couldn't go with him. "What's wrong Bones?" he embraces me and I slowly lay my head on his shoulder soon feeling the thin cotton shirt wet with tears. I try to assemble my racing thoughts as my head lay on what I love the most, my constant, if he left the center was no longer. I pull away and look into his eyes letting him see all of me, the pain, love, hurt, worry, and in that moment -he knows. Though, I feel for some reason I have to voice it, give him hard evidence.

"You Booth, you're what's wrong with me and what's right with me. It doesn't make sense, but-" silent tears slid down my face escaping.

"Shh, Bones." He takes my head in his hands and kisses my forehead first, my closed eyes and tears that are forming in them, then his mouth meets mine at first the kiss is slow and sensual we take our time, eventually it deepens and I respond tears fall like rain I taste them on my lips. Suddenly, I find myself desperate for more of him and soft and sensual turns to a fierce battle of dominance and desire-need. We never ended up sitting on the couch that night, but we did make it to the bedroom.

It may be long to get me there
Feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home

"You know your daddy loves you very much right?" your big brown eyes stare up at me haunting me through our sons own brown orbs. I'm speaking to you Booth just like you wanted, do you hear me?

"Yeah mommy you told me already, now can we play trucks?" I smile a half hearted smile at him, he was too young to understand. I knew this, so why did I push. "Wait mommy, you can have the convertbull now cause you and daddy like it. I get the fire truck."

"Thank you." I take the car and hear sirens from the fire truck turn on accompanied by a shriek of laughter. I toss the car aside and grab what Booth had given me the night before I left for Maluku, our son.

Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

"What's a year?" Booth

"It's the full revolution of the earth around the sun." Bones

We fight to stay alive
But somebody's got to die
It's so strange to me
A new year, a new enemy

I stand leaning against the doorway as he plays with toy choppers, fire trucks, cars and rovers strewn about the living room. My baby boy now three plunges the chopper into the fire truck and the loud noise from the crash makes me wince as the chopper and truck crash together. Three years ago I was handed a folded up flag along with Parker. I didn't want the flag, Parker didn't want the flag either we wanted Booth. I hear the chopper crash into another toy and I'm drawn back to reality, back to the little Booth boy in my living room. The little Booth boy that will never know his daddy unlike his brother Parker had.

I once wondered, hell I had pleaded and irrationally wished, wished that our little boy could have met his daddy. Though, it was never an option Booth had died and unfortunately he wasn't pretending this time. He was one of the soldiers that didn't make it home. Home to their loved ones, to simple things like Mac N Cheese, flavored drinks like Gatorade, theme parks, the metro, the diner, a bed, home-us. He was only training men, but the whole war was a front line-flight surgeon, sniper, flying a harrier, Army, AF, USMC, Navy, or Rangers. Whatever branch of the military whatever one's MOS (Occupation) was it was still a war zone, there is no 'only' in a war zone. I watch as the wee-woo noise of the fire truck is turned on and the lights come to life on the toy truck.

Another soldier gone to war
Another story told before
Now it's told again
It seems the wars will never end

I watch as Parker pulls out a box-I know that box. "These are my dad's…I took the Medal of Honor and his tags but, I thought cause I'm going to have a brother that you and he should have the others."

He pushed the box across the table toward me, it sat in the center. I look at Parker gloss filled my eyes spilling over, damn hormones. Parker didn't need to see me cry I knew this. I pick one of them up. "That's the DSM (Distinguished Medal of Honor) the other is the Silver Star." I hesitantly pick up the Silver Star attached to the red white and blue ribbon. "It's for you and the baby, my little brother." I hadn't heard Parker as I stare at the cold Silver Star in my hand, it captivated me.

It was a whisper at first. "I told him not to be a hero." I was angry, angry that the God Booth believed in and thought was so wonderful had let him die-had taken him from me, from us. Silent tears cascade down my face as I toss the medal on the table. "I told him not to be a hero Parker! I don't understand it?" I got up and walked over to the couch. "I told him not to be himself!" I was hiccupping tears now and there were no warm arms to fall into.

"People can't change who they are Bones that would be like Dad telling you not be a scientist, it's who you are."

I had really finally lost it and in front of your son Booth. "But I did change I opened my heart to love!"

Parker walked up to me as I sat on the couch and he sat next to me placing his hand on mine he lean his head into my side mumbling.

"No Bones, you never changed who you were-that's who my dad loved is you. You just acknowledged a fact that opened your eyes to the truth, you kept a secret in your heart and you finally let it out." I wrap my arms around Parker and cry and cry hiccuping tears we hold onto each other. Suddenly, I pull out of his embrace grabbing his hand and putting it on my stomach. Hiccuping tears and loud crying has turned into silent tears which stream down my face.

"He is kicking." Parker looks up at my tear stained face and smiles a huge Booth smile.

"I can feel it, Bones!" I smile at him through my tears. "He is going to be great at soccer he can kick hard." I smile chuckling softly at the innocence in front of me, amazed. How did he make such a horrid moment turn around? I had lightly laughed at his soccer joke. Parker's hand on my stomach smiling through my tears as I realized in a way you were still here.

We'll make it home again
Back where we belong again
We're holding on to when
We used to dare to dream

I didn't expect you to come and when I saw you, that you had gone AWOL for me. I wanted to take you out of the airport and hold you down covering you in kisses as I had last night. In that moment I couldn't see anyone else people had become a blur, but I can see you with a crystal clear clarity. Everything a blur but the center as we meet in it, you take my hand in yours and held it while our eyes crash into each other. I noticed my pulse has picked up again, you must trigger an endorphin in me Booth for whenever I see you my heart beats a little faster-it's science my pulse picks up. You're the cause of my faster beating heart, the cause to my effect. Like I told you last night, but wasn't able to finish-you are what's wrong with me Booth and what's right with me...with my heart.

We pray, we live to see
Another day in history
Yes, we still believe

"I want Booth Ange." The tears had started to form, I tried not to cry Booth but it hurt-in an inside my heart non atta girl way, it hurt.

"I know you do sweetie, he's smiling down on us right now." I nod my head up and down, even though I don't believe in heaven you had told me to talk to you if you died Booth and I agreed seeing the world through your eyes would be a good thing-it would help me, even make me a better person.

I had a good Doctor throughout my whole pregnancy. "Temperance I need you to push ready in five…four…three…two…one..." I grabbed Angela's hand opened my mouth, yet no noise came out and pushed. I could hear Angela barely encouraging me, feel her push the hair out of my face and then that contraction was over.

"You did good Sweetie." I roll my head up and look at her scared, determined, and tired.

"You need to push again Temperance, big push in five…four...three…two…one." I have glossy eyes not from pain, lack of sleep, or medication-I miss you Booth and I love you. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and clench my jaw as Angela holds my hand. Suddenly, I feel a release of pressure and I open my eyes hearing our son's cries. "Temperance you still have to push his shoulders out ready, five…four…three…two…one. Good job! One more big push and you can hold your little boy."

Suddenly, I heard screaming and opened my once tightly shut eyelids to see Angela cutting the cord and the doctors whisking my baby boy-our son- away to be cleaned up. Soon a nurse placed him in my arms and the two of us sat alone, Angela had gone to let everyone know I was o.k. immediately I love him so much Booth and I don't even know him. He is of us-you and me Booth, you and me. "Hey, buddy I know you can't understand me, but I know you recognize my voice and just so you know I'm your mommy." Pause "Your daddy is…" I work with death, I know death, you are dead, but I couldn't bring myself to say that out loud to our son-not today.

"Your daddy is…responsible for your broad shoulders-that wasn't easy buddy." Pause "He loves you too, because you are half of his heart and half of mine and your daddy loves his kids, he loves kids in general. But you can't see him yet." Sigh "To see your daddy you will have to have patience and a big heart-metaphorically speaking. He left us waiting buddy, and now it's just you and me."

It may be long to get me there
Feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home

Suddenly, I see Angela, Hodgins and the kids but people are starting to stand clap and whistle, everyone looks for the reason people are clapping and a whole battalion of men and women had just returned home. They walk through the airport and everyone takes a moment to acknowledge them. I look for Caleb and smile when I see Gooding has him in his arms as he and his buddies stand up clapping together. I look at the four of them standing in the Dallas Airport and I smile clapping with my Booth boy as the parade of our guys come home, Caleb is excited.

I watch as one twenty something girl ran past people and collided into the arms of a guy walking past us in fatigues, he lifted her in the air and quickly their lips met one another's. He set her back down walking with his men she held his hand for as long as she could then it slipped out of hers. But it was ok, because he was home and alright tonight they would see each other later.

Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

I stood and scanned the airport for Angela, but I still didn't see her it was probably Reilly or Hodgins-those two are always making that family late. They still had about twenty minutes they were probably getting something to eat. Caleb and I had grabbed a bite already I sat back down and listen as Matthews spoke to Caleb.

"How old are you Caleb?"

"I'm five years old." He held up his hand showing Matthews. "Wow, you're a big boy."

"Yep, what's your name?"

"Gooding it's my last name. Where do you live little guy?"

"My daddy called my mommy a funny name and my mommy called my daddy by his last name so it's o.k" I laugh at Caleb telling the man that it was o.k that he had a last name for a first because I called you by your last name. "In Washington D.C. Where do you live?"

"I live wherever my boots takes me."

"Have your boots been to heaven?" Gooding glanced quickly at me wondering if I had heard, then back to Caleb.

"No, not yet that's a special place."

"Yep, mommy says that's where daddy is." I had decided Booth would want Caleb to think he was in heaven, when he was older he could decide what he wanted. I wondered if there was a God and he was a righteous God. Why Booth? Why did he take Booth? "Why did his boots take him to heaven Gooding?"

Gooding looked at me ready for me to take this question on, but I thought it best to leave it up to Gooding-if there was a heaven and Booth was in his promise land. I wanted someone who I felt believed in it to help him walk right into that shiny light Booth spoke of and reach out and grab his hand when it was his time.

"Because that's where special boots go."

"Why?"

I watched and listened to Gooding and Caleb intently. Gooding knew it and chose his words carefully. "It's hard to say bub but I know he is smiling and watching over you and your mama."

Caleb laughs. "Heaven is high up, guess my daddy has Boots with wings." I smile at Gooding over Caleb's head and mouth a 'Thank You' he smiles in return.

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming
I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming
You know that I'll be coming home

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming
I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming
You know that I'll be coming home

Eventually with time I learned everyone grieves at their own rate-there is no time line for healing. Our society is time line based even if those time-lines don't apply to processes such as recovering from a loved one's death-yes I loved you. I had told you the night before I left for Maluku, so you knew of this fact when you died but I think you knew without me saying a word. While at times it's still painful, it's not crippling or scary as in the first few years.

I don't even remember the first year without you it was the hardest because I was trying to figure everything out how to celebrate holidays, explain things to people, get use to the "Oh I'm so sorry." Response from strangers when fathers were brought up in conversation, I did this all with the absence of sorrow metaphorically hanging around in the air. Now, I don't think of the sad phone call when I remember you but of the happy times we shared instead.

I exhale knowing it's ok to let go, so as you don't interfere with day to day life but just as ok to hold onto your memories-just as I do these photos, it's normal. In the bible it says "There are in the end three things that last: faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13: 13 and you Booth you showed me that love, taught me about it-rattled off biblical sentences such as this one. Thank you.

It may be long to get me there
Feels like I've been everywhere
But someday I'll be coming home

"It's just a year Bones, one full revolution around the sun. That's not so bad." Booth

Round and round the world will spin
Oh, the circle never ends
So you know that I'll be coming home

As the song ends I swear I see a tear roll down mom's cheek. Though, we are both silent as she drives away from the Jeffersonian and as the song changes she is pulled from her memories to the present. I have a strong mom and a perfect family. Though, John Legend's song says -he's coming home- Therefore, he must be speaking of some other military brat's father because mine never did. Just take a look at my mom and you can tell you are only speaking to half of the original whole.

So, if you liked this in the slightest bit Child Of The Unknown Daddy (complete) is under my stories (my profile/my stories) it's not a song fic like this one and is a multi chap. Give it a go...and pray for our troops ;) Meg