It started off innocently enough...
I mean it was only admiring his indifference toward violence, yet he was so strong.
I admired him, watched from afar - his hands conducting his insects with a simple flick of his wrist. Watching as his poisons developed, based on his insects...
Watching as his family introduced him to a girl. She was pretty enough, I guessed; smooth pale skin, large doe eyes with long lashes shadowing her smooth cheeks.
I absentmindedly rubbed at the red triangular tattoos under my eyes.
'I wonder what shino's preferences are? What does he enjoy in a partner? Looks? Status? Personality? Could he ever like me I wonder...'
Just as I was thinking this shinos head turned to look into the garden, so I quickly shuffled further away and masked my chakra. His burning eyes left and I shunshined hastily away.
--later at night
I lay in bed stroking myself, desperately thinking of shino: his smooth creamy skin shown only when training got too warm; a faint trace of a smile when he huffs in a strange sort of laugh; his hands... Roaming all over my body; his chestnut eyes not obstructed by glasses showing pure lust; him calling my name as he takes me.
I moan out his name wantonly like a mantra- my personal prayer "Shino, Shino, Shino... " my hand suddenly covered in a hot sticky mess, I roll over and reach for the tissues on the table beside me; cleaning up my mess.
I think forlornly to the afternoon when he smiled at that woman. When he took her hand and kissed it. I feel my eyes well up and I blink angrily, knowing for sure Shino would never want me, no matter how desperate I am.
For how could he ever love me? A loudmouth who fucks up more often than not, someone who would only bring him down. I don't want to be that person who messes up his life. If I was the one to do that then I would rather stay as a teammate.
Nothing more, nothing less.
It hurts, but its for the best ... Right?