Disclaimer.
It was on days like this that Sanji cursed his brain's over-activeness. The shitty geezer always said not to space out when cooking but he can't help it! The turkey still had a few more minutes before it was done and he'd already prepared everything else.
There really was nothing to do other than smoke a cigarette and think.
And of course, out of all the thoughts of Nami-swan's beauty and Robin-chan's allure, it just had to climb it ways to the top and stay there.
Sanji couldn't just avoid thinking about it. There were too many things that remind him of it; it being the question of whether or not Zoro's unnatural hair color was natural.
The question formulated when the blond, Brook and Franky had been talking about hair products (don't ask how they got to the topic).
It wasn't a secret that all of the three took great care of their hair. Sanji made sure that his was smooth and silky. Franky made sure that it was SUPER and that he put in enough gel and cola for it to stick up. Brook made sure he didn't rip out his hair when washing it (pretty much the only thing that he can wash) or cut it up when fighting.
So yes. They took great care of their hair.
Then they got on the topic about odd hair colors. Sanji was a natural blonde (obviously. He wouldn't risk putting such dangerous chemicals in his hair.). Franky's was another story.
"Eh? Nah. It used to be… brown, I think. I permanently dyed it after a argument with Iceburg. Never regretted that decision," Franky chuckled.
They then went on discussing the hair colors of the rest of crew. Those were easy.
Luffy, Usopp and Chopper didn't even need discussion. Nami was an original redhead. The only other person that needed a bit discussion was Robin, but it was quite obvious that she highlighted her hair with blue. That or it was just really, really shiny.
That left the marimo.
"No way. I think he dyed it," Franky insisted.
"I don't quite think so, Franky-san. Zoro-san doesn't seem like the type to care much about appearances," Brook countered in a much more gentle tone.
"No way. I think he dyed his hair green. It can't be natural. It's just SUPER that way," Franky struck a pose, almost crashing his giant hands into the cramped hallway where they were talking.
"No, no. Zoro-san wouldn't waste money on something like that. I think he'd rather use it on booze or steel polish."
"No way. Even Zoro-bro knows that SUPER hair is important! Right Sanji-bro?"
Franky just had to drag him into it.
Sanji had paused at the question. On one hand, there really was no way the marimo would dye his hair just for appearances. But on the other, who had green hair?
And thus, a troubling thought was planted into his head. Sanji never hated Franky so much until now (well, now and the time when he beat up Usopp).
Presently, the cook stared blankly at the timer while thinking about the question.
Did the idiot marimo's hair look dyed?
Well, it was a lush green. A color that one would expect on a well trimmed lawn.
There was no way that the swordsman's man could have the color well managed lawn on his head when even the Thousand Sunny's lawn was dried up in some areas while the others were practically a lake (they should've never put Luffy on lawn duty). The man barely washed a week!
Sanji vehemently wished that the brute's hair would change to the color of dried grass. That would make the world fair. He had to wash his hair every other day so that it was a luxurious blond.
Back to the question.
While there was no way anyone could have the color of a perfectly managed lawn on their head without dying it, there was also no way Zoro would take the trouble to dye his hair. He would've left it black or whatever color the moss on his head decided to take.
Sanji shuddered at the thought Zoro with black hair. That was just unnatural. That was just going against the laws of nature. That was like Luffy announcing that he decided to go vegan. Just… no.
When the oven dinged, Sanji put on his fuchsia oven mitts and decided that he needed to make a plan to find out about the mystery.
His first idea was to check if the any of the crew knew if Zoro dyed his hair. And to check if the man had any hair products hidden, but that was for later. Sanji didn't really like going through other's things without permission.
His first target was Luffy. While the cook doubted (and he doubted a lot) if Luffy knew anything about the swordsman before inviting him to the crew (probably, no, definitely not going by the pattern of Luffy's invitations), there was a really, really slim chance that Luffy might know something. After all, he known Zoro the longest and he was the type to ask ridiculous questions like this (Sanji refuse to acknowledge that wanting to know about Zoro's hair put him in the same category as Luffy).
Sanji cornered Luffy after lunch.
"Oi, Luffy! Come here for a second," he called out to the captain.
"Sanji! Do you have more meat?" Luffy asked, ignoring the fact that his stomach was already stretched to the limit (but was rapidly slimming down. What kind of metabolism does this guy have?!).
The question earned the boy a kick to his head.
"You just had lunch, shitty captain!"
"So?" Luffy cocked his head to the side.
Sanji took a deep drag of his cigarette in an effort to calm down.
"I have a question for you. You've known the marimo for how long?"
"Um… since he joined the crew?" Luffy scratched his head.
"Did he always have his hair?" Sanji watched the other's reaction carefully.
"Na, what are you talking about, Sanji? Zoro always had hair. He wasn't bald," the straw hat boy looked at the cook in something akin to pity. The blond wanted to kick his head in.
"Yeah, but did he always have green hair? Did… did he ever tell you that he dyed it?" Sanji blurted.
"Huh?" Luffy was definitely looking confused now. "Sanji, Zoro has green hair."
'That's the problem!' Sanji wanted to scream at boy.
"Exactly. Did he ever tell you that he dyed it… or buy hair dye?" Sanji asked, already giving up on the captain. He was already thinking of who to ask next.
"Zoro has green hair," Luffy repeated with wide brown eyes, like it explained everything.
Sanji fumed and stormed off. Stupid idiotic captain.
The next was Nami-swan. Surely she must know in all of her glorious beauty! And also because she's known Zoro for the second longest.
He found time to ask her as he was delivering snacks.
"Nami-swan, as much as I hate to disturb your snack time with this, would you perhaps know if the idiot marimo's hair is natural or not?" Sanji tried not to look at Nami's revealing cleavage. He really did.
He failed.
Nami didn't seem to mind. However, she frowned at the odd question.
"Eh, what's with that question?"
Sanji went red. "Sorry, Nami-swan. Just… mere curiosity. Ah, just pretend that I didn't say anything." He waved his hand in the air like it was going to erase the red-head's memories.
"So, cook-san wants to know about swordsman-san's hair, ne?" Robin asked, peering over her book.
Sanji went even redder, if that was possible.
"No, no. Just… nothing."
"I could tell you but it'll cost you," Nami winked her beli-turned eyes.
"Nami-swan's so cool!" Sanji yelled while noodle dancing around the ladies.
"What navigator-san means is that, we both don't know if it's natural," Robin smiled.
"Robin! Why did you tell him?!" Nami turned to yell at her friend.
Robin blinked. "He asked."
"You could've at least let me have my fun! I could've gotten a few beris!"
Sanji melted into a pile of goo at the sight of his two lovely ladies arguing.
Three down, 4 more to go.
Next was Usopp. Sanji knew it was going to take a while for the sharpshooter to get to the point but… well, let's just say he'd let his leg do the talking if the tale gets too long.
"Oi, long nose!"
"Eep! Sanji!" Usopp turned around in the kitchen like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to.
"…what are you doing?" the cook eyed the other suspiciously, checking that his kitchen was the same as usual and didn't have poisonous gunk lying around.
"Nothing, nothing!" the bushy haired man hurriedly replied, sweating way too much for Sanji's liking.
"Hmph. Make sure that you get out of my kitchen to do experiments," the cook warned him.
"But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Eh? You… wanted to ask me something? Me?" Usopp cried out in surprise. "Of course! Usopp-sama is the best, you know! I can answer any question that-"
"Does the marimo dye his hair?" the blond interrupted.
"Eh? What?"
"Does the marimo dye his hair?" Sanji repeated slower.
"Um… I don't know? I mean, of course I know! It was when I met him, a long long time ago. I saw that he was scary – I mean lonely and didn't have fans like me, Usopp-sama, the popular! Of course, he came to ask me for help so that he stood out more. And I, Usopp-sama, the kind, decided that –" Usopp rambled on with exaggerated hand gestures.
Sanji left the room, leaving the other to talk to himself and his invisible audience.
Chopper was next. He didn't know if Chopper even talked about hair with Zoro. But if he did, Sanji was sure that the little reindeer would know. Any fool could see the way Zoro treated Chopper and realize that if the little guy asked for anything, the older would do it.
The cook just had to pray that Chopper was curious enough to ask about trifle things like Zoro's hair.
"Chopper."
"Eeek! Sanji!" Chopper came out of his hiding spot from under the table.
"You okay?" Sanji frowned. Diving under the table in a matter of seconds… that had to hurt the little guy somewhere.
"You worrying about me don't make me happy, asshole!" Chopper wriggled around in obvious delight.
"Yeah." Sanji took a seat on the floor.
"Say, Chopper. Is it possible for idiot marimos to have natural green hair?"
"Marimos? Aren't they already green?" The little doctor's eyes bugged out at the thought of different colored moss-balls.
"No, no. I meant our idiot swordsman who gets lost all the time. Our resident marimo."
"Eh? Zoro? …why the sudden question?"
"Dunno. Curious." Sanji leaned against the door. "Well? Can they? You're the doctor, after all."
"Idiot! Calling me a doctor doesn't make me happy at all!" Chopper eyes shone with happiness before he calmed down.
"I um… I don't actually know. I think so, if Zoro had the genes. I've never really heard of genes for green hair… but if there was, it would be quite rare and I think recessive. I could look it up later, if you want," Chopper offered.
It was clear that he would look it up anyway, due to his medically inquisitive brain.
"No, thanks. You can go on with making your Rumble Balls. I gotta prepare snacks." Sanji stood up and turned to go.
"Actually, Chopper. What do you want for today's snacks? You can pick," he offered with a smile.
"Asking me that doesn't make me happy, you asshole!" Chopper yelled, pulling down his hat to hide his blush. He shyly peeked out from below it. "Gingerbread cookies? With frosting?"
"Sure. They'll be ready in a while," the cook patted the pink hat before leaving to make the cookies.
He could hear the yell of "That doesn't make me happy, you bastard!" through the wood door.
Sanji decided to not bother asking Franky and Brook. It was obvious that they don't know after that conversation.
Even though he didn't go looking for them, they came looking for him.
"Sanji-bro! I heard you've been asking around about Zoro-bro's mystery hair?" Franky came in as the cook was preparing the ingredients with a loud bang.
"Yes, yes. I heard the same," Brook stooped to step into the room.
"Ah, yeah. Don't tell him," Sanji looked up from the bowl.
"That's SUPER!" Franky yelled. The cook was sure that the whole crew heard that.
"Sanji-san, why are you asking around? Why don't you just ask Zoro-san himself?" Brook was quite confused.
Sanji gently stopped stirring before slamming his hands on the counter.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS? I can't just go asking around asking that marimo about his hair! He's a marimo! MA-RI-MO!" Sanji screamed into Brook's face (except he doesn't have a face! Skull-joke! Yo-ho-ho-ho!)
"Ah, I'm afraid I don't understand," Brook stepped back a little from the enraged cook in a pink apron.
"Brook-bro! Not SUPER at all! Let the man have his romance!"
"Romance?" Sanji drew back, confused.
"Yeah! The mystery of Zoro-bro's hair!"
"Oh, yes. I forgot all about it! I am so sorry about even suggesting such an absurd idea. A man must have his romance!" Brook inexplicably cried tears out of his sockets.
Franky followed the example and bawled. Needless to say, they were both kicked out of the kitchen by the enraged cook.
It was time for Plan B. Going through Zoro's things. But first, he'd need the perfect time and excuse.
Sanji knew just how to get it. Or at least have a desperate idea that just might work.
"Oi, marimo," he said, kicking the green-haired in the shin. The other cursed and glared.
"When are you going to return my sharpening stone?"
Zoro didn't actually borrow his stone. He just hoped that the other went with it and got confused enough to let the cook rummage through his things.
"The fuck you talking about?" Zoro sprayed rice all over the table, at the same time knocking away Luffy's stretching hand reflexively.
"You borrowed it a long time ago! I need it. The cleaver's been a bit dull lately," Sanji kicked Luffy's other hand away from the ladies' plates.
"I didn't! You sure it's not Usopp or Franky?" the swordsman resumed stuffing his mouth. Disgusting.
"Yeah. Like I'd let them borrow it. Who knows what they'll get on it. At least with you and your Neanderthal brain, it's only swords."
"I never borrowed your fucking stone. I have my own stone!"
Shit. Sanji made up a lie on the spot.
"Idiot! You forgot that Luffy sent it flying overboard, didn't you?"
"LUFFY!"
"Eh? Zoro? Meat!" Luffy grabbed Zoro's almost empty plate.
"It's probably just mixed in with your things."
"Yeah, yeah. Just go find it, later. Make sure you don't spill the polish," Zoro waved his free hand dismissively, the other pulling at a piece of meat away from Luffy. A futile effort really.
Another time, Sanji would've screamed at Zoro for making him search for it himself, but now, Sanji had the perfect excuse. He had to fight back the grin that almost made its way to his face.
Much later, after dinner and the dishes had been cleared up, Sanji made his way into the silent men's quarters. He pawed through Zoro's belongings, ignoring the numerous bottles of polish for the other's swords, dark pants and extra pair of boots. Much to the blond's disappointment, there was no bottle of hair dye.
Sanji was not giving up. After all, he was a Strawhat and they weren't known for giving up easily.
Lying awake in the middle of the night (Goddammit! The damn marimo was making him lose his beauty sleep.), the cook created another plan.
He just needed to check the idiot's hair. Well, the other hair on other parts of his body, like on the arms or legs.
Surely the man had some and was not hairless like Luffy and Usopp (the wimps). The hairs on Franky's huge arms were still dark colored, instead of bright blue.
The man was nineteen. He should at least have some hair somewhere, other than the lawn that he called his head.
Yes. All Sanji had to do was check the hair on Zoro's arm. That would be easy. After all, they were in close contact most of the times (fighting), right?
In his dreams, he was being chased by giant strands of green hair while Zoro laughed on his throne of moss and commanded them to chase him faster in the background.
Sanji is entirely surprised when he found out that Zoro did not, in fact, have hair on his arm.
"Why do you not have hair on your arms?" Sanji cried, falling to his knees and clutched his head in mental agony.
"The fuck?" Zoro eyed him oddly. Was the cook jealous about not having hair? He was already girly enough. Did he want to be more girly and not have hair (girls were crazy about waxing)?
"WHY?!" Sanji yelled in his face.
Luffy laughed somewhere behind him, the asshat.
The swordsman quirked an eyebrow, glancing down at his smooth hairless arms and frowned.
"Close run in with fire, I think. Permanently burned them off."
"With what? A dragon?" Sanji ran around in a circle in one spot. Did the cook finally snap?
Somewhere to their right, Brook and Franky smiled knowingly.
Better just entertain this… whatever this was, Zoro thought, staring at the blond.
"Hey, you never know. It's the Grand Line, after all," Zoro defended. He tried to think back. When did he burn them off? It was so long ago. "I think it was a flamethrower. Probably a run in with a pirate before I met Luffy. Or another bounty hunter…"
Sanji screamed a wordless scream, hitting the deck like it offended a lady. Zoro honestly didn't know what to do.
He hesitantly nudged the cook with his boot.
"Oi, cook. You okay?"
Sanji stopped in his… whatever he was doing. When he looked up, his face lit up like when he found out mermaids exist (well, before he found out Kokoro was a mermaid).
This was it! Leg hair. Hopefully that idiotic green pants was fireproof or something.
"Oi, marimo. Take off your pants."
Everyone stopped. Zoro stared at the suited figure with his jaw hanging. Chopper and Usopp stopped from their game of tag with Luffy, staring across the deck with wide eyes.
Robin looked up from her book and smiled, while Nami frowned across the deck. What was Sanji-kun up to again? Another fight? Brook and Franky jaws dropped (Brook's literally did) before they burst out into laughter after they realized what the blond was going to do.
Only Luffy kept running unfazed, looking back and crying "Chopper! Usopp's it! Run!"
He toppled over the railing, falling into the vast blue. He didn't even realize he fell until he hit the water.
Zoro took the chance to escape the troubling command, opting to hurriedly remove his swords and boots and diving after his captain.
Sanji went bright red when he realized what he said.
"Oi, oi. Shitty marimo! Come back here! I didn't mean it like that! I meant roll up your pants!"
The catcall "Sanji-bro! Didn't know you swing that way!" from Franky (even though he knew what Sanji meant, that mechanical bastard) really didn't help his situation.
Zoro blatantly avoided blond for the next few days.
Sanji had decided.
If the stupid marimo wouldn't comply with a simple request, then he'll just have to use force. The problem was: what kind of force?
It's not like he could just dive down and pull the idiot's pants down. That'll just make him look like a pervert; a pervert who plays on both sides. Not to mention what the ladies will think.
And of course, if you were thinking in tactical terms, the Neanderthal could just kick him away before he could have a look at the fine hair (if he had it and didn't burn it off in say, by setting himself on fire) and notice the color.
Sanji could cut up the pants (the brute was going to have them cut up sooner or later, anyway. The blond wondered how many times the pair of trousers had been ripped and repaired.), but there was no way he'd use his precious kitchen knives for something like this.
Hmmm…
That's it!
Sanji just had to wait until the idiot swordsman dived down to rescue Luffy. He usually took off his boots and shirt, right? And he had to dry his pants somehow.
Of course, that being said, the cook also had to make sure that Zoro didn't have any extra pairs of pants to wear. And somehow get him to roll his pants up.
First things first, Sanji thought as he called the crew for dinner. He'd need to steal the remaining pair of pants from Zoro's drawers.
"Goddammit. Which one is his?" Sanji hissed through his teeth, opening and closing random drawers.
He better make this fast. The ladies would be waiting for their hot cocoa. And uh… the rest of the crew, too.
Which one was the green-haired idiot's drawer? Why was it so hard to find it?
Sanji snorted. He probably got all of his clothes mixed up with someone else's, seeing as he can't even navigates his own ship. Who's to say that he can find his own drawer?
"Aha! Found them," Sanji muttered victoriously, grabbing the stack of black-green trousers.
"Eeep! Uh… Sanji?"
Sanji turned towards the entry of the men's quarters, staring wide-eyed at the long-nosed sniper who was in turn staring back at him.
"Usopp!"
"Uh… what are you doing?" the sniper asked in a high pitched voice. Much higher than his normal voice.
The blond cook looked down at where he was clutching Zoro's pants… really, really close to his face… like he was sniffing them…
"It's not what you think!" he replied too quickly, much too quickly for another to think he was innocent.
"Um… okay? I'm not judging!" the other hurriedly said, already backing out of the room with wide eyes.
"You can do whatever you like with… Zoro's pants… like sniffing them… or like anyone… even guys… I don't' judge! Just… just don't get caught sniffing his pants by him? Pleasedon'tkillme, Iwon'ttellanyone!" Usopp squeaked.
"I'm not sniffing them!" Sanji hissed through gritted teeth, fisting his hands in the pants. He quickly dropped them when he realized that it made him look like he was clutching them closer.
"It's just… it's complicated okay? I don't…"
"Yeah… I was just here to tell you that everyone's waiting for the hot chocolate! Especially Luffy."
Sanji opened his mouth to reply. Too late.
Usopp was already running around the corner towards the deck.
The next part of the plan was to kick Luffy off the ship so that the source of all this (stupid Zoro and his green hair) will have to jump down and save the rubber boy and effectively get wet. His clothes wet.
Of course, then there was the part of how to make Zoro roll up his pants so that the cook can see the hair (that is hopefully there) and determine if it was dyed or not.
Sanji was pretty sure no one would rub hair dye onto their legs so that they can have green hair.
No, that would just be stupid.
Sanji kicked the galley's door open, calling out, "Oi, bastards! Your snacks are ready!"
The crew gathered at the deck, waiting for the cookies he just baked. Sanji made sure to serve the ladies first, attending to their needs.
Luffy shoved 4 cookies into his mouth simultaneously.
Sanji decided that was enough of an excuse to kick him. On other days, that might've gotten the straw hat captain a brief scolding and a kick to the head.
"Hey, don't take up all the cookies, idiot. Leave some for the others!"
Today, Luffy was kicked overboard, barely swallowing the cookie-mush in his mouth before he hit the water and was immobile.
"Damn it, cook!"
Zoro was already taking off his boots and swords, diving overboard towards the sport Luffy sank.
They came up, the swordsman swimming with one hand back towards the ship.
"Shishishishi, I liked the cookies, Sanji," Luffy laughed, already rocketing back towards the cookies.
Zoro sighed and gruffly said, "Idiot."
He turned towards the cook.
"Oi, cook! Stop kicking Luffy off the ship all the time. It's bothersome to keep going after him all the time," the swordsman shouted over the riot over the cookies.
Sanji took a deep breath of his lit cigarette.
"Yeah, yeah."
"Damn it, now my clothes are all wet. Stupid ero-cook," Zoro continued to grumble obscenities towards the blond.
"Then go change your clothes!" Sanji snapped.
Now this was the stage where the marimo went down to change clothes. Well, his pants because everyone knows that the idiot would just take off his shirt and walk around half naked like he usually did.
3, 2, 1…
"Fuck. Where the fuck did all my pants go?" Zoro came out of the men's quarters, stomping grouchingly onto the deck.
Usopp glanced nervously towards Sanji, cookies crumbs littering around his mouth.
"Oi, marimo. Stop blaming everyone else. They're all probably in the laundry basket. You barely wash anyway," Sanji pointed out, glaring at Usopp to keep his mouth shut.
"Shut up, love cook!" Zoro predictably started taking off his white shirt. "Damn it. I hate wet clothes. Hard to train with them."
Sanji frowned towards the empty plate as all the other idiots ran back to what they were doing. Except for Luffy. He was trying to lick off crumbs off the plate.
"Oi, marimo. Did you get a cookie?"
Zoro glanced over to the cook, already going heading towards the rigging that lead up to the crow's nest.
"I got a few, cook," he assured the other. "Damn wet clothes."
"If they're bothering you so much, just roll up your pants or something," Sanji tried to hide the excitement in his voice. He had to sound like he pitied him.
"Huh? Ah, good idea, cook. Surprising, coming from someone idiotic as you," the swordsman grinned.
"Ehh? Zoro! You can't do that!" Chopper yelled, overhearing their conversation and running over to them.
"If you roll them up, it'll be harder for them to get dry. Then the wet clothes will be in contact with your skin longer! You'll get sick this way!" Chopper ran around Zoro panicking.
"It's bad enough that you run around half naked almost every day but you can't stay out here wet like this! It's cold, you know! And Nami says that we might be approaching a winter island, soon."
The little reindeer continued to nag the taller and Sanji would be lying if he said he wasn't a little mad at the doctor for intervening with his plans.
The cute sight of Chopper biting Zoro's head (and it really looked like a reindeer trying to eat grass) placated some of his anger, though.
If the stupid marimo wouldn't show his legs willingly, Sanji will just have force him to. While his knives were more than precious, his lighter was another story.
He would feel slightly guilty that he was using it for matters such as this but it wasn't so that he can't do it.
Sanji will just have to burn the pants off and he knew exactly how to do it. Fabric easily catches on fire, right? All he had to do was pretend to trip near the swordsman's pants with the lighter open and hopefully the stupid thing will catch on fire. And of course, when that happens, there'd be a scuffle to put it out, hopefully letting the fabric burn for a bit and Chopper would definitely force the idiot to roll up the pants to check for injuries. It'll be the perfect time to check the hair.
The blond cook needed the right time, though. It was no good to burn the pants when the boots were in the way. Stupid long boots.
No, he'll have to force the marimo to take off his boots somehow.
Kicking Luffy overboard again? Zoro usually took off his boots when he went to save Luffy.
Yes, that was it. Sanji just had to kick Luffy into the sea.
…but would wet pants burn? No, no. They wouldn't burn easily. It's not like they'll catch on fire when Sanji tripped past with the lighter open.
What other times did the brute take off his boots? Hmm…
Training! The stupid idiot trained with his boots off, didn't he? That and his shirt off too. Back when they were sailing in the Going Merry, the marimo would be doing one-handed push-ups and what not with his boots and shirt off, stinking up the deck with his sweat.
Of course, now, another problem surfaced. How the hell was he supposed to go to the crow's nest? What excuse was he supposed to give the marimo?
It obviously wasn't in his style to bring food to anyone other than the ladies. What was he supposed to make for the marimo? Homemade booze?
The opportunity presented to him when Zoro didn't bother coming down for the snacks the next day. He missed the delicious croquette that the other morons swallowed up.
Sanji climbed the rigging with one hand, balancing a plate of onigiri on the other, clenching his unlit cigarette between his teeth.
"Oi, marimo!" the blond growled as he kicked the door open. "Did you get lost on your way down to the deck? Why didn't you come down for the snack?"
"Huh?" Zoro glanced up, sweat dripping into his eyes. "478 – I gotta – 479 – train cook – 480 – I can – 481 – skip a snack – 482 – for a day."
The cook frowned as he watched the other continued counting his one handed upside down push-ups.
"I made some onigiri," he set down the plate on the bench, carefully nudging out a sweat-soaked towel.
Zoro grunted, the bastard. He finished the set, righting himself onto his feet.
Sanji decided that now was a good time as any to put his plan into action. He headed towards the other, flicking the lighter open and lighting up his cigarette. He tried to aim right so the fire would catch onto the pants and not the ship, before letting his weight shift.
Except he really did trip. And not just trip, but double-tripped so he ended up landing right in front of Zoro's feet (ew), hand stretched out far ahead, instead of falling and the hand coming right under the hem of Zoro's pants.
He quickly shut off the lighter, in case the wood caught on fire.
The swordsmans let out a deep laugh.
"Shit cook!"
"Shut the hell up, idiot marimo. It's all…," Sanji glanced back to see two of the green-haired man's swords lying on the floor.
"It's all your stupid swords' fault. What kind of idiot leaves them lying around like this?" the cook blushed a dark red, embarrassment flooding into his face.
"Ah, it's Kitetsu and Shuusui. Troublemakers," Zoro muttered and shook his head, smiling like he was scolding children. Weirdo.
Sanji sat up, reaching out to set the swords on the bench.
"Don't touch them!"
The cook's slim hands stopped short of touching them.
"Shuusui's a trouble child. He doesn't like to be handled by an outsider. And Kitetsu's cursed. He's probably itching to cut you," Zoro warned, moving to grab the weapons himself. "Wado likes the crew enough, though."
What the fuck was with that?
Sanji decided that desperate measures called for desperate measures. If all the other plans failed, he'd just have to take a look as Zoro came out of the shower.
Sanji will have to time it right so that the other will have his towel on, of course. He was not a man-pervert, if there was such a thing.
For the past week, the cook waited patiently for Zoro to shower. The man really needed better hygiene.
Finally, the marimo decides to shower. He should've been just soaking in the tub like moss do.
Sanji impatiently waited for the shower to turn off and estimated the time it'd take for the idiot to put on his towel.
Should be around now…
BAM!
Sanji slammed the door open before recoiling back. He had overestimated the marimo's hygiene. He thought it'd take longer to dry off but apparently not, as the bigger stood surprised and his upper body still wet and naked, his pants hastily worn and hung low on his hips. At least that part was covered, though barely.
"Ero-cook?"
Sanji stared at the chiseled body, a blush forming.
"Luffy!" Sanji yelled the first thought that came to mind. "Uh… wrong room."
He backpedaled out of the bathroom, slamming the door shut. He ran all the way to the sanctuary of his kitchen.
Damn it.
Sanji sat with his back against the door. Damn…
The cook of the Strawhats learned something new today.
First, the idiot swordsman didn't wear any underwear.
And second, the marimo definitely did not dye his hair.
Any sane men – no – even the insane ones, would never let the hair dye touch hair in that part of the body.
And the green tufts of hair just above the open waist of the marimo's pants were not Sanji's imagination.
Just a little idea I had sometime ago.
I have a few ideas that sort of run along the same plot. This is more ZoSan (and perverted) than the other oneshots. I'll write later on. The summary doesn't really match this drabble. It's more for the overall thing.
I can't write Luffy. Or Chopper. I can't really write One Piece characters yet. Sanji might've turned out a little OOC. I don't think Zoro's pants are with buttons but we can pretend it is.
Think this is all I wanted to say.
Tell me what you thought of this! Thanks for reading and hoped you liked it.