Ok so I got bored and decided to go with this idea I had. So, in this story Sasha decides to go on a quest to find the ultimate potato and become the new potato god(ess). She drags along Connie and Eren and Mikasa because they had the (un)fortunate pleasure of being the first people she saw. Springles and Eremika Lots of crack and insanity. If you dislike randomness, fluff, random fluff, and Sasha's potato obsession don't read.
Unstoppable Nachos (I really need to change my name...)
Disclaimer: I don't own AoT, Naruto,Halo,Mortal Kombat, or Harry Potter. They all belong to their respective owners (Hell everything except AoT only appears in this chapter so :3)
It was 4:00 in the morning. Sasha woke up, surrounded by half eaten potatoes. Business as usual. She got up, went to the bathroom and began to brush her teeth. When she was finished, she walked back to clean up her bed. She noticed her Mr. Potato doll on the floor covered in potato crumbs. "Oh Mr. Potato, how did you get all of that potato on you?" she said, cleaning him off. Connie walks into the room yelling at the top of his lungs "JEAN JUST GOT REJECTED BY MIKASA AGAIN! HAH!" They both started laughing and rolling on the floor. Poor Jean has been trying to get with Mikasa ever since he met her. Out of nowhere, a black portal opens. A guy, dressed in a black trench coat with a matching black suit, tie and fedora stepped out. "You are Sasha Braus correct?" Sasha, trembling now, nodded. The mysterious figure then began searching his pockets. A Well worn book titled Icha Icha Paradise fell out. "No, wrong universe." Then, several plastic containers with the words Halo 3 and Mortal Kombat X fell out. "You are not ready for this technology." he said, still fumbling through his pockets. Then, a large book titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollow fell out. "GOD DAMNIT HOW DID I EVEN FIT THAT IN MY POCKETS?!" He then pulled out a bag of potato chips called Unstoppable Nachos which Sasha stole and ate. "GIVE THOSE BACK! THEY AREN'T MEANT FOR KIDS!" But it was too late. Sasha suddenly felt like throwing up. "One sec! The Potatoes are coming back!" and she ran to the bathroom to throw up. Both the mysterious figure and Connie sweat dropped. "AHA! I FINALLY FUCKING FOUND IT! THE PLOT CAN ADVANCE NOW! I MEAN FUCK! YOU DIDNT HEAR THAT OK?" The figure said, pulling out a little red book. "When your future girlfriend comes out the bathroom ,give this to her." he handed Connie the book. Then, he opened up another portal, and said "Ill make you a pervert yet Naruto!" and left.
About half an hour later, Sasha was done throwing up all the potatoes she ate. "I'm hungry Connie! Go find me some potatoes!" Connie bonked her on the head and said "Do you not care about that dude? Where the fuck did he come from? What the hell is a Naruto? And what is this-" He held up the book "for?" Sasha noticed a potato on the cover. She grabbed it instantly. "Maybe it's the secret to unlimited potatoes!" She read the first page. "The prophecy of the Potato Goddess?" she said, and kept reading.
"If you are reading this, you are the last member of an extraordinary species. The Potato Beings were a race of highly advanced, highly potato addicted beings. They were the top of the food chain until humans realized they could eat the potato beings and they were all consumed by them. The main family of potato eaters were the Braus family. However, it is rumored that potato beings, in a desperate bid to save their people, mated with humans to create a hybrid species. Only these hybrids can read this book. Every twelve years, a new potato god/goddess is selected. He/She, with the band of heroes who come along with them, must go on a quest to the Potato Kingdom of Spudderns to gain the power of the potato gods before them. You must find your must trusted friends to accompany you. The quest will be dangerous. It also has the added benefit of finding the one you will be with for all eternity. Be warned, there are others who will attempt to steal the power of the potato. You must defend it with your life. The first place you must go is Bacconopolis, the center of the Bacon Overlord. He will guide you to the next step of your journey."
Sasha and Connie were very shocked. Connie because some person teleported into the barracks and gave them a crazy book for a even crazier quest with a even crazier reward. Sasha was shocked because there was a potato god/goddess and that she was selected to go on the quest. "Sasha, I think the best thing to do is to bury this book and pretend this never happend." Connie said, and Sasha stood still. "Connie, ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE? A QUEST TO BECOME THE RULER OVER ALL POTATOES! IT WILL BE THE GREATEST ADVENTURE EVER! PLUS I'LL FIND THE ONE IM SUPPOSED TO BE WITH FOR ALL ETERNITY! DONT YOU WANT THAT FOR ME?" Sasha said, with a insane/evil look in her eye. Connie was shaking, and he thought 'I hope its me.' Sasha then ran out the barracks, looking for two other people to go with her and Connie.
She was running down the hall when she heard strange noises coming from the gas room. She opened the door and saw Eren and Mikasa making out like crazy. Eren and Mikasa both had no shirts, and it looked like things were about to get interesting. Sasha fake coughed. They both jumped up and started putting on their shirts. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT SASHA?" they both yelled, with huge blushes on their faces. "I was going to ask if you want to go on a potato quest with me. I can become the goddess of potatoes! I can also find the one im going to be with for all eternity!" They both quietly said "Connie." Sasha waited for about half a second before asking "So are you in?" They thought about it. An excuse to get away from Jean, which was always a good thing. Mikasa could knock out both Sasha and Connie so she and Eren could have 'private time' They both looked at each other and nodded. "Sure we'll go along." Sasha ran over and hugged them both. "YAY! LETS GO GET CONNIE SO WE CAN GET STARTED!" She grabbed them both by the hand and ran to the room.
Connie was packing, because Sasha would inevitably force him to go with her. "CONNIE START PACKING! EREN AND MIKASA SAID THEY'LL GO WITH US!" Connie quietly whispered "Why me?"
So what do you guys think about my epic crack fic? It will be filled with the most random insane comedy my slightly insane mind can come up with! Rate and Review and if you hate I'll send over my squad of Nacho Death Androids to destroy you! MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH Ok bye now! :3