Tattered and Broken, Stolen.
By: iferleigh
Rating: T (for now, just in case.)
Disclaimer: I don't know CSI or anyone from there personally. I am a mere fan, letting her imagination run wild with the borrowed characters from the creators and writers. I am in no way associated to the show or any of the cast or crew members. I'm simply a stranger with nothing better to do than wander in this dark, forlorn and empty life.
This is a GRILLOWS fic with a little GSR but I'm all for GRILLOWS… it's just drama when GSR was put in.
Author's note: I apologize ahead of time if anyone who might read this might get offended by some sort. This story was not mean to offend, it is merely the product of a very bored girl's mind.
Chapter One: Sad Eyes
She sat in her office, in her leather seat in front of her desk. The papers were neatly stacked, she had finished all her backlogs that night after a surprisingly crime free night. Now she sat, contemplating on what she could do now that she had nothing to do but go home to an empty house with Lindsay out and her mother somewhere else.
She held her head in her hands, each palm resting against her temples. She was shaking, she could feel it, but she didn't know why. She it her bottom lip, biting hard enough that she thought she might draw blood. She could feel the tears pool in her blue eyes, feel them threatening to fall.
Her thoughts are no longer coherent, her body almost felt weak and her emotions were in overdrive. She was in turmoil, everything failed to make sense as the world around her felt as if they were collapsing. She didn't know what to think anymore, she didn't know what was left for her.
"Catherine," a firm voice said, shaking her out of her thoughts.
She looked up, rubbing the tears from her eyes. "Yeah?"
He looked at her questioningly.
"Tired," she said simply. "I finished all my backlogs last night."
"Ah," he said, nodding. "Late night, huh?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I was just about to leave…shift got done just a few minutes ago. I should get to Lindsay…"
He nodded. "You okay?"
She forced out a smile. "Yeah, I am. Of course I am."
He stood still by her door and she sat, waiting. They both shared an uncomfortable silence. She looked at her palms on her lap, he looked around her office. His eyes fell on the fetal pig he gave her for her "office warming" from him. "I can't believe you kept it."
She looked at him oddly. "The fetal pig," he said helpfully, nodding at the jar of flesh and preservation.
She nodded. "Couldn't resist."
He smiled.
They were back to the silent state until Sara came.
"Griss," Sara said, acting as she always would, as if things were normal. "Uh, I'm heading out."
Catherine rolled her eyes as Grissom and Sara looked at each other, trying to hide what they most kept secret. She had to hand it to them though, she thought bitterly. If she hadn't found out she wouldn't have suspected judging from the way they both interacted. Normal.
Grissom nodded. "You go ahead…I have a report to finish, just some narratives and closing."
Catherine could see the disappointment flash briefly in the younger woman's face who covered it immediately, she assumed it was due to fear of getting caught. "All right. I'll see you…later."
Grissom nodded. "Later."
Sara looked at Catherine with a small smile. "See you around, Cath, tell Linds I said hi."
Catherine nodded. "I will."
Then just as smoothly as she arrived, she was gone, leaving the two in the uncomfortable silence again.
Catherine ran her hand through her hair and stood up, grabbing her purse. "I think I'll head out too."
"Won't you join me for breakfast?" Grissom asked suddenly as she reached the door, just a few steps from him.
She thought for a moment. "I thought you had something to finish?"
"The dead can wait," he said nonchalantly.
She was alert in an instant. He blew Sara off, talking about papers then asks her out and brushes the papers aside, "The dead can wait…" She knew Gilbert Grissom and she knew this was not the way he usually was. It was such a normal thing to do, blow off, brush off, lie…but the man, Bugman, was far from normal in which his case would make it seem not normal.
"Uh-huh," Catherine said. "I just finished my reports and Ecklie will get your ass for not doing them in time. I think you should get back to work." She walked past him and out into the hall.
He watched as she started to walk away. "Cath?"
She stopped, but didn't turn to face him.
"I miss you."
He saw her lift her face, her eyes staring at the ceiling for a moment before he heard her sigh. "Don't…" he heard her say softly.
Puzzled, he asked, "Don't what?"
"Don't do this to me, Gil…just don't…don't tell me you miss me…" she said, her voice faltering.
He knew her well enough for twenty years to know that meant she was crying. "Catherine, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"Oh, what the hell," she said before turning to face him, her eyes red as the tears slid down her pale cheeks. "You already know I'm crying…why hide it, right? I'm such a pathetic idiot…"
He took a step toward her, but she stepped back. "Catherine, why are so upset? Did I do something?"
She bit her bottom lip, running her hand through her hair in a sign of frustration. "That's so typical of you, Gil. So freaking typical…"
"What did I do, Cath? What did I do to you now?"
In the corner of her eyes Catherine could see the people start to watch, though they were trying to be discreet, it was obvious the two supervisors were gaining some unwanted attention. She wiped her tears and rolled her eyes in a vain attempt to stop them from falling.
"Good bye, Gil," she said as she turned and walked away, leaving Grissom standing in the hall in a ball of confusion, his questions left unasked and unanswered.
He stood for a couple of seconds that felt almost like an impossible eternity until he felt the world crash around him and he was jolted back to reality and he took off after her. He ignored the surprised and suspicious looks as he ran past everyone until he caught her in the LVPD parking lot.
"Catherine!" Grissom cried and she froze. "Catherine! Whatever it was! I'm sorry!"
She turned to him, her blue dull and misty from her crying. "You don't even know cause you never gave a damn! You got what you wanted, Gil! Just leave me alone!"
"I got what I wanted what's that suppose to mean?" Grissom asked.
"You have Sara and you always wanted that, didn't you?" she asked. "Didn't you!"
He stood shocked, he wasn't aware she knew about him and Sara. Nobody was suppose to know. "How did you…"
She let out a bitter, sarcastic laugh. "I've know you for twenty years, Gil, and I never knew you to make mistakes until…well, until two weeks ago! I should have known or at least suspected it…but I just had to see it, didn't I, Gil?"
"What are you talking about?" Grissom asked.
"I saw you making out in the locker room, damn it!" she screamed, dropping her purse as she throw her hand up in the air. "You were all over her and god forbid, you had your tongue down her throat!"
"Catherine…"
"No! Don't you dare lie to me because I saw you and I never told anyone!" she cried. "I didn't ever know why the hell I shut up! Why I had this stupid notion to protect you!"
"If this is about not telling you, I'm sorry Catherine…I was going to tell you…"
"I don't give a damn!" she screamed. "Just leave me alone, Grissom… you don't want me anymore, you don't need me and you certainly don't have to bother about me. Go to Sara, Grissom. Just leave me alone."
She grabbed her purse from the ground and ran to her Denali.
"Catherine!" Grissom screamed as he ran after her.
"Damn it," she hissed as she fumbled for her keys in her purse. She heard his footsteps getting closer and she was cursing the gods for her keys. She had to get out. She had to.
"Catherine!" he said, grabbing her by the arm. "What has gotten into you? I'm with Sara, isn't that what you've always wanted for me? To have a life? To have someone to share my life with?"
She bit her bottom lip, forcing herself not to burst out and tell him everything. She's already humiliated herself enough and she wasn't about to add salt to her own wound by doing something stupid like spitting out her confession like an idiot.
"Please, Catherine, talk to me," Grissom said, desperation in his voice.
"I hate what you do to me…what you never fail to do to me," she said softly.
"What did I do to you? What? Tell me so I can make it right."
"I hate that I'm always the one to push you and threaten you with bodily harm just so you'd open up and tell what's in your head, I hate the way you'd always look at me with those stupid puppy eyes whenever you want me to finish some stupid report you couldn't, I hate that after all the years you were there for me you walked out so suddenly that I didn't even know what the hell happened, I hate that you took Sara's side when she embarrassed me and disrespected me, I hate that it was Ecklie who stood up for me even when I didn't need it…I hate that you so gallantly fought for Sara when Ecklie kept pushing you to fire her, I hate that you…you said you NEEDED her when not once did you ever tell me I was something somewhat significant in you life…I hate that you were so drawn to Lady Heather and pushed me away even then, even when we first met her…and I hate that you had to give me that look of disappointment when you found out about Adam Novak, that you accused me of holding back information when you knew I did try to tell you but you brushed me off! I hate that I wasn't even aware of your goddamn sabbatical until it was late…I hate that you weren't there when Eddie died cause even then you weren't around much anymore…I hate that you weren't there when I had to deal with Sam and my mom…I hate that you weren't there when Sam died, that you never asked how it felt to have my father die in my arms and I couldn't do a goddamn thing to save him. I hate that you're never around for me anymore…that I had to deal with almost being raped because you were already a stranger to me, that I couldn't even bear to tell you what happened…I hate that you never even gave me a hint about Sara…I hate…" she took a deep breath. "I hate that you so easily replaced me with Sara even after Lady Heather and…how you can so easily just push me away from your life may it be Lady Heather, Sophia or Sara…I hate that you can get physical and share your feelings with her and god knows who else…hate that they could all creep into your life so suddenly, so easily and you can just let your guard down around them when I had to get all bloody and messy just to know what you're feeling, what you're thinking…"
Gil stood shock and unmoving as her words slowly, so slowly sunk in. He wasn't aware of how he had missed so much when he was well aware of all those events taking place. He could blame his work, Ecklie, even Sara…but he knew he was greatly at fault.
"Now you know I know about you two," she said quietly, having calmed down from her unbidden outburst. "But don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Good bye, Grissom." She slipped into her Denali and locked her doors, she gave him one last sad look before driving off.
Gil Grissom stood shocked and frozen, her words still running through his mind, bringing back the pieces of their past. He hadn't meant to push her aside, and in his mind he never did for he thought that he had always kept her safe, kept her happy.
He didn't know that he was hurting her more than anyone ever did. She didn't have to tell him.
He saw it in her sad blue eyes.
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I'm new, I'm a rookie so please let me know if I should make some improvements…I would appreciate your feedback! Please comment so I'll know when I have to keep going…-iferleigh