Disclaimer:All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them is motivated only by my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).

AN: These stories are not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretch the limits of that and totally suspend the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!!

(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…of course you can butter my parsnips any time…just don't forget to peel and roast them first)

This is a collection of "out-takes" from stories and my odder thoughts that never made it into them, which I kept or jotted down…a kind of "blooper reel" re-worked into "Drabble" format…short moments we can all live to regret…

BED BUGS

"I hope my snoring won't keep you awake"

"You don't snore Goren" said Eames. She giggled softly. "Not according to Gina in Personnel"

There was a long silence in the Major Case "crib" where they had been ordered to get some sleep.

"You know about that?" he muttered just glad the darkness would hide his blush.

"Half the building does. So would the other half but I've been busy this week"

Goren turned over with deliberate, clumsy energy on the top bunk. It shook violently, rattled and creaked ominously. Served Eames right. And for taking dibs on the lower one.

FALLEN ANGEL

Goren poked the keypad carefully. If he got the number wrong this time the ATM would retain his card. His poor facility for remembering number sequences was a carefully hidden secret.

This time he got it right. Too right. He yelped softly as the machine began to disgorge hundreds of dollars.

When it stopped and returned the card he put it back in. Checked his balance. It had only been debited the hundred bucks he asked for.

He glanced round checking for CCTV cameras. Seeing none he gathered the bills, folded them into his pocket and walked away. Whistling casually.

NO FIRE WITHOUT SMOKE

Everyone at 1PP hurried down the stairs to evacuate the building. Outside, The Major Case Squad all stood together, soaking wet.

It was something of a clue on which floor the smoke detectors and sprinklers had been activated. The guy in charge of building security marched over.

"So which of you was smoking in the rest rooms?"

"None of us" dripped Deakins.

"It was his fault" nodded Eames trying to wring her shirt.

Goren flapped his soggy jacket "You lit all the candles on my cake Eames"

"Didn't expect you to have the breath to blow that many out Bobby"

LOVE HURTS

"How many more times do I have to say it Alex?" sighed Bobby. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to happen. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you"

Her look at him was unreadable. "I guess not. And I blame myself too. I should never have let myself get so close to you Bobby"

Goren looked so miserable Eames almost began to feel sorry for him. He quit pacing, leaned against the wall and stared guiltily down at his feet.

"Good news Detective" said the doc waving the x ray at her "Your toes are bruised not broken"

THE FIRST TIME EVER I…

After twenty minutes Goren was regretting that in the boredom of stakeout duty he and Eames had got onto the topic of "virginity". Or more accurately the loss of it. She'd given him far more vivid detail than he wanted to hear or he ever intended to share.

Finally she said "Your turn Bobby".

Doubting even he could convince her he was still saving himself for marriage, Bobby took a deep breath.

"Fifteen, Lisa Patterson, the Homecoming Dance" he muttered. "In the chemistry lab"

"And?" Alex prompted impatiently.

"And what?"

"Is that it?"

"She said that afterwards too" he hissed.

AN : I have to go now and get my parsnips buttered…