Ness:

I was 13 years old...
It was the first day of high school and I was very nervous...
I found my looker after the orientation, but it was surrounded by upperclassmen(Roy, Ike and Marth)
I began to walk quickly to the nearest restroom, but notice that I'm being followed by the older trek students "Well it seems you were a little lost" says the drek with the blue hair and prince style as he walks towards me.
I feel very intimidated.
"Donkey Kong... please help me..." I call out...
But the drek boys laugh at me.
"Donkey Kong? are you retarded kid?!" the drek with the red hair asks me...
Suddenly... the scent of... coconuts fills the room...
The bullies are unaware of the DONKEYING that is about to occur...
"DK is decay kid, I would fucking DESTROY DK" the drek with the red hair skulls, as the third drek also with blue hair laughs and calls me a baby.
A strong... kongpowering voice thunders throughout the entire restroom "So I'm finally here! performing for YOU!"
The door BURSTS open and... it... it's Donkey Kong!
DK BURSTS out the door and expands his dong, revealing it's juicy erectness.
DK64 music "DK rap" volume turned up to 64.
The force of the music is so strong that it SHREDS the skin of all the drek bullys' faces STRAIGHT off.
DK grabs all 3 of them and mashes them together into one big ball, taking on the shape of... a large coconut...
He tosses the drek ball out the window, as the screaming of students can be heard from the outside...
DK turns up to me and... and... I just can't resist anymore... I can't let him down...
I collapse onto my hands and knees, offering myself to the konglord...
His ekonged dick TEARS my mouth open, as DK let's out a mighty... gorilla roar... and fills me to the brim, with his pungent coconut creampie...
My eyes are filled with tears... tears of joy... tears of serenity... as pass out onto the bathroom floor...
I awake in the intensive care unit, covered in copious amounts of coconut milk... and went on to graduate highschool and earn a scholarship for a prestigious university...thank you Donkey Kong...
DK... is love... DK... is life...
GameFAQS port and Knuckles boards/234547-super-smash-bros-ultimate/77411884