For the Challenge: "Sometimes Destiny Does Not Always Consider Our Feelings," as posted on the forum Ange and Neo's Hostile Takeover!.
Dedicated to Mwac for her birthday.
My thanks to Neo, for his help in editing this story and making it better. Thanks to Ange for catching SPaG.
Sirius Black had many regrets. For a man so brave and clever, and energetic as he was, he could never be content to wait while others were in danger, even if that meant he was reckless and careless sometimes.
His first regret, the deepest, strongest of the laundry list that spanned most of his thirty-six years, had to do with James and Lily and his inability to protect them on that day so many years ago. He saw that moment when he arrived too late every time he closed his eyes, almost like it was a tattoo etched on the inside of his eyelids. Too late, he thought, why am I always a day late and a galleon short? The regret lived like a house elf in his soul, always devoted to the wellbeing of his self-loathing.
Twelve years alone with the Dementors had taught him that living inside your skull, reliving past regrets was a good way to lose one's humanity, one's sanity. He knew that he would never be a "free man," that his name and reputation were forever and irrevocably damaged, but he could survive that because of those precious moments he'd shared with the only person whose belief in him mattered: Harry, his godson.
So, the brave, clever, and energetic man, known to most as traitor, as Judas, was also a godfather and the only family to a boy who was even braver, cleverer, and energetic than he. There was no force on heaven or earth that would keep Sirius Black from coming to that precious boy's aid.
In those twelve horrendous years, Sirius had shut down emotionally to preserve the little dignity he had remaining – he'd become a cold, dead thing – but now, he'd allowed the ice around his heart to melt. He hadn't recognized his own face when he'd looked in the mirror that first time to shave his beard. Who was that old man? That can't possibly be me?
As Sirius dueled with his cousin, and magic flew about the room, his heart surged with emotions he'd thought he was incapable of reclaiming. The love that came from Harry was at complete odds with the rage that surged off Bellatrix like waves off a furnace. Pity rose in his chest and he choked down memories of her as a little girl; he refused to be mad at her, even now as she tried to take his life. Could Bellatrix be saved if she had had someone to believe in her?
He smiled as love, pride, and fear gripped him in equal measure. He saw a smug look on Bellatrix' face. Does she think she's found my weakness? Does she think she inspired my fear? As the thoughts of his past and his present tumbled together and flashes of the faces of all the people he loved floated in his mind's eye… James, Lily, Harry, Lupin… he faltered and in that moment of distracted introspection, he felt the force of her wicked spell strike him in the chest. He saw his face reflected in her dark malicious eyes and recognized that he'd reclaimed the man he once had been. His humanity was found in another mistake. How have I survived this long? Could I really call these lost years life? Perhaps I was always in a state of waiting, but now I've lived and loved and can die happy.
His conscience was lighter, floating, and whole as he fell backward into the veil. For the first time, in many months, he felt at peace.
"Come on, you can do better than that," he shouted with a laugh. He wouldn't go out whimpering for more time; his regrets were resolved.
Bellatrix didn't appear impressed by his dying taunt, but those words weren't directed at her, they were for that bitch, Destiny, who had finally come courting him. Destiny, that cruel paramour allowed him to make up for his regrets to James and Lily and reclaim his pride. She'd watched him skulk and struggle, she held out hope to him, and then snatched it away. There were so many things he wanted to do, which she would never allow, like teaching Harry the spells he and his father had created, or telling him stories about the Marauders' adventures.
As Destiny turned up her pretty little nose at him and moved onto younger prey, Black decided protecting Harry had to be enough. He needed to be satisfied with the impact he'd made in the boy's life, the lessons his life would teach Harry, and leave him in the hands of better men. Destiny was done with him; his path was set now and nothing could stop it. It was a shame to find again one's feelings and one's destiny at the same moment, because sometimes destiny does not always consider our feelings.