So do you know what happens when you have an enabling friend who gleefully stokes your whims when you get a crazy idea in your head that they happen to like?
This. This is what happens when Lady Lily Anne doesn't stop Nemesis13's muse from indulging in intoxicating substances, and instead offers another bottle to the obviously inebriated muse.
This is a new one, Fem!Duo in a non-chronological series of drabbles where her changed sex makes things take a hard left turn. Will end up 1X2 and 3X4 for sure, along with Treize using Duo as Mariemaia's babysitter, Une making it a life goal to make a lady out of her, Zechs calling her in the middle of the night to explain Relena and Noin's behavior, and playing shrink for the other Gundam pilots.
Sometimes being the only sane woman in an insane world just does not pay off. Howard is laughing his ass off in the background. Do enjoy.
Duo Maxwell was sleeping soundly wrapped in layers of blankets with classic rock playing gently in the background when her housemate rather rudely slammed her bedroom door open and pushed her out of bed without preamble. Sitting up from the floor Duo spent a few frantic moments untangling herself from her blankets until she finally got her bearings and stood tall pistol in hand.
Blinking rapidly she eventually realized that it was Hilde scowling at her in the light leaking from the open doorway, sighing Duo put her gun back on the side table cocking a hip to the side while raising her right brow, "Alrighty Hils what the literal fuck was that for?"
Hilde crossed her arms and huffed while jerking her head towards the sitting room, "Your crazy not boyfriend just showed up drunk and despondent, he's now passed out on the couch, deal with it."
Duo frowned at that as she began picking through her dresser for a pair of pants, "Not boyfriend? Seriously Hilde I'm like the team mom for seven or eight guys so you're gonna have to narrow this down."
"The suicidal one," she huffed out in reply.
Duo didn't even pause as she returned with, "Not narrowing it down babe."
"The one who actually almost pulled it off yet somehow survived being at ground zero of a fusion reactor cooking off."
"Ah, Heero... Christ almighty it must have been another Relena fight. Seriously that woman is just..."
Hilde leaned against the door frame as her best friend hopped about the room trying to pull on a pair of skinny jeans while drawling out, "Batshit crazy? I mean how many times has he point blank told her he was gonna off her?"
Letting out a cry of success, Duo buttoned her pants while turning to her partner in crime, "Err...six that I know of that he actually meant it, now I think it's kinda like their safe word or whatever. Kinky. Anyway how drunk is he?"
"Wufei at Quatre and Trowa's wedding night."
"Well, fuck."
"Yup," Hilde probably hadn't needed to cheerfully pop the 'p' like that, but it was what it was.
Stepping out of her room Duo leaned against the wall for a moment to slip on a pair of socks then quickly entered the sitting room, and true enough sprawled out on the rather nice leather couch Hilde had scored them was her friend and fellow Gundam pilot Heero Yuy.
"Least you look pretty in a suit, despite how wrinkled it is," she muttered to herself before poking him in the forehead repeatedly garnering no response from the Japanese pilot.
"Good lord man how much did you drink and why? Ugh, whatever."
With a sigh she plopped down on her friend earning herself a grunt in the process as she lifted the remote and turned the TV on."
"-firmation that no one was in fact harmed in the crash. The shuttle in question was apparently stolen from Brussels on a false diplomatic visa and several dozen regulations where violated in its launching. The destruction caused by its 'landing', if one can call it that, has already reached the hundreds of thousands. No one has managed to get an image of the pilot who caused this catastrophe however, outside of the CCTV camera feed of a normal suited man giving the middle finger to the wreck in question, no one knows who this madman is."
Turning her gaze to Heero, Duo could only shake her head slowly in exasperation.
"This is why you always have me drive, ya can't land a damn thing without crashing it into something else. Starting a insurrection against the Alliance, get suplexed by a Leo and end up crashing yer Gundam into the pacific. Try infiltrating Libra and ya crash a damn carrier into the thing, go to get ice cream and wreck yer stalker girlfriend's dead dad's car into the freaking dining room. Seriously Heero what am I going to do with you?"
"Get rid of that pink thing for me, please?" He asked in a plaintive tone that was the closest thing to hopeful she had ever heard from the stoic man.
Consciousness now confirmed Duo blithely stated, "She's too important. Unfortunately. Sorry bro, yer boned."
"Damn it," He slurred as his head dropped back down to the couch. Duo shifted about a bit causing Heero to groan in discomfort as she propped an elbow on his sternum giving him an appraising look before replying.
"Ya know, no one ever said ya had to date the woman, I mean really Qatty and I have bets on when you'll actually go through with your threats to kill her and all so it isn't like it'll surprise anyone. Oh, if ya do decide to go through with it though, make it sometime around April, the pots big enough where I could probably live off of it for the next twenty years."
Heero groaned again as he took a half hearted swipe at his friend who easily leaned back from the blow, "You're a real bitch sometimes you know that right?"
Duo smirked at that while nodding, "Considering my introduction to you was shooting you twice I figured you'd think as much."
"They were just grazes," he muttered turning his head to the side.
"Still hit ya buddy, so they count."
"I hate you."
"Yup, beer or tea?"
"Beer, please."
A few minutes later the pair of Gundam pilots were sitting at the kitchen table, while Hilde fried a few eggs to force down Heero's throat to make sure he had something other than liquor in his stomach.
"So lemme get this straight," Duo began while sipping her beer tilting her head to the side, "Dorothy showed up, started flirting with Relena, and that somehow ended up with the crazy bitch...that is Relena, not Dorothy, demanding an engagement ring from you?"
"Dorothy was quite surprised by this as well," Heero replied tersely before taking a swig from his beer, "I only found out we had been 'dating' a week beforehand keep in mind."
Duo facepalmed as she shook her head in exasperation, "Bro you are seriously like, the most socially retarded person I have ever met, for reals here."
Heero scowled a moment before turning back to his friend, "What about Trowa?"
"He has amnesia, and is also my cuddle buddy and enjoys it, so he doesn't count. Besides which, even if he is socially retarded, he can at least fake knowing the proper social cues. You either can't or won't, and I really honestly can't decide which is sadder."
Heero didn't reply, Hilde placed a plate of eggs in front of him and he ate them mechanically, accepting a fresh beer from Duo without word. They sat in silence for well over ten minutes, which was practically torture for the extroverted woman when her friend finally spoke.
"I don't love Relena."
"No. Fucking. Shit." Was Duo's response as she killed her beer and tossed the bottle over her shoulder towards the recycling bin without looking, the *click clank* that followed let her know she had hit her target. Being amazing was kinda awesome.
"So...what do I do about it?"
Duo eyed her friend a few moments before glancing towards Hilde who shrugged lightly in turn, "Say you knocked some other chick up? I mean I really haven't got a clue what to tell you bro that woman ain't normal by any stretch of the imagination. Rational ain't exactly on the menu ya know?"
Heero was quiet for several minutes, which Hilde spent cleaning up the mess she'd made cooking while Duo leaned back in her chair, feet thrown up on the table as she whistled in an out of tune manner. Eventually Heero stirred, and met Duo's gaze evenly as he finally spoke.
"I need you to have my baby." Hilde made a choking sound as Duo fell out of her chair landing flat on her back gasping out in pain.
Shooting to her feet while rubbing her bruised back the now blushing woman stared at Heero in disbelief while stammering out, "Wh-wh-what?! IDIOT! Why would you say something like that!?"
Heero looked oddly smug as he nodded to himself, "You're the only woman Relena would believe I had previous sexual relations with that she is also equally terrified of. It would be...an effective deterrent."
Duo stared at her friend a few moments before screeching out, "You want me to pretend I let you knock me up because your crazy stalker girlfriend is scared of me?!"
Heero nodded, "Essentially."
Before Duo could respond Hilde left the room cackling, "Oh god I have to go tell Quatre about this!"
"Wait don't you say shit to anyone about this bitch!" Was all Duo managed to strangle out as her friends extended middle finger slipped around the corner. Stepping forward to stop what would inevitably be a carnival of chaotic idiocy Duo was stopped by Heero who wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.
Duo resisted the urge to break his arm, being fully aware her friend was still very drunk and thus not in complete control of his faculties but it was his following actions that truly made her freeze up.
Burying his nose into her thick chocolate brown hair Heero inhaled deeply before muttering, "You smell so...pretty..." And with that his grip loosened and he fell to the floor in a heap.
Duo stared down at her friend a few moments before sighing to herself in exasperation, "And now...things have gotten weird...yaaaay me..."
Duo just can't win can she? I think I made the gender bending believable on this one, she's still the same incredibly friendly and terrifyingly competent terrorist her male counterpart was, she's just more approachable now. Much to her annoyance, I'm seriously looking forward to her interactions with Treize, and Lily has soooo many ideas for Une making her a proper Lady, it's gonna be great. Hope you enjoyed, please review!