Chapter 1: Too Old

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Tonks Point Of View

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Sirius was slouched across from me on the kitchen table at Grimmauld Place. He staring at me over an almost empty bottle of fire whisky. He had done this for a little while now, he would stare at me as if trying to read my mind. Thank God I know he's terrible at Legilmens.

"What? Why do you do that, stare at me?"

"You fancy Remus don't you?"

"Wha- No – Why – Huh?" I spluttered, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks I did my best to morph it away, but it was hard to concentrate. How did Sirius know I had to a crush on him? I didn't want Remus to know! He would never like someone like me.

"You do." Sirius said simply, and slumped further onto the table. "Everyone is falling in love, but me."

"I'm not falling in love Sirius..." I responded, confused.

"You're head over heels for him Tonks... And a lot of the time you really are head over heels because you're ten times as clumsy when he's around then when he's not." Sirius was saying everything in a bland tone.

"I..." I started to defend myself, but thought better. Sirius was my cousin, he was Remus' best friend. Lying to him was not going to help me get over my crush on Remus anyway. "He would never like someone like me." I said quietly, almost afraid to hear the words. It was the first time I had made any kind of admission to liking Lupin. Sirius sat up a little straighter.

"I was right then!" He moved the fire whisky bottle out of the way with a sweep of his hand, and it flew to the floor the last of the whisky spilt on the floor, and I frowned at it. "And don't be so sure he doesn't like you." He reached across the table, grabbing my hand and squeezing it. "You couldn't find a nicer man than Remus, Tonks."

"It's just a crush, I'll get over it." I didn't believe the words even as I spoke them. I'd never been so - 'head over heels' as Sirius put it it – for someone, ever. Sure I'd had crushes in the past... But something about Remus was different from those men. Sirius obviously didn't believe me either.

"Yeah, right." He said sarcastically. They heard the front door open quietly, and footsteps down the hall. "Speak of the devil." Sirius grinned, and I blushed, suddenly terrified Sirius would say something.

"You were talking about me?" Remus asked, taking a seat next to Sirius.

"Uh," I began, but found I didn't have an excuse ready at hand. I must be losing my touch, I was brilliant with excuses at Hogwarts!

"Drink, Remus?" Before waiting for a response, Sirius accio'ed a couple more fire whiskys.

"You haven't asked me once tonight whether I want a drink." I accused, pretending to be angry.

"I didn't think you drank." Sirius said, waving his hand distractedly as he popped the top off his bottle. Remus did the same, and I saw a look of surprise pass over Sirius' face. "You don't normally drink either, Remus? I only got you one so I could drink it when you didn't drink it." I accio'ed a fire whisky too, and popped the top. I took a sip, letting it burn it's way down to my stomach making me feel warm, and calm almost immediately. Sirius hadn't known me long, but I found a nice fire whisky now and again went down nicely truth be told. "Rough day? That why you're drinking?" Sirius asked Remus.

"No," Remus seemed content to leave it at that, but I found my curiosity get the better of me.

"How come you're drinking then, if you don't normally?" I asked. Sirius was glaring at Kreacher, and seemed not to be listening.

"I'm just a little tired is all." Remus smiled kindly. He didn't seem to mind me asking. Automatically I tried to work out how close it was until the full moon, but I couldn't remember, and found I couldn't think of a tactful way to ask him. He was watching me, this time his eyes bright with curiosity. "The full moon is a week away." He smiled. "If that's what you're straining so hard to remember." He chuckled lightly, and looked at Sirius who had risen from his chair – rather clumsily – and staggered over to Kreacher.

"Filthy-" Kreacher began to speak but Sirius moved closer, and Kreacher froze.

"Sirius..." Remus said warningly. It was the harshest voice I'd heard from Remus yet. Sirius looked around to his friend, and then at me. He said nothing, but stalked out of the room. I guess he was aiming for it to be a dramatic exit, but he failed spectacularly when he bumped into the door without opening it. I turned back to Remus, and found his lips had thinned into a line, and he was narrowing his eyes at Sirius. "Not good," he muttered, and rose from his seat. "You going to bed Sirius?" He asked his friend.

"Mm..." Sirius said drunkenly. Obviously standing up to see Kreacher had made the alcohol go to his head. I hadn't seen him this drunk before, but I had the feeling Remus had. Remus led Sirius from the room, and I was left lost in my thoughts. Remus was a good man, he was the one who didn't react to Sirius' bad moods. I had tried, and failed to ignore them. Sometimes I just wanted to shake him. Sure he was stuck inside, in a house filled with bad memories for him... But at least he was away from Dementors, and free in the sense that he was no longer in Azkaban anyway, and that the people who care about him now know he's innocent. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even realise Remus was back until he picked up his bottle from across from me and took a swig.

"That looks like it's something that happens regularly," I said, trying to sound casual. Remus looked up into my eyes, and for a moment we were both quiet. He has wonderful eyes, the kind of eyes you can easily get lost in. His eyes are very expressive too, I find if I want to know what he's thinking, I look at his eyes. At the moment though, his eyes just looked sad.

"Sadly, it does seem to be a regular occurence." He didn't elaborate straight away, so I took another mouthful of fire whisky, suddenly feeling like drinking wasn't a great idea. Not that I expected to get as drunk as Sirius, I only had one drink. "I don't blame him really." Remus sighed a 'Remus-sigh' as I call them – in my head anyway. When he sighs, he sounds like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders... And when I hear it, all I want to do is make him smile.

I tried to come up with something witty to say but instead I slid my bottle around the table in a circle, looking at the bottle like an idiot. I looked up at him, and found his eyes intensely looking at me. I dropped my bottle, and I watched a smile twitch at the corner of his mouth until it turned into a full blown smile. I smiled back, and turned from him to clear the mess.

"I like it when you smile," I blurted out. Oh Merlin, Tonks. Really? I like it when you smile? I felt like sinking into a hole in the ground. Why did I always say stupid things in front of him? I thought about what Sirius had said earlier, about me fancying him.

"I like it when you laugh," he responded, a hint of teasing in his voice.

"Hey! I can't help the way I laugh." I pouted playfully, and noticed him licking his lips nervously.

"No, I love your laugh." He says, his face serious. I was so surprised the pout disappeared, and I'm pretty sure my mouth opened like an idiot. I don't know why but the word love coming from Remus, and talking about something to do with me made my heart race madly in my chest.

"I don't know why! I have an annoying laugh." I exclaimed. He shrugged, a small smile on his face. "Remus," it suddenly occurred to me that maybe Remus did like me. I took a deep breath. It was better to ask him now, rather than make a fool out of myself months down the track.

"Yeah," he was resting his head in his hands, looking more relaxed than he had in a long time. I took a moment to drink in the sight of him in this state.

"Do you like me?" His elbows slipped and he nearly smashed his chin into the table, he sat up straight, and didn't look me in the eye, I had the urge to grab his face and make him look at me... But I tightened my grip on the bottle in front of me to prevent me from doing it.

"Of course, everyone likes you Nymphadora..." He smiles, but still wouldn't look me in the eye.

"I mean... do you like me?" I put emphasis on the 'like' and he finally looked me in the eye. I tried to keep my face neutral, but butterflies were flitting around in my stomach making me queasy. I suddenly realised how stupid it was to ask a question, did I really want to know? If he said no then I'd have to live with it – but how embarassing would that be? Remus cleared his throat and looked down. His brown hair has grown out a little lately, and it flopped in front of his face.

"I'm too old for you." His chair scraped the floor and he abruptly moved it back and began heading towards the door, he opened it but before walking through he looked back at me. I tried not to feel sad, it was what I expected... I was a lot younger than him, and he probably thought of me as a girl rather than woman. I had read into his words earlier far more than I should have, of course he wouldn't like me. I turned my back on him, and I heard the kitchen door shut with a click.