Disclaimer: No, I still don't own any of the characters, though they come to visit fairly often. Well, I might own myself... I think.

Author's Note: This little bit of randomness came from two sources: First, a picture found online, of the described day at the beach. Secondly, two different but very similar conversations of what would happen if I happened to be on the beach that day. Yes, this is alternate to FF reality, since half of the characters are dead (although with Sephiroth, who knows). I didn't do it. I just let my inner nutcase run with it.

Anti-Yuffietine

It was another day at the beach, with the usual suspects. As usual, Zack and Aerith spent most of their time making out when they thought no one else was watching, Tifa kept trying to attract Cloud's attention, and Vincent tried to avoid Yuffie's. Sadly, Cid had brought a camera, and was taking pictures of everyone and everything. Barret was off with Marlene somewhere, and Nanaki had more sense than to be here as well. Vincent wished he had. Yuffie kept chasing him around, trying to get him to let Cid take a picture of the two of them. "Yuffie, come on!" Cloud said. "Leave him alone…" he trailed off as an ice cream seller in a straw hat came up the beach.

Zack followed his blonde friend's gaze. "Seph?" he exclaimed, running over to the silver-haired, shirtless man. "Is that really you?"

The man sighed. "Yes, and I was trying to avoid recognition from your friend there, since we don't exactly get along." That was an understatement. Cloud still resented Sephiroth for various reasons, mostly to do with Aerith, although she was really Zack's girlfriend.

"Leave it," Zack said to Cloud, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's my problem to deal with, and I forgave him, okay?" He turned to his old friend. "What are you doing here, selling ice cream, of all things?"

"This isn't just ice cream, Zack, it's special ice cream," the solemn man replied, blue-green eyes flashing under the ubiquitous hat. Zack tried extra hard not to laugh at him, knowing how Sephiroth was about his pride.

Yuffie, was not so tactful. "Where did you get that thing?" she screeched, peering under it. "You look like you should be in camouflage, searching for rare animals in the jungle." Seph flushed. "Hey, Cid!"

"Oh, no…" Sephiroth muttered. "Is that a camera?"

"Yeah…he and Yuffie are having way too much fun with it," Zack replied.

"What's going on?" Tifa asked, coming over to see what Yuffie was yelling about. "Ooh, is that lifestream ice cream?"

Sephiroth smirked at Zack. "Yes it is. Would you like a scoop? 50 gil per scoop, with a waffle cone. A special price for old friends."

"Yes, please! Cloud, would you like some?"

"Sure. What's so special about it anyway?"

"It's infused with energy straight from the lifestream," the silver-haired seller confided. "Good for all sorts of things, and it tastes fantastic."

"All right, all right," Cid said. "Everyone gather 'round for a picture, k? You too, Mister Sephiroth. Yuffie insisted." Seph groaned.

Vincent gave him a sympathetic half-smile. "I know how you feel. She does the same thing to me. Can I borrow that hat sometime?" Seph actually chuckled, and shook his head.

Yuffie got Vincent in a choke hold and dragged him up to the front of the picture. "C'mon, Vince! You're not hiding in back this time!"

"Everybody say 'Cheese!'" Sephiroth ducked under his hat, so it concealed most of his face, still holding Tifa's ice cream. Yuffie had a Red Bull (which explained a LOT), which she pressed to Vincent's face.

"Smile, Vincent!" she urged. "This'll just confirm what people have been saying about us."

"What?! Oh, no…"

After the picture was taken, Yuffie was about to keep teasing Vincent, when a quiet, musical voice said, "Oh, knock it off. No one with any common sense believes Yuffietine, anyway." A tall redhead in a black, decorated hoodie walked up to the group. Vincent looked up in gratitude as Yuffie let him go.

"Oh really? Then why is there so much of it?" she retorted.

The stranger sighed. "It's so hard to find anyone with common sense these days." Sephiroth and Zack chuckled, and she grinned at them. Her large eyes were the same color as Seph's, and they made her look younger than she was. "Leave him alone, Kisaragi."

"Are you gonna make me?"

"If I have to, I will."

Cid tried to take pictures of everything, as, without further hesitation, the ninja launched herself at her foe. The tall, calm girl merely pivoted away from the strike, grabbed Yuffie's arm and used her own momentum to toss her in the water. The photographer got an excellent shot of Yuffie coming up sputtering, but neither Vincent nor his rescuer was paying attention.

"Thank you. I cannot seem to make myself clear about my lack of feelings for her." The tall, black-haired man smiled as his new friend gave him a hand up.

"No worries. She's young; she'll grow out of it." He laughed at that.

"Seph, I believe I'll try that lifestream ice cream. One scoop for me, and one for--?" He looked at the girl questioningly.

"Linwë. My name is Linwë."

The End