Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or any of its characters, the events that take place are purely fictional and are not to be confused with the actual Lost timeline.

Ben's opinions on Jacobs leadership. Takes place after killing Locke in "The Life And Death Of Jeremy Bentham"

I hear nothing but laughter every second I'm alone and I know it's you. You were always laughing at me.

What are you doing?

I can't even begin to understand what is going through your head. You set me up. You knew I would leave, you wanted me to leave. Why? What have I not done for you? What makes you so sure that John is better than me? do you really think he deserves to be leader, more than me? why are you so sure that you can trust him more? you should know I will never trust you again, and it hurts, it hurts a lot that you told him everything within a matter of weeks. You told him so much and he didn't even know what to do with it. You told me almost too little to survive on in all my life of serving you, serving the island and keeping everything safe and in order. Why are my best efforts never as good as his best efforts in your eyes?

When did you start thinking of this?

When did the idea first come of replacing me Jacob? when did the first thought occur? or did you never originally plan to keep me? was I just useful as a substitute until John walked into the picture? or was I never supposed to be leader? did you just grudgingly accept me for lack of someone better? I wish I could cause you pain. So much pain you would scream, your agony would be music to my ears. It is when I dream about it, I wish more than anything that they were real. I hope you didn't really expect me to take a bow and leave center stage without a fight just because You wanted me to? If you did then you don't know me at all.

What is it about John that's so appealing?

Is it that he doesn't catch onto anything? is it that he can't understand enough to know when he's being used? is it that he has no talent for speaking or leading? is it that he only has blind faith for whatever you say? is it that he would obediantly jump off the face of a cliff if you told him to do so? is that he doesn't lie, manipulate or cheat? or maybe it is that at this point you'd take anyone just to write me off?

What is it about me that's so contemptable?

Am I too human for you? is it because I refuse certain unreasonable demands that you make of me, you selfish Bastard?! do you hate that I talk back and don't tremble in complete fear of you like the others? you must hate that I treat you more like a boss than a master, that must really upset you. Get used to it because i'm the only one that's left, John isn't here anymore and i'm not going anywhere.

Ultimate Betrayal

I hate what you have done to me. I have screamed myself to sleep in a pillow Every Single Night since I found out John had followed me here. When that doesn't work I punch the floor until my knuckles are raw and bloody. I can't even feel it, compared to the white hot fury that I have grown accustom to since you spoke to John I don't feel anything anymore. Yes it has been with me for that long, laying dormant and waiting for any excuse for me to just let it go, like I have, so many times. I used to feel remorse but it's like I can't anymore, even when thinking of Alex I feel only hot tears of rage when I should feel despair. I have a hunch that you know where I am and what I'm enduring and I know for a fact that it makes you smile to know that I'm breaking.

Why do you think I deserve what you have put me through when all I ever did was what you needed me to do?

How can you find so much joy in knowing that i'm going through a hell that you helped me create?