A/N: This is based on a scene in my favorite TV show – House M.D. – from the Season 3 episode "Insensitive." If you know it, giggle along and recall how awesome that episode was. If not…look it up when you're done here.
Takes place Year 5. Enjoy.
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Would you please get out from under my skin
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance
And you should go
-- Rachael Yamagata, "Under My Skin"
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"Hey, thanks for lunch, Fisher, it's just been fantastic."
Lily's smile is sweet as she giggles and rests her cheek on the shoulder of the boy walking with her. The day is warm, spring sunshine flooding through the castle grounds with uninhibited joy, and a playful wind nips at the young couple's ankles as they make their way back to school from Hogsmeade village.
Daniel Fisher smiles as well, slipping his arm around Lily's thin waist, squeezing her gently. "Thanks for coming with me, Evans. You're right, it was fantastic."
"Merlin, it's ridiculous how many people were at the Three Broomsticks," she remarks. "I think about four different people bumped into me and nearly spilled my drink."
"Then the fifth succeeded," Daniel adds with a smirk.
Lily's laugh is loud and embarrassed. "Okay, that was not my fault!" she insists.
"I think it was," he teases.
"It was not," she argues playfully. "I mean, the guy was an idiot, half-drunk in the middle of the day and trying to get his hand up that woman's shirt, and he walked straight into me even though I turned to get away from him! That can't be my fault."
"Since I had to pay for the drink you got instead, I think it should be. Watch where you're going." Daniel's good-natured blue eyes flash with mischief, while Lily can only huff with mock-irritation.
"Well, if you were a chivalrous date, you would have managed to catch the drink and not let me fall to the ground," she informs him. "But as it is, I had to fall on my arse in front of all those people and spill the drink."
"All right, all right, you win, I am a horrible date," he says. "And I'm a Ravenclaw, not a Gryffindor, so I'm not exactly known for my chivalry…"
"Perhaps, but if it helps, you're not as horrible as some of my other ones," Lily assures him with a cheeky grin. "Last year, I went out with a guy who not only failed to catch me when someone knocked me over, he let my drink fall on top of me too. And he made me pay for my second one. We didn't go out again."
"Do you make it a habit out of falling and dropping things when you're on dates?" Daniel's smile is amused.
"Only if you think it's cute." Lily bats her eyelashes and Daniel can't hold back his chuckle.
"Merlin, Lily Evans, you are something else," he says. "I've never had a girlfriend as clumsy as you."
"Maybe it's time then," Lily suggests with sufficient mischief in her tone. "I find a certain amount of clumsiness in a relationship is healthy."
Daniel laughs again. He laughs a lot when he's in Lily's presence – a fact Lily has certainly picked up on and enjoys thoroughly. She opens the front door of the castle for him and the two make their way up to the Gryffindor common room, continuing their light, jokey banter.
It's easy for them to be around each other. This much is obvious. Daniel's demeanor is pleasant and unaffected, complimenting the cheeky flirtation Lily is prone to when she's excited about a satisfactory date. The common room is almost entirely empty because of the Hogsmeade weekend, so the two of them collapse onto the comfortable sofa by the fire together, giggling like little children. Lily can barely remember a time when she's laughed so hard and so much.
However, after only a few minutes of cheerful conversation, the portrait hole opens again and out of instinct, Lily turns her head to take a look. An overly familiar head of haphazard charcoal locks greet her vision; and at once, she groans, her heart sinking into the depths of her toes.
Of course what goes up impossibly high must come crashing down in a second – it's the only explanation she can think of for why James Potter, James Potter of all people, is here right now.
Dear Merlin, if it could have been anyone else…
"Evans!" James's voice is warm, thrilled in a way that cannot mean good things for the redhead in question. "How are you doing? I must admit, I didn't expect to find you here."
"Knowing you, you probably stalked me back," Lily accused.
"Me? Stalk you?" James's features are arranged with the utmost innocence. "What rubbish. I would never stalk you."
Lily raises an eyebrow, the look on her face quite formidable to anyone with even a rudimentary sense of self-preservation, but James holds his ground.
"Honest, Evans, I wouldn't stalk you," he says. "It's far too dangerous – I mean, I've got a Quidditch game next week, for Merlin's sake. I don't intend to be in the Hospital Wing for that. I had Sirius stalk you for me and I owe him five Galleons for it."
"You insufferable prat," Lily groans. She now looks apologetically to Daniel, who is torn between amusement and surprise at this openly hostile exchange.
"I'm so sorry, Daniel, but there are certain aspects of my life that I'm not proud of – and that walking pile of rat-dung is one of them," she says. "This won't take long, I promise."
With this, she gets up off the couch and makes her way towards the unfortunate youth, her hands on her hips in her signature combat position. James restrains his goofy grin with much difficulty.
"You know, you're so cute when you look like you're going to kill me," he remarks.
"Yeah? Well, then I must be pretty damn sexy with how I feel right now," she retorts belligerently. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't strangle you this bloody second."
"You wouldn't strangle me." His tone is maddeningly arrogant, smooth, self-assured.
"That's not a reason, that's a false statement." Her jade irises flash in a way that means business.
"You wish it was false." James steps forward and pets Lily's shoulder. "Sorry to disappoint you, Flower, but you couldn't strangle me. You'd miss me."
"Like hell I wouldn't," she hisses at him. "And don't call me bloody Flower!"
"So, what are you doing here with Fisher?" James changes the subject with interest, peering over Lily's head at Daniel, who is still sitting on the sofa and watching. "Were you out on a date? Sirius said he saw him buy you a couple of drinks."
"Yes, we were out on a date, but I don't see how that is any of your – or Sirius's – business," Lily counters.
"Well, seeing as we're already involved and you're conveniently right here, I figure I ought to assert my position on Daniel Fisher, in case you were planning on getting serious with him," James informs her.
Lily exhales with significant tension. "Oh Merlin, here we go again…for the last time, Potter, I don't care about the various bits of dirt you have on every guy I fancy! Most of them are probably lies anyway!"
"Indeed they are not." James looks very offended. "I go to great lengths to get my dirt on people, Evans, and you get the knowledge for free. You should be happy."
"And you can get a kick in your crotch for free too, so I suppose our services even out," Lily snaps. "Look, I don't care if he wears a wig to cover his blue hair. I don't care if you saw him snogging a first year behind the greenhouses. I don't care if he writes tearful, homesick letters to his mother every night. I like him and I don't want you ruining my relationship. Again."
"I don't ruin your relationships, I save you from them," James corrects. "You should be bloody thanking me, actually. You wouldn't have to waste a few months figuring out they were wrong for you anyway. I do you so many favors, I could be considered the patron saint of relationships."
"Well, why don't you go be the patron saint of someone else's relationships?" Lily shoots at him. "You need to get over me, James Potter, and let me have a life of my own. Shocking as it might be to your overly-inflated head, my world does not revolve on an axis around you. Let me succeed – or fail – on my own, all right?"
"Success would be dating me," says James. "Really, Evans, denial will only get you so far. You're in love with me and your other relationships were horrible. They couldn't have ended soon enough."
"That's because you went and scared them away, you bleeding arse!" Lily gave him a smack on the back of his head. "And I don't love you! In fact, it's quite the opposite. Now stop 'saving' me, or Merlin help me, I am going to have your head one day."
"We could always make this easier and you could have all of me," he suggests slyly.
"I don't think so." Lily's stare softens slightly. "Listen, Potter, I really like Daniel. I want a chance at a real relationship here and I don't want you wrecking this for me. Find some other girl to snog in an unused classroom and leave me be, all right? You see me everyday. Let that be enough for you."
"You're making a mistake, you know," he says.
"So let me make it. Leave." Lily makes giant waving motions to shoo the young man away from her. "I'm sure you have someone else you can go annoy. Black, maybe."
"Fine. If you say so…" James gives an exaggerated sigh and turns to leave the common room. But before he leaves, he calls out, "You'd best be careful with this one, Fisher. She's got a short fuse – and she eats babies when you blow it."
Lily chucks a cushion at the back of his retreating head, but he neatly dodges it, laughing maniacally, and leaves the common room at long last. Now, she breathes a sigh of relief, slightly disappointed that not a single drop of blood spilled on the carpet, and she rejoins Daniel on the couch, plopping down beside him and smiling apologetically.
"Again, I'm so sorry about that," she says. "James Potter is a mentally handicapped jerk in my year and he thinks that harassing me is somehow going to win him a shag. I don't pretend to know how his twisted mind works."
"I…snog first years?" Daniel clears his throat, his cheeks considerably pink.
"No, no, of course I didn't mean that, not at all," Lily promises him hastily. "I just said it in the hope he'd go away, you know? And I'm not in love with him, if you're wondering."
Daniel snorts. "I don't blame you; he sounds like he bothers you a lot."
"He does." Lily manages a weak smile. "He's an arse."
He smiles, but the previous warmth she had loved so much in him has visibly diminished. He remains quiet, so she asks, "Hey, what's wrong?"
"My favorite thing in the world is drawing," he says suddenly. "I love it. I breathe it. I keep a huge stack of paper in my dormitory and I draw almost every evening – whatever I can think of to make. Once I leave here, I'm going to travel and be an artist – it's what I'm most passionate about."
"I like art too," Lily says fervently, clasping his hand in hers. "I'll pose for you. I'll travel with you after Hogwarts."
Daniel's smile becomes very patient. "I'm sure you like art, Evans, but it's not your passion. It's not what you love the most."
Lily purses her lips, conflicted. "Okay, so maybe it's not my passion, but we don't have to be exactly the same, do we? I mean, that's what makes a relationship interesting – difference!"
Daniel frees his hand and uses it to stroke Lily's – gently, but not lovingly. "You're a beautiful girl," he tells her in a way that discourages her completely, deflates her down to a popped balloon on the ground. "Really. You're vivacious and charming and you make me laugh. But Evans…we're just not on the same page. We don't share the same passions."
"Fisher, don't do this to me…"
"Look, I don't know if it's the idea of rowing with someone, or if it's just that Potter bloke, but you should hear yourself when you talk to him," says Daniel. "I mean, if I thought you were a firework during our date, it was nothing compared to what you are with him."
Something inside Lily withers up and dies, but he doesn't stop there. He looks her in the eye, sweetly but honestly, and he goes on, "Nothing in the world matters when you two are talking. You're focused in on him and only him. You're the same as before, but with more intensity, more…fearlessness."
He lets go of her hand. "That's the kind of person I want to be with," he says. "The type that isn't afraid of saying what she thinks, that bowls me over with her passion. And you know what?" He leans in a little closer. "That bastard Potter is one lucky guy, because he gets one hell of a girl in his life. One I don't get access to."
Lily is speechless, lost for words, but somewhere in her, she knows there's nothing more to say. Daniel's blue eyes are sad as he gives her a soft kiss on her forehead and says, "But thanks for going out with me, Evans. Really. I had fun buying you drinks when strange, drunk men knocked you over."
She snorts. "I'm glad."
Chewing on her lower lip, she manages a subdued smile and the two rise to their full heights. He gives her a hug, warm and snug, but lets go too quickly and leaves the common room without a look back. Lily flops back down on the seat, listening to the portrait hole close and leave her engulfed in silence, and she stares into the fire, glumness spreading through her body like a raging cancer.
She knows her friends are doing some window-shopping in Hogsmeade, and wouldn't mind if she went back to join them, but she figures she won't. Not now. She might have to bump into Daniel on her way and she can't handle that.
She blows a stray strand of red hair out of her hair, the breath sullen and irked, the storm cloud practically visible over her head:
She is most likely going to die an old maid and it's all Potter's fault.
Eurgh. Relationships are stupid anyway.
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A/N: So I was a little lost on the last couple of sentences, but otherwise, yay, I'm done! I hope you liked it and please take the few seconds required to click the button below, type me a response, and exit out of the browser.