And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
SLAM. The door bangs and the windows rattle in a house just outside of London. Everything seems to tremble on the edge for the boy who comes rushing in from the cold autumn wind of a grey day, seemingly like every other in England. His vision blurs like rippling water as salty tears fall down his face, making his cheeks itch. He barely notices, running past the living room where a young blonde man is watching tv. He says hello but the boy ignores him, or doesn't hear. The blonde doesn't even notice the boy's despair as he races upstairs, wanting only to be alone. He slams the door to his room, scattered with posters, clothes and other meaningless objects. They used to all have a purpose, but nothing matters anymore. The world is black and white, all colours washed away and faded to nothing. He pulls the doors of his wardrobe open violently and starts pulling out clothes and throwing them everywhere like a man possessed. Posters tear from the walls, cds fall to the floor from their shelves, letters and cards fly through the air from drawers.
"Dougie, what the hell is going on? What in God's name are you doing?"
The boy whips round, his hair everywhere, his face glittering with pearly tears, his possessions scattered everywhere. His breath seems to fail him and he goes pale as the letters that float around the room at the sight of a tall, curly-haired young man with piercing blue eyes. His own green-blue eyes grow wide at what they see.
"What do you want? What do you want Danny?!" Cries the boy, almost hysterically. How can he just stand there, bold as brass, while the boy's heart feels like it's being torn apart and ripped to shreds. The boy can barely look at the older one without hurting. It's the worst feeling, feeling all the meaning in your life slip away like sand through your hands. And all because of another person who will never know.
"Well?! What do you want, Danny? What is it?" The older boy wanders into the room, looking around, incredulous. The whole place is complete chaos, a whirlpool of confusion. He pauses by a piece of extremely ripped Blink 182 poster.
"Your Blink posters..." he says, "What have you done to them? What's wrong with you Dougie? I've never seen you like this. It's like I don't know you." He looks up, to see the boy's eyes closed, tears leaking through. He sinks to his knees.
"I can't take it anymore... I can't..."
He's surrounded by all kinds of things, from ripped letters to broken cd cases, but sees none of the mess he's created. The other boy sinks down next to him and puts a hand gently on his shoulder. He feels the young one's body tense, relax and tremble as sobs rack his body.
"Come on Dougie, tell me. I thought we were best mates and all. Is this about a girl?"
Despite the boy's despair, a choked laugh escapes him. He couldn't have been more wrong.
"Ok, it isn't a girl. Did someone die in your family? Oh God, some one died, didn't they? And here's me like some idiot asking about girls."
"No one died, Danny," Says the boy, although it feels to him like he has. He can't look into those eyes, or he'll go mad. He knows he will, but they're like a bulb to a moth. He can't help it. His head turns, as if of it's own accord and he drowns in the older boy's sea-blue eyes. It was all he could do to not kiss him. It took all his strength to control himself. He pulls away quickly before he does anything. It could ruin everything that they all work so hard for. The curly-haired boy stares up at him.
"So, are you actually going to tell me what made you attack your bedroom?"
Another chuckle mixed with a hiccup. The young boy wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. He can't tell him. It's out of the question. Ridiculous. But he can't get over him, it's like a never-ending disease that won't leave him alone.
"Shut up." He whispers.
"What?"
"SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE SO IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE AND NOT BE ABLE TO TELL THEM! YOU HAVE NO IDE – "
The curly-haired boy cuts him off with a kiss. The younger of the two is shocked for a second, but then responds. Finally, it's like he can breathe again. It's like all the colours are flooding back into the world after being black and white for so long. After a few moments, they break apart, noses touching, panting slightly.
"Yes I do."
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am